Sam Evan's Epic and Brilliant Coming-Out Plan:
Written By: Sam Evans
Devised By: Sam Evans and Kurt Hummel
With Contributions by Quinn Fabray and Finn Hudson
Step 1) Sam spends much time with Kurt at school.
Step 2) As a result of "Step 1", people become accustomed to seeing them together
Step 3) Sam carries Kurt's books to class (And they engage in other vaguely couple-like behaviors).
Step 4) As a result of "Step 3", people form rumors.
Step 5) Rumors are neither confirmed nor denied for a period of time.
Step 6) Sam and Kurt make-out in empty hallways (And engage in other risky behavior in hopes of people seeing them).
Step 7) As a result of "Step 6", rumors are validated and continue to spread.
Step 8) Sam and Kurt confirm rumors.
Step 9) Sam is now out of the closet.
Step 10) Kurt would prefer an even number of steps, and thus "Step 10" is unnecessarily added.
Sam and Kurt had been together for a month now, and Step 2 was only starting to take effect. Everyone in Glee club had promised to keep their secret, and true to their word they had. Sam had had his doubts about Brittany and Santana secret keeping abilities; Santana seemed to do whatever she wanted, with little thought to how it affected others, and Sam was pretty sure he'd once heard Brittany say that a secret was a type of fish.
But neither of them had said a word, and in some ways, Sam was a little disappointed. As unpleasant as it would to be outed by someone else, at least it would be over with.
Since that wasn't the case, Sam and Kurt had devised an epic and brilliant coming-out plan (see above) and were sticking to it closely. They had been spending a lot of time together in school over the past month, and people we're now finally noticing that they were always together.
"Sam, have you seen Kurt? He said I could borrow his french notes..." A red haired girl cheerio named Rebecca asked him the other day.
"Kurt, tell your other half if he's late for practice one more time, I'll pour chlorine on his head."
Whenever people saw them apart, they questioned it. In the mind of their peers, they had ceased to be individuals. They were no longer Sam or Kurt, individual people, they were "Sam and Kurt", together.
Sam was incredibly pleased at this progress, and on Friday night when he went over to Kurt's house (to watch An American in Paris and 2001: A Space Odyssey), he suggested they initiate "Step 3."
"What was 'Step 3' again?' Kurt asked, bringing his salad over to where Sam sat on the couch.
"'Sam carries Kurt's books to class and engages in other vaguely couple-like behaviors'" Finn recited from across the room. Kurt raised his eyebrows. "It was Quinn's idea." He said with a shrug.
"Aren't you with Rachel?" Sam asked, taking a bit of his pizza.
Finn nodded. "Yeah, but Quinn's a lot nicer now that's she's friends with that Kate girl."
Kurt froze and looked at his brother. "Yes... Kate is a good friend..." He said slowly.
Finn looked up. "Can I tell you guys something? I mean, and will you promise not to laugh?"
"Yeah, sure man. What is it?"
"Well, whenever I see Quinn and Kate together they seem kinda... I dunno... close." He said hesitantly.
Sam shrugged, and Kurt tried not to look petrified. "So, girls are like that."
"Yeah but they don't seem close like friends close... they seem close... girlfriends close." He mumbled.
Sam laughed. "Yeah right, Finn. Quinn's with a girl. Look just because I switched teams doesn't mean that everyone is. Its not contagious." He looked at Kurt, and stopped laughing. Kurt had that pinched look on his face like he was trying to not look like he was panicking, which usually meant he was panicking.
"Kurt? Tell me," Sam said, his eyes narrowed.
"Uh, well, uh, I um..." Kurt stuttered, his face bright red.
"Wow." Finn said. "I can't believe I was right about something."
"Oh my god, Kurt!" Sam shouted, jumping up off the couch. "How could you not tell me?"
"Because I wasn't supposed to know!" Kurt cried back. "They didn't tell me, I just figured it out. I promised them I wouldn't say anything. I hated keeping something from you..." He said, pouting. Sam softened instantly.
"Ok, I'm sorry." Sam said, going over to Kurt and kissing him on the cheek.
Finn rolled his eyes. "You two are disgusting, you know that?"
Sam stuck his tongue out. "You're just jealous because my boyfriend is hotter than your girlfriend." He said snootily.
Finn scrunched up his face. "Dude he is my brother."
"A hot brother." Sam replied.
"And on that note, goodbye." Finn said, huffily going upstairs.
Kurt shook his head. "You shouldn't tease him like that. He's been really great the entire time we've been together."
"Well, he shouldn't insist on hanging out with is when we tell him we're having a date." Sam insisted.
"To be fair, to him it just looks like we're watching some movies."
"Yeah, but in a date way."
Monday morning, Sam carried Kurt's books to class. For some reason, he had expected everyone to notice, but no one seemed to. He was both disappointed and relieved at the same time.
"I could get used to this, you know." Kurt said, swinging his arms around to exercise their new book-freeness.
Sam smiled. "Good, I want you to."
Kurt blushed lightly, and focused on picking a piece of non-existent lint off his his Tommy Hilfiger vest.
"So, what exactly constitutes 'vaguely coupley'?" Sam asked once they arrived at Kurt's first period class.
"'Couple-Like' and how should I know. That's why Quinn added the word 'vague' in there."
