Reaching You Again
Genre: Drama Romance | AU | Reincarnation
Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren
Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.
I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine.
Chapter 10 : Reaching You Again
Jean decided to stay for dinner after finding out that Mikasa had prepared sandwiches. His reasoning apparently was that Eren got Armin to stay over the night. She was practically furious when Jean was the one who brought them home, not because it was Jean, but because she hadn't prepared dinner for nearly that many.
"I'm hungry." Eren groaned, only to stop his whining when he received a death glare from Mikasa.
"It's your fault for bringing so many people without warning. Help me prepare these sandwiches! I will prepare the fries and salad!" She said, earning another grunt from Eren. Her brother did what she told while the guests snickered at him.
"Do you need some help?" Armin asked all of the sudden, he went back to his seat when Eren waved at him to stay where he was.
"It's alright, guests should just be quiet." Eren said, cutting the sandwiches without difficulties.
"Oh no, I forgot that we only got one tomato left." Mikasa slammed the refrigerator shut.
"It's okay, we'll just have what you have right now. No need to prepare so much for us." Jean stuttered as Mikasa gave another complaint. He felt bad for going to a friend's house uninvited.
"Well, considering you are the richest here, we'll feel bad about not preparing anything, Your Majesty." Eren rolled his eyes, letting out a sarcastic joke. Mikasa and Armin groaned inwardly.
"Eren, if you pick another fight I'm sure this knife will fly towards your direction in any second." Mikasa lifted it up in the air, making Eren swallowed nervously. He went back to the task at hands, putting the sandwiches on the empty plates in neat order. Jean chose to ignore Eren's sarcasm, afraid that the knife would change its direction towards him as well.
"Okay, only the fries left." Eren said after a few minutes, putting each plate on top of the table.
"Eren, can you check the fries? I think it's about time. I need to clean some bowls for the salad." Eren nodded and walked towards the stove and turned it off. The two friends watched them in stillness, slightly feeling out of place. Jean grunted at the sight in front of him.
"Dammit, They'd look like a wedded couple if it wasn't for the fact that they're siblings. But then again, they're not real siblings." Jean muttered, making Armin chuckle at him.
"Eren got his heart taken though." Armin muttered back to Jean. The taller guy lifted his eyebrow at the statement, changing his gaze towards Armin.
"Are you sure about that? I mean the way he acted today, it was like he was being dumped or something." Armin gave a nervous laugh, he knew the cause, but some things were better left unsaid to Jean. He knew how the boy couldn't stay calm towards other people's problems. It was actually not a bad thing, but some people might find it a bit disturbing.
"Let's see where this will lead to." The blond said, watching as Eren scooped the fries up to the plate. They were going to have a very nice and chattery dinner, he couldn't help but to get excited. Armin was glad that Eren's mind could be taken off from the previous event. He needed some time off from his problems.
"I'm still amazed by the fact that you brought your limo here. Is… that even yours?" Armin tried to make him talk. Jean cleared his throat at the query and shifted in his seat before answering.
"Well, that's not really mine, it's Dad's. I just… everyday, I called home to pick me up and stuff. That's why I usually went home pretty late, trying to avoid the other students seeing me like that. But hey, I insisted on walking up to school only from a few kilometers away." He said, full of pride. Eren grimaced when he heard him.
"You sure it's alright to make your driver wait here?" Armin pressed.
"It's alright. I decided to bring you guys home after all… Just… wanted to show some apology for my behavior, I guess?" He looked at Eren who had his arms crossed while staring at him.
"Are you saying that you felt guilty of your rude behavior and decided to apologize to me with bringing a limo? I think if you decided on that, you should treat us something instead of making Mikasa cook. Unless you only want to taste her cooking, but home-made sandwiches? Seriously, Jean. Marco will cry." Jean was now spluttering while Armin tried so hard not to laugh too loud while Mikasa snorted on the corner of the kitchen. She was halfway putting the salad inside two bowls and was ready for the finishing touch with the sauce.
"That's not what I meant, idiot!" Jean slammed his fist on top of the table, blushing furiously. Rolling his eyes, the brunet placed the fries on top of the sandwiches, measuring the amounts to be the same on each plate. Eren stuck out his tongue at the tallest boy.
