Right SO this is the last chapter for the next 2 weeks. Its pretty long, and I think its good. Let me know What you think.
Hopefully having so much time to write will allow me to come back with something good.
Sam didn't know how long they lay on Kurt's bed like that. It could have been hours, it could have been minutes. He didn't know and he didn't care.
He raised his hand up and stroked the side of Kurt's face, then trailed his arm down the side of his body, resting on his hip. Kurt wrapped his arms around Sam's neck and seemed to be trying to keep his as close as possible, as if there was any way Sam would ever want to separate.
Every time his lips touched Kurt's he felt electricity rise inside of him and he wanted to kiss him again. Every place he touched him felt good, and right. Everything he been feeling over the last few weeks, all the disconnect, all the uncertainty and all the confusion...none of it mattered now. None of it existed.
Sam moved his lips an inch away from Kurt's, to gasp for air.
"...Kurt..." he breathed, never getting enough of saying his name in such a context.
He gazed down into his eyes, wondering how eyes could be so beautiful. Kurt stared back up at him, also out of breath. He looked at Sam, and said:
For a moment, Sam was in shock. Had he really just heard that? He sat up, and stared at Kurt in disbelief.
"Quinn? Thats what you have to say? Quinn".
"Yes, Quinn" Kurt repeated. Sam just continued to stare. Kurt kept saying her name, with this pointed tone, like it was supposed to hold some meaning to it.
"She's your girlfriend, Sam" Kurt finally said, exasperated. Right, Quinn was his girlfriend. He knew that. What he didn't know was why they had stopped what they were doing to talk about his...oh. He got it now.
Quinn was his girlfriend. How the fuck had that slipped his mind? How had he let himself...oh shit. He was so going to hell for whatever the teenage equivalent of adultery was. He put his head in his hands and moaned.
Kurt moved over to him, pleased they were finally on the same guilty page, and put his arm around him. Sam took his head out of his hands and moved it so it was resting on Kurt's shoulder blade, close to his neck. "What are we doing?" Kurt asked softly.
Sam sighed and closed his eyes. He breathed in. Kurt always smelled so good. He lay against him and absentmindedly took Kurt's hand in his own.
"I don't know...its...wrong" Sam said, after a while. "But..." he bit his lip and moved his head off of Kurt's shoulder, so they were now eye level "But I don't want to stop." At this Sam began to movie his face closer to Kurt's, sure that at any moment he was going to get slapped away. But he wasn't. They began kissing again, quicker and hungrier than before. Sam knew he should be feeling guilty. He knew it was wrong. He should stop. He mentally prepared himself for pulling away from Kurt. Any moment now, he was going to stop kissing him. Just...a few more seconds…
It took more self control the he thought he had in him, but eventually Sam finally broke apart from Kurt. "You're right, this isn't fair to Quinn" Sam said, attempting to keep a safe distance from Kurt's mouth, lest they become magically magnetized together again. "Who?" Kurt murmured, still focused on Sam's lips.
"Quinn. You brought it up, remember? 'What are we doing'?"
"Right...I did say that" Kurt said, obviously regretting it. Stupid sense of right and wrong…
"So, what are we doing?" Sam said, trying to get the conversation back on track.
"I don't know. You kissed me. I have no idea what we're doing. I had no idea you were...are you?"
Sam diverted his eyes. "I think...I might be...maybe" Sam fidgeted with his sleeve. He'd been thinking about this an uncontrollable amount since last night but he'd never come to any conclusions. He glanced at Kurt, who was staring at him with rapt attention, looking both nervous and sympathetic.
Kissing him had seemed pretty conclusive. He sighed. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I don't think any girl has ever made me feel like you do. Kissing you, just being around you...every time I see you, I get...like...fucking butterflies or something in my stomach" he smiled at the stupid phrase, understanding its meaning for the first time. "Thats never happened before...so I guess, that means...I'm...you know..."
