Another uneventful day, lonely and broken.
The light from my phone was starting to sting my eyes but I listlessly scrolled through myriads of posts from people who brightly lived with the spotlight shining on them. The windows were covered with thick blankets so the room was caped in complete darkness except for my phone and the little space separating the floor and the door. How many days had it been? I’d lost count or maybe I wasn’t counting to begin with. School seemed like a far place for me now, somewhere I didn’t belong. probably three days, I told myself. Three days since i skipped school. Three days with no social interaction and I felt alive. A little alive.
This was for the best. A person like me walking the same path as normal people, eating in the same place as normal people. It was all things wrong. Maybe I’ll drop out. I could do part-time jobs and do with normal convenience store food. If I become a regular worker in a store then maybe I could even afford a small apartment for myself. My thoughts were disturbed when a loud sound resonated throughout my room. After a few undistinguishable sounds, I could finally see a shadow that was moving in front of my door. the only other source of light in my dark room other than my phone.
“Taehyung?” I heard my mother’s strained voice. I didn’t answer but I did make myself sit up right on my bed. “Someone’s h-” The voices were starting to fade away. I could only hear the sound she made but not any proper words and my eyelids were starting to weigh a little too heavy.
Only a shiver runs up my spine as I listen tentatively as if my blood had started to run cold and my heart had stopped working, each breath coming out heavy.
“Open the door.”
My hands were starting to shake as I tried to stand up from my bed.
Its Namjoon. I told myself. It’ll be okay.
Slowly moving towards the door, I opened it. Only slightly but a creaking sound was still made. “Taehyung!” I heard my mother. Instinctively I shut the door. A loud thud resonating in my ears. “I’m sorry ma’am. Could you leave us alone for a while.” Namjoon spoke and I heard a footsteps walking further away until I couldn’t hear them anymore.
“Taehyung.” I shut my eyes, hands clutched tightly around the door knob. “Whats up?” I heard a sound behind the door. I was wide eyed by then, “Aren’t you going to ask me to open my door?” I say as I loosen my grip around the door knob. “No.”
I lean against the doorframe, a little too comfortable for my own good. “Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m okay?” “No.” It was a reason. Namjoon was a good person and maybe he understood me more than I could understand myself and it was a reason for me to be happy.
“There’s going to be a meteor shower today.” I heard his voice. “Wanna go?” I’d assumed that my mother had told him about me not coming out of my room even once, relapsing into my earlier stage from years back. “How long?”
“Dunno” He replied instantly, “Ten to fifteen meteors per minute. Wanna go?” He asked again after a while of silence. “mhm.”
“How many days has it been... since I didn’t go to school?” I ask as I tried to match my pace with his. “Lets see, about a week.” Namjoon said, his seven fingers in front of my eyes, a wide grin plastered on his face. ” Its my first time seeing a meteor shower.” Namjoon said turning around and running ahead. Somehow today, he seemed to be a little on the softer side than his usual aggressively friendly side. “A second time for me.” I muttered, head hanging low. We were out in one of the abandoned roads.
“second? when was the first?” His curious eyes were staring at mine and I opened my lips to answer him. “When I was in elementary. We had a meteor shower viewing event.” Namjoon nodded. “Elementary huh. Which one did you go to?” He asked again. ”Seoul Sunshine Eleme-” A hard throb wrecked my body off balance as I began shaking again. My breath getting cut short and my vision blurry. My heart thumped loudly against my chest and ironically my legs and hands were starting to feel numb. I choked as hot tears started streaming down my face.
Why now? Why did it have to happen now? I coughed and through my blurry vision I could make out Namjoon calling my name and shaking me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.I’m sorry!” My hands flew to my ears, as I tried to cover up the screeching cacophony in my head and after that was a fissure in my memory that prevented me from remembering what happened.
I released a breath as I gripped my hands. According to Namjoon, I passed out for some hours but the meteor shower hadn’t started yet. I woke up with my head rested on top of Namjoon’s jacket.
“Here.” He passed me a drink. “Do you have bad memories associated with your elementary school?” He asked me but I couldn’t move. “If it triggering then I won’t mention it.”
The sun was setting. Soon enough, the night sky was glowing with meteors passing by leaving a behind a mark in the sky, a tailing light which seemed as if it was there to give back what the darkness stole from the night sky and Namjoon stood beside me, watching with gleaming eyes.
Horrendous cacophony. Chaos. A world of everything and nothingness. This world was so familiar to me., familiar in every way. But now I found myself in a new world. A familiar darkness lit by fairy lights which didn’t belong to me, but him; a trespasser in my lonely world.
I didn’t want to lose him who had a brotherly air surround him and cape me with evanescent comfort. I wanted that comfort to last forever. Without a second thought, I caught myself telling him the one thing I wanted no one to remember.
“I killed a person.”
It was admittance, an admission. Admitting what I’d rejected for so long and his orbs that stared into me with a newfound emotion, face that lost his smile, my existence would probably be rejected again.
Hello! Its been a long time since the last chapter lMAO. Just wanted to say that our deuteragonist is gonna make his appearance in the next chapter! Also, heads up, I studied a little british sign language for the next part so that i don’t mess up and also I wanted other people who do read this who are in the same situation to feel acknowledged but I did it through youtube videos and other online sources so tell me if I make a mistake!!
thanks for reading uwu