"You must be having your life pretty neat and easy everywhere, Mr. Horse-face." Jean sighed and hesitantly rubbing the back of his neck.
"Let's not talk about it…" Eren raised an eyebrow when the taller boy ignored his name calling. Was he trying to be courteous?
"You should be happy." He muttered and dragged the chair to take a seat. One of the reasons why he disliked Jean was because he was pretty rich and had his life easy. He wasn't sure if the boy had ever encountered a harsh life before, but he didn't have any reason to hate the boy. Maybe he was annoyed by that fact since he couldn't even earn his own car anymore now. The only car they got was his father's to use when he went out of town for work. The only thing that's important now was that they had enough income to pay for school and their living. Even if the money their father send each month was enough when piled up to at least got one more car for them to use, Grisha had warned them to not to stop school no matter how hard their life was. Mikasa had taken charge of the money for their school and their living such as food and other things much better spend. For now, it was enough, besides, the school they were in right now was not that far from home. Thinking that he shouldn't let that kind of thoughts bothered him, Eren shoved the thoughts away.
The dinner took place in the most havoc as ever, especially with Jean and Eren sat while facing each other with Mikasa and Armin tried to hold their killing intention on the two of them. They had no idea why both boys could never able to hold a few seconds without mockery and sarcastic remarks here and there. Armin and Mikasa couldn't be more than glad when Jean finally decided to go home. After the 'horse-face' as to what Eren liked to call Jean left, Eren dragged Armin up to his room to talk about the event that happened a few hours ago.
It was getting close to midnight by the time Eren brought his comforter up above his head while Armin crawled closer on the bed next to him. Both of them had the light off and excitedly climbed on the bed as soon as they got inside the room. The only light remained was from the small lamp on the windowsill that Eren put up, it was dim but enough for Armin to still read his book he had brought with him. The two made themselves comfortable against the pillow with their stomach on the bed, propping their bodies up to their elbows. Eren looked down curiously at the book Armin was holding.
"Reading before sleep as usual?" The question made Armin's lips curve up.
"I don't mind if you want to spill your frustration during my reading time. I can listen." The blonde said, meeting his blue eyes with Eren's emerald orbs. Eren gave a sigh and slammed his face against the pillow.
"I don't even know what to say about him." His voice muffled by the pillow but Armin gave a short nod.
"I want you to know that he was desperate on carrying you in his arms every time you fainted, Eren. It's two times already." Eren shot his head up, making Armin jolt at the sudden movement. Armin held his laughter when he saw how red his best friend's face was.
"He cared for you, Eren. I'm sure he lied to you about what happened in school a few hours ago. He wanted to protect you from any danger that had happened in the past after seeing you faint two times. I'm afraid it would trigger your worst past life nightmare. As far as I see, you suddenly remembered your childhood memory when you fainted, right? It was like seeing a dream that suddenly got real. I know I've said to him about the way you were desperate during your childhood, he probably thought it's better to make some distance and let you get your own life ahead of you without him. After all, when he left to France that time, he made it clear that he… didn't want to cause you any further danger."
Eren went silent, listening to Armin's words always helping. He was smarter than anybody when it was about the situations around him. He looked down to his pillow, sulking when he thought about Rivaille's words to him.
"I know he's lying, but… He could have said it in a different way." Armin chuckled at the complaint.
"This is Rivaille we are talking about after all."
"Why won't you try to talk to him again tomorrow?" Armin patted his shoulder, making Eren groane and roll to his side facing his best friend.
"I will. No, I must." He covered his eyes with his hand as he shifted on the bed to lie comfortably. Armin gave a small warm smile at Eren. He thought Eren had noticed his own feeling toward the man, the smaller boy was surprised on what Eren asked him next.
"Armin. Why am I so attached to him? I'm not talking about the past life, here." Armin stiffened when Eren's green eye gazed him questioning from between his fingers where he could see Armin's face turned crimson.
"Eren…" he paused for a moment while Eren gave him a clueless gaze, waiting for an answer.
