This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
Zim stared at the math paper in front of him, attempting to solve that day’s assignment. Normally calculating was easy for him, but he just had trouble recognizing the human math symbols. He was pretty sure that the dash meant subtraction. Or was it division? By now he was able to read human language, except for the numbers and symbols. He looked around at the other students. As he did so, he started cooking up ideas about how to destroy the Earth- again. He thought maybe he could try to turn all of the humans into gophers! Nah. Or maybe even drain the planet’s water supply! Nah. None of it seemed very fun to him since he had been at it for six years in a row without any success. It was all one big cycle. Zim tries to destroy mankind, Dib stops him, and Zim comes up with another plan, blah blah blah. But almost of the humans were complete idiots so it was like the planet was BEGGING to be destroyed.
He turned his attention back to the paper as he remembered what the dash was for. He wrote the down the answer and leaned back in the chair, letting out a sigh of exasperation. Only 4 more problems to go. He looked at the next one. He had trouble with it because he always mixed up the multiplication and addition symbols (they were both the same basic shape just at different angles, so he got confused). Then the bell FINALLY rang after what seemed like a million years. Thankfully that was the last class of the day.
Just as Zim stepped out of the Hi Skool, he felt something explode against the back of his head, knocking him down the down the stairs. Something cold and wet covered him and almost instantly he began to burn. As he screamed in agony, Dib stood over him, laughing. Zim hissed at him and stood up, steam rolling off of his body. Just then the bus pulled up, giving Zim an opportunity to escape from this Hellish situation. Zim had started taking the bus since he was now too large for GIR to carry (whenever GIR tried anymore, he just fell to the ground and flailed helplessly). He hated the bus, but riding it was a necessary evil. It was full of humans, it was noisy, and the inside always smelled like pigs. He stepped inside the bus and sat down at the back seat, eager to sit as far away from the human wormbabies as possible. As the bus began to drive, Zim pressed a button on his PAK, and a screen came out of it. It showed static for a moment, then Zim spoke. “GIR!” Instantly GIR’s face popped up on the screen, replacing the static. “Yeeeeees?”
“By the time I get back I want the Voot Cruiser ready for take off. Understand?” GIR finished drinking out of his juice box, apparently not paying attention- as usual.
“What wuzzat mastah?” Zim facepalmed.
“Get the Voot Cruiser ready so I can ride in it. Now.”
“Yes my lord!” The screen went black and went back into his PAK. Soon the bus stopped at his house with a screeching halt, thank Irk. Zim ran out and by the time he got inside he slammed the door and collapsed on the couch, exhausted. It had been an extremely long and tiring day. He had been beaten up by Torque three times, he had to endure the horrors of the cafeteria food, and to top it all off- the water balloon at the end. He could still feel the back of his head burning. He rubbed it in an attempt to stifle the pain, letting out a low hissing noise. He was going to make Dib pay. Somehow. He got up, stepped into the trash can across the room, and an elevator took him down to his base. Amazingly, there was the Voot Cruiser, ready for takeoff. GIR didn’t usually get this far with carrying out orders. Wait- where was GIR anyway? He opened up the Voot Cruiser’s hatch, and there was GIR, eating what looked like a cake. Zim climbed inside and shut the hatch, and he found himself quite cramped. As he sat down, he was forced to be hunched over, his antennae just barely brushing the roof of the cockpit due to his increased height. He tossed GIR out to make more room for himself, the idiotic robot making a clanging sound as they hit the floor. Within moments the roof of the house opened, and out came the Voot Cruiser, speeding toward Dib’s house.
He landed behind the house and stepped out of the ship, with a revenge plan forming in his eccentric mind. As if on cue, Dib stepped out of the back door and froze when he saw Zim. Zim ejected his PAK legs and aimed them at Dib. “You dare burn the mighty Zim?!”
“You’re STILL mad about that?! Come on it was just a water balloon! I’ve done a lot worse and NOW you complain?” Zim paused. Dib had a point.
“Maybe... NO! Silence! You are going to pay!” He started firing at Dib, the lasers catching some bushes and squirrels on fire. Dib dodged and ran into the house, locking the door. Zim somehow kicked open the door and ran after Dib, still shouting. “Come back here Dib-Worm!”
As soon as he caught up to Dib, Zim ejected a water balloon from his PAK and threw it at Dib’s head. “What the hell, Zim?! Hey- how did you get that water balloon in your pack thing anyhow?” Zim just cackled and ran out of the house, ignoring the question entirely.
When Zim got back to his base, he figured it was time to get a bigger ship. He couldn’t sit inside of the Voot Cruiser without ducking his head, and he was starting to get a crick in his neck from being hunched in there all the time. He went back down into his base, pushed a large, obvious button below a screen. He was calling the Tallest so he could ask for a new ship as a replacement for the Voot Cruiser. In just seconds, the image of the two appeared, both of them looking irritated. Red folded his arms while narrowing his eyes along with a scowl. “What is it now?! This is the fifth time you’ve called us this week!”
“My Tallest, my ship is no longer able to be driven by me because I appear to have outgrown it. I request a larger ship.”
“Outgrown it?” Red never noticed before, but Zim had grown quite a bit during his years on Earth. He was worried about just how tall Zim might be... this wasn’t good. If Zim was taller, there might be a risk of him taking over their positions whether he was a defect or not. Damn those Irken social standards... there was always some kind of loophole.
“Yes. I require a new ship.” Another thought occurred to Red. Since Zim looked like he might be a bit taller than he and Purple, he couldn’t risk Zim even getting a position higher than Invader. He had to do something to prevent Zim from coming and ruining everything again. Then he got an idea. Something to ensure that damn defect stayed put and never came back. He cleared his throat, ready to do what he felt was necessary. “Zim, do you remember when you showed up at the Great Assigning?”
“Yes my Tallest, I remember. Why?”
“And do you remember what we gave him, Purple?”
“Yeah! A sandwich!” Purple replied while shoving donuts down his gullet.
“Yes- wait- NO! A mission, stupid!” Red snapped at Purple before turning back to face Zim. “But that mission Zim, was fake.” Red said it casually and coolly, as if it was something that happened every day. He showed no regret. No sympathy. “But we also gave you a sandwich too”, Purple interrupted.
“Fake? Oh this is one of your jokes! I get it!”
“No it’s not a joke. We sent you there so you would be out of the way for Operation Impending Doom II. Not just that, but you’re also a nuisance to the empire. You nearly destroyed our planet three times, you killed Tallest Spork and Miyuki, and you completely ruined Operation Impending Doom I. And that S.I.R., isn’t advanced. Me and Purple pieced it together from the garbage.”
“B-but- I’m an invader-”
“No. You’re not. You’re classified as a food service drone.”
“This joke isn’t funny anymore.”
Red was getting impatient. “Don’t you understand?! We LIED to you. We lied so you would be out of our way and so that the Irken Armada wouldn’t have any more problems. We lied so our planet and empire would stay intact. We lied so we wouldn’t have to hear your annoying voice all the time. Get it through your tiny little brain that we lied and that you’re not an invader! You’re a defect!”
“Whoa Red take it easy-”
“Can it, Purple.”
They cut the transmission. Zim didn’t know what to think at first, dumbfounded and confused. Red’s harsh words eventually sank in, and he felt his eyes beginning to burn with hot tears. He put a hand to the side of his face, and his hand came off wet. He was crying now. Then the tears gradually turned to loud sobs. He cried out, angry depressed and confused. Zim bent over, clutching his head. How could they?! Sure Zim could be a bit (okay extremely) over zealous at times, but he never actually meant to do any of those things. The whole time he was just trying to impress the Tallest.
After that Zim went into a fit of depression, screaming and destroying everything in sight. He had been rejected by the Tallest... the only point of an Irken’s existence was to serve the Tallest and the empire, and those who didn’t fit the order had to be purged. “The Tallest were right to banish me...” He felt as if he had no purpose anymore, and just when he was going to rip out his PAK, he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. “Mastah? Why are you so sad?”
“I’m fine GIR leave me alone.”
“No you’re sad! Here’s a dance to cheer you up! Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo...” Zim actually found himself smiling. The dance actually was pretty amusing.
“Thanks GIR...” GIR squealed with delight and pounced on Zim, knocking Zim to the ground. “GIR! Get off of me!” GIR just laughed and continued to hug Zim. “GIR-”
“Awww you needs a big huuuuug!”
“Zim needs no hugs!”
“Okay!” He got off of him and went up to the house sat on the couch. Zim followed suit, sitting down next to his robotic servant. Zim shuddered as GIR put on the Scary Monkey Show. He hated that monkey.
At this point, he just didn’t know what to do. His whole mission was a lie. Everything he had done on Earth was in vain. He sure as hell didn’t want to go back to Foodcourtia though, and he wasn’t an invader either. The only thing he really had to look forward to was Hi Skool tomorrow... so he just leaned back, closed his eyes, and thought to himself "Tomorrow is another day..."
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