Chapter 19 Beautiful
A few days passed by in a relaxed and content manner. They had been outside a couple of times, even went to the beach one day. It had been a sunny but chilled day and wrapped up in warm clothes they walked hand in hand along the shore. The blonde was slightly overwhelmed at the sight of the big, never ending ocean. It felt natural for both of them to hold hands and without thinking anything of it, it had happened so smoothly, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
They were now cuddled up on the sofa watching a romantic comedy and eating popcorn. Christina was flying around the apartment packing an overnight bag so she could spend the night at Owen's. "Where is my fucking bra, Callie?"
The brunette raised her eyebrows. "Probably where you tossed it last. Did you check your fan in the ceiling in your room?"
Christina looked at Callie like he had just come up with the most brilliant idea and ran into her room. Callie turned towards Arizona and said, "In about eight seconds she is gonna cream at the top of her lungs that she found it." She started to count down the seconds on each finger and just before reaching the eighth didgit Yang roared.
Arizona giggled. "How long have you two lived together?"
Callie tossed a few more popcorn into her mouth and thought for abfew seconds. "Um... almost two years now. Our friends at the hospital says we're like a married couple sometimes. Not many people like or understand Christina... or maybe I should say Christina's humour. Its a bit dark and twisted just like Meredith, her best friend, but we get on pretty well."
Christina walked in, her bra in her hand then shoved it into a side pocket of her bag. "Well, good night dykes, see you tomorrow." Yang opened the front door but stopped and turned around. "I do not want any bodily fluids on my couch. You can get it on in your bedroom but not on my couch. I paid for it."
Callie didnt have time to answer or throw a smart coment back before Christina slammed the door shut. Looking over at Arizona she saw a blush creeping over her face and Callie couldnt help but laugh. "Dont worry, her bark is worse than her bite. And by the way, I paid for this couch, she was just too drunk that time to remember." The Latina turned her attention back to the movie but felt Arizona looking at her from the corner of her eye.
Looking over at the blonde she was still amused to see her still blushing. "What?"
"Are you gay, Callie?"
The question came as a bit of a shock but the brunette swallowed her baffeled expression and thought for a while. "I think your sexuallity is a fluid thing, you know? Gay or straight, who cares. I believe that you fall in love with their personality, not their sex. Does that answer your question?"
Arizona bit her inner cheek, thinking about what Callie had just said. "I think so... I kind of feel and think the same way. I mean, it shouldnt matter who it is, right? As long as you're happy." The last part was said in a whisper and blue eyes turned distant and dull.
Callie placed two fingers underneath Arizona's chin, bringing her head up so she could see her face properly. "Hey, whats that look on your face, sweetie? You okay?"
Slowly nodding her head, the blonde answered, "Yeah, I'm fine." Callie wasnt convinced and continued to keep their eyes locked until Arizona spoke again. "Its just..." She sighed in defeat. "Its just that..." Frustrated she rubbed her hands over her face, not knowing what to say or how to say it.
"Arizona, you can tell me, honey. I just want to help you." Callie pleaded.
Finally the blonde made eye contact again and spoke up, "Do you think I'll ever be truly happy again, Callie?"
A protective arm gently brought Arizona close and gave her a warm squeeze. "Of course I do, sweetie. I want to see you happy and I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you achieve that. I do truly believe that you will be happy, not just in general, but also in yourself, in what you do and with the people around you."
The blonde turned her head and looked at Callie to see if she was telling the truth. They were so close to each other, only inches apart, breaths mingling and minds buzzing. A lot of different emotions played on Arizona's face and it was difficult for Callie to identify any of them. When she felt warm soft lips on her own, her eyes fluttered shut, letting Arizona take the lead.
It felt different this time. The kiss was more heated and filled with want and need, almost a bit desperate Callie thought, but let Arizona set the pace. A few minutes passed and their lips were still locked together when Callie felt herself being straddled by a very excited and eager blonde. When the brunette felt her breasts being squeezed she couldnt help but moan and push herself further into the touch but quickly pulled away after only a second.
"Hey, whoa! Easy." Looking into blue eyes that had darkened in the heat of passion, Callie fought to catch her breath. Arizona licked full lips and sat down in Callie's lap.
"Im sorry, I thought you wanted to I... I just... I..." She stuttered.
Callie placed her hands on Arizona's flushed face, cupping her cheeks. "Its okay, I do want to but I need to know that you want the same thing too. Im not going to take advantage of you, Arizona. I like you a lot... like, A LOT but I need to know that you're comfortable with this and that this is what you really want." Soft hands caressed the smaller woman's face and upper arms, trying to reassure Arizona that she had only pulled away out of concern for the right reasons.
Arizona looked flustered and a bit confused. She was not use to people wanting to know what she wanted, what she needed and what she thought, it was always about the other person's needs and wants. Looking at the concern and compassion on Callie's face brought tears to her eyes and she wanted to run and hide. "Im sorry, Callie. I just... I really want this. Ive never felt like this before and I just... I... need to feel... I need... I need to..."
"Its okay." Callie interrupted. "Take a breath, calm down a bit and tell me what you need, okay? Tell me what you need, sweetie." The latina could see how frustrated Arizona was and how she struggled to say something but didnt know how to say it.
The blonde took a couple of deep breaths and dried her tears. "I... I need... I need you, Callie. I need you." She burried her face in the crook of Callie's neck and sniffled. "I need you so badly and it scares me." She mumbled. Her lips were touching tanned skin as she spoke which caused the brunette to shiver slightly and a deep groan slipped through her throat.
