Dying Young

8

This was it, the day that would forever change the life of Clary Fray

The past four days had been like a big blur to the young girl.

Four days ago Clary had her PET scan done, three days ago Dr. Wayland had received the news that her cancer had not spread to other areas in her body. To say that everyone was ecstatic is putting it mildly, even Dr. Herondale shed of few tears of joy, not that he would ever admit to it. Dr. Wayland allowed Clary the rest of that day to celebrate with everyone, the following morning he had quickly ushered her to the registration center at the hospital, in order to have her ready for surgery in less than two days. Clary found that in order to register for surgery she would be giving numerous tubes of blood, having an EKGto check her heart; she also had to have a Chest X-ray to make sure her lungs were clear. The day was completely over by the time Clary had registered for her surgery, when she finally arrived back at the Wayland's home, she was so exhausted that she had went straight to bed. The day before her surgery Clary had stayed in Jace's bed for most of the day, his bed was the one place that made her feel safe. Michael had invited the Lightwoods and Stephen over that night for diner, Clary's last meal before her surgery. The mood was light that night no one discussing her cancer or surgery that would take place the very next morning, allowing Clary to almost forget what was in store for her that following day.

Now here she stood in the bathroom at the Wayland's home staring at her reflection in the mirror, it was currently four forty five in the morning and Dr. Wayland was waiting patiently downstairs for her. Clary knew that Michael was ready to leave and she should be getting ready but she could not seem to move, all she could do was stare at her naked reflection in the mirror. Clary reached up taking each breast in her small hands, it was not an act of intimacy but one of need; Clary needed to touch and feel her body one last time while she was still whole, knowing that the next time she stood before a mirror, she would no longer see and touch herself as she was now. Allowing only a few tears to escape Clary quickly turned away from the mirror and dressed, meeting Dr. Wayland downstairs the two left in silence.

Dr. Wayland did not speak to Clary until they arrived at the hospital's surgical center; there he finally turned towards her and embraced her in a fatherly hug

"I love you Clary, you know that right"

Clary forced back her tears as she looked up toward Michael

"Yes and I love you too"

Michael nodded as he kissed her bald head, before letting Clary go he added

"We are going to get through this, I promise"

"I know" Clary whispered in reply

Dr. Wayland released Clary to allow her to enter the surgical center, once inside Clary found that Maryse was already there waiting for her


Clary and Maryse were now in a large white room waiting for Clary to be taken to the Operating Room for surgery. Tessa Gray had already helped Clary into her surgical gown and helped her get comfortable in the large hospital bed. Maryse was sitting in a white metal chair that was next to Clary's bed, Tessa had to step out of the room in order to get the supplies she needed to place an IV in Clary's arm.

"Clary is there anything you need, want" Maryse had been fighting back her emotions since leaving the Wayland's home last night, she had come to think of Clary as one of her own children and to see her going through this was too much

"No, I'm good thanks"

"Ok"

Tessa Gray returned to the room carrying a handful of supplies

"You ready" Tessa asked as she made her way to the bed

"Ready as I'll ever be" Clary tried to smile

Tessa began to place the IV in Clary's arm

"You're going to feel a slight pinch, okay" Clary nodded

"Okay all done"

"You are" Clary looked down to see the needle placed in her arm as Tessa was hanging the saline bag

"I didn't even feel anything, you are good"

Tessa smiled down at Clary

"My secret is, when I tell the patient they will feel a pinch, I go ahead and stick the needle in, most patients are too busy stressing about feeling the pinch, they don't even notice"

"Ahhh"

Clary really liked Tessa; she was glad that she would be the one caring for her after the surgery

The room settled into an uncomfortable silence as they waited for the OR technician to come and get Clary, the door finally opened revealing Dr. Herondale dressed in scrubs


"It's time" Dr. Herondale said as he walked to the head of Clary's hospital bed

"What's this, don't tell me you're taking me to the OR"

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Don't you have patients to care for, something better to do"

