invisible scars

Chapter 7 trusting

Chapter 7

Trying

Dr Torres became aware of something annoyingly nudging her shoulder. Muttering something non understandable, she tried to shrug it off. The nudging became more insistent and then a pinch followed. Before she had time to open her mouth, and splurge out any profanities, a hand was placed firmly over it. Looking up she saw Dr Miranda Bailey glaring down at her, eyebrows raised and chewing on the inside of her cheek. This was the look the chief resident always portrayed when she was not happy, and now, Callie could tell that Dr Bailey was indeed not happy. Pissed would be a more appropriate adjective in this situation.

"Torres, outside NOW!" I sounded more like a growl than a command.

Callie watched as the short and stubby woman walked off before she carefully lipped out of Arizona's grasp. Making sure that the blonde was comfortable and still asleep she took a deep breath. "Oh, boy!" She silently muttered and walked towards the feared and ruthless chief that people behind her back also called the Nazi.

"Care to explain why I found you, on your day off, in the same bed as your patient? Have you lost your god damned mind, Torres?" Bailey crossed her arms over her chest making her look more intimidating.

Callie knew that Miranda was more or less harmless and that she always put on a tough exterior to scare and threaten her interns, so she wasn't too worried but still, you shouldn't play with fire.

Callie raised her hands. "I know what that must have looked like and I would probably think what you're thinking at the moment, or at lease I think that I would think what you're thinking, but what you're thinking is not what you should be thinking cause it's not what it looked like and I..."

"TORRES!"

Even though she knew Miranda pretty well she was still nervous and flustered. She didn't like to get on anybody's bad side. Callie stopped rambling and shoved her hands into the pockets of her now wrinkled white coat.

"Stop talking before you don't even understand you, yourself. She is your patient and I know you've been single for a long time and... Well I don't know how long it's been since you've... Since... You know..." Bailey's eyes travelled down to Callie's neither regions. The Latina's eyebrows shot up in surprise and shock. "Anyway, that doesn't give you the right to crawl into the nearest cute blonde's bed cause you can't control your bodily functions and hormones."

Again, Callie raised her hands in defence. "Wow!" The brunette nervously chuckled. "I am in total control of my... Bodily... Functions, besides it's not what it looked like. She had a rough night and was having nightmares and woke up in pain. I was trying to calm her down so she wouldn't hurt her leg, that's all." She paused and a guilty expression crept upon her face. "I guess I fell asleep."

Bailey was still standing right in front of Callie with her lips pursed. "So, you decide to jump into be with a total stranger just to calm her down?"

Callie frowned and bit her bottom lip. "Yes, I... I know but... I... Well... When you put it that way, it sounds totally inappropriate and wrong on so many levels. I'm... I'm sorry, Dr Bailey. It won't happen again."

After eyeing the orthopaedic surgeon from top to toe, Miranda knew she was telling the truth. "I know it won't. Listen..." the short woman took a step closer to Callie and spoke in a more gently tone, "I know her story. Kepner told me because I'm the chief and it's hospital policy that I'm being informed about situations like this. You should have told me, yourself Torres. I know that tis case is extremely delicate and has to be treated and handled with ultimate discretion."

Callie sighed and lowered her head in defeat. "I know, I'm sorry. I should have told you." Looking up she continued, "but I really didn't mean to fall asleep. I guess I was just exhausted and zoned out." The brunette got a distant look on her face. "I feel really sorry for her, Bailey. She has nobody. No family, no friends and nowhere to go. What's going to happen to her when she is discharged?"

Bailey signed. "A shelter probably." Callie just shook her head. "I know it sucks, Torres but it's reality. She can't live in the hospital and you know that." Miranda put a hand on the Latinas shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Go home Torres. You look like carp."

"Mer, I'm dying to tell you." Christina Yang sat in the cafeteria with her best friend, arms on the table and face down. To Yang a secret was a burden, especially a big one like this.

Meredith chewed on a couple of fries. "Christina, try to think about something else. If I told you a secret that I didn't want anyone to know, would you tell anybody my secret?" She was hoping her friend would say no.

Yang thought about it for a moment and straightened up. "It depends. If it was a matter of life and death then yeah, I probably would."

Now it was Dr Grey's turn to think before she finally answered. "Good enough answer."

Christina's pager suddenly went off. It was a 911 down in the pit. "Oh, emergency. This better be bloody and disgusting, I need something to keep my mind off this... Thing I can't tell you about. Or even better, I hope it's a massive heart attack. My favourite." She snatched a handful of fries before she left. "Later!"

Callie was laying in her bed, hair damp from her shower. Her days off were usually spent relaxing and catching up on sleep due to her hectic schedule but she found herself not being able to get her mind off the pretty blonde. Groaning, she turned over once again, hoping she would find a more comfortable position. No such luck. As soon as she closed her eyes she pictured Arizona's clear complection and pale blue sad eyes. It was pulling at her heart and mind not being able to help the woman more than she already was but she had no idea how to go about it.

Sha glanced at the clock, standing on the bed side locker. 12.53 p.m. It was in the middle of the day and usually she wouldn't feel bad about spending a day off in bed but today it felt so wrong and not even an option. Frustrated, she rolled out of bed and pulls on a pair of jeans and a top. She had made up her mind. She was going to see Arizona, as a visitor not a doctor. All she had to do was to try and stay clear from Dr Bailey.

Callie entered Arizona's room, a grocery bag in hand, only to find it occupied by somebody else. An older woman was laying on the bed being kept alive by a ventilator. Callie shook her head in confusion, turned around and headed straight to the nurses station. "Excuse me, where is Ari... Eh I mean, where is Jane Doe, the pretty blonde?"