"Find that out yourself." Armin quickly closed his book and turned his back to his best friend when the brunet threw him a disappointed look. He was glad that Eren decided to drop the subject and turned the dim light off.
Grisha dropped his bag when he heard the news about his son from Mikasa as soon as he arrived on their doorstep. He quickly ran upstairs to his room, knocking the door several times with a pounding heartbeat in his chest. The door opened with Eren looking up at him, frowning. His eyes lightened up when he saw his father before the door.
"Dad? You are early, I thought you wouldn't be home until tomorrow?" Eren looked back to where Armin had sat up on the bed when Eren opened the door. Grisha noticed his friend and he gave a small nod, acknowledging his presence.
"I heard what happened from Mikasa." He stated, staring down at Eren who threw him an astonished look.
"I see… I'm fine now, though." He gave his father a reassuring smile as not to make him worried. Grisha put his hand on his son's shoulder.
"What did you remember?" he whispered, pulling his son closer to him in a warm hug after he saw the look on his son. Eren shook his head.
"Nothing much, just a childhood memory and a few dreams and nightmares" Grisha gave a nod knowingly.
"Dr. Jaeger, maybe you should show Eren his medical record book." Armin said, having stood before the two of them with a firm look on his face. Grisha gave another nod, agreeing to the blond immediately. Eren's brows furrowed when he heard about the book.
"What have you been keeping secret from me?" His brow furrowed at the two before Grisha mentioned Eren to follow him downstairs. Eren gave him a quizzical look until Armin patted his back..
"Follow him and you'll understand." Armin pushed Eren out of his room and led him downstairs following Grisha.
When they were downstairs, Eren was surprised once he saw Mikasa standing before his father's opened room, fully inviting him to come inside. He timidly looked inside, scanning the surroundings, feeling slightly relieved that he didn't find anything weird in the room like he had expected. Armin pushed him inside just in time when Grisha turned around from his work desk. Eren took the book that his father showed him, his eyes examined the cover of the book. He hesitantly looked up to his father, unsure if he should open it.
"Read it. It's yours now." Grisha said. He told Eren to sit down on the bed with Mikasa and Armin each by his sides. Now that the three of them stared down at the book, Eren felt nervous. The book didn't look like anything special, it was an old book with so many scrapes on it. Not only that, from the edge of the paper, he could see some pages were torn apart. His fingers traced the side of the book, it wasn't very thick, but not very thin either. When he finally decided to open it, Eren found his old photo pasted on the page which he noticed he was seven when it was taken. He flipped the page and his mouth hung open when he saw a boy around the age of 15, staring right into the camera with Eren in his arms. His expression was stoic than ever, but the hint of happiness in his eyes was evident. As he looked closer, he saw a thin smile on the boy's lips with Eren circling his small arm around his neck. Eren's other hand form a peace sign while grinning widely at the camera. His eyes glistened when a flash image came into his mind. He remembered the boy's surprised look when he called out to him by his past life name.
"That's Rivaille." Armin said, pointing his forefinger to the boy with a smile at what time Eren's fingers lightly traced on the photo. Grisha sat on the chair in front of his desk, eyeing the three of them.
"Rivaille?" Armin nod at the inquiry of Eren's father.
"Levi, I mean. He changed his name to Rivaille."
"I see… I think it was written somewhere in there, that Rivaille name. It got some connection of his past life, I guess. No wonder." Grisha's lips curved up at the memory.
Eren flipped another page and he read the descriptions written on it. It was written about how he reacted towards a certain things, about his surroundings and about the way he communicated with people around him. Each was written hastily with some detail date and time, clearly a doctor's handwriting.
"How come I didn't know when I'm being examined thoroughly?" Eren pursed his lips and flipped another page to find Armin's photo with him clinging to the boy as if refusing to let him go. His green eyes flickered towards his father. Grisha spoke up when his son wanted some explanation.
"When you were little, you always complained on your nightmare. You told us something about a war, you were a soldier, and you fought the monsters called Titans everyday to help humankind. At first I thought you were just being a child with so many dreams, but lately I realized that you were even confusing your dream to reality. It was painful to watch when one day you woke up screaming. You said something about the Titan will crush our house and eat your mother. It was confusing to tell you that now you had a different life, that we live normally now. There's one day when you just wouldn't go out of the house because you were too scared to fight." Grisha paused for a moment to let the information sunk into his son's mind. Armin chuckled and spoke up.