"Would kissing you on the cheek fall into that category?" Sam asked, batting his eyelashes.
"I think that makes the move from 'vaguely couple-like' into 'definitely couple-like'. And thats not for another few steps." Kurt said haughtily, pretending to be exasperated.
"Well, I can't wait." Sam said, handing Kurt his books and winking. Kurt blushed, and went into his classroom.
A week later, the rumors started.
"Hey faggot, where's your boyfriend?" A kid from the hockey team shouted at Kurt in the hallway.
"I don't know, why don't you check your mullet, I think it might have eaten him." Kurt replied cooly.
Hockey-Mullet sneered at him. "Do not mock the mullet queer boy."
"Excuse me?" Finn said, coming up behind him and putting his hand on Hockey-Mullet's shoulder. "What did you just call my brother?"
"Queer. It's what he is." He said, a bit of fear showing behind his sneer. Finn was tall, and could be very scary when he wanted.
"Well I don't think you're saying it in a very nice way. Apologize." Finn said, staring him in the eye.
"Hey, Finn it's ok." Kurt said, tugging at Finn's sleeve.
"No it's not. Apologize."
"Sorry." Hockey-Mullet said scornfully, then wrenched his arm out of Finn's grasp and made his way down the hall.
"Finn, I know it's hard, but the more Sam and I continue to...you know what...the more people are going to treat me like that. And you can't beat all of them up."
"I can try." Finn said. Kurt shook his head, and they went to lunch together.
Sam wasn't having it any easier.
"Oh, Evans, I didn't realize you we're in here." Jamie Babbit said, as he walked into the shower room and found Sam there. "I'll wait till your done; don't want you to get excited."
Sam sighed, turned off the water, and grabbed his towel. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, knowing full well what Jamie meant. He knew Jamie was good friends with Karofsky.
"Oh, I just know you've been hanging round with Hummel a lot." Jamie said, a mean glint in his eye.
"So nuthin'" Jamie said, snickering. Sam resisted the urge to punch his lights out.
"Whatever Babbit, You can have the shower, I'm done. Just try and clean up after you finish jerking off to mental images of your cat." Sam said, referring to the picture of the small tabby cat he knew Jamie had in his locker.
"Hey!" Jamie called after him, his face red. "You leave Mr. Sprinkles out of this!"
At the end of the week, both boys were exhausted.
"234 Times." Kurt said, collapsing on Sam's couch. "That's how many times I was called a faggot this week. Not including Monday when I wasn't counting."
"In the locker room, I was asked for fashion advice 31 times, asked if you give good head 46 times, asked if I give good head 23 times and informed that they didn't want to shower with me 6 times." Sam said, crashing next to Kurt.
"Well, thats not so bad..."
"I only took 6 showers."
"Listen Kurt, we are not going to let them get to us. We knew this would be hard..." Sam said, taking Kurt's hand in his.
"Sam, I've been dealing with this stuff since I was 12 and I brought my perfectly accessorized Ken Doll in for show and tell." Kurt said dryly.
"You can't tell me this week wasn't worse."
"Not worse than the time I wore a Lady GaGa costume to school."
Sam stared at him. "Why on earth would you do that?"
Kurt shrugged. "Because I wanted to. They can push me into lockers, call me a faggot and punch me in the face all they want but until I let them affect how I want to live my life, they can't win."
"I love you, you know that?" Sam said, staring adoringly at his boyfriend.
"Of course you do, I'm wonderful." Kurt said, examining his nails.
Sam pulled Kurt towards him on the couch, and Kurt made a small "oof!" sound.
"I'm serious Kurt, I love you. You are literally the bravest most spectacular person I know." Sam purred, hugging Kurt to his chest.
"Ditto." Kurt said quietly, lying down on Sam.
"Hello young people!" Sam's mother called, coming in through the front door. Neither boy moved from their position on the couch; Sam's mother had walked in on worse.
"And how was school?" She asked, walking over to Sam and kissing him on the head. "Hello Kurt."
"Hello Mrs. Evans, school was awful." Kurt said brightly, his head still on Sam's chest.
"I'm sorry to hear that." She said sadly, sitting on the couch's arm rest. "Need me to call any parents? Kick any asses?" She said, miming what she thought was a ninja attack. It looked more like she was doing "The Robot" but neither Sam nor Kurt had the heart to tell her.
Sam shook his head. "It's ok. We knew this would happen...its just a lot harder not to punch everyone than I thought it would be."
"Well, I don't approve of violence, but if you do punch someone, just make sure you don't leave any witnesses." She said, getting up and going upstairs.
"Ok." Sam called after her. Kurt giggled.
"I sort of love your Mom." He said softly, running his hand over Sam's chest.
"Yeah," Sam said smiling. "Me too."
They lay there for a while longer, neither wanting to move. Kurt was worrying that this was going to be too much for Sam. Things had been going so well for them over the last month, and they had grown so close. Kurt had completely opened up to him, he had shared all his insecurities and fears and desires. He had told him things he'd never told anyone and Sam had made me feel better about all of it. If he left now...Kurt didn't think he could survive. Sam was his everything.
Sam was worrying that when Kurt said this torment was nothing new for him, that was just him putting on a brave face. He knew he did that a lot, and if they was getting to him, Sam wanted to be there for him. Kurt was his everything.