Everything and everyone disappeared, everyone but him, his golden eyes were on her, searching her for answers, answers that she knew he would demand from her, answers she knew he deserved but she couldn't give them to him, not now, not ever.
Clary felt the room closing in on her, night after night she had dreamed of him, seeing him, touching him, kissing him, loving him but now that he was there, really there all she could think of was that she had to get as far away from him as possible, she couldn't be this person, not with Jace. He would see through her instantly and Clary had been playing her part so well, she had everyone believing she cared about living, cared about getting better when the cold hard truth was that she didn't care in the slightest, not when she could no longer have the life she had always dreamed of, the life she still desperately wanted.
"Clary," Tessa's voice pulled Clary from her thoughts.
Clary shook her head slightly, her green eyes breaking away from Jace's stare to look at Tessa, "Huh, what did you say?"
Tessa eyes darted over Clary's features, "Are you okay?"
Clary felt her throat tighten, "no, can we go?"
Tessa's eyes moved back to Will, "Sure, of course," she wrapped her arms around Clary's shoulder.
The two girls turned to leave when a voice yelled out, "DON'T YOU DARE CLARY FRAY, NOT AGAIN," Clary and Tessa both froze.
"Clary, who's that," Tessa asked as she turned to see where the voice came from.
Clary didn't need to turn around to know that the voice belonged to Jace, " Tessa, can we just go, now," Clary pulled at Tessa's arm.
Tessa ignored Clary's statement, "Clary, that boy that Will was fighting with, who is he?"
Clary swallowed, "Jace, he's Will's cousin."
Tessa stiffened realizing the severity of the situation, "Oh Clary," her eyes finding Clary's, "I am so sorry Clary."
"Just, please get me out of here," Clary begged knowing that her flood gates would soon open.
Tessa placed a hand on the small of Clary's back as she pushed them through the crowd, "Let's get you out of here," Tessa whispered gently to Clary.
"Thank you Tessa," Clary's body relaxed as the two of them pushed through the crowd.
Clary and Tessa had just freed themselves from the crowd when Clary heard another familiar voice, "Clary?"
Clary knew that voice, she loved that voice and she had forgotten just how much she missed hearing that voice, "Izzy," Clary turned toward the voice finding not only Isabelle but Alec as well.
Clary felt a sharp sting in her chest, guilt, it washed over her instantly as her green eyes took in her two best friends standing before her with so much raw emotion in their faces, hurt, anger, confusion, it was touching, it was too much, "Alec?"
Alec was the first to speak, "Why, why didn't you tell us?"
Clary felt Tessa's arm stiffen around her shoulders, "it's okay Tess," Clary looked up at Tessa giving her a small smile.
Tessa didn't look convinced, not at all, "I'll just be in the chemo room if you need me," Tessa squeezed Clary's arm gently before walking away from the three of them.
Clary watched Tessa as she walked away, she wanted nothing more than to run after her but she knew that she had to face this, face them, she owed it to them, to them all, "Alec, Isabelle, I, I'm so sorry, truly sorry," she turned back to her two friends, her emerald green eyes filling with tears.
"Clary," Alec rushed to Clary wrapping her in his arms, holding her gently but close, "I'm sorry too, we are all," Clary allowed herself to relax in Alec's arms.
"Me too Clary, I'm so so sorry," Clary felt Isabelle hugging her from behind, she could tell from Isabelle's voice that she was crying.
"No, no," Clary pushed out of the embrace, "you did nothing wrong, nothing at all, I lied to you, not the other way around, so, just, don't apologize, not to me, I don't deserve it, I, I don't deserve your friendship after what I did," Clary felt the tears falling from her eyes.
"How can you say that Clary," Isabelle's voice was shaky, "we know why you lied, you were trying to protect us, yeah we're hurt but we get it."
Clary could feel her body trembling, "you shouldn't be here, none of you, you should be at school, I didn't want this, I don't."
"That's not fair Clary," Alec's voice was angry, his bright blue eyes turning hard as he stared down at her.
Clary wiped her tears from her face as they continued to fall, "fair, you really wanna go there Alec?"
