Dying Young

12

Clary knew it was time, time to walk through the hospital entrance and start her treatment, the treatment that she would be doing in cycles for the next four to six months, possibly even longer. She would have scans every few months after finishing her cycles, the results from those scans would let Dr. Herondale know how much longer she would need to be on chemo. Chemo that was the name of her so called treatment, more like poison, with the short-term side effects ranging from nausea, vomiting, fatigue and that was just naming a few, the long-term side effects were even worse, so much worse. Dr. Herondale had explained about the long-term possibilities after chemo, he had named heart disease, nerve damage, and a few other medical problems but none of those had bothered her. There was only one long-term side effect that caused Clary to break, one word obliterated everything, infertility, infertility shattered what was left of her hopes and dreams of having a future with the man she loved. When Dr. Herondale said the word infertility, the moment it left his mouth, Clary knew that there would never be a happily ever after for her, not now not ever.


Clary was lost in her thoughts, standing at the entrance of the hospital when Will squeezed her hand gently, "Cherry, it's time," Will gazed down at Clary, his eyes filled with worry.

"I know," she whispered back, intertwining their hands together, Clary looked up at Will, "thank you," turning her head to the side, her eyes searching for Tessa, finding her standing only a few feet away, "Tessa," Clary called out.

"Yes," Tessa walked over, wrapping her arm around Clary's fragile shoulders, "I'm right here."

"Thank you too, for everything," Clary gave Tessa a small smile, "okay, I think I'm ready," Clary started to move toward the doors of the hospital, Tessa and Will right by her side, "Oh no, Tessa I forgot the box, Maureen's gift," Clary had stopped walking, her green eyes filling with tears.

"Clary, it's okay, I've got it, see right here," Tessa turned, showing Clary the bag that was hanging on her shoulder, "I promise, we'll get Maureen her gift but right now we've got to get you settled in the chemo room," Tessa waited anxiously for Clary to respond, preparing for an argument with the stubborn girl.

"Okay," Clary whispered.

"Good, let's get started," Tessa voice wavered, glancing at Clary with concern before walking away from them, heading toward the chemo center.

Will leaned down, placing his forehead on Clary's, "I'm going to be there with you the entire time," Will stood up slowly, his eyes never leaving Clary.

Clary shrugged, walking inside the entrance of the hospital, her hand still encased in Will's, "you say that now, wait til I'm puking my guts up, then we'll talk."

Will pinched his eyebrows together, frowning down at Clary as they walked toward the back of the chemo room, "you offend me Cherry, thinking that would scare me off."

Clary gave Will a forced smile as they continued walking.

"Clary, there you are, over here," Clary's eyes found Tessa standing toward the very back of the room, waving in their direction, with Will right by her side, Clary headed toward Tessa, "Okay, we need to take some blood before we get started, hop up on the chair, why I go and get a few things," Tessa headed off, leaving Will and Clary alone.

"Cherry, think you can climb up there on your own or you need a lift," Will chuckled, running his hand through his jet black hair.

Clary rolled her eyes, already pulling herself up in the chair, "your assyness is showing," she muttered as she tried to get comfortable in the gigantic chair.

Before Will had a chance to reply, Tessa was already back with the supplies needed to take Clary's blood, "Ready, Clary," Tessa asked.

"Yep," Clary replied, closing her eyes as she laid her head back in the chair.

Tessa took Clary's blood from her port, "all done, painless right," Tessa was marking the tubes of blood, preparing to take them to the lab.

"Yep," Clary's voice was barely a whisper.

Tessa shot Will a worried look as she walked past him with Clary's tubes of blood, "I'll be right back," Tessa called out as she walked away.

Will walked over to Clary's chair, placing his hands on the arms of her chair, caging her in, "everything alright Cherry?"

Opening her eyes, Clary found Will's face only inches away from hers, "I'm fine Will, just tired," Clary took her tiny hands, trying her best to push Will's hands away from her chair.

Will chuckled, noticing what Clary was attempting to do, "What's wrong Cherry, does this make you nervous," leaning closer to Clary as he spoke.

Clary sighed in frustration, "whatever Herondale," Clary huffed.

"I think you like it Cherry," Will smirked.

