Overwhelming Emotions

Past Life

Overwhelming Emotions

Genre: Drama Romance AU Reincarnation

Rating: T

Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren

Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.


I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine.

©AsakuraHannah at FFn

Ty for xryuchan27 for beta read this :D

Chapter 5 : Past Life

Armin was running towards his classroom with a panic expression plastered on his face. The question from Rivaille won't stop echoing in his ears as he continued running towards his classroom.

"Eren… doesn't seem to remember me, does he?"

Mikasa threw a surprised look at Armin who tried to catch his breath as soon as he arrived in the classroom with a loud thud. His hand clenched the door tightly after he banged it open.

"Armin? What happened? You look pale." She said in concern, pulling her red scarf to loosen it off from around her nose. The dust was everywhere and she had to use her scarf for protection over it. Now that her duty was finished, she pulled the scarf loose. She was about to relax herself in the empty classroom when Armin suddenly burst inside completely out of breath.

"Mikasa! He is… Levi is here. I mean. He…is Rivaille! Have you noticed him?" Armin spilled all out in one breath, he sounded almost desperate. Mikasa almost dropped the scarf she was holding when realization dawn on her.

"Armin. What are you talking about? Explain it to me slowly." Mikasa's heart started beating faster. True, she had a familiar feeling towards the raven-haired man, but she did not think further of him. Armin gave her a firm nod, walking toward her in a hasty pace. She knew what he was talking about.

"I met him just now in front of the library, he suddenly asked me about Eren. Mikasa, should we tell him about what happened to Eren? I mean…" Armin stopped when Mikasa put her hand on his shoulder, calming him down.

"Calm down. No wonder he seemed familiar to me. Why is he here anyway? Didn't he move to France a long time ago?" Armin noticed Mikasa clenched her fist enough to draw blood. He could feel the hand on his shoulder tightened as her expression darkened.

"I said to him that there's nothing to explain. I'm not even sure if he will leave it just like that." Armin looked back at the entrance of the classroom; afraid that the man would suddenly appear behind them. Mikasa gave him a nod.

"Good choice, Armin. Let's just leave him wondering. I don't want him to come to Eren and start hurting him again. After all he had done and all those dreamlike stories… That freedom wings almost took Eren's life away. That man is full of lies." Mikasa bit her lips at the memory, she hated that man completely. She almost lost her only brother because of him.

"Full of lies?" A voice spoke from behind making them turn sharply to the door. Rivaille was staring at both of them with tired eyes, and slowly walked towards them, eyes never leaving Mikasa's. He fully ignored the girl's fierce look, moving his face only a few inches from her. Their eyes were cynical at each other making Armin back away.

"Are you still into it now, Ackerman? Seeing all of those dreams of mine as lies?" Rivaille glared daggers at her when the girl did not seem to move back in fear.

"What are you doing here, midget. Why are you here for? I thought you had enough in the past, torturing Eren with your dreamlike stories. Nobody believes your stories other than Eren. Now you are here to hurt him again!"

"Go ahead; keep talking and I won't hesitate to do anything painful to you, Ackerman." Mikasa gritted her teeth when she heard him.

"What are you going to do, Levi? Punch me in the face? Kick me in my stomach? Those kinds of things will make your internship turn into a living hell." Mikasa smirked at him when he stared at her callously.

"Both of you please calm down!" Armin quickly pulled her away, wishing that Mikasa would stop provoking the man. Rivaille stayed still, staring at them before he gave out a loud sigh. Talking to her will never be peaceful.

"Explain to me about Eren. What the hell is wrong with him? He doesn't seem to recognize me even for a bit!" he quickly asked the question that had been nagging him before she started another fight. Both Mikasa and Armin avoided eye-contact from him, infuriating the shorter man even more. Thinking that they would dodge the question, he opened his mouth only to shut it again when Mikasa finally spoke up.

"Eren lost his childhood memory." Rivaille's eyes widened when he heard her.

"What?" his voice sounds like a husky whispered as his features turned pale.

"It's your entire fault! What are those freedom wings about?! After that accident you move to France as if nothing happened. You didn't even take responsibility on Eren's injuries! Don't come near him again!" Mikasa tried to compose herself from shouting at the raven-haired man in front of her, eyes getting red as she tried to hold her tears back. Rivaille stared at her stunned; he doesn't know how to react.

"I didn't mean to walk away… I didn't even know-"

"Just go away for now." Armin cut him, grimacing when Rivaille shifted his eyes to glare at the blonde. The teacher took the hint when Armin shook his head, eyes shifting from Mikasa and Rivaille. His blue eyes showing confidence in his look that Rivaille had to back down. He turned around and walked away from the raging girl. When he reached the entrance of the classroom, Rivaille looked back at them one more time. Mikasa was still glaring at him with full of rage.

"Just so you know, you and Armin were also there in those dreams of lies. Both of you were such a good and skillful inferior soldiers." Rivaille said before leaving the two of them alone.

"Rivaille." Irvin called out when Rivaille entered the office, looking gloomy. The man noticed the change of expression when his cousin raised his head to look at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked in concern. He was surprised when Rivaille avoided eye contact with him.

"Nothing is wrong… Just some brat being stupid." Rivaille said as he sat on the chair, crossing his arms. His mind couldn't think about what had happened just now. He stared at his right palm, the one he used for punching the wall. Rivaille clenched his hand into a fist in anger. He was unaware that Hanji and Irvin had been watching him closely.

"Eren lost his childhood memory." Childhood memory… accident… Rivaille ran his palms across his face in frustration. Does that mean that the boy also lost his past life memories during the accident? Rivaille pinched the bridge of his nose, too many things was running into his mind. He lost track of time until the bell went off indicating the start of lessons, breaking his cluttered thoughts.


"I know. I will check the attendance again this morning." Rivaille said and got up from his seat.

"It's my lesson after the homeroom. I will do a lot of experiments today with the students." Hanji said, humming happily as she followed Rivaille outside. Before they left, Hanji glanced at Irvin who was staying silent, eyes never leaving his cousin. She gave a knowing nod at him, reassuring the man and closed the door behind her.

Both of them walked in silence, each step accompanied by the humming sounds coming from Hanji. When Rivaille stopped walking, Hanji stopped humming and stared at him in wonder.

"Rivaille, if there's something bothering you, you can talk to me if you want to." Hanji said, putting her hands on the back of her waist, smiling at him when the younger man looked at her.

"Hanji… do you… believe in past life…?" Rivaille gazed at her from the corner of his eyes, brows furrowed when Hanji chuckled at his question.

"What a weird question. Why all of the sudden? Did something happen?" Rivaille huffed after Hanji asked his question with another and continued walking towards the classroom. She followed his every movement in silence, wondering if she should tell Irvin about Rivaille's question earlier.

Armin was waiting for both of his friends patiently for their lunch time. His eyes were staring at Marco, who stood at the entrance of the classroom, waiting for Jean to follow him. Armin stared at them for a moment until Eren called him.

"Amin?" Eren asked him in worry. Armin quickly whipped his head; he gave him a nervous smile.

"Let's go have lunch." Armin gave an awkward nod, following his friends when they started heading outside the classroom.

"Eren! Mikasa! Armin!" Sasha waved at them when she saw them walking towards their direction. The three of them quickly join her and the group for lunch.

They were sitting on the field behind the canteen, spreading their lunch boxes for shares when Eren spotted the two lunch boxes in front of him.

"Wow, are you the one who made this, Sasha?" Eren asked in amazement when he looked down at the lunch boxes full of fancy meals. Connie laughed at him.

"No way, it's Annie's." He said while taking the egg-roll with his chopstick. All eyes were at Annie before she coughed in embarrassment.

"You may take some if you want." All of them then stuffed their mouth with the fancy meals merrily when she gave permission.

"You'll be a good wife, Annie." Reiner chuckled as he tasted the food.

"Is that a proposal?" Eren threw him a big grin and Reiner spluttered. Sasha laughed out loud as food splattered out from her mouth, making Connie shriek in disgust.

"Watch your manner!" he reprimanded her.

"What are you talking about, Eren?!" Reiner's face was strangely pale as he looked at the glowering Berthold from the corner of his eyes.

"Shut your mouth and eat, midget." Jean spat directed to Eren while hovering his fork over Annie's lunchbox. Armin, who was about to take the sausage almost crashed on Jean's fork, the blonde quickly withdrew as he sucked in his breath.

"Go ahead if you want it." Jean said, nodding on Armin. Armin gave a mute nod and took it. Eren rolled his eyes when he watched the two. He gritted his teeth when Marco called Jean and offered his lunchbox for Jean to take some too. Jean happily complied, making Eren bite on his spoon angrily. Take the hint, idiot! He was surprised when Mikasa nudged his side painfully with her elbow, emitting a painful choking sound.

"Keep eating, we don't have much time." Mikasa reprimanded, stopping Eren from letting out another nasty word to Jean. Eren munched grimly. He really wanted his best friend to search for someone else worth his smart mind other than the idiot who loves to pick a fight.

It was after lunch time when the group walked back to their next class. Eren told his friends to go ahead with their class as he needed to go to the restroom first to do his stuff. Armin gave their lunch boxes for Mikasa to bring it into the classroom along with hers and followed Eren.

As soon as they arrived inside the restroom, Armin walked into the stall while Eren walked to the sink and splashed his face with cold water several times. He took a few tissues to dry his face after turning the tap water off. Eren stared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment when suddenly a scene reappeared in his mind.

"Say, Jaeger. Have you ever felt nostalgic feeling towards someone?" Erin frowned at the memory. He shook his head, no matter how much he tried to remember, he just couldn't. It was true that he felt a familiar feeling when he met the man at first. But now… Everything seemed so fuzzy. Was it had to do with his childhood memory?

"Eren?" Eren was surprised when he saw Armin had finished his stuff and was staring at him in wonder. The brunette gave him a nervous laugh and threw the tissue into the trash can.

"Armin… do you remember almost everything during your childhood?" Eren's question made Armin's eyes gleam in anxiousness. He looked into those green eyes for a moment before Eren broke the contact.

"Let's go to class." He said, ignoring his unanswered question. Eren was starting to get tired of his friends avoiding his questions. He knew from the look the blonde gave him, he would avoid the question again. The brunette glared down as he walked faster with Armin tailing him behind in silence.

Both of them were about to turn to the left corner when Eren spotted Rivaille with Irvin in the hallway. He frowned at the tension between them and slowly leaned against the wall, trying to listen to their conversation. He was curious about their relationship and motioned for Armin to stay quiet. Armin shut his mouth, swallowing his protests, afraid if they find out they were eavesdropping.

"Hanji told me your question." At that fact, Rivaille scowled. He did not move an inch when Irvin took a step closer to the shorter man.

"Rivaille, I thought I told you numerous times already. That past life thing is-"

"Crazy, I know. Enough." Rivaille said and attempted to walk away, but Irvin insisted to continue.

"You are not a child anymore, Rivaille."

"I know that. Stop it already."

"No, we need to do something about your… hallucination." Irvin stopped when Rivaille threw him a glare.

"Why is it that you can't listen to me without mocking me?! Why could Petra listen to me intently while you couldn't?"

"At that time you were at a loss because of your friend's accident. She listened to everything of your story so you could return to being yourself and go on with your life. You are fifteen that time, now you are 23."

"Are you telling me that all of those dreams I got were full of lies? Tell me if you can handle those entire crazy dreams about me killing giants, monsters, and have to see those blood splattering around, Irvin! Watching all of my comrades dying on me almost every night while I'm their superior and can't do anything! The fact that I can't even save the one I love is maddening. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with all of those… dreams…" Rivaille's fists trembled with rage. Eren looked at Rivaille in worry.

'Past life? Dreams?' Eren's hand clutched his temple as his head started aching painfully. Armin shifted his glance to Eren in worry, wondering if they should just take another path towards their classroom. His face turned into concern when he saw the pain in Eren's features.

"You don't know how painful it was to watch those… memories…" Rivaille whispered to his cousin, hoping that Irvin at least understand. The man only stayed silent, watching him with pity. Rivaille threw him an obnoxious glare, fully hated the look Irvin was giving him.

"It was that doctor that told you, wasn't it? He told you that those dreams you were having were past life memory, didn't he?"

"Yes…" he said shortly. Irvin scratched his head with a loud sigh.

"Didn't you go to a different doctor after that, Rivaille? Sure enough there must be something weird with that doctor." Irvin crossed his arms with a funny face. Rivaille felt the need to punch the man in the face right after those words he threw at him. He clenched his fists to prevent him from doing so.

"That doctor is… Jaeger's father…" Rivaille whispered making Irvin stare at him, surprised. A loud shout made the both of them look from behind.

"Eren!" Armin shouted, holding his friend when he almost toppled over. Rivaille's eyes widened when he saw Eren not far from them, listening to their conversation. Irvin stared at the boys for a moment, not knowing what to do before Eren stepped back. Both of them watched in anxiety when Eren was looking very pale while clutching his temple.

"I… I'm sorry… we were just getting back from the restroom and…" Eren gave a short breath, trying to clear his vision when everything is getting blurry. Both teachers startled when Eren suddenly fell on his knees.

"Eren!" Armin shouted when Eren fell face first on the floor.

"We shouldn't have the talk here. I'm sorry." Irvin said. Rivaille gave him a look before clicking his tongue, walking over to Eren when Armin managed to flip him on his back.

"You really love to make me clean all the mess, old man." Rivaille grimaced while kneeling down before Eren. Armin watched as the man easily lifted up his friend in his arms bridal style. His face flushed at the scene before looking away.

"I will call Mikasa." Armin said, knowing very much that this should be informed to Eren's sister. As he hurriedly ran toward the classroom, Rivaille headed towards the infirmary leaded by Irvin. Staring sadly at the boy in his arms, he wondered just how much the boy had heard about the conversation. Rivaille stopped his steps when Irvin had turned to the right corner. Like a ritual, he brought his lips on Eren's forehead, kissing him lightly, and then he went down to kiss the tip of his nose then to his cheek. His lips hovered on the boy's chapped lips, pausing before he decided to stop there. He continued walking towards the infirmary with an unreadable expression.

Ah… This feels warm… Eren slowly opened his eyes, he felt like he was being sucked into the blinding light. He felt warm arms hugging him closely to his chest. When Eren looked up, he saw a blurry vision of someone staring down at him desperately. He suddenly felt so lifeless while the person continued embracing him tightly. Was it tears he was seeing? As the man slowly brought his face closer, Eren could see a track of blood on his cheek. He couldn't do anything to stop him from kissing his forehead, then to his nose and cheek. He stared when the man moved down to press his lips against his. He heard himself whisper something like a title calling.

"Corporal" He felt darkness engulfed him before he was about to taste those lips.

"Eren." His voice sounded familiar.


Eren slowly opened his green eyes. A blurry image of his sister and best friend turned clear after blinking a few times, and slowly propped himself to sit.

"Where am I?" Eren muttered, earning a happy exclamation from both Mikasa and Armin.

"Eren! Are you alright?" Armin asked.

"Can you remember me, Eren?" Mikasa asked. Her expression changed from worry to relief when Eren nodded mutely.

"Are you alright now?" A face appeared from behind the curtain, Hanji looked down at the boy in worry.

"Hanji Sensei…" Eren sat up properly when he saw her drawing the curtain open.

"You suddenly fainted in the hallway. I've checked your blood and vital points, you're alright. Nothing is wrong with you. What were you feeling before you fainted?" Hanji asked, while taking Eren's wrist, checking his pulse once again. Eren stared at her before looking down. He wasn't sure if he should tell her about Rivaille and Irvin's conversation.

"I felt a terrible headache before I blacked out." Eren murmured.

"I see… can you stand up? Do you want to go home? You'll need a lot of rest"

"Can I take a rest here until the end of the lesson?" Eren asked. He was glad that Hanji approved.

"Okay, both of you should go to your last lesson. I will be right back." Hanji told Armin and Mikasa and left the room.

"Eren, how are you feeling? I'm surprised when I saw Rivaille-san carried you in his arms." Armin said making Eren flabbergasted.

"What?! Carried me in his arms?" he was blushing deeply when he heard him. Mikasa sighed at his reaction.

"You really made both of us worried. I thought something bad happened. You can't possibly caught my cold, can you?" Mikasa said, putting her palm