Callie tightened her hold around the small frame and began rubbing her back in soothing circles. "Why are you scared? What do you think will happen?"
Sobbing slightly, Arizona thought about her feelings and insecurities but she couldnt straighten them out. She shrugged her shoulders. "I... I dont know, I..."
"Well, what do you want to happen?"
Once again she shrugged. "I dont know..."
Callie cut her off. "I think you do know but you're scared to tell me or you dont know how to tell me. Whatever it is, Arizona we can get through it together. Im not gonna think any less of you, judge you or look at you in a different way. Its just me and I want to help." Callie wanted to look at Arizona, to read her facial expressions and emotions. Pulling away from the blonde Callie forced their eyes together. "Tell me, honey."
Silent tears rolled down Arizona's dimpled cheeks. She gathered enough courage to finally speak up. "Im... Im scared of what I'm feeling... or maybe I'm just scared of how strong my feelings are, I dont know." Callie wiped a couple of tears away with the pads of her thumbs. "All I know is that I really like you and I want to be with you but I'm afraid that once we start something, if we start something, that I cant finish or see it through or that you will change your mind once you see..." Arizona realized that she was talking too fast, almost frantic and had to stop herself.
Callie raised her eyebrows in confusion, not really knowing what Arizona was refering to until she saw the embarrassed flushed look on the blonde's face. Then it dawned on her. Arizona was talking about sex, about being physically intimate with each other. Her heart went out to the woman sitting on her lap after hearing her confess her fears. Callie wanted her to keep talking and not close up again so she decided to gently push. "Change my mind if I see what?" She took a hold of Arizona's shaking hands and intertwined their fingers. "You can tell me, sweetie." She whispered encouraging.
Arizona swallowed. "I... I have scars... on my body from... him and they're... ugly... I am ugly." She broke down, her whole body heaving with sobs. "Im so ugly." She managed to say.
Callie struggled with her own tears but she had to be strong for Arizona. Again, the latina gathered the upset blonde in her arms, stood up and carried her towards her own bedroom. "Oh, baby girl." She said softly into a nearby ear. Placing them both on the bed up against the headboard, Callie continued to reassure. "You are beautiful, sweetheart, inside and out. I dont care about your scars. They are a part of you and they are not ugly. Nothing about you is ugly, Arizona. Nothing, and as far as being intimate with each other goes, there is nothing to worry about. We'll go at your pace and you can stop anytime you want, just say the word." She brushed at the steady flow of tears but new ones kept coming.
"Shhh, baby. You have nothing to worry about. Your scars are not going to scare me away, I promise. You are beautiful."
"How do you know? You havent seen them. What if you..." Arizona couldnt finish because of her hiccups. It was a struggle to even breath, not to mention talk.
Kissing the blonde's forehead Callie whispered, "Then show me." The body in her arms went rigid from the latinas request but Arizona made no effort to pull away or run. Sitting them both up on the bed, Callie slowly began to peel off Arizona's jumper, finding a tight t-shirt underneath. When the blonde still didnt attempt to pull away, Callie slipped her hand down to unbotton Arizona's dark blue jeans.
The brunette was so gentle in her touches and her eyes never left the blonde's, afraid that once the eye contact was gone, Arizona would start to panic. Ones the jeans were off Callie decided to change her approach by taking off her own top, leaving her in a black laze bra.
Arizona's t-shirt was next. Callie peeled it off so slowly so the blonde had time to change her mind or stop her from doing something she wasnt comfortable with but Arizona didnt object. When the blonde's clothes were laying in a pile on the floor, Callie was now looking at a white bra with matching underwear. Finally, the surgeon broke the eye contact and let her gaze wander over Arizona's lean body.
Starting by her shoulder area she could make out faint marks on Arizona's chest and abdomen. Some of them were round in their shape and others were long and narrow. A few stood out from the surface of her skin but none of them seemed big enough to cause Arizona obvious discomfort. Slowly Callie leaned closer and gently caressed a marked collarbone, feeling Arizona shiver at the contact. The brunette let her eyes wander further south and was met by faint scratches and marks on Arizona's inner thighs. She instantly knew how they got there and it made Callie feel nauseous just to think about what this woman had endured in captivity for so long. Her calfs were showing signs of small indentations on the skin. They were almost perfectly round in shape, like the ones on her chest but smaller, and Callie knew right away that they must have been caused by cigarette buds.
The brunette caressed her way up Arizona's body, avoiding the most intimate areas, and stopped to kiss a pair of plump lips before she got behind the blonde. What she saw made her want to scream and cry. On Arizona's back were numerous large marred scars, starting at her upper back and trailing downwards all the way to her lower back finishing by the dimples at the end of her spine. To Callie they looked like they were made by a whip, tearing her skin open and healed inaccurate due to no medical care and Callie could tell that these wounds would have required stitches.
Callie traced a long scar with gentle fingers, tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about the pain these wounds must have left Arizona in. Not wanting to make the blonde too uncomfortable, by staying behind her back for too long, Callie kissed her way around pale shoulders and chest until she was once again face to face with the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on.
She wiped away Arizona's tears as well as her own before bringing their upper bodies together in a loving embrace, feeling the contact of each others skin.
The blonde couldnt help but to gasp as she felt her damaged cold skin making contact with Callie's smooth and warm half naked body. A sense of calm and peace swept over her as Callie kissed her neck, stroked her blonde tresses and whispered, "You are beautiful, Arizona. So, so beautiful."