"Go harass someone else Will, I'm not in the mood," Clary muttered.

"Okay Cherry, what's up," Will asked, moving away from Clary's chair and sitting in the chair that was next to hers.

"Nothing, Will nothing," Clary snapped, shutting her eyes, desperately trying not to cry.

Will didn't respond at first, he just sat there watching her, it wasn't until he noticed that Clary's bottom lip was quivering that he jumped up, pulling the small girl in his arms, "Clary, you've got to tell me what's wrong here, I don't know what to do, please," Will's voice frantic as he held Clary tightly in his arms.

Without thinking Clary fisted Will's shirt in her tiny hands pulling him closer, allowing his arms to comfort her if only for a moment.

"Clary, baby you're scaring me, tell me what's wrong," Will cried out with his arms still wrapped tightly around her.

Tears began to fall down Clary's cheeks as she listened to Will pleading with her, he sounded just like Jace, the day Jace pleaded for her to tell him what was wrong, the day that ended their relationship.

"Clary please don't cry, I'll do anything, please," Will begged.

She knew Will was worried, she could hear it in his voice, she could feel it in the way he held her, taking a deep breath Clary spoke, her voice weak from crying, "I'm sorry Will, it's stupid really," Clary sniffed, releasing her hold on Will's shirt to wipe the remaining tears away, "sometimes I just feel sorry for myself, knowing I'll always be alone, like I said stupid."

Will did not speak at first; it was almost as if he were in shock, after several minutes he released his hold on Clary, standing up with his back to her.

Clary feared she may have pushed him too far, "Will, say something," she waited for him to respond but he never did, "Will I'm sorry."

Will turned, walking back to the chair that sat next to Clary's; when he was seated Will finally looked at Clary, "I can't stand to hear you say things like that, why can't you just let me be here for you, I want to be here Clary."

Clary could see the intensity in Will's eyes as he spoke, she had no doubt that he truly mean what he was saying but she couldn't understand why, "Will, I appreciate everything you have done, Tessa too but you both have lives outside of me, Tessa has work you have school and both of you have other people in your lives besides me, you need to get back to your life Will, I'll be fine," Clary's voice was gentle as she spoke, smiling at Will, silently praying that she at least looked like she was being honest.

"Damn you Clary, it's not always just about what you want, what you need, what if I need, what if I want," Will snapped back, his hands pulling at the ends of his black hair.

"I don't understand Will, I didn't mean anything by it, I just thought you'd want to get back to college, your life," confusion was clear on Clary's face, she had been worried that Will would see that she was heartbroken over the possibility of never being married or never having children but now she really had no clue what was going on.

Covering his face with his hands, Will let out a frustrated growl, "Cherry I'm sorry this isn't coming out right," Will ran his hands down his face, turning, he grabbed one of Clary's hands, placing it in his, "I've taken care of college, I'm doing online classes for a while, before you say it, no I won't get behind but that's not what I really want to talk about right now," Will's eyes searched Clary's as he continued, "Clary Fray, I want to be here with you and it's not out of obligation or pity, it's because I"

"Am I interrupting something," Tessa stood a few chairs away, clearly shocked by what she had just seen.


Clary's mouth went dry, what was she supposed to say, what did Tessa think she could be interrupting, "Um, well, you, see," Clary tried to explain, thankfully Will jumped in, taking the conversation over.

Will swiftly stood to his feet, strolling up to Tessa, throwing his arm around her shoulder Will began to chuckle, "Tess, let's be clear, you did interrupt a romantic moment between Cherry and yours truly, but don't be embarrassed, see I know why you did it, I'm actually flattered by it," Will was grinning ear to ear by the time he finished speaking, Tessa not so much.

"And exactly why would I want to purposely interrupt you two," Tessa's was glaring at Will, shoving his arm from her shoulder.

Will seemed unfazed by Tessa, simply winking at her before he went back to his chair, once he was seated comfortably Will spoke out to Tessa once more, "don't you worry Tess, most girls can't resist us Herondales."

"Will," Clary hissed, seeing the fury in Tessa's eyes, she did not think Will realized that Tessa knew things, dangerous things, possibly ways to kill him.