"Nonsense, you should feel privileged to have me take you"

"Yea, yea let's just get this over with"

As Dr. Herondale began to push Clary's bed toward the door, Maryse quickly rushed over and kissed her on the head

"I will be right here when you wake up Clary"

"Thank you for everything Maryse"

With a tear in her eye Maryse watched as Dr. Herondale wheeled Clary out of sight

Clary was lying in the bed trying to control her breathing as Dr. Herondale pushed her down a very long hallway

"Clary"

"Yeah"

"I want you to know that I'm glad that you'll be staying with me after all this"

"I'm glad"

"You mean a lot to us all, not just Michael and I'm just happy that I get my chance to take care of you"

"Dr. Herondale, you better watch what you say people might start thinking"

"What are you talking about Clary?"

"If people hear you saying stuff like that, they may think you have a heart"

"Ha Ha, very funny"

Clary smiled as the silence fell between them once more; it felt nice to have so many people want to care for her

"Here we are"

Clary opened her eyes in a flash, she noticed that everyone had on green scrubs and mask, she looked around anxiously feeling as if she was about to panic

"Dr. Herondale, Stephen please"

"I'm right here, you're okay just breathe"

Clary laid her head back shutting her eyes tightly, she did not want to see anymore, she just wanted everything to be over

"Dr. Herondale"

"I'm here"

"Please don't leave, please"

"I'm not going anywhere, my place is right here with you"

Clary felt a few tears escape her eyes; before she could move to wipe them away she felt someone's hand doing it for her

"Open your eyes Clary"

Reluctantly she did as she had been asked; when she was able to focus she could see her three physicians standing over her, Dr. Wayland and Dr. Lightwood both had gloves on with mask already covering the majority of their faces

"Clary they're about to put a mask over your face okay"

Clary looked and Dr. Wayland and nodded, feeling more tears leave her eyes

Dr. Herondale gently wiped the tears away as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head

"You Clary Fray are the bravest person I know, we will not let anything happen to you"

Clary looked into Dr. Herondale's eyes, she saw they were sincere

"I'm ready"

"We will all be here when you wake up" Dr. Lightwood said as he stood above her

Clary noticed a plastic mask as it descended to her face covering her nose and mouth, someone from behind her began speaking to her

"Count for me"

Clary began counting as she was told noticing her eyes were feeling extremely heavy, before she knew it everything went black


Clary's eyes felt extremely heavy as she opened them, she could hear annoying beeps all around her as she slowly tried to pull herself up but unable to muster up enough energy to do so. Her throat was extremely dry as if she had eaten a pound of chalk, trying to focus her eyes as she looked around the room, to the right of her she noticed a person laying on the couch sleeping

"Hey" she wheezed

Clary watched as the form jolted up, she could feel the room moving a bit around her as she continued to stare at the form beside her

"Clary you're awake, how are you"

"Stephen"

"Yes it's me"

"Where"

"It's okay, you're still heavily sedated, try to sleep"

Before she realized it, she was asleep once again


Clary opened her eyes and was finally able to focus, no longer was the room moving this time; however, she felt a pulling sensation on her chest and it was extremely uncomfortable. Against her will Clary cried out in pain and before she knew what was happening her bed was surrounded by everyone

"What is it, what's wrong" Dr. Wayland's voice sounded a bit frantic as he looked her over

Clary looked up to see Dr. Wayland, Dr. Lightwood, Dr. Herondale, and Maryse all surrounding her with concerned looks on their faces

"I'm fine, I felt something pulling"

"Oh that's probably your drains, you're going to be uncomfortable until we can remove them" Dr. Lightwood replied

"Ugh" Clary's head fell back against the pillows, she did not like feeling like this, not at all

"When can I go to Dr. Herondale's house, I hate being stuck in the hospital"

"First we will have to see you walk and I will have a nurse come remove your catheter, so we can see if you are able to void properly" Dr. Wayland replied in his professional voice to Clary

"Please get a really good nurse to remove my catheter, please"

"I'll have Tessa come remove it as soon as she gets back from the house" Dr. Herondale said

"Okay; how about I walk now and then as soon as Tessa remove this catheter I'll go pee and we can get out of here"

"Clary let's take things a bit slower, how about I look at your incisions first" Dr. Wayland asked as he stepped closer to the front of Clary's bed

Clary's mind was yelling NO but her words deceived her

"Okay"

Dr. Wayland did not speak as he opened the front of Clary's gown, at first Clary had her eyes shut tightly but then she felt a slight pull causing her eyes to fly open

"Shhhhiiiitttt"

"Sorry, I'm sorry, it's over" Dr. Wayland said as he continued to study her surgical site

Clary's eyes looked down before she had a chance to think, and that was when she saw herself for the first time

A sound escaped her mouth as she continued to stare down at her mangled chest, her breast were completely removed, all she had now were large incisions and drains coming out of her body

Clary's hands flew to grab at her hair before realizing she no longer had that either, she could feel tears streaming down her face as she screamed

Dr. Wayland was yelling something to Dr. Herondale as he and Dr. Lightwood tried to restrain her, probably fearing that she would pull her drains out

Dr. Herondale was pushing something in her IV and suddenly Clary felt the world disappear around her


Clary woke again knowing everything exactly what day it was, Dr. Herondale was the only one in the room with her this time she noticed

"Don't you have better things to do?"

Dr. Herondale looked over at her with a small smile

"I'm where I want to be"

"What if I don't want you here?"

Dr. Herondale stood walking over to the bed he looked down at her

"We don't always get what we want, do we"

Clary looked away from him, refusing to speak

"Tessa is on her way up to remove your catheter, then you will walk"

"NO"

"Yes"

"No"

"Dammit Clary stop acting like this"

Clary shot her head up to make eye contact with Dr. Herondale

"Acting like what, Dr. Herondale"

Dr. Herondale stood silently, he knew she was hurt and angry, that she wanted to fight but he refused to provoke her

"Silent treatment, how original"

"Tessa is coming to help you, please let her, and then we can leave"

"No"

"Clary"

"No"

"You will let Tessa remove that catheter and you will walk and we will leave, understand"

Clary looked at him with a smirk apparent on her face as she spoke

"N - O"

"FINE, let me go and get Maureen, let her see how you are acting"

"Excuse me"

Dr. Herondale turned to walk out of the room

"I said excuse me"

Stopping in the doorway he turned back to her

"I heard you, and"

"I don't want to see Maureen, I refuse"

"Then I suggest you do ask I say"

"FINE"

Dr. Herondale did not reply to Clary's remark, instead he went and sat on the couch waiting for Tessa's arrival


Tessa Gray could feel the tension as she stepped in Clary's hospital room, looking around she noticed Dr. Herondale sitting stiffly on the couch pretending to read a book, moving her eyes toward the hospital bed she found Clary staring up at the ceiling

"Are you ready to get that catheter out?"

Clary continued staring at the ceiling in silence

Tessa stepped up next to Clary's hospital bed, placing her right hand on the young girl's shoulder

"Clary did you hear me?"

Clary still did not move or speak

"Okay, so this is how it's going to be then"

Tessa turned to Dr. Herondale

"Do you mind stepping out, I'm about to remove her catheter"

Without replying Dr. Herondale stood from the couch and walked out of the room

When the two girls were alone, Tessa began to silently prepare to remove Clary's catheter

"Clary this may sting a bit"

Tessa removed Clary's catheter as easily as she could

"There not so bad, huh"

Tessa looked to see a few tears escape Clary's pale face, quickly walking to the head of the bed

"I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you"

"I'm fine, what's next" Clary replied still staring up at the ceiling

Tessa could tell that Clary was hurting not only physically but mentally also; Tessa also knew that she was only qualified to help Clary heal physically

Clary did as Tessa asked, going to the restroom and walking down the hall; she never would speak to Tessa, even though Tessa tried many times over. After Clary finished all her task Tessa helped her back in the hospital bed before going to find one of the doctors, so they could discharge her from the hospital.

Tessa found Dr. Herondale and Dr. Wayland both standing at the floor's nurse's station; the two physicians were speaking to each other in hushed voices

"Clary is ready to go" Tessa said as she approached the two physicians

"Great" Dr. Wayland said as he started toward Clary's room

Tessa watched Dr. Herondale as he stood staring after the other physician

"Dr. Herondale, are you coming"

"I will go and pull the car around front and wait for you there" Dr. Herondale started to turn from Tessa

"You do know she's not okay and I'm not talking about physically, Dr. Herondale"

The doctor stopped and slowly to face Tessa, with sadness in his voice he replied

"I know, and there isn't a damn thing any of us can do for her"


It had been three days since Clary was dismissed from the hospital, Dr. Herondale had a room on the first floor prepared for her and Tessa had a room directly across the hall from Clary's. Tessa tended to all of Clary's physical needs, draining her bulbs, stripping her drains, checking her incisions, helping her to and from the restroom, and so forth, however, Clary's mental health was another issue all together. Clary refused to start her chemo treatments; she was supposed to start them two days ago, refusing to leave her room. Dr. Lightwood and Maryse visited every day as did Dr. Wayland, they would stay for hours trying to cheer the young girl up, still Cary refused to smile or laugh, sometimes she would not even speak to them. Dr. Herondale had become frustrated with Clary to the point he would not even return home some nights, not that Clary cared. Tessa was mentally and physically exhausted as she dealt with Clary day after day

"You have to eat something Clary"

"Tessa just go, I'm tired"

Tessa knew Clary was tired, her physical appearance looked dull and lifeless, and Clary refused to eat and would barely take in any fluids at all. She feared that Clary would end up dying if something did not snap Clary out of her deep depression soon

Tessa stood in Clary's doorway as she watched the young girl lying in her bed; Clary was just lying in the bed staring out the small window in her room. Tessa's heart felt heavy as she silently watched her, if only she could help Clary see how much her life meant to so many, how people adored her personality, if she could just get her to see how beautiful she still was. Tears silently streamed down Tessa's face as she turned away from Clary

"I'll be in the kitchen" she whispered while walking away


Tessa was in the kitchen making a pot of tea when she felt large arms wrap around her waist and lift her off the ground; she began screaming and thrashing while being retrained

"Let me go, let me go, please somebody help" Tessa cried out


Clary was lying in her bed when she heard Tessa's screams for help, slowly pulling herself out of the bed she began to make her way toward Tessa's voice

"Put me down now, dammit"

Clary could still hear Tessa screaming as she slowly walked down the long hallway, the closer she came toward the kitchen she began to hear another voice, a man's laughter

Clary braced the wall for support trying desperately to make it to Tessa and the male intruder; finally she entered the kitchen to find Tessa flung over the shoulder of Will Herondale. Clary could not speak as leaned against the kitchen wall, watching as the two argued

"Who the hell are you" Will asked as continued holding Tessa over her shoulder

"I've told you I work for Dr. Stephen Herondale"

"Nope, Dr. Herondale doesn't bring business home"

"You ASS put me down; I'm caring for his patient, here in the house"

"Now I know your lying, he isn't the type to bring patients home"

"This one he did put me down"

"Who's the patient?"

"I'm not telling you"

"If you want down, you will"

"UGH, fine Clary Fray"

Clary watched as Will quickly put Tessa down; the look on his face was complete shock

"Where is she, take me to her now" Will demanded as grabbed Tessa's shoulders

"Will" Clary cried out, sounding more like a whisper

Suddenly Will and Tessa froze as they turned to face her

Clary tried to smile but her energy began fading fast as her body began to fall from under her, she could hear Will's voice cry her name before the darkness overcame her.


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