"The time when you met me, you were crying, you were concerned about my well being after you passed away. I'm so shocked when I heard it and worried about your sanity. In the end we figured out that the people in your dreams were actually from the past life."
Eren remained silent while he listened to their stories, flipping the page and found the story about Armin written on the next page. As he continued flipping the pages, he saw Rivaille's photo. Under the photo, there was a small hand written. Eren traced the black ink with his fingers.
Rivaille Heichou. Eren hadn't realized he was saying quite loud, jerked his head up to his father when he gave another explanation.
"That boy, Rivaille, was the one you called out often. You kept calling him Rivaille Heichou. When I met Levi, he was not in a good condition with his family. I was worried he might do something he'd regret, so I had him come over to our house and had him spill everything during the visit. He told me about his past life memory and the reasons he was in Germany. His cousin brought him there along to take the boy's mind off the problems while he got work to do in the country. What surprised me the most was when he told me about you. He mentioned your name." Eren's eyes gleamed with hope when Grisha told him about the boy who was now his teacher.
"I think I remembered." He murmured. Grisha gave a smile and nod.
"You were too little to understand anything surrounding you. The time you saw him, you shouted at his title. You called out 'Rivaille Heichou' pretty loudly, surprising him." Eren felt a lump on his throat, making it harder to swallow.
"I did, didn't I?" He forced out his voice with a dry chuckle. He felt his eyes sting when his vision starting to get blurred by the tears. He bit his lower lip when he looked down, trying to forget the need to bawl like a baby.
"Dad, can I keep this book? I want to know everything I need to know." Eren asked, closing the book and hugged it closely to his chest. Even if it had been just the record of his medical treatment on how he react during the remnants of his past life, Eren felt the need to know every piece that he had lost. He wanted to know how he reacted towards the older man when he was still seven, he wanted to know more about the current Rivaille in this life as well. He was glad that Grisha gave another nod of approval.
"You can have it, read it for all you want. Just don't force yourself when it hurts too much." Eren gave a silent nod as a reply.
"Thank you." Armin and Mikasa looked at each other, both comforting their friend by putting their hands on his shoulders. In a time like that, Eren felt like he was the smallest of the three siblings. He was glad that he might at least get pieces of his childhood memories little by little. Now the only one left was to let Rivaille opening up to him.
His fingers unconsciously grip the edge of the book a little harder that it turned white.
Rivaille was confused he wasn't sure where he was heading. The boy around the age of seven pulling him into the dark forest, the boy sure knew where he was heading. Rivaille stopped when the boy stopped walking, his green eyes gleaming sadly at him when he turned around to look up to Rivaille. The oldest of the two slowly broke their hands away from each other. He wasn't sure what to say while he brought himself kneeling down before the boy, staring deep into his green eyes. He recognized those green orbs.
"Eren…" Rivaille stopped when the boy's lips curved up into a smirk. Much to Rivaille's dismay, Eren's clean smooth face suddenly covered with splotches of blood. He felt himself going rigid on his spot when Eren leaned closer to him, murmuring against his ear with full of amusement in his voice.
"Do you remember this place? Inside the forest, near the lake…" Rivaille's pupils trembled as the memory recalled him. He suddenly felt difficult to swallow the lump in his throat.
"The place where we both ended our life. No. Actually, the place where you ended my life." Eren laughed before his ear, which turned louder when Rivaille backed away. He couldn't look away from those green eyes which turned into darker red. Rivaille opened his mouth to shout, trying to shield his eyes when he saw blood trickling down Eren's forehead. He desperately screamed, trying to shield his vision before his eyes.
Rivaille gasped when he was awakened from his nightmare. He abruptly sat up on his bed, trying to forget about what his nightmare. Rivaille gave a shaky breath, clutching his shirt with a wince. Realizing that he was sweating hard, the man gave a grunt of discomfort.