Will shot Clary a cheeky grin then turned his attention back to Tessa.

Tessa said nothing, stomping over to Clary's chair, looking down at Clary she smiled, "your labs are great, we are about to start your chemo treatment, it'll take a couple of hours, okay," Tessa looked down at Clary, making sure she understood.

Clary nodded, giving Tessa a small smile, "Thank you Tessa," Clary turned to Will, "do you have any school work you need to be doing, there's no since in just sitting here when you could be doing something productive."

"Nope, I'm good right where I am Cherry, besides what would you do to past the time without me," Will wiggled his fingers towards Clary, his face full of mischief.

"Clary, I think we have some earplugs in the back if you need them," Tessa muttered, rolling her eyes at Will.

"I'm good but thanks Tessa," Clary replied.

"Alright, I'm going to start hooking your treatment up now," Tessa worked quietly, hooking Clary's first treatment up to her port, when she finished Tessa glanced back down at Clary, "I'm going to check to see where Maureen might be, if that's okay, I just thought today would be the best day to see her, with not knowing how your body's going to react to the chemo, I'm just not sure that you'll feel up to it later."

"That would be great Tessa; I really want to give her the wig, besides she needs to see me getting my treatment, right?"

"Great I'll go find her," Tessa grinned at Clary, then pointed an accusing finger toward Will, "if you dare act out, I will not think twice about having you thrown out," and with that Tessa walked off, leaving Clary laughing and Will grumbled.




Clary had been receiving her treatment for over an hour, Will had stayed right there by her side the entire time keeping her highly entertained by his presence alone, she couldn't help but smile at all of his antics, "Will, you've lost your mind, that will never happen."

"Cherry, you just wait, it could happen, they could be in here right now for all we know, look he could be one of them," Clary's eyes followed Will's finger, laughing hysterically when her eyes found what he was pointing at.

"No, absolutely not, Will he's a nurse that works here, just look at his uniform," Clary giggled as Will acted like he was shocked by her comment.

"He could be undercover, why are you laughing," Will huffed turning toward Clary, "Fine, you laugh all you want, we'll see who's laughing, when they cast me as Patrick Dempsey's replacement, you'll be begging for my attention, what do you think my nickname will be, will I be known as Dr. McAbs, Dr. McTen or maybe Dr. McPerfect on Grey's Anatomy?"

Clary was near the point of hysterics she was laughing so hard, even other patients were turning to stare, noticing all the attention she was receiving, Clary did her best to calm down and when she did, Clary leaned over, speaking to Will in a low voice, "Grey's Anatomy really, you're crazy you know that?"

Will wiggled his eyebrows at Clary, "think about it Cherry, you can have me as your personal Dr. McStud."

"More like Dr. McDud," Tessa was standing in front of Will's chair, giving him a look of disgust, Tessa turned to Clary, "I don't know how you can be around him, but anywho I have Maureen here to see you; just wanted to give you a minute to prepare."


Clary felt a lump forming in her throat, the idea of seeing Maureen had been exciting but now with her there waiting to come and see her, Clary was unsure what to do.

"Cherry, if you're not up to it, I'll deal with her, send her away for you," Will spoke quietly, watching Clary with a concerned look in his eyes.

"No, no I want to see her, I do but what if she doesn't like me anymore, I haven't been to see her, and without my hair," Clary's eyes were full of worry as she turned to Tessa looking for answers.

Tessa walked over to Clary's chair, placing a hand on Clary's cheek, "I have no doubt in the world, that little girl adores you Clary, not for your hair but for you, see you have this way about you, making everyone love you, I know Maureen is us, she loves you."

Clary felt a single tear roll down her cheek, she would never understand how she could be so lucky to have people like Tessa and Will in her life; "Thanks Tess, do you mind getting Maureen, I'd really like to see her now," Clary smiled as Tessa removed her hand from Clary's cheek.

Tessa headed to get Maureen, then stopped after only a few feet, turning her head back to Clary's chair, raising one eyebrow as she eyed Clary, "really Tess, not you too Clary."

Clary giggled, "Sorry, that's all on Will, that's all he seems to call you anymore, guess it's rubbing off on me."

Shaking her head, Tessa narrowed her eyes at Will as she passed by him, "you are a very bad influence on her."

Will smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, "Tess if you want me to be your Dr. McStudly, all you have to do is ask," Tessa kept walking muttering something to herself as she went.

Will turned to Clary, "you sure about this Cherry, you feel up to it."

Sitting up, Clary placed her hand on the scarf that was wrapped around her head, "yes but do I look okay, my scarf isn't falling off or anything, right," Will stood from his chair walking over to Clary's chair.

Placing his hands on her tiny shoulders, Will bent down his eyes staring into hers, "your perfect Cherry, you're always perfect."

Before Clary could say anything she heard Maureen squealing her name, "Clary, Clary," Will moved away from her chair, allowing Clary to see a bright eyed Maureen running her way.


Maureen stopped abruptly in front of Clary's chair; her little body bouncing even when she was standing still, Maureen eyes turned toward the ground as she whispered, "Dr. H told me you're sick, I'm sorry, I didn't want you to get sick like me," Maureen's small shoulder slumped forward.

Clary felt tears swelling in her eyes, hearing the sadness in Maureen's voice, "Maureen sweetie, it's okay, hey look at me," Maureen didn't look up, letting Clary know something was wrong, turning to Will, "pick her up, put her in the chair with me please."

Will's face looked torn for only a second before he nodded, standing from his chair, Will knelt down in front of Maureen, "Hello Maureen, I'm Will, Clary's knight in shining armor, is it okay if I pick you up," Maureen's face shot up, her eyes wide with excitement as she gazed at Will.

"You're a knight, really, Dr. H and Tessa didn't tell me that Clary found a knight," Clary couldn't help the giggle that escaped her mouth, watching Maureen's reaction to Will.

Will seemed to be enjoying the child's reaction also, "Well you see Maureen, Dr. H is busy so he just forgot, Tessa well she wishes I was her knight in shining armor, so you see Tessa doesn't like the fact I'm not hers," Clary's eyes widen as she searched for Tessa, finding her walking towards them with Maureen's box in her hands.

"Maureen is Will bothering you, I can make him leave," Tessa voiced as she walked up to them.

Maureen's eyes were still filled with excitement as she giggled with Will, noticing Tessa standing beside them, Maureen's face turned sour, "Tessa are you jealous cause Will's not your knight in shining armor, that's not nice you know," the little girl placed her hands on her nonexistent hips, glaring up at Tessa.

Tessa stood frozen for a moment, not sure what to do or say, after a few moments Tessa was able to answer, "No Maureen, I'm not jealous, not at all, I just want to make sure Will is a white knight and not the dark kind, I'm protecting our Clary," Tessa smiled down at Maureen, hoping that the small girl believed her.

Maureen pulled her eyebrows together, turning to inspect Will, "Hmmm, I don't know," Tessa and Clary both broke out in a fit of giggles watching Maureen's big round eyes studying Will, "Will is Tessa right, are you a dark knight, cause if you are, that's not a good thing, it's very bad."

Will was trying not to laugh, leaning his face close to Maureen's, he spoke in a soft voice, "Maureen, look at my face," Will bit his lower lip, watching as a very serious Maureen examined his face even closer, "how could this angelic face belong to darkness," when he finished speaking, Will made sure to give Maureen his most dazzling smile..

Minutes went by before Maureen finally spoke, the little girl turning toward Tessa, her face serious as she spoke, "I've made my decision, Will's a white knight, in all my Disney movies dark nights are not as handsome as the white ones and Will's too pretty to be a dark knight," Will smiled triumphantly at Tessa as Maureen finished speaking.

"Hmmm, I need to um, Clary don't you have something you want to give Maureen," Tessa quickly tried to change the subject, knowing Will's ego did not need more inflating.

Clary nodded, grinning down at Maureen, "Will can you put Maureen up here with me," Will nodded, gently picking up Maureen and placing her carefully by Clary in the chair.

"Thank you Will," Maureen chimed, giving Will a brilliant smile.

"Your welcome Maureen, my services are always here for a beautiful lady such as yourself," Will bowed as if her were a true knight, causing Maureen to giggle beside Clary in the chair.

Shaking her head, Clary spoke to Tessa, "Do you mind handing me the box," Tessa stepped toward Clary, passing her the box.

"Thank you, Tessa," taking a deep breath Clary looked at the little girl next to her, "Maureen, remember how Dr. H told you I was sick," Clary waited for Maureen to respond, when the little girl nodded, Clary continued, "Remember when we talked about you being scared of your treatment because of your hair falling out," Clary's hands were shaking slightly as she watched Maureen.

"I remember," Maureen eyes were staring at Clary as she spoke.

Clary gave the little girl a small smile, moving her shaking hands ever so slowly to the top of her scarf, "Maureen I want to show you something, is that okay," Maureen nodded.

Tears began to threaten Clary's vision, her hands trembling as she pulled at her scarf, "You see Maureen, my sickness causes me to need medicine kind of like yours," Clary took one last breath as she pulled the scarf completely from her head.

It was as if time stopped in that one moment, no one moved, no one spoke, all eyes were on Maureen, waiting for her reaction. Clary felt a few traitorous tears escape her eyes, Maureen took one of her small hands, moving them from her lap to Clary's face, gently wiping the tears away from Clary's face, "its okay Clary, your hair will grow back, I still think you're beautiful."

More tears began to spill from Clary's eyes as she listened to Maureen comforting words, here she was supposed to be the one helping Maureen and in actuality Maureen was the one helping her. Clary smiled looking over at Maureen, "Thank you Maureen, thank you," Maureen continued to wipe away Clary's tears, doing her very best to catch all the tears before they fell from Clary's face.

Will silently walked over to the chair, a few tissues in hand he wiped away the remaining tears from Clary's face, when he finished Will leaned down, placing a light kiss on the top of Clary's bald head.

Maureen eyes sparkled, truly fascinated by what Will had just done, turning to look for Tessa; Maureen found her standing off to the side, Maureen pointed toward Will as she yelled to Tessa, "Did you see that Tessa, I told you he was a white knight."

Will, Tessa and even Clary broke into a fit of laughter, after hearing Maureen's words.

When the laughter died down, Clary carefully placed the box in Maureen's lap, "this is for you," Maureen smiled as she gazed at the box in her lap.

"Can I open it," Maureen asked, looking at Clary.

Clary nodded, her heart racing as she watched Maureen lift the top away from the box, Maureen's eyes seemed bewitched by what the box held.

"Do you like it," Clary asked nervously, noticing that Maureen was not removing the wig from the box.

Maureen finally looked at Clary, her beautiful eyes filled with tears, "you're giving this to me," Maureen's lips were quivering, "for when my hair falls out."

"Yes," Clary whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"You really love me," Maureen's voice was quite, her tears overflowing her eyes, "you love me Clary, I love you too Clary so so much."

Clary felt overwhelmed in that one moment, here was this beautiful little girl telling Clary she loved her and it was obvious, she could see it in Maureen's eyes; she could hear it in her voice, without needing to think Clary leaned over kissing the top of Maureen's head, "yes Maureen, I love you very much."

Maureen's tears finally stopped, leaving her small round face holding the most brilliant smile Clary had ever seen, "I can't wait to show my mom, she'll love it," Maureen voice was full of excitement.

"Maureen," Tessa stepped forward, her face showing signs that she too had been crying, "I thinks it's time to get you back to your room," Tessa held her arms out to Maureen, ready to help her down from Clary's chair.

"Alright, I guess," Maureen frowned at Tessa, moving toward her arms.

When Tessa had helped Maureen down from the chair, Maureen turned back to Clary, "I'll see you again, soon, right?"

"I hope so," Clary was beginning to feel tired, not sure if it was from her time with Maureen or the chemo.

Maureen's face seemed to drop a little at hearing Clary's answer, "thank you again Clary," Maureen then turned to Will, "your better take care of our Clary."

Will grinned, "of course my lady."

Maureen giggled running off before Tessa had even moved.

Tessa looked over at Clary with worried eyes, "I'm going to send a nurse over, the treatment is almost over," Tessa walked over to Will, speaking in a hushed voice, "get her home as soon as you can, I won't be far behind with Dr. Herondale."


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