Overwhelming Emotions


Overwhelming Emotions

Genre: Drama Romance | AU | Reincarnation

Rating: M

Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren

Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine.

©AsakuraHannah Ffn

A/N: Italics are the past scenes. Once again, this is a fanfiction, anything that were to happen in the end of this chapter, is a fanfiction. (I said this because my beta, Dalasport asked me whether it's true nor not LOL)

Chapter 14 : Judgement

They had their dinner at the hospital's cafeteria before they drove home. Eren couldn't believe his ears the time his father offered his boyfriend to stay over the night in their house. He flinched when he caught the fierce look on Mikasa's face the time he looked to his side. They spend the night sharing about the period after Rivaille left Germany. It was almost 1 o'clock by the time Grisha finally let them have some sleep that Eren dragged his boyfriend upstairs to his room.

"No." Eren's eyebrow rose, looking behind him. He was in front of his room when Rivaille asked where he was supposed to sleep.

"Don't you have a guestroom?" He pointed at the room not far from Eren's. Eren shook his head.

"That's not a guestroom, it's mom's room. Dad won't let anyone sleep in that room since it's full of Mom's stuff. Actually my room is the guestroom. Ever since we hit puberty, I've needed to move out from Mikasa's room. Don't worry; you can sleep on my bed. I'll sleep on the floor." Before Rivaille could protest, Eren had pushed him inside the room.

"No... I didn't mean that." He let out an irritated sigh. Rivaille sat down on his boyfriend's bed, watching Eren smiling down to him.

"I'll take the futon from Mikasa's room."

"No, no. Eren... I can't let you sleep on the floor, I'm the guest here." Rivaille quickly pulled the boy close to him. Eren sniggered, turning around to hug him instead.

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to..." Eren paused, flushing as he tried to search for the right words. The look on Rivaille's face was obviously what got Eren to look away.

"Hell no. Your dad is downstairs; I won't take the risk of deflowering his son under his roof." Eren snorted at him after hearing his choice of words.

"Fine. We can just cuddle in bed." Eren pressed a soft kiss in reply. Rivaille pulled him down for a more heated kiss, circling his hands around the brunet's waist. He was more than grateful when Eren opened his mouth for better access. His tongue immediately roamed inside him hungrily. Just as Eren let out a soft moaned, the door suddenly opened after a few knocks. Both guys quickly broke apart, flushing when they saw Mikasa at the entrance of the room.

"Oh my God… I hope you two are not going to do it here." Mikasa's pursed her lips in annoyance, cringing when she noticed how red Eren's face was.

"Mikasa, at least wait for permission before entering my room!" Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"Here, I brought some fresh old clothes for you to change, Sensei." She glowered after Rivaille who silently took it from her hands. Mikasa was about to walk out when she suddenly turned around, squinting her eyes at her sibling.

"I don't know how you can moan like that, Eren." Rivaille chortled while Eren spluttered. She gave a satisfying leer at her brother face-palming with a low embarrassment groan.

"I'll change, I guess." Rivaille stood up after the girl closed the door.

"Bathroom is that way." Eren pointed at the door on the left side of his room with a tired look on his face. Rivaille tousled his hair affectionately, ignoring the protest sound from his boyfriend and went to the bathroom.

Eren turned his head to his side when he sensed the warmth beside him shifting uncomfortably. He opened his eyes to see Rivaille staring at the ceiling with wide opened eyes.

"Can't sleep?" Eren murmured, bringing his hand to softly stroke the elder's cheekbone. Rivaille pulled his hand into his, kissing his fingers with a gentle smile.

"I'm not used to sleeping at this hour. My sleeping schedule has been messed up ever since I entered the university." Eren frowned drowsily before fully facing him.

"Now I know why you replied to my message at 2 am." Rivaille circled his arm around Eren, pulling him closer. He leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Go sleep, Eren. Don't mind me." Rivaille pulled away for a bit when Eren attempted to kiss him on the lips.