"What the hell…" He muttered to himself, he brought his hand across his face. He needed to wake himself more with a cold water. He threw his blanket aside and quickly walked towards the bathroom. He didn't need another nightmare, he didn't want to remember that he was the cause of Eren's suffering. He needed to take the blame off from his shoulders. Ever since Rivaille got a nightmare, it was always ended up being blamed for the cause of Eren's death. Be it in the previous life, or in the current life. They were always the same, they were blaming him for what happened even if Eren didn't lose his life in the present…
Rivaille threw his clothes in the hamper filled with dirty clothes in a frustrating manner. He knew about it, he tried to atone it with entering the military, but even he couldn't deny the fact that even if he got hurt, even if he got shot or even if he was wounded badly, nothing he could do to repay what he had done. The man punched the nearest wall, gritting his teeth in annoyance.
"What am I supposed to do?! It's not like I haven't tried at all." Growling in full of frustration, Rivaille tried to compose himself from giving another fit of anger. After a few minutes calming himself down, he slowly walked into the shower and spray cold water on his head.
Rivaille eyes drifted to his desk, wondering if there's something he should bring to class today. His eyes scanned the intership reports he had finished the night before along with some other stuff that should be signed by his lecturer. Rivaille slowly picked up one of the papers he had finished. Pixis had made it clear to send the reports via email to him last night, but he hadn't finished the last paragraph of his thesis. The man frowned, considering the amount of work he should be doing within the end of the month. He flipped through his paperwork and found a small note at the very corner of his report.
'Continue the draft for first book' Rivaille quickly threw the papers down. He clutched his head when a sudden ache shot through his temple.
"Oh no. This… I shouldn't have started from the first place." He cursed himself before shoving the report into the desk drawer. He gathered his things and walked outside the room, ready for breakfast.
Irvin had the toast and eggs ready on the plates when he arrived in the kitchen. The taller guy looked up from the newspaper he was reading to see his cousin walked to the table with a frown on his face. He gave a soft sigh and shook his head before burying his face underneath the newspaper again. Rivaille scoffed at the guy's reaction after Irvin saw him coming.
"If you got any complain, let it out." He mumbled and took a seat across Irvin.
"I was just wondering about the frown on your face. It's only morning and you are already so hard on yourself." Irvin replied without lowering the newspaper. Rivaille immediately pressed his forefinger to the middle of his eyebrows as if trying to smoothen it.
"Well, I got a hard life ahead of me." Irvin looked up to him right after he said that, chuckling when Rivaille raised his brow puzzled.
"If you think your life is hard, it will be harder to walk on your path, Rivaille. Loosen up a bit." Irvin folded the newspaper in his hands neatly before he brought his chair closer to the desk, ready to eat his breakfast.
"I want to move back to France. Irvin, can you do something about my internship?" Irvin was taken back by the sudden request.
"Rivaille, you know you can't always run away from your problems. Even if you want to go back, you should at least finish your internship first. This is your last semester." Irvin was not happy when Rivaille glared at him. He raised his hand to stop another comment coming from his cousin.
"The answer is no." he said and picked up his knife and fork to start eating. He ignored Rivaille scowling before him while they eat.
"How's the report going? What about the draft of the book you are writing?" Rivaille's fork clattered on the plate at the question.
"Don't ask." Rivaille glowered at his breakfast meal. He didn't feel like continuing the book anymore now that everything had gotten out of hands. He wasn't even sure if he still wanted to put the characters in his dreams into his writing. Changing the plot was now impossible, especially when he still got so much list of the characters personality and plots to be given in this last month. Rivaille was frustrated.
'I don't even know if I can continue finishing the book with… Eren as one of the characters in the draft. Why do I even think of writing it…' Rivaile pressed his palm over his forehead, sighing slightly. He remembered last night event, he remembered his own words, he remembered the way Eren shouted his former name. Rivaille gritted his teeth.
"I've wounded him yet again."