Clary felt Isabelle's hand touch her on the shoulder, "Clary, we're not here to fight, we here to be with you."
"No," Clary knew she was wrong, so wrong but this was the one thing that she thought she could control in her life, the one thing she had planned from the beginning of all of this mess, Alec, Jace and Isabelle were supposed to go to school, make something of their lives, be successful, be happy, they were not supposed to be here with her, wasting their lives on her, "No," Clary pushed Isabelle's hand away from her shoulder, she deserved to have this one thing dammit, this one wish, "I don't want you here, I want you at school, succeeding, making memories, you need to leave, now, right now."
Clary saw the anger in Alec's face, she couldn't see Isabelle's face but she could hear her crying and she hated herself for it, "I'm sorry, I am," Clary went to walk away but Alec's hand shot out pulling her rather roughly to him.
"You think this is just about you," Clary tried to pull away but Alec's grip only tightened, "well it's not Clary, it's not just about you, it's about us too, all of us, how could you think that this was okay, you're a liar Clary Fray and you're selfish."
Clary stopped struggling, what did he just say, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me, you're selfish, you lied to yourself and everyone else," Alec's bright blue eyes were deadly as they met Clary's green, "lying to me, Izzy and Jace so we could move on, go to school, become successful, what a load of bullshit."
Clary's green eyes were no longer filled with tears; no they were filled with rage, "How dare you say such a thing Alec."
Alec didn't waver, his eyes still as enraged as before, "BULLSHIT," Alec leaned down, his face literally just inches away from Clary, "Bullshit, the Clary Fray I know wouldn't be acting like this, so let's be honest with one another, what was the real reason you lied?"
Clary wanted to run and hide, "I, don't," Clary wasn't interrupted by someone pulling Alec away from her.
"I suggest you keep your hands off of her," Will was in Alec's face.
Alec shrugged, "Will Herondale, when did you become Clary's shadow?"
Clary didn't realize that Will had been released and if Will had been released was Jace released also, "Will," her voice was anxious.
Will backed away from Alec, moving to stand protectively in front of Clary, "you okay Cherry?"
Clary nodded, "where is he?"
Will frowned, "since he started the fight, security is detaining him a little longer but he will be out soon."
"Can you get me out of here," Clary was chewing on the bottom of her lip waiting for Will's answer.
"Yep," Will pulled Clary to his side.
"You're not really leaning, are you Clary," Isabelle stepped in front of Clary, her deep brown eyes filled with tears still.
"Iz, you don't understand, none of you do," Clary mumbled back, her eyes cast down toward the ground.
"Ha, yeah we do," Alec chuckled darkly, "you're a coward, you know Jace deserves the truth but you're too scared to face him so you're running," Alec moved closed to Clary and Will, "and here everyone thought you were so selfless, sacrificing yourself for us, how wrong they all are."
"I suggest you back off Alec," Will's voice was threatening.
"Will stop, he's just hurt, he doesn't understand," Clary pulled on Will's shirt; she didn't want him getting into another fight, not over her.
"What I want to know is why Will Herondale is speaking for you," Alec was standing in front of them, his arms crossed across his chest.
Clary shrugged, what was she supposed to say, "I, I mean Will," Clary was cut off by Will.
"Not that it's any of your business Lightwood but I have more of a right to be here that any of you," Will tightened his grip around Clary.
Alec's shoulders shook with anger, "What the hell is that supposed to mean, you and Clary were never as close as we were to her and that is a fact."
"That was the past, now I'm closer to Clary than any of you," Will retorted.
"That may be true for us but not for Jace, Jace and Clary are closer than anyone, you can't deny that, no one can," Alec relaxed knowing that he had the upper hand.
Will looked down at Clary, something flashing in his eyes that she couldn't decipher before he looked back at Alec, "that's where you're wrong Alec, Jace is no longer the closest person to Clary, I am," Clary's eyes shot up to Will's face, what was he doing, what was he saying, "we're engaged, we're getting married."
"What did you say," the four of them turned to see Jace standing right behind them and by the look on his face, he had heard everything, everything.