"Oh, she was moved a couple of hours ago. A man came to see her and she went totally ballistic and demanded to be moved to another room."

Torres felt her heart stop only to resume in double speed. "Where? which room? What happened to the man, where did he go?"

The nurse gave her a stunned look. "Eh, he disappeared quite quickly after she started shouting. I...I think he said he was an uncle or something. She was moved to ward 3 A room 365."

The Latina glanced down at the nametag and memorized the nurse's name. Sadie Cotter. "Why didn't anyone inform me? I'm her doctor, damn it! Everything that involves her are suppose to go through me, any changes in her health or her treatment." Callie shouted and saw several other nurses pause what they were doing to study her from a distance.

Sadie looked like she was about to burst into tears any second. "I'm sorry... It... It all happened so fast and I... I didn't know... and..."

Callie stopped her by putting a hand up. "I don't care, just make sure it doesn't happen again." Her long legs quickly carried her down the corridor straight to Arizona.

She was greeted with a tear stained face, flushed cheeks and a very confused looking intern she has never seen before. He was obviously trying to calm the hysterical woman. Callie walked straight in and put the bag down on the visitor chair. She looked over at the intern and gestured him to give them some privacy. He looked relieved as he almost ran out the room.

Arizona was trying to control her breathing as Callie carefully sat down on the bed next to her and placed a soft warm hand on a damp cheek. "It's okay, I heard what happened." She lowered her head so she could look straight into the blue eyes. "Did you recognize the man?"

Arizona frantically shook her head. "N... No. I heard him say he was my uncle but I don't have an uncle. I... I panicked and I... I... Just didn't know what to do and I was afraid that... that he was gonna find me and... And that he would take me back and..."

Callie scooted a bit closer and brushed a few stray hair away from her forehead. "Okay, it's okay now. No one is gonna hurt you, okay?" She searched the teary eyes, looking for something, maybe trust. "Okay?" She repeated. The blonde finally answered with a gentle nod.

Realizing that her hand was still resting on Arizona's cheek, she reluctantly removed it and instantly missed the physical contact. Instead she took two trembling hands into her own and held them firmly. "I know that you are scared and that you don't want a stranger hanging outside your door but, sweetie, I think it's time to place a protective detail on you." She felt Arizona starting to pull away but Callie was stronger. "No, I'm not going to let go. I need you to listen to me and trust me." Her tone went from slightly harsh to soothing as she unconsciously started to brush her thumb over Arizona's knuckles. "I can get you a couple of female officers to cover the day and night shifts. I know you don't want this but I think it's for the best. Its to keep you safe and secure. I am almost positive that that man is going to try to find you again. I need you to trust me on this. Do you think you can do that?"

Arizona looked up into calming brown eyes and saw genuine concern. Trusting would be difficult, she knew that, but Callie had done nothing but support and help her since she was admitted and that must mean something, right? She bit her lower lip, dipped her head and closed her eyes causing a few tears to slip. Arizona finally noddded. "I'll try. I promise, I'll try."

A large elegant hand reached out and gently wiped them away. "That's good enough for me. That's all I can ask of you."

The blond felt herself calm down. Her breathing was back to normal and the shaking had decreased. Callie felt like she had achieved something here. She had gained a bit of Arizona's trust and that felt amazing. She felt somewhat honoured and proud. Finally, Callie let go of her hands and reached over to grab the grocery bag. Smiling, she opened it. "I got you some chicken and vegetable soup with brown bread. I know from personal experience that hospital food is not the greatest and I know you haven't been eating well. I thought soup would go down easily. It's from the deli across the street. It's really good." Callie handed her a large take away cup, a plastic spoon and two slices of bread with butter. Again, she fished around in the bag. "I also got you some doughnuts for dessert." Callie gave her a wink as she place the box on the bed side table.

Arizona just stared at the tanned face in front of her, not knowing what to do, think, say or feel. The aroma coming from the paper cup filled her nostrils and made her stomach growl. She felt her face going slightly red with embarrassment. "Why are you doing this? Why are you being so nice to me? I don't even know you and here you are bringing me food and dessert. Why? What do you want from me?"

The Latina thought about how to say what she wanted to say, in a way that Arizona would understand. Brown eyes met blue. "I am doing this because, first of all, I'm your doctor and it's my responsibility to make sure you are comfortable and safe but that's not all." Great, how do I say this without sounding like a real idiot? "I know that you don't have your family around anymore and I also know that you have no friends. No one, and I mean no one, can go through what you've gone through, undergoing a numerous amount of surgeries and upcoming physical therapy without someone by their side. I know you don't trust me and, to be honest, trust is something people have to earn. I haven't done anything to show you that you can trust me. I know it will probably take a lot of time and effort but that's fine. All I'm asking is that you will trust me enough to try and make things better from here. To help you get back on your feet and whatever else you might need help with. Can you do that for me, Arizona? Can you trust me enough to help you?"

The blonde felt a calm wash over her and for the first time in years she didn't feel scared, worthless or alone. She didn't know how long the feeling was going to stay but she made sure she would treasure it the few minutes it might last. She felt her body finally relax fully as she scanned Callie's face for any signs that she might not be telling the truth but all she could see was pure concern, warmth and comfort. Taking a deep breath she nodded and managed a small smile. "I'll try."

Callie was happy with that answer. She swore that she was going to gain this woman's trust no matter how hard it was going to be. Trusting someone isn't easy. Its like putting your life, or a part of it, into someone else's hands and allowing them to get a glimpse of your most vulnerable parts and exposing your weaknesses. Trusting, is something that has to come willingly and natural, not forced. Trusting someone for the first time can be incredible frightening, but Callie was going to make sure that this was all going to work out just fine. She had to trust herself to believe it.

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