Overwhelming Emotions


Overwhelming Emotions

Genre: Drama Romance | AU | Reincarnation

Rating: M

Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren

Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.

Disclaimer:I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine. ©AsakuraHannah Ffn

A/N: plot plot plot XD nothing NSFW. Pardon for my grammar.

Chapter 18 : Trust

Eren was breathing heavily at the terror before his eyes. He saw his mother's body was crushed underneath their wrecked house. No matter how much effort he tried to pick up the fallen debris, it just would not move. He was desperate, shouting and crying, his hands were bleeding hard. The sight of a beast walking towards them with heavy steps did not make it any better, the ground shaking by its gigantic feet walking their way. The whole world was swarming before his eyes as he continued screaming on top of his lungs while someone hauling him up to escape. Eren was screaming the time that enormous hand picked up his mother from underneath the debris he desperately tried to lift. He yelled in desperation, the sight of his mother being eaten alive by the monster called Titan was an unbearable sight.

"Eren! Eren!" Green eyes snapped open, gasping for breath with tears fallen from his eyes.

"Let go of me, Mom is-" He stopped when he noticed his surroundings, eyes widening in disbelieved.

"It's a dream, Eren! No need to worry, it's just a dream." Rivaille caressed his brown lock as his arm pulled the boy closer to him. He could feel the boy quivering in his arms while he whispered soothing words to his ears, calming his lover down.

"It's the past, we're safe now. The world is different, there's no Titan nearby. We are in a safe place." Rivaille continued, his brows furrowed when he heard sniffling sound from him. He patted his head as Eren clutched his shirt, kissing his forehead tenderly.

Eren lips curved into a thin smile after he felt those pair lips against his forehead. He closed his eyes to let himself lulled back into a dreamland. He had stayed over for the night when Rivaille told him that the first part of his draft was done. He decided to stay over so that he could read the story little by little. Those memories were slowly coming back to him after he read page by page. He could see clearly in his mind during his transformation into a gigantic beast. He was thrown into a nightmare as soon as he drifted to sleep. Eren couldn't be more than glad that he was with Rivaille in this life, without any Titan tried to devour them. This world was safer with Rivaille by his side. Eren buried his face into his chest like a small child, sighing contently after Rivaille secured him in his arms.

"What were you dreaming about?" Eren raised his head from his bread to look at his lover who sat across him. He took a big bite, munching his breakfast in silence as his green eyes looked back down to the empty plate. Rivaille was watching him closely, lips hovering on the rim of his cup while waiting patiently for Eren to answer him.

"It's about my mom being devoured by a Titan." Eren finally spoke up after he swallowed his bread. He picked up the nearby cup full of hot chocolate, nervously gulping the steaming liquid down his throat. He shivered at the image of his nightmare, the reminder of those terrors being haunted while they were unable to go outside the walls. He could not believe these nightmares were what Rivaille had been seeing numerous times in his dreams. He was glad that everything was alright now, they were safe and nothing could limit his freedom in this new life. He could go anywhere without fear being eaten alive.

"Were you always dreaming about such things?"

"Yeah, it's awful, I know the feeling." Eren stared at him, unsure what to say.

A sound coming from the entrance of the house made both of them observant. In a few steps, they saw Irvin coming inside, looking neat even after his tiring flight back to Japan. He was surprised to see Eren sitting in the dining room across Rivaille.

"Good morning… uh… Eren…" The man gave a smile after Eren nodded silently, he could see the glint of worried in Irvin's eyes. Irvin shifted his gaze to Rivaille, asking for an explanation.

"He stayed over last night since I told him about the draft book. I'm making more progress with it, so he would like to read some." Rivaille eyed him with one eyebrow rose. Surely enough, Irvin must have caught something between the lines of 'staying over'. He didn't have the need to explain to him about everything.

"I think it's time for you to go, Eren." Rivaille muttered, telling him to go ahead. Eren gazed at him then back to Irvin who was still standing in the entrance of the dining room. The man was just coming back from his trip back from France and he wasn't surprise if Irvin astounded to see Eren in the house. Although, maybe Rivaille shouldn't have told him that he was staying over the night. His face colored in embarrassment of the reminder about their last night together. As far as he remembered, they leave no evidence. Seeing that Irvin had leaned against the doorframe and crossing his arms, Eren timidly stood up, lips pursing firmly as he avoided staring at Irvin.

"Okay then… I'll see you later…" Eren mumbled while walking out of the room. Rivaille's eyes followed him until his lover turned to the left of the corridor. He gave a loud sigh and stood up.

"I'll talk to you after this. You just come back, go change or something." Irvin watched him in silence as his nephew strode past him. He shook his head at his hard-headed behavior and went to his room to put his suitcase away while pulling off his tie.

Watching the boy putting on his shoes while bending down before him, Rivaille smirked down at the view of his butt in the air. He brought his hand to gently slap him right on his firm round ass and gave it a light squeeze, earning a loud yelp and a crimson looking face. Eren sputtered and stumbled to his feet, whipping around to glare at the man angrily.

"What the hell, Rivaille!" He shouted with shame, rubbing the spot where Rivaille had just slapped him. Rivaille snorted at his reaction.

"Nice view." He muttered, chuckling low at his widened green eyes. Eren gasped sharply when Rivaille pulled him down by the collar, smashed their mouth together before the boy could protest. The taller of the two grunted at the way Rivaille's tongue licked his parted lips before pulling away. His breath quivered at the sight of his lover licking his wet lips with a smirk.

"I'll see you later." Rivaille said and pushed him to the door. Eren huffed, a bit disappointed that the raven did not do their ritual.

"Okay…" He muttered and walked outside the house. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he stared at the doorknob. He wondered what kind of talk the siblings would discuss about.

Rivaille sat on the sofa in the living room, raising his head as soon as Irvin came out from his room with his casual clothes.

"Rivaille, you do know that he's still underage, right?" Rivaille raised an eyebrow at the immediate question as soon as Irvin sat down across him.

"You don't need to tell me that. I'll take responsibility" He scoffed and averted his look away from him. Irvin brows furrowed together.

"You realize that he's still too young for your age, even if you are a few years apart. I also need to remind you that you need to leave in a few weeks." That made Rivaille glare at him.

"I know that, Irvin. We don't have to discuss things that I'd known. Besides, he was alright with it, I've told him the stories about our past life. He took it well enough; he even encouraged me to keep writing on my book. I've shared everything with him, I'm able to keep going because of him." They eyed each other coldly before Irvin gave a sigh.

"You know, if someone from school caught him getting out of this house with the two of you kissed each other, you'll be screwed. You're still his teacher for a few weeks, you are older, and he's barely legal. It'll throw your internship to hell."

"They don't have to know, besides I could be saying that he was here to study his English until late at night and had him stayed over. This Monday they'll have exams, he's studying hard. What's so hard about believing that? I didn't even kiss him in the front house." The petite man snapped after feeling that his freedom was disturbed.

"I was just saying so that you need to be more cautious. Eren might try to act like an adult sometimes, but he's still a child. It might be hard for him to let you go, think about the consequences after you return back to France. It may take a while for you to be able to get a job here, if that's what you are planning to do. Also, I had some news about your father, he had a stroke." Rivaille stared at him immobile for a few seconds, opening his dry mouth in surprise at the sudden change of subject.

"He has nothing to do with Eren." Rivaille hissed at the expression his cousin gave him.

"He has things to do with Eren. You have to come back home after you finish your internship. At least tell them that you have your own path you've choose. Just inform them about it, I'm sure your parent will understand." Rivaille grimaced at him. Did he think that they'd be willing to receive the fact that he's gay? Even just a simple 'dreaming' had gotten him trouble by being thrown outside the house let alone the other matter.

"I've known your father ever since I was young, Rivaille. I've been his personal secretary for ages and I know him well enough. As long as you give him reasons he'll be understand. You better make up with your father while you can, who knows when he'll leave this world. At least tell him that you've found the boy from your past life, and tell him that you won't take part on your family business. You'll need to search for a part-time job after you graduated while waiting for your legal letters and some important documents to work here. What about your book that you planned to publish? It's not as easy as you think. There will be lots of things to take care of; you'll need some times before coming back here. If you are serious with Eren, you need to let him know all of this stuff. The boy has the right to know about your family problem as well, not just your past life. It might not work out well, but at least you know whether you need to let him go or make him wait for you."

Irvin stood up, giving him one last look and stride away. Rivaille fists were trembling as he curled his fingers together. Things were far more complicated, reality was harder than he thought. He gritted his teeth as he punched the soft fabric of the sofa he sat on. He rose to his feet and ran after his cousin.

"Irvin, lend me some money. I'll return it to you as soon as possible." Irvin whipped around in shock at the sudden demand. He never heard Rivaille asking him for money before, it surprised him beyond words. Sure, he'd helped him for his living and university, but he never really asked to lend him money for anything other than personal things. This was something new that he had to smile at the expression Rivaille wore.

"What do you need it for?" Rivaille clenched his fists as he looked down. He didn't know if the man would even let him do what he thought it might work.

"I just wanted to test Eren…" That made the blonde frown in confusion.

"Are you sure this might work?" Irvin asked as soon as came inside another jewelry for the tenth times. Rivaille's face was never been so serious that he had to chuckle at the sight.

"Don't laugh, Irvin. You must be mocking me…" His eyes swiftly wander across the shinning rings before his eyes. He stopped when he caught a familiar emerald.

"I still don't think this is such a good idea. I mean he's still in high school and the chance you two would meet will be like… a long time, maybe?"

"That's why I want to test him. I'll pay you back, Irvin." With that he pointed to his final decision on the gold ring with emerald stone on top of it. Noticing the choice, Irvin put his fingers on his chin.

"I never thought that you'd be a bit cheesy… I always thought you'll go to a plain looking ring." Rivaille rolled his eyes.

"It's a promise for more than hundred years and this time I'll make it happen without any sad ending. You know, it happened in every ending in novels. I'll make the sequel of the book I write and make it a happy ending in this life." Irvin stifled a laugh after hearing him.

I won't let you go, Eren.

Eren groaned as he put his hand on top of his textbook, the formulas of science making his head ache. They were having a study group in Armin's house, considering that his living room was big enough to contain lots of people inside. Much to Eren's amazement, his friends were actually coming over to have a party instead of studying seriously. Sasha and Connie brought lots of snacks with them while Marco and Jean brought lots of sodas. Reiner and Berthold were coming over as well as Annie and Mikasa just to have some fun. Eren gave a disbelieving look on each pair. In a few minutes of silence the room was starting to get chatty than the normal study group, he realized that he won't be able to get anything inside his head.

"You seemed disturbed." Armin said after he raised his head from his textbook. Eren snorted at him, obviously.

"Well, I'm more amazed that you can study with the others playing around and laughing. Gosh I can't even work on the last scientific problem really well…" Eren threw his pencil down and closed his book, knowing it useless to try to keep studying with the racket.

"I can get things in my head if I'm focus, Eren. You can talk about it…" Their eyes met for a second, earning a small smile from the brunet.

"Nothing to worry about." Armin's eyes clearly told him that he didn't believe it to which Eren had to give in.

"It's about Rivaille… His internship is coming to an end soon, he'll have to go back to France." Eren said, his fingers nervously rolling on his pencil around on the table. The blonde nodded, understanding the situation immediately.

"What are you going to do, Eren? Are you going to wait for him?" Eren looked down to the table, thinking in silence.

"I wanted to; at least that's what I told myself. I know Rivaille got family problems to deal with, he might won't be back soon… I don't know, Armin…"

"Do you believe in him, though?" Eren looked up, staring at his best friend who gave him a reassuring smile. He knew the answer even before he replied.

"I do…" he muttered.

"Then, there's nothing to worry about…" Armin said, giving a light squeeze of his hand. Eren's lips slowly curved up into a smile with confidence.

"Aaaah… he's deeply in love." A voice interrupted them, making Eren jolt in shock. His face turned red at the realization of his friends listening closely to their conversation. He cursed loudly in shame, face palming to his own silliness while Armin laughed happily. Connie and Jean whistled at him while the others cheering him up. He was glad that his mobile phone rang, enough to distract him from this commotion. He picked it up once he knew it was his lover. Eren's lips turned into a shy smile as he pressed the phone against his ear while avoiding the teasing look the group giving him.


"Eren, are you busy now? Can we talk?" Eren paused at the soft tone coming on his ear. Something must have happened.

"Where shall we meet? I'm in Armin's house; we're having a study group now. We can meet at the small playground near his house if you want."

"Okay, send me the address." Armin looked at him curiously; the look on his best friend's was not the shy and happy one once he ended the call.

"I need to go now." Eren said shortly, packing his things back to his bag. The others were watching him closely; knowing that something must have come up.

"I'll be just inside the park near here. Rivaille wanted to talk about something… Mikasa, I'll be late probably…" Mikasa nodded at him.

"Be careful, Eren." she said while Armin gave him an encouraging smile and Eren chuckled.

Green eyes looked up when spotted someone walking in a hurried step into the park. He knew whose those footsteps belong to, he watched Rivaille with concern. As soon as he took a seat on the swing next to him, Eren lips curved up into a smile.

"What do you want to talk about?" Eren's eyes trailed on Rivaille's sour expression. His heart started beating faster with some negative thoughts, wondering what would come out of him. Rivaille stared at Eren who swung back and forth leisurely.

"Eren, you know that I have to go back to France the time you finished your examinations, right?" Eren stopped swinging only to frown at the inquiry.

"Yeah… I know…" he muttered, looking down from those beady eyes of him.

"Look at me. I need to tell you something…" That made the boy raise his head.

"I might not be back soon…"

"… For how long?" His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he felt it might burst out any time soon. His eyes widened seeing Rivaille shook his head.

"I don't know… I'm not sure when I'll be able to come back here again, Eren."

"Well, I can wait for you…" Eren gave him a reassuring smile, not wanting for him to feel the needs to rush on things. Little less, he knew about the problems he had with his family.

"You can't…" He clenched on the chain of the swing after Eren's smile faltered. Gritting his teeth, Eren leapt up from the swing to stand in front of him.

"Why? Are you dumping me now? After all what's been happening to us?"

"Eren, listen to me, I can't leave you without any words. I want you to know that once I'm back to France, I'll need to finish the next three months of my finals. Once I'm officially graduated, I'll need to seek a job. I'm sure it will take some time until all the legal letters and the documents that needs for me to work here to come out. My dad was just having a stroke, that matters also need to be taken care of since he needs to know what I want to do with my life. He won't live much longer, the doctor said it's only a few months left; I'll need to stay over there until God knows how long. I can't make you wait without further notice, even the time zone is different. It'll be hard to maintain a long distance relationship like that; the time I'm awake you're still asleep and vice versa. I'm not sure you're able to keep doing that, we're both going to grow tired of it."

"I'll keep awake. I want to wait for you, isn't that enough? I've made my decision, you can't stop me." Eren grimaced whilst Rivaille glared at him.

"Stop being a brat and listen to me! You can't wait for me forever! Don't give me any hope because who knows what will happen when I'm not here! You are still young, Eren, you still have so many chances with everyone other than me. I'm not going to risk coming back here with you already in someone else arms!"

"You don't need to worry about it! I'm not going to love anyone else. Just because you are much older than me, you can't tell me what to do! I have my own life to choose, you sound like your parent who tried to control you!" Rivaille opened his mouth at the last retort, fully aghast. He stood up with an angry stomp on his feet to the ground. Eren bit his lip, he didn't mean for the last part to come out.

"Fine! Be a brat for all you want! I shouldn't have tried to talk this with you!" Rivaille briskly walked away without any words. His steps halted as Eren continued talking.

"Why… I thought we love each other… Why are you so worried about something like that?! This is a modern day, there are things called chatting online! Why are you even wasting your time seeking me if you're going away again, Rivaille?! You even told me everything about your past life, and now you are dumping me just because of this? Fuck those promises you made for me!" He spat, his eyes were starting to get hot by the tears. Rivaille clenched his eyes shut, his heart stung at the last words.

"You didn't trust me at all, do you?" Eren muffled, still trying to maintain his breath. He didn't want it to end like this; he wanted Rivaille to trust him.

"What are you going to do if I'm not coming back for a year? Two years? Three years?" Rivaille turned around to face Eren who was wiping the tears with his sleeve.

"I'll wait for you, I'll make my English better! I've been learning so much so that I can go overseas to catch up with you! I… I still haven't decided on what course I'll take for my second year in high school, but… I'll enter the university you've been in if you are not coming back here, just so I can learn much more about literature! Or maybe I should be a doctor since you talked about saving people's life! I can study lots of things for you, since I know you'll make your career even better as the time passed by and I wouldn't want to be left behind… I… I want us to be together forever! Isn't that what we promised each other with those kisses?"

Rivaille's flinched at the inquiry, the boy made it as if he'll never return by his side. His heart pierced at the thought of himself leaving Eren. He slipped his right hand inside his pocket, grabbing the round object that he'd been keeping secret ever since he called him out in the park. His heart was beating faster the time Eren strode towards him, cheeks turning red at his own trembling voice.

"As long as I can be with you, I don't mind waiting a little, Rivaille. Can't you trust me a bit? I won't cheat on you while you're away." Eren pulled his tutor's left hand into his, gripping it tightly as he bit his lip. Rivaille couldn't help but to chuckle at the sight of his lover, bawling like a baby with the thought of him leaving his side.

"Eren… You'll wait for me even it took me forever?" Eren shook his head.

"I won't wait forever, I'll give you three years. If by the time I graduated and you are still not returning, I'll go to France!" Rivaille pulled him down just so he can kiss him on the lips. The teen sighed in content, putting his hand on top of Rivaille's hand that was caressing his cheek. They pulled away slightly and Eren threw a sad smile at him.

"It's only a matter of trust, I can manage that. I'm sorry… for saying the things about your parent…" Eren mumbled, closing his eyes when Rivaille's warm lips touched his forehead.

"I'll give you myself…" Rivaille whispered as Eren sniffled happily. He leaned closer at Rivaille's attempted to kiss his nose.

"Heart and soul…" He lightly tapped on his chin and tilted his head aside so he could move to his cheek.

"…for you are my everything…" Eren wrapped his arm around Rivaille when he kissed his cheek. Knowing that Eren won't opened his eyes until he finished their ritual, Rivaille pulled his hand away from the pocket, gripping on the shimmering object in hand tightly. His hand trembled as it was starting to get sweaty by the nervousness.

"I won't let you go…" Rivaille's voice was shaking, hoping that Eren wouldn't notice his uneasiness as he claimed his lips. Eren's moaned softly against his lips as Rivaille rubbed his wet cheek with his thumb. He pried his mouth away unwillingly, smiling at the way Eren's kept his eyes close at the tender touches. He pulled his left hand just so he could slide the cold metal of gold engraved ring onto his ring finger. Rivaille's smile widened at the surprised reaction. Green eyes snapped open at the feeling of a cold metal, widened after those shining orbs caught the emerald glistened in the middle of the nearby dim playground light.

"Rivaille…" Eren cupped his mouth at the sight of the ring.

"From now and forever…" Eren felt his tears flowing down his cheek when Rivaille raised his hand to kiss the ring, which was now wrapped around his finger. It was beautiful, it was the same color as the one Rivaille told him about their engagement ring. The time their eyes met, Eren felt his legs turn weak but he managed to keep himself from falling. He enveloped his lover into a tight embrace, sobbing with happiness as Rivaille chuckled at his act. Eren felt his heart being washed with so many overwhelming emotions; he didn't know what he was supposed to feel. He had forgotten how he felt during the proposal in their past life, but he bet it was overwhelming as he felt right now. He let his body overtook him while he continued to hold onto his lover, unwilling to let go as he continued to cry his eyes out. The way Rivaille nuzzled his brown lock wasn't helping to stop his tears away.

They'll be together, from now and forever…

"I… can't believe you were testing me…" Eren pouted while staring at the ring which he placed on the table. Rivaille snorted, he went back to sit on the sofa beside him with a hot chocolate in both hands. Eren took his cup and sipped it, smiling at the warm liquid warming him up. They went back to Eren's house as soon as the cold night air freezing their body. Mikasa was still in Armin's house while his father wasn't going to return home until dawn. For the time being, Eren was glad that both of them were not in the house. He didn't know how he was supposed to tell them about the ring Rivaille gave him. Sure enough, his father didn't object any thought about him dating a man, but they never had a proper talk about it. Not to mention that his father had known Rivaille since their childhood, he felt slightly uncomfortable by the fact that Rivaille almost made him lose his life. He was glad that Grisha didn't have any hard feeling over the accident. Eren smiled warmly at the thought, for now, he was just happy he could cuddle up with his lover in the living room with warm chocolate in each cup in their hands.

"It's not just about testing, what I'm thinking is the truth… You should consider those things when you're having a relationship…" Rivaille huffed, feeling half annoyed that Eren didn't think thoroughly. He couldn't blame him though; he was way younger than he was.

"I know… but still… What if… we really ended it…? This ring is not cheap." He lifted the ring up and wear it again on his finger. His eyes stared at it, a shy smile gracing his lips. He was suddenly aware that Rivaille was watching his every movement and flushed.

"W-what?" He tried to defend himself from any mock retort coming from him. His lover sent him a terse smile.

"Nothing… I'm just glad that you love the ring. I wanted to make it the same as we had before, but since this is our new life… I decided to make something a bit different. See the underside of it." Curious, Eren took it off and flipped the ring over. There were a few words engraved inside of it.

'Our Five Promises'

"I see… This is our promises…" Eren whispered. Once he wore the ring again, his stomach fluttered with so many butterflies and a dusty pink colored his cheek.

"For the time being, this ring is what tied us together even if we're far away from each other…" Rivaille showed the ring that he had worn. Eren smiled at it and took his left hand to slide the ring off.

"What are you doing?" Eren chuckled and slid the ring back again.

"You did the same to me, and I'll do the same to you. Does this ring a bell?" Rivaille opened his mouth in a slight realization. He gave a grunt at the thought of their wedding. He pulled him into his arms, kissing him hard. Eren flushed brightly and returned the kiss with a low hummed. His hand twitched at the feeling of Rivaille nipping on his bottom lip with his teeth, tugging it playfully. He opened his eyes slightly in curiousness to stare at the man before during their kisses. His heartbeat quicken at the sight of his dark eyes gazing at him tenderly beneath those lashes. Eren whimpered by the realization that he was being observed closely. Rivaille's tongue distracted him from any shyness as it licked the corner of his parted mouth. He invited him in, green eyes still locked with dark orbs, trying not to lose the sight. Eren had no other choice after feeling Rivaille's tongue swiped underneath his tongue; he closed his eyes in defeat to let out a moan. His fingers curled against his shirt, titled his head slightly to let his lover got a better access inside. They enjoyed their heated kisses until they were out of breath. The time Rivaille pulled away, Eren was panting with saliva dripping down his mouth.

"I'll wait for you, Rivaille… If you're still not return here after three years, I'll go there to see you" Eren whispered, lips slightly touching Rivaille's as he talked.

"For the time being, we'll just enjoy our last time together…" Rivaille pushed him down to the sofa, earning a yelp from the boy being pinned down. Their hands intertwined with each other as they moved in unison, savoring each other's taste with those soft teasing touches by their fingertips.


I won't be around until New Year as much probably so let me say this now, Merry Christmas for those who celebrate and Happy New Year.

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