Kurt smiled and put a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "Saying it is the first step". Sam gave a small laugh and moved closer to Kurt. He looked him in the eye.
"Hi, My name is Sam Evans, and I'm gay."
He left Kurt's house about an hour later, with mixed feelings about everything they had decided.
On the one hand, he was ecstatic. Kurt had agreed to go out with him. He felt better than he had for a long time. He wished it was raining just so he could sing in it. He wanted to tell people, he wanted to tell everyone he saw.
But on the other hand...he didnt want to tell anyone. He didn't want to deal with it. He couldn't deal with it, not yet. Couldn't deal with his family, with the kids at school...with Quinn.
That was a condition of Kurt's. Before he would go out with him, he needed to tell Quinn and end it with her. He was not looking forward to that. He had fucked up, and he knew it. He felt guilty, about betraying her like that. Cheating on her. But...he couldn't feel guilty about the actual event itself, couldn't feel bad about kissing Kurt. He knew (and this was part of why he felt so bad) that if he could go back to right before he kissed him and stop himself, he wouldn't. Not for anything.
Kurt watched Sam get into his car and drive away. Once his car was out of site, he fell down on his bed. He felt uncontrollably giddy. He couldn't believe what had happened. He had spent the last week telling himself that there was nothing between him and Sam. Working on that project together meant nothing, they were just chatting. Friends. Thats all. He told himself Sam was not staring at him in class, even though it seemed like he was. At the football game, he told himself Sam was not smiling at him after he scored those touchdowns, he was smiling at the glee club, of which he just happened to be a part of. And at the bowling alley afterwards…
That had been the hardest thing for Kurt to tell himself meant nothing. They way he had held him...it had felt so...right. It had killed him to tell himself the feelings were most certainly one sided.
But now it would appear he had been very wrong. Kurt had never once been so happy to be dead wrong. He squealed and rolled over on his bed, burying his face in a pillow to muffle the sound. He knew he should feel awful, about Quinn. He knew, and in some ways, he did. But a little voice in the back of his head was happy that for once, it wasn't her who got the guy. For once, it was his turn.
Sunday night, Sam didn't sleep at all. At least it didn't feel like it. Monday morning, he was a wreck. Today he was supposed to talk to Quinn. He tried to psych himself up, telling himself it was the right thing to do. He owed it to her to be honest. But what if she told other people? He knew she was a good person, but she did have a violent side when she was hurt or upset. He wasn't sure how she would react, he but was positive it wouldn't be in a good way.
He was too nervous to eat his breakfast (cocoa-puffs, lucky charms and fruit loops, all in the same bowl) and ended up throwing most of it out.
The drive to school was awful. He almost turned around 3 times. The closer he got to the school the more nervous he felt. What if she punched him in the face? What if she cried? He'd take getting punched in the face 50 times if it could ensure she wouldn't cry. He couldn't handle that.
Somehow, he got through first and second period without tearing his hair out, running out of the room and crying. He managed to (sort of) hold up his end of a conversation with Mike Chang, who was thrilled about joining some new club about keeping kids off narcotics. He was going on about how they were gonna spy on kids and bust them like police officers. He was saying so much so fast, Sam managed get away with not really listening, and nodding every few minutes. Mike could have been telling him about the time aliens landed in glee club and zapped them with a laser that turned everyone purple and it wouldn't have made a difference. His mind was someplace else.
He would have to talk to her at lunch, which seemed to come up much faster than usual. He walked out of his second period math class feeling like a prisoner about to be hung on one of those things people got hung on. He met Quinn by his locker and she smiled at him. He tried to smile back, but he was pretty sure it didn't work.
"Hey, you've been hanging out with Kurt a lot lately, right?" She asked, giving Sam what felt like 50 heart attacks.
"Uh...well not a lot...but a little. Sometimes...why..?" he stammered, wearing the look that Burt Hummel thought made him look like a deer in headlights.