"Do the usual." The nag made Rivaille titter slightly. He kissed him on the forehead, nose, cheek, and lips. The boy sighed contently the time their lips met, enjoying the feeling of Rivaille's hand around his hair, playfully twirling his brown locks in between his fingers. Eren's hand twitched as Rivaille lips pulled away and back to his lips, making small smacking sounds as their lips crashed together. Eren unconsciously chased after Rivaille when he drew back his lips. The raven did that until three times before Eren peeked from under his eyelids, feeling annoyed by the tease. Rivaille's eyes were closed, lips curving into a thin smirk while he pulled back. A familiar image before his eyes abruptly made his chest pound painfully.

"Rivaille…" His tutor groaned in the middle of the kiss, feeling Eren move closer towards him. He opened his eyes, astounded once he found Eren's eyes gleaming with tears.

"What's wrong?" He cupped his cheek in worried. Eren shook his head.

"I don't know, I suddenly felt so sad and nostalgic at the same time. It was like a déjà vu." He gulped his saliva after he replied with a ruptured voice. Rivaille caressed his back lovingly.

"Eren… We used to sleep together like this before. We used to cuddle up with each other and share kisses before we fell asleep." Rivaille whispered, closing his eyes, letting Eren hugged him tightly. He didn't let him go the whole night, not even after Eren fell asleep in his arms, comforted by the caresses and warmth.

Eren opened his eyes to find Rivaille's face very close to him, sleeping soundly. He shifted slightly, wriggling himself out of the arms which wrapped around him securely. Rivaille mumbled in his sleep, his green eyes watched the frown on his eyebrows slowly back. He pressed the tip of his forefinger in the middle of Rivaille's brows, the man had opened his eyes, questioning his action. Eren's warm breath touched his lips when the brunet let out a small laugh.

"Why can't you get rid of your frown?" Eren asked curiously, his forefinger tapping on Rivaille's eyebrow playfully.

"Stop it." He slapped his hand away weakly. Eren grunted when Rivaille moved to press his face fully on his chest, breathing in his scent. His phone suddenly rang loudly and Eren raised his hand, tapping on the window sill on top of him. After he finally grasped it in his hand, he saw Armin's number on the screen.

"Hello?" Eren cleared his throat after he answered the phone.

"Eren, Are you still in bed? I heard the news about Marco from Connie yesterday. Apparently Sasha got the news from Annie who called Mikasa and told her boyfriend about it. We're going to the hospital today, are you coming?" Eren's brain tried to focus on all the information Armin had given him. He pressed his palm on his sleepy eyes, his head suddenly spinning.

"Armin… Too much talking. I visited him yesterday right after the accident. I heard he'll be discharged today evening if they don't find internal injuries. Wait, what do you mean by her boyfriend?" He heard his blonde friend laughed at the other line.

"Sasha's boyfriend is Connie, who else. Okay then. We'll go there without you."

"Unexpected news in the morning, I should have known. Okay, tell Marco I'm sorry I can't go." Eren hung up the phone and looked down to Rivaille who was still breathing softly against his chest, arms wound tightly around him.

"Good morning." Eren muttered lazily.

"I don't want to get up…" Rivaille muffled, tickling the brunet with his breath. Eren tried to move away, laughing at Rivaille's hands poked his ribs and waist.

"Stop it, its ticklish." He flushed, shying away from his boyfriend. Rivaille suddenly shot up.

"Oh no. I forgot about my thesis… I should walk back home fast." Eren chuckled, sitting up a little.

"At least have breakfast first." He moved to kiss him but Rivaille pulled away, face distorted in disgust.

"I'm not letting you kiss me until you brush your teeth, brat." Eren scowled at that. He moved out of his arms and walked towards the bathroom with a pout.

They got breakfast after waiting for one another to finish bathing. Once they were downstairs, Mikasa had already prepared their breakfast on each side of the table. Grisha was reading the newspaper the time the two of them walked in. After greeting him good morning and enjoying the peaceful breakfast, Rivaille told Eren that he needed to go back home. The man was at the front gate with Eren sending him off.

"I'll return the clothes tomorrow." Eren nodded.

"Don't worry about it. Good luck on your thesis." He grinned while Rivaille scowled.

"Sorry… It's Sunday but…" Eren shook his head.

"It's alright. We'll meet tomorrow or later, depends. I also have homework to do. Exams will come next month."

"Yes, Jaeger, your last test wasn't very satisfying." Eren winced as he heard his lecturer.

"We'll see about that." The brunet mumbled, waving him off. He leaned down when Rivaille mentioned their ritual. Those kisses always made him feel warm inside. The sudden sadness raised up to his chest as he watched the man stride away. He wondered why he felt like Rivaille was going to disappear anytime soon. Shaking his head in disbelieved, Eren walked back into his house.

Rivaille stared at the PC screen blankly; he was stuck in between his paperwork now. His plot was starting to form nicely with the help of Professor Pixis, but he wasn't sure if he could keep going with the current state. Keep on writing meant he needed to recall their hard time again, his nightmares were coming back, and he had slight tremors at the thought of his boyfriend in this life. He heard a knock on his door and Rivaille looked up.

"Come in."

Irvin opened the door, looking neat and ready to go. Rivaille's eyebrow rose when he saw a suitcase in his hand.

"Are you going somewhere?" Rivaille asked, wanting an explanation. Irvin gave a hesitant smile before he walked into the room. Rivaille's eyes fixed on Irvin who made himself comfortable on his bed. The raven crossed his arms and legs, eyeing the man with a frown. Obviously, there's something wrong here.

"Okay, talk." Rivaille commanded him.

"I want you to know that I'll be away for about 3 days, or probably more depends on the situation. I'll be back in France." Irvin started, clasping his hands together. Rivaille stayed silent at the news.

"Don't worry about your internship; Hannes will cover me when you need help during class."

"That's not what I'm thinking about." Rivaille cut him. Their eyes stared at each other until Irvin gave in to the demanding look.

"Rivaille, your father is sick. He needs you to come back."

"No. You know the answer, Irvin."

"You are the only legal heir of theirs." Irvin felt dejected when Rivaille shrugged it off.

"They still have their adopted son with them. Mike has a much more suitable position anyway. The time they threw me out, I did not belong there anymore. I'll come back to France, but I'm not going home. It's only to finish my university and start working back in Japan, I guess? End of sentence." Rivaille was already turning back to the computer when Irvin stood up, dragging up his suitcase along.

"Your older brother is not the legal heir, Rivaille. You need to at least tell them that you're not taking over your family's business." Irvin didn't react when Rivaille slammed his fist on the table.

"They won't care about me the time they told me to get out from the house. They have another son who lives in reality and not in dreamland. He can take over their business for all I care. I don't give a damn! They should have known I'm not going back." Irvin shook his head at his hard headed attitude.

"Consider it for a few days. You might not meet your Dad anymore." Irvin whispered and walked outside the room. Rivaille had looked down to the table, not even replying to Irvin. The moment he heard the front door close, Rivaille threw his printed thesis papers off the table, leaving it scattered around the floor. He pressed his fists to his forehead as he breathed in rage. His mobile phone suddenly rang but Rivaille ignored it. Once it rang for the second time, Rivaille picked his phone and threw it to the floor, not caring where it crashed on the cold hard floor.

'Are they trying to crush my dream?! Now that everything seems to be alright, they wanted to cage me again! I can't just leave Eren without any words. This life sucks! The past life sucks! Everything sucks!'

It was just after the sun had set when Eren was walking towards the house he was heading. He couldn't help it when he already missed his boyfriend after a few hours they parted. He had finished his homework hurriedly just so he could be free from it. He wished that Rivaille wouldn't be distracted too much if he knew he was coming to visit. He slowed his pace when he spotted a taxi in front of Rivaille's house.

Irvin recognized his student pacing slowly towards the house, he threw him a terse smile.

"Eren?" Eren nodded his head politely to his teacher.

"Good evening, Sensei. Is Rivaille at home? I tried to call him during my way here but it seemed like he'd switched his phone off." Irvin smiled at the boy before him, he was so transparent with his feelings. He could see now that Eren was there, Rivaille wouldn't be able to leave Japan.

"You should talk to him. He needs someone to talk to right now." Irvin nodded at him to come inside the house. After the boy strolled inside without any more words, Irvin gave a last smile before getting into the taxi.

Eren's eyes scanned the neat living room. It was too silent, only half of the light was on which he figured was the kitchen. One door slightly opened, figuring that it was probably Rivaille's room, he grinned cheekily. He tiptoed, headed to the room, eyes peering inside from the slightly opened door.

Eren stunned when he saw Rivaille sat on the floor, leaning on the edge of his bed while facing outside the porch. His room was dark with only the moonlight illuminating from outside the window. He couldn't see his face but the man looked like he was in a deep thought. The brunet pushed the door open as silent as he could, eyes looking down at the scattered papers which his foot had set upon. Eren quickly stepped back, bending down to pick up the paper. The noise of the paper shuffling was enough to make Rivaille spun around to see who was entering his room. He quickly stood up, alerted when he saw his boyfriend reading his draft, he was the last person he wanted to see right now.

"What are you doing here?" Rivaille's surprised voice made Eren look up, he meekly lowers the paper and stand up straight. The man wore a very murky look, reminding Eren at the time Rivaille told him that he had killed him in the past.

"I was just… decided to visit after I've finished my homework."

"Put that down, now." Eren stiffened at the order and quickly set the paper on the table.

"What's wrong?" He dared himself asked after he stole glances at the wording on the paper. He saw his name in the first paragraph he scanned earlier, wondering if it was the thesis his boyfriend was working on. Rivaille shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong. Sorry, Eren, but… can you leave?"

"Are you not going to talk about it? There's definitely something wrong here." His hands pointed at the scattered papers and the broken mobile phone which he just recognized. Now he knew why his call didn't get through. Rivaille brushed his raven strands hair and sighed softly.

"I was just… my feelings were conflicted." He clicked his tongue whilst he saw his mobile phone had split apart. He picked it up, putting the battery back to its place and pressed the cover firmly together. He threw the phone to the bed after he was able to switch it back on with several tried.

"Explain to me about it." Eren tried to find some comfy on the bed, his action brought Rivaille's brows rose. He was definitely not happy with it.

"I told you to leave."

"Is it the draft?" Rivaille paused in the middle of waving his hand to the door. He pulled down his hand in defeated, grunting as he sat on the carpet and leaned back against the bed.

"You just wouldn't leave, would you?"

"I saw my name on the paper." Emerald orbs met raven for a moment until Rivaille looked down.

"I'm sorry… It's starting to get harder to keep writing. Hell, I'm even thinking about dropping it." Rivaille pressed his fist on his temple, grimacing when his chest stung greatly.


"It's tough, Eren. I don't want to write it anymore. I wonder why I even wanted to write it in the first place. Writing about us being split apart, writing about you dying in my arms…" Rivaille shook his head, blinking several times, his eyes starting to get hot by the tears. His body trembled slightly as he tried to hold back his tears, flinching during the time Eren circled his arms around his shoulders.

"Let me listen to it, so I can pull the burden off your shoulders." Eren whispered in his ear, smiling. Rivaille circled his arms around him, returning the embrace, his raven eyes stared blankly as his mind racing with lots of painful memories. He opened his mouth, spilling the continuation of the story he cut off during their time in the pastry shop.

Eren was inside the courthouse, he stood in the front while Corporal Rivaille and Commander Irvin was on his back, guarding him as if to prevent any casualties. Their friends were on the right side of the barrier, while the opposite direction was the Military Police Forces. Nile Dawk looked somehow happy while they waited for the judge, Zacklay, to start. They looked up to Zacklay who was walking into the court table, gazing down at each of them. The old man took the report paper on the table, eyes scanning the words, and started summarizing the text out loud.

"Eren Jaeger. You are a human who can shift into a Titan. You had been put custody under the Scouting Legion so that they could restrain you when you lost yourself. Supposedly, while working under the Legion, you had given yourself, body and soul to help humankind. Is that right?" The whole court stayed silent, waiting for his answer.

"Yes, sir." Eren said firmly. His fingers unconsciously played with the ring on his left hand, the court reminded him the time he received several kicks by Rivaille. It was just an act to get him into the Scouting Team, showing the people that he'd be able to restrain him by force. If Rivaille hadn't done that, he'd been shot dead on the spot.

"Such a quick answer. Will you be able to explain the cause of the Female Titan in Wall Sina? I received reports that you almost devoured the Female Titan, it seemed like the titan was also like you. She was Annie Leonhardt, in the Military Police, who could shift into a Titan." That made all eyes turn into Eren whose heart started to beat faster.


"I was also informed that you almost devoured her, you stopped halfway, letting her escape into a crystal form."

"I didn't let her escape-" Eren interrupted him.

"Silent!" The Titan-shifter flinched when Nile shouted at him.

"It was obvious while she was caught and put under the watch for the Scouting Legion. The crystal suddenly evaporated like a Titan's dead body and she ran away after killing the men on watch." Eren's eyes widened at Nile, they were putting all the blame on him. He was fighting alongside of the team, couldn't they see that?! He was about to interject just in time Rivaille spoke up.

"I believe it was Annie's own tactics to escape, Eren had nothing to do with it. He wasn't even there when she escaped." Eren looked at him, he was somehow scared when he noticed the look on Rivaille's face.

"Are you defending him, Rivaille? You know, the time you'd gain feelings towards the boy you've grown soft in the inside." Rivaille threw Nile a look.

"Are you saying I'm some kind of a bastard who doesn't have a heart? I'm not like you, Nile. I'm not going to back down when someone insulted my lover." Their bickering was interrupted by Zaklay hitting his palm on the table several times pretty loudly.

"Enough! Eren Jaeger, you are guilty for losing yourself in the battle and making Annie Leonhardt escape."

"No, wait, Sir. I believe you should look in the way that Eren had fought with us bravely. I should tell you that he was just trying to get her off the nape of her Female Titan and caught her." Irvin interrupted them, Zaklay nodded, listening. He rubbed his fingers on his chin and continued reading the paper he was holding.

"And then he halted for a moment, I heard. I don't know what happened, but several reports told me that Eren Jaeger had probably exchanged info of her escaping. He let her transform into a crystal and escape for her own good."

"That's a lie!" Eren shouted, earning a few gasps from the people in the court.

"You have no right to speak up!" Nile shouted, hissing in disgust after seeing Rivaille circle his arms around Eren, calming the human-titan. Mikasa was biting her thumbnail of the news and banter before them, Armin had been shaking. What kind of report had they got while everyone was busy fighting? Was it the people in Wall Sina who told the Military Police a false report?

"I didn't let her escape!" Eren tried again, Rivaille had to pull him when the boy started to get panicky. Zacklay once again hit the table with his palm, slightly getting bored by the ruckus.

"I've come into a decision. Eren Jaeger is guilty and needs to be executed tomorrow. Seize him and take off his Scouting Legion jacket." Rivaille gritted his teeth. He couldn't believe this, Eren had not performed such a vile act. How could they distort every possibility just to make him guilty?!

"Won't you consider that, Sir?" Irvin stepped in front, brushing the sweat which formed on his forehead. His eyes shifted to Eren who was struggling when the Military Police men took him by the arms. The boy grunted once Rivaille kicked one of the men and pulled Eren by force into his arms.

"Any causality that you cause in the courtroom will make the Scouting Legion's downfall. I'm sure you know that, Irvin." Irvin gulped at the glinting of danger in the eyes, the cold stare from the old man directed specifically to him.

"If you're defending the boy, I'm sure you're just defending any other Titan to be free. What kind of Scouting Commander are you? The execution will be held tomorrow in the open area in front of the Military building." Zacklay stood up and walked away.

"Eren is human!" Rivaille shouted after throwing his punch to one of the police. Eren was gasping for breath, his trembling hands were cuffed right after his jacket stripped away by force. The raven was about to do another spin kick on the man when one lurched towards them. He almost toppled once Eren suddenly clanged to his waist.

"Rivaille, stop! Please stop." Eren panted, his face felt numb by the punch from one of the police earlier. His superior stared down at him, disbelieved.

"Let's just stop this… Okay?" He didn't want Rivaille being executed of the treachery by defending him.

"Eren…?!" The police pulled Eren up forcefully by the chain. Hissing when he was dragged outside the courtroom into the dungeon, his green eyes turned towards his friends. Armin was biting his lower lip while he tried his best to keep Mikasa away. Their eyes met and Eren nodded at Armin whose eyed him sadly, unable to do anything. Eren gave a comforting look to Mikasa for the last time.

Rivaille stared at Eren's back before he disappeared behind the closed door. His fists were trembling greatly as his breath labored. As soon as the people started leaving the courtroom, Rivaille's eyes scanned the flood and found Pastor Nick among them. He quickly walked up to him before he left the room and pulled him down by the collar. The man was stuttering as he was being dragged by him. Irvin could only shake his head at the scene, there was nothing he could do to stop the man now. He followed him curiously, watching from the side with Rivaille walking bristly towards Armin.

"Arlelt." Armin pounded his fist on his heart, saluting. He tried to ignore the man who was now struggling to get free from Rivaille's clutched hand on his collar.

"Yes, Sir!"

"I'm glad they are stupid enough not to seize you and Ackerman into the dungeon. I need you to think up some strategy." Armin's face went pale when Rivaille pulled out his blade and swung it right before his throat. He raised his trembling hands in the air, completely terrified.

"Sir, if you told me to think up some way to release Eren-"

"I want you to think of some opening. Good thing tomorrow they will hold the execution in the opened area. I want to hold a quick matrimony right after I release Eren from the heavy pole. I want you to think up some strategy for our escape to the lake in the forest near Wall Sina." All the nearby people who heard him eyed Rivaille flabbergasted. Armin opened and closed his mouth for about two times, unable to find his voice.

"This is an order, Arlelt. This person will legalize the marriage tomorrow." He pointed to Pastor Nick by shoving him forward by the collar like a dog.

"I- I will do what you want but can you please release me?" He let out a choked gasp the time Rivaille pushed him off. He fixed stare at the tall man, daring him to escape. Pastor Nick gulped, rooted in his spot.

"Don't leak this information to the military Police. Don't tell Eren about this yet. If any of you don't want to die, you better listen to my order." All eyes stared at the Humanity's Strongest Soldier in fear. He was satisfied when they gave several nods nervously. Rivaille shifted his eyes on the door to which Eren had just left through. They had been engaged for quite a long time and were yet to hold their matrimony. He had planned it all along for having a quiet grand ceremony, but things had turned upside down. Rivaille looked down as his bangs covering his eyes.

Soon, Eren… Soon…


… omg I can't… -kill self-

Preview for next chp:

"Look how soft his skin is, he looks so precious, without scars on him. I envy him."

"Let's run away." Rivaille whispered.

"Rivaille…" His pupils were shaking in horror at the sight of Rivaille's clothes painted red with blood.

"Eren, don't." Mikasa started.

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