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Being Asexual is Okay

By Jupanuma



We were making out in my bed. Nico sitting on my lap, with his hands threaded through my hair while mine are around his neck, lips against each other, probably swollen, my tongue in Nico's mouth fighting for dominance. I slowly lower my boyfriend's body onto the bed, and hover over him, not breaking apart. We stay like this for a little bit longer, before I move my hand down his body. I feel a shudder or two are I move farther down, until my hands reach his hips. I leave them there for a bit, playing with the end of his shirt. Slowly, almost cautiously, I move my fingers under his black t-shirt.

We have never taken each other's cloths off, never gone further than making out really, only seen each other's skin when we go swimming or in the changing room for PE.

I move my hand to lay flat on Nico's stomach. I feel his muscles contract, while I move to nibble on my lover's neck. Little gasps fall out of his sweet lips. If that wasn't the hottest thing, then I don't know what is. I push his shirt father up with one hand, while the other goes to play with the edge of Nico's pants. I hear a squeak from him, and his hands moving from my hair to my arms. "Please." Nico whispers.

Thinking that's a 'go on' answer, I unbutton his pants, and pull the zipper down. I feel his hands tighten around my arms, and a pushing motion against them. I look up to see tears start to run down my boyfriend's face, as a sobbed "Please stop," rips through the room.

I remove my hands from his body and sit up. Nico quickly moves to the corner of the bed and wall, with his legs bent in front of him, eyes wide with not only tears but also fear. I want to go over to him and cuddle him, to tell him everything is okay, but I don't move. I was the cause of this, and didn't want to scare him more.

I bite my lip, and ball my fist into the blanket to keep them still. "I'm sorry." Is all I can say. I don't know what to do to make Nico feel safe again. He shacks his head, and I give him a questioning look. "It's … it's my fault. I thought … I thought that if it was you …" And he trails off.

"Nico?" I don't want him to go back into himself. It took years for us to get this far, and it would hurt a hell of a lot more if he locks himself up, then whatever is going on right now. "Please. Tell me what's wrong."

"I-I don't like being touched like that." It was barely audible, but once I figured out what Nico said, I sat there stunned. I get off the bed and turned around to face Nico again. My eye's hard. "Why didn't you tell me before!?" Just seeing Nico flinch and cower closer to the comer calms me down enough for me to sit down again. "I thought … I thought we were over keeping things to ours, Nico." I defat, and my shoulders sagged. "I really thought you opened up to me."

"I'm sorry Will. I thought if it was you, it would be okay, and I wouldn't have to say anything. But as soon as you touched me …" I look over to him, and saw that he really wanted it to be true. I sigh, before smiling a little. "It is okay. I'm not mad." I open my arms. "Can you come here?" I don't want to push anymore of Nico's bounders today.

I see him hesitate for a second, before throwing himself into my arms, hiding his face into my chest. I wrap an arm around his back, and move my hand in and out of his hair trying to calm my boyfriend down. I whisper sweet comforting words only meant for his ears.

I don't know how long it took before he finally calmed down, but I was in no hurry. He needed me to be here for him, and that's what I will do. Nico sits up, and wipes his eyes. "Sorry."

"Hey. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" It took me a while to figure out what he was asking me. "Yeah. I'm not going to push you into doing anything you don't want to do. It's okay being asexual, Nico."


"Not wanting to have sex."

"But what about your needs?"

"We can go down that road when we need to." Nico was quiet for a long time. I watch him bite his lip, as if debating if he should ask me something. I'm about to say he can tell me anything, when Nico opens his mouth and talks. "If you need to have sex with someone, you can look around." He wouldn't meet my eyes. I was shocked. I never expected Nico to say that.

"Nico –" He cuts me off.

"As long as I know who it is, I'm fine with you having sex with someone else. I can't stop your needs, but also I can't help you with them either. It's only fair to let you."

"Are you sure it's okay?"

Nico kisses my lips before say anything. "Yes Will. I'll see you after if it makes you feel any better."

"You know I still love you right?" Nico smiles brightly at that. "Yeah. I do."

"Alright then. I'll text you when Jake and I are done." I start to walk to the door, when Nico said one last thing. "Bye. I love you." I smile at how sincere Nico sounded.

"I love you too." I say as I left the apartment to head over to Jake's, and see if this causal sex thing will work.

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