The day had never been so long for both Eren and Rivaille. They waited impatiently for the end of the day with Rivaille hoping to avoid his student and Eren tried to pick some attention from the assistant teacher. Especially after Rivaille finished his lectures about writing an essay paragraph and dividing plots one each use during the class, Eren had raised his hand along with several other students for questions section. Rivaille had deliberately ignored him for a few times until the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Rivaille would never think about giving the boy detention at the very end of the day when Eren suddenly made a commotion. There the boy, stood right in front of Jean, looking terribly pissed over something.
"Jean, didn't you say you wanted to help me yesterday?" Eren suddenly asked in a husky whisper, eyes never leaving Rivaille when the man starting to gather his things. Jean who was busy shoveling his books into the bag lifted his eyes to him questioningly. He was surprised when Eren's hand suddenly yanked his collar in full force.
"Help me to get a detention." He smirked, giving him the signal. Jean hesitated for a moment before pushing Eren from him in full force, making the brunet tumble a few steps backwards, and fall to the cold hard floor after hitting the table behind him. That was enough to draw all eyes to them.
"Don't get me in trouble!" Jean shouted at the shorter boy, eyeing Rivaille warily when the man glowered at the two. Mikasa and Armin groaned tiredly when they saw the two of them; they should have known the tactic. The two best friends shook their head to Jean who threw them a panic look.
"Jaeger!" Rivaille's shout could be heard until outside the classroom. Those emerald eyes looked up at him for a moment before he scrambled back to his feet, patting a few dust off his pants nervously. It was true that he was aiming to get a detention, but when their eyes met, Rivaille looked scarier than ever.
"Detention like, right now. I was in a hurry for my reports to be done, you get yourself in so much trouble." Those raven eyes were glaring daggers at Eren who was now regretting his tactic. For the first time that day, it's Eren's turn to avert his eyes away. The teacher knew he did it on purpose on the commotion.
"What the hell do you want?!" Rivaille hissed right after all students left the classroom, he had Eren backed into the corner. The sunset light which on the back of the window made the brunet hair seemed glowing, Rivaille had to force himself not to stare at the soft tussled hair of his.
"I just wanted to talk." Their eyes hardened for a few minutes before Rivaille let out a groan. Eren let out the breath he had unconsciously been holding when he saw that Rivaille didn't attempt any harm.
"I thought I made it clear that-"
"No, don't lie to me. I knew you were lying last night, Levi." The press on the name made Rivaille flinched, his face contorted at the name.
"Don't call me that." Rivaille's snarled. Eren blinked at the command, he bit his lip.
"I just want to say that I remember my childhood."
"Yeah right, awesome. I don't care." Before he was able to leave, Eren tugged his hand in his into his.
"Wait, listen!" Eren stared at Rivaille's back, gulping at what he was about to say next. He just hoped that he wouldn't screw this up.
"Corporal. Rivaille Heichou." As soon as he let the words spill out, Rivaille abruptly turned around. Eren was shocked when he saw Rivaille's face look so pale. The next thing he knew, Rivaille had pushed him away like he was some kind of a bug that could spread disease just by a simple touch. Eren hit the window behind him, a soft surprised gasp came out when he accidentally knocked the back of his head against the glass pane.
"What are -" Eren stopped his sentence when he noticed the look on the man before him. The hand that had pushed him away trembling greatly while Rivaille took a few steps back. He couldn't believe on what he was seeing. Was it something he said?
"What did you just call me?" Rivaille asked in a very soft tone that Eren could barely hear.
"Am I not supposed to call you that? You have explained to me before that you were my superior…" Eren mumbled, unsure whether he should look directly into his black eyes which were gleaming in sorrow.
"Don't call me that anymore. I… I don't deserve it." Rivaille fingers curled into fists, his face distorted in a false smile, brow furrowed with so much regret. Eren stayed still, unsure of what he was supposed to say. Somehow, Rivaille's expression scared him a little. He thought when he remembered his memories, he could get closer to him. He thought the man would open up to him. He did not expect Rivaille to make more distance instead of running back towards his direction. His heart almost stopped when Rivaille shook his head and turned away from him.
"If you don't remember anything at all from the previous life, it's better that way, Eren. Don't force yourself to remember anything."
"I want to remember, even if it hurts me!" Eren chocked, voicing his own thought.