"Well, I ran into him before and he was acting really weird." She continued oblivious to her boyfriends panicked expression. "I said 'hello' to him earlier and he sort of freaked out, mumbled something about needing to go, and ran. He's not mad at me or anything, right? I mean, I didn't do anything did I? Is it because I laughed at him when he dropped his bowling ball?"
"No, no I don't think so...look there he is now, I'll go ask him." Sam said quickly, seeing Kurt turn the corner and head into the boys bathroom.
Sam turned away from Quinn before she could say anything else, and followed Kurt into the bathroom, silently cursing himself for being such a freakin' coward. It was Kurts fault anyways, he tipped Quinn off and it threw off his whole plan of attack.
It looked like they were alone in the bathroom, but Sam checked under the stalls for feet just in case, before locking the door behind him.
"What the hell, Kurt?" Sam asked, sounding a lot angrier than he really was. Kurt stopped fixing his hair in the mirror, and turned to Sam, confused.
"What?" He said, sounding hurt. Sam softened immediately, and regretted his harsh tone. "Nothing. Sorry...I just. I was talking to Quinn and she said she ran into you before and you acted weird." Kurt looked down guilty.
"I'm sorry. I panicked, she came out of no where like a ninja, and was asking questions...I didn't know what to do"
"She said 'hello' "
"But she said it like a ninja, I swear".
Sam smiled and pushed Kurt softly against the tiled wall, kissing him lightly on the mouth. "Its ok, but it kinda took me off guard and I couldn't tell her. About us."
Kurt wrapped his arms around Sam's waist and reached up to kiss him back. "You're going to have to tell her eventually" he whispered between kisses.
"Why..." Sam murmured, only half aware of what he saying. He always felt like that when he was kissing Kurt. Everything else took on a slow underwater feeling, like it wasn't reality anymore.
"Your not serious, are you? Of course you have to tell her." Kurt put his hand on Sams chest, stopping him from kissing him. This time Sam really heard what he was saying. "Well..I mean I am serious, I guess. Why do I need to tell her?"
Kurt stared at him in disbelief. "What I mean is, why do I need to tell her about...us. Why can't I just break up with her. I mean, its only going to hurt her more if she finds out about this. Its better for both of us if I don't."
Kurt looked down. Great, he was upset, Sam thought, kicking himself for being such a horrible person. "If its really important to you that I tell her, I will. I'm sorry. Don't be mad." Sam pulled Kurt close to him and kissed his forehead.
"Thats not it. It's probably better if you don't tell her why...its just...are you ever going to want to tell anyone. Ever?" Kurt looked up at Sam with worried eyes, and Sam felt a knot twist in his stomach.
"I...don't...I mean. Yes, I want to tell people. I do...but not yet. I'm...not ready yet". Sam wanted to kill himself for being such a coward, but he needed to be honest. "I'm sorry...I like you Kurt, a lot. A crazy amount. More than its healthy, probably..." Sam smiled weakly and Kurt kissed him on his neck. "But I just...I see how people treat you and...I'm a coward, I guess. I'm not ready for that, not yet." Kurt pulled away from him and looked at him sadly. Sam was sure he was going to tell him to get lost. But instead Kurt took his hand in his, and squeezed it reassuringly. "I can wait Sam. It's ok. I'll help you".
Sam couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had struck fucking gold with Kurt. He told him so and Kurt laughed, and kissed him. They kissed for a few more minutes before deciding it would probably look suspicious if they stayed in the washroom for much longer. They decided Sam would go out first, and Kurt would leave a few minutes later, because he actually did have to use the washroom.
Before he left, Sam pulled Kurt in for one more long, slow kiss. They smiled at each other and Sam walked out the door. 5 minutes later, Kurt left too.
Another 5 minutes later, a panicked Mike Chang descended from his hiding spot on top of a toilet seat, where he'd been trying to catch kids doing drugs in the washroom.