Dying Young

18

Clary opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, she could see the hurt on Jace's face, she could feel it radiating off him in waves, how could she do this to him, how could she claim to love him and then hurt him like this, no not hurt, she had destroyed him.

Jace stepped closer to the four of them, his hands were shaking as he tried to keep his anger and hurt at bay, "What did you say Will?"

Will turned to where he was facing Jace head on, his body was tense, "I said that I asked Clary to marry me, she said yes, that my dear cousin would make us engaged."

Clary blinked, her mouth felt as if she had eaten a bucket full of chalk, "No," she mouthed but no one seemed to hear her.

Jace was opening and closing his hands at his side, his golden orbs were filled with anger, "So, what was it cousin, the minute I left you came running, brainwashing Clary to believe that you were the best choice for her, convinced her to continue lying to me, Alec and Izzy," Jace shook his head violently as he stepped closer, his body pressing into Will's, "you are something else, taking something that isn't yours, manipulating her when she's weak."

"You're right Jace, I swooped in, made Clary fall in love with me, made her want me the way I've always wanted her, but I'll tell you this Jace, Clary's not weak, she's strong, stronger than you'll ever know," Will's voice wasn't angry or cocky, his voice seemed lost, sad even.

Clary blinked, what was she doing, standing there, allowing them to discuss her as if she weren't even there, "Stop," her voice came out quiet and she realized that no one heard her, "Stop it," her voice grew louder causing Will and Jace to look down at her, shock apparent on both of their faces, it was as if the two boys just realized she was standing right there beside them, "Jace," Clary took a breath as she turned her green eyes to the man that made her heart beat so fast that she was scared it would jump out of her chest, "Will didn't swoop in and brainwash me, I never, I didn't mean," Clary felt her eyes swimming in tears, "I lied to you, Alec and Izzy to protect you," Clary turned to look and Alec and Izzy, "I'm so sorry if I hurt you, I never wanted that, never," Isabelle was wiping tears away from her face and Alec had turned his eyes down to the ground in shame, "I foolishly thought I was doing the right thing, I knew if I had told you the truth, you would have never left, you would've stayed, I didn't want that, I wanted so much for all of you," Clary turned back around to look up at Jace, "I'm so sorry that I lied, I am so sorry," tears were flowing down her small face at a rapid rate, she could no longer make out Jace's face, she could no longer see his golden eyes, "I wanted you to live Jace, I wanted you to go out and save the world, just like we had planned, I didn't plan this, I never wanted this, for any of you, I, I just," Clary could feel her heart beat pounding through her ears as she tried to continue, "that day, I came to see you, at your house, that lie I told you, it, it was, so, so, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, I saw the hurt, I saw the pain on your face, and I knew it was my fault, my doing, and then when you made me leave, I fell apart, I broke Jace, and it was no one's fault but my own," the room began to slowly spin around Clary but she pushed on, she needed to say this, she had to get this out, "I did this, no one else, not your dad, not Dr. Lightwood, not your Uncle, and definitely not Will, he didn't even know about me, he had come to visit his dad, it just happened, so if you want to blame someone, blame me, hate me because no one else is at fault, they were just, they were just."

Clary placed her hand over her chest, something was wrong, terribly wrong, black spots began to fill her vision, she tried to blink but the spots worsened, the room tilted and suddenly she was falling, falling into blackness, falling into nothingness. The darkness seemed inviting at first and Clary could not help but welcome it, she felt at peace as she drifted through the black abyss of her mind, it was the first time she had felt at peace in such a long time but then something happened, a jolt of pain shot through her body bringing her back to reality, she no longer felt peace, she felt pain, so much pain. Clary could hear screaming in the air around her but she was unsure where it was coming from and why, she wanted to sit up, wanted to move but she couldn't, something was pressing down on her, not allowing her to move, fear began to slip into the darkness, it began to creep into every corner, every pore of her being, Clary opened her mouth and began to scream but nothing came out, nothing, she could still hear the screams floating around her but her voice could not be heard, she had no voice, she was nothing. There was not a thing Clary could do but lay there, lost and alone, part of herself was still with Jace and the others and the other part was in darkness, the abyss.

Clary had lost track of time, she had noticed that the screaming had calmed but she could still hear muffled cries from time to time, she also noticed that parts of her body were no longer cold, she could feel warmth radiating from certain areas, and that's when she heard voices, their voices, Jace's voice.



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