"You don't understand anything! It's better if you don't remember, Eren. At first I thought about telling you everything so we could be together. I noticed I'm being egoistic, I'm doing it for myself, never considered your own suffering. I was hurt when I lost you during the past life, you don't understand how painful it is to lose someone so dear to you." Rivaille pressed his palm on his forehead, feeling the air turn much hotter than before. Before he realized, he was sweating in fear of losing someone again.
"Please, don't raise your hands to reach me again. You deserve to be happy, Eren."
"Don't say things I don't understand! What happened that made you like this? What have I done to you? What did you do?! I need explanations!" Eren was now approaching his teacher, both of his hands were now pulling on Rivaille's shirt despite the fact Rivaille had told him to stay away.
"You haven't done anything! In fact, it's me who has done something!"
"But…" Rivaille shrugged the hands away when Eren insisted on pulling his shirt to make him stay. As he turned around to face him, Eren slowly let go, noticing the expression the man wore. He took a few steps back when Rivaille's face darkened.
"Fine, I will tell you… I will tell you what we are now, you insist." Eren gulped by the tone of his voice, his heartbeat getting louder on his chest while he waited for Rivaille to speak up.
"I'm your lover in the past life, but I had to kill you. I killed you with my own two hands." Eren's eyes met with the pierce look Rivaille threw to him. He slumped himself against the window with dry mouth slightly opened. Eren's face turned dreadful when the raven never left him until Rivaille blinked and took a deep breath. He heard the man exhaling shakily, taking in the fact that Eren went immobile to what he had said. He didn't want to think that he just spilled the truth about them being lovers. He hadn't intended to say it right away and hastily looked aside after feeling the need to punch the nearest wall. He couldn't believe he was that careless. Was he that desperate to make Eren became his again?
"Now that you knew about it, you can let go. Its my sin I have to atone and you better live a happy life in this world." The lecturer gave him one last sad look before he walked away, leaving the boy slumped against the wall with the truth. Eren might not know much regarding his identity, but it's better left unsaid before he made him go crazy with consuming too much nightmares.
He was about to open the door to the classroom when Eren finally spoke up.
"I dreamed about you." Rivaille stopped his fingers before the door knob, listening wordlessly. He heard footsteps coming closer to him but Rivaille didn't turn to face him.
"I felt so lifeless in that dream, but someone was crying before my eyes while cradling me in his arms. I don't know who it was. He leaned closer to me, kissing me on my forehead, cheek, and lips." Rivaille's eyes widened, he abruptly turned around to face Eren. He wore a pained expression on his face by the time the boy stood directly before him. His green eyes were gleaming with tears in full sadness.
"I remember calling the man 'Corporal'. When I called you that, you acknowledged it. Rivaille Heichou was what's written in my dad's medical record he showed me on last night. He knew it was time for me to at least read some details of my memory lost from his medical record he had on me and my past life. I… I felt the need to let you know that I've prepared myself for the worst that happened in the past life. The truth is not what I had expected. When I remembered the way you showered me with kisses in the dream, you were so tender. I don't know why you wanted me to think of you in a bad way, Rivaille." Rivaille felt his heart clench tightly when he heard the last sentence. Eren brushed away the tears on his cheek when he noticed his tear running down freely as he explained the dream. Rivaille wanted so much to brush the tears away, holding himself back was painful.
"Eren…" Eren's green eyes lightened up when he called him softly.
"Are you stupid? You should think of me in a bad way, because I'm a bad person. I don't deserve you at all and ended your life in misery…"
"Rivaille!" Eren started but Rivaille stoped him by raising his hand.
"We are different now." With that Rivaille opened the door leaving Eren alone in the classroom. Eren's cupped his mouth when the man vanished into the corner, he felt hurt by the rejection. Wasn't it Rivaille who was reaching up to him at first? Why couldn't he just be honest with himself? If he was going to be this difficult, he shouldn't have started telling the stories at all about the giants, freedom wings, and 3D maneuver gear. Eren refused to let another tear come out when he remembered the time they went out together.
'Armin, I think I know how I'm feeling towards Rivaille now.' He clutched his eyes shut.
I you want to see the strip based on this chp, the link is here, just remove the dot and space: