Dying Young

6

Clary left Maureen with a nurse; telling the little girl she would not be gone long; when Maureen agreed Clary took off toward the elevators and went directly to the 5th floor; walking past the receptionist and straight to the back hall.

Looking around Clary could not seem to find Dr. Wayland or Dr. Lightowood; just as she turned to leave

"Clary what are you doing here"

Clary turned around instantly seeing Dr. Lightwood approaching her

"Well I um, I came to see you and Dr. Wayland about my treatment plan"

Clary looked down at the floor as she twisted her fingers together tightly; she felt ashamed of herself for pushing Dr. Lightwood and Dr. Wayland away for the past two months

"Oh Clary that's wonderful news; you just don't; Michael will be so happy to hear this"

Dr. Lightwood could not seem to get out exactly what he wanted to tell her; he walked right up to Clary and embraced her in a warm hug; thankful that she had come to the right decision

"I am so proud of you, Clary"

Robert whispered in Clary's hair as the two stood in the back hall of his office still embracing

"Thank you Dr. Lightwood and I am sorry that I have been so childish for the past two months; but if you and Dr. Wayland are ready to get started"

"I wish Michael was here; unfortunately his is tied up in surgery at the moment; maybe you could come back in an hour or so"

Clary looked at Dr. Lightwood and smiled; secretly glad that she would have a few hours before Dr. Wayland was available to see her; she was hoping that Robert would be willing to help her out while they both waited

"Actually I had a favor to ask one of you and since Dr. Wayland is in surgery, would you mind"

Robert looked at Clary carefully before answering; he had not noticed at first but the young girl had a sparkle in her eyes as she spoke; her facial features were so bright and alive; she seemed genuinely happy for the first time in months

"I have time; what do you need"

A huge smile took over Clary's face as she began jumping in place

"Do you know of a place that I could get my hair cut off?"


Robert looked at Clary as if she had lost her mind

"Clary what on earth are you talking about; there is no need for you to do that right now"

Clary smiled at Robert as she explained the situation with the young girl downstairs in the chemo room

Robert looked at Clary with such admiration; he had never met anyone like this young girl; she always put everyone in her life before her own; she never ceased to surprise him

"Clary if you are truly wanting to do this; I know exactly where you can go"

"Oh yes please; I really do"

Clary looked at Robert with sheer determination as she begged him; by the look on his face he probably thought she was having some kind of psychotic episode

"Ok let me grab my keys and make a quick call before we leave"

"Thank you so much; do you mind if I run down to the chemo room really quick and let Maureen know that I am leaving"

"Of course; I will meet you there"


Clary hurried back down stairs; finding Maureen with the same nurse that Clary had left her with

"Maureen I have to leave for a little while but I will be back as soon as I can; okay"

The little girl looked disappointed as she replied

"kay"

Clary kneeled down in front of the young girl; taking her hands in her own

"Maureen, I promise I will be back; I want to show you something when I return"

"What do you want to show me?"

"I can't tell you; I need to show you"

"Okay but don't take too long; when Mama tells me she is running an errand she takes all day long"

Clary giggled as she watched Maureen run back to the nurse and the two continued their coloring; waving bye she turned to find Dr. Herondale standing behind her


"Where do you think you are headed off to Miss Fray?"

Dr. Herondale was stiff in posture as he gave Clary a hard look

"Dr. Lightwood is taking me to run an errand; thank you very much"

She knew that Dr. Herondale was concerned as all the other doctors were but she was tired of his rudeness; he never seemed to be understanding or gentle where she was concerned

"I brought you here to help my patient not to run off and find someone to take you on errands"

That was it, Clary had had enough from the attractive doctor; she took her finger pointing it straight in Dr. Herondale's face

"I need to speak with you now; in private, unless you do not mind giving your patients a free show"

Stephen's eyebrows furrowed as he glared at Clary

"Fine this way"

Before turning to follow; Clary asked the young receptionist, Seelie to let Dr. Lightwood know where she was if he came by

As soon as the two were clear of patients; Clary unleashed her built up frustration

"Who the hell do you think you are treating me this way; frankly it is none of your damn business what I do, when I do it, and who I do it with"

Clary's head was shooting straight up in order to keep eye contact with the man standing in front of her as she yelled

Stephen was shocked that this girl would speak to him in such a manner; no one spoke to him like that; ever; and here was with this tiny redhead yelling at him not caring who he was or what he looked like

"Pardon me"

"Oh save it Herondale, you know exactly how you have been acting towards me and just so you know; I do not appreciate it one bit. I also do not appreciate the fact that you used that little girl back there to make me feel like a child with the way I have been handling my own situation"

A smirk appeared on Stephen's face as Clary continued to glare at him; if she were being honest, she would love nothing more than to take her tiny fist and punch him right where that smirk was

"So you do admit that you have been acting childish"

"That is none of your business"

"Oh but you see it is my business; do you have any idea of what my brother-in-law and my friend have been going through while you sit at home and sulk; do you have any clue"

Clary looked down at the floor as he spoke; not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing tears well up in her sad green eyes

"You have no clue how they have worried and fretted over your situation when they have other responsibilities to attend to; not to mention they have lied to their own children for you; and how do you repay them, by acting like a spoiled childish brat"

Clary took a deep breath as she willed her tears to disperse; looking up at the doctor she stood tall and spoke in a very clear voice

"You do not know me Stephen Herondale" Clary took her finger as she jabbed it into his chest making him take a step back

"You may be a great doctor but you are a pure bred asshole; how dare you stand there with all of your high and mightiness; you have no idea what I am going through not one" Clary continued as she removed her finger from his chest

"I have no one and before you reply in some smartass statement; I know it's my fault, this is what I wanted, and I do but that does not mean that it isn't killing me inside."

"My parents are dead, my brother in New York, My Uncle on the other side of the world and my three best friends are off living my dreams; my dreams, do you have any clue what that's like for me" tears began to freely flow over Clary's cheeks as Dr. Herondale opened his mouth to speak but Clary quickly placed her finger in front of him; silencing him

"You have no idea who I am or what I feel so in the future do not allow yourself to think otherwise"

"Clary, I did not mean to hurt you; I was truly trying to help; from what everyone has told me about you, I thought a hard approach was best; seeing as the gentle one was not working"

Clary looked up at Stephen as she wiped the tears away from her face; a tiny smile appearing

"Of course you would; the three of you are so much alike; how does the world survive with three of you walking around"

"Clary; am I missing something; what are you talking about"

Stephen looked at Clary clearly confused by her statement; Clary let out a small giggle

"You, your son and Jace; the three of you are so narcissistic"

"What of course I do not act like that; there is no possible way"

Dr. Herondale was shaking his head as he argued more to himself than to Clary; he was opening his mouth to speak when Dr. Lightwood came in to view

"My dear Clary, you never cease to amaze me; I do not think that in the entire time I have known Stephen; has anyone rendered him speechless"

Stephen turned to Robert as he rolled his eyes

"Robert do you find me to be a narcissist"

Robert began laughing as he refused to answer Stephen; looking toward Clary

"Clary; are you ready; she is ready for you"

Clary nodded but before she turned to follow Robert, she took a small step toward Stephen

"Mr. Herondale; I want you to know that even though I think you are a huge ass; you were right, I needed a hard approach and if were not for you, I would still be in my house sulking; so for what it's worth thank you"

Clary stood on her tip toes as she kissed him on the cheek; quickly turning before he had a chance to respond she took off to follow Dr. Lightwood


"So Dr. Lightwood where are we going" Clary asked as she sat in the passenger side of Robert's Volvo as they pulled out of the doctor's parking garage

"My house; I hope you do not mind but Maryse volunteers at the hospital and she knows where we need to send your hair for the wig to be made for the little girl; she has already called asking for a nurse to get Maureen's head measurements"

Clary grinned as she turned to look out the window

"No I am actually glad that someone I know will be doing it; I didn't even think past having my hair cut for the wig"

"That's why you have us Clary; you shouldn't have to think or do everything on your own"

Clary simply nodded as she continued to stare out the window; the drive did not take long and before Clary knew it they were pulling in to the Lightwood's driveway.


As Clary stepped out of the Robert's SUV she saw that Maryse had come out to greet them.

"Clary it is so good to see you; I have missed seeing your beautiful face around our home"

Maryse walked over to Clary and embraced her in a motherly hug; Clary had forgotten what it was like to have a mother hold her; so for a moment she allowed herself to pretend that it was her mother holding her.

Maryse seemed to notice Clary clinging to her; she felt tears escaping her eyes as she allowed Clary to have all the time she needed in that moment

After a few minutes Clary detached herself from Maryse and took a tiny step back

"Mrs. Lightwood I cannot thank you enough for helping me"

"Nonsense and Clary dear you know to call me Maryse, not Mrs. Lightwood"

Maryse turned to head inside the home as Robert and Clary followed; when entering the foyer Maryse turned to her husband

"Dear why don't I call you when we are finished; you must have plenty of work at the hospital?"

Robert gave his wife a questioning look but knew not to argue; as he turned to leave

"Clary I want you to know that what you are doing for this little girl is truly remarkable"

Clary looked down at the floor as she twisted her fingers together tightly

"It's not a big deal; it's not like I am not going to lose my hair anyways, right"

Dr. Lightwood did not reply as he took his leave; leaving Clary and Maryse alone.

"Clary dear would you like something to eat, drink"

"Um no thank you; I am good"

"Well I have everything set up in my bathroom if you would like to get started"

Clary nodded as she followed Maryse through her bedroom leading to the en-suite bathroom; once Clary entered she saw that Maryse had a chair ready for her to sit and all the tools that she guessed were needed for her hair to be cut.

Slowly Clary began to walk over to the chair; sitting she was able to see herself perfectly in the large mirror that hung on the wall directly in front of her. Maryse came behind Clary and took a large brush; as she gently brushed through Clary's hair she spoke

"Clary I want you to know that we have all the time in the world; if you need a moment, just let me know"

Clary looked at Maryse through the reflection of the mirror giving a small smile as she nodded; she was afraid to speak, unsure what her voice would sound like.

Maryse continued to brush Clary's hair as she hummed a tune that sounded much like a child's lullaby; Clary closed her eyes allowing herself to get caught up in moment; remembering what it felt like to have a mother.

"Clary are you okay; sweetie we do not have to do this; not today anyway"

Clary looked up at the mirror seeing tears streaming down her face; she did not even realize she was crying; Maryse had a worried look as she continued looking down at her

"Really I'm fine, I just forgot what it's like to have a mother; I mean I have family, Uncle Luke and my brother but when you hugged me earlier and then just now with you brushing my hair; I had forgotten what it felt like to have a mother love me"

Clary felt more tears fall down her cheeks as she spoke; looking up at Maryse in the mirror Clary noticed that she too was crying

"Oh Clary if you ever need me I am here for you; Robert and I love you as if you were our own; I hope you know that"

Clary did know that the Lightwood's along with Dr. Wayand and possibly even Dr. Herondale all loved her very much; she knew that she was blessed to be surrounded by people that loved her very deeply

"Yes Maryse I know, I do" Clary smiled up at Maryse; she returned Clary's smile as she continued brushing her hair

"Now I spoke with my friend Jia Penhallow; she makes wigs; she promised to put a rush on Maureen's wig, hoping to have it ready within 3 weeks or less; she promised to get started on it first thing. When we are finished I am going head straight over to the post office and ship it overnight to ensure Jia receives it first thing"

Maryse was explaining everything when Clary suddenly realized she had not thought about how much everything would cost

"Maryse how much is all of this going to cost"

"Do not worry about that; I am paying for the shipping and Jia heard your story as well as the little girl's; she insisted on doing it free of charge"

Clary allowed herself to relax when she heard Maryse explain that Jia truly wanted to do this for Maureen; she did not want Maryse and Robert paying a lot of money to have the wig made for her.

"Clary I am ready to make the cut; are you okay"

Maryse had just finished putting Clary's long red hair in a ponytail and now it was time for the next step; cutting; Clary took a deep breath as she closed her eyes

"Yes, I'm ready"

Clary felt the scissors as it cut through her thick red curls; trying to remember to breathe she began counting in her head, praying it would soon be over.

"There all finished" Maryse said as Clary opened her eyes

Maryse was holding in her hand the ponytail and attached was Clary's long red curls; Clary's hand automatically went to her head as she turned to look in the mirror

Her beautiful long hair was missing; now she had a short curly bob of sorts

"Would you like me to shape it up for you" Maryse asked as she stood behind Clary

Clary did not speak at first; she kept running her fingers through her short red curls, staring in to the mirror; and then when she finally found her voice she spoke

"No, I would like you to shave it please"

"Clary don't be silly child; you look adorable with this cut"

"I'm not talking about the cut; I need you to shave my hair; please Maryse"

"Why Clary; I need you to explain this to me before I agree to such a thing"

Clary turned so she was facing the older woman

"I remember my mother having had several surgeries and the whole time she would tell me everything was fine; my mother would tell all of us that if she saw us worrying and even when she started chemo; she was fine the first few treatments but after that she would come home and go directly to bed and sometimes you could hear her throwing up in the bathroom" Clary felt tears streaming down her face once again as she took a breath so she could continue

"I remember coming home from school that day; I could hear my mom yelling so I quickly ran up the stairs only to find her and my father sitting on the bathroom floor; my father was begging her to calm down, he kept telling her it was okay that she was still beautiful; and that's when I saw mama clinging to handfuls and handfuls of her beautiful red hair; she had them clenched in her hands so so tightly; and then I looked at her face" Clary was sobbing at this point as Maryse kneeled down by the chair; taking the young girl in her arms

"Shhh; you don't have to talk about it anymore"

Clary shook her head violently as she pulled away from Maryse

"No no I need to get this out just give me a minute please" Maryse nodded as Clary tried to control her crying; after a few minutes her breathing had slowed allowing her to continue

"I looked at my mother's face and for the first time since we had discovered her disease; she looked broken, lost; her hair falling out triggered her to fall apart; it took us the entire night to get her to allow us to shave the matted hair that was left off; after that mama was never the same; her determination, her fight, her joy, her love, all of it; and then she just died and my father was never the same after her death; coming home from school Jon and I found him dead on their bed, he had taken too many of her old pain pills, causing him to die due to an overdose"

The bathroom was silent after Clary finished; Maryse had her own tears streaming down her cheeks as she slowly stood up and walked over to a cabinet; once she opened the cabinet she began searching for something; once located the cabinet door was closed and she made her way back to Clary. Maryse took the black cord and plugged it in the wall outlet before looking down at Clary

"You ready" she asked quietly as she turned on the electrical shaver

Clary heard the insistent buzzing of the shaver as she looked up to see Maryse's eyes in the mirror; with a small smile she nodded and then closed her eyes; as Maryse gently moved the electric razor over Clary's scalp.

The sensation of the razor going over Clary's scalp as she felt waves and waves of her hair gently falling to the ground; the feeling she had was that of a butterfly feeling freedom from its cocoon for the first time; Clary had been wrapped up in her own cocoon of emotions; fear of her mother's disease and outcome, grief from lying and pushing Izzy, Alec and Jace away, anger that her father left her, terror of the unknowing, hopeless thinking she was ready to let go and die, regret for the way she had treated the doctors that cared so much for here, anxious for her upcoming medical treatment

As Clary sat there feeling layers upon layers of her hair being stripped away; she envisioned letting go of all the emotions that she currently clung to; piece by piece she began to let them drift away hoping on what little she had; that those emotions would never return. Clary new for the road that lay ahead she had to be strong and stay positive; there was no room in her life for doubt, fear or anger; she could not afford to feel those things now; she had to be able to hope and from that would grow the will and determination to live, not just for those that love her but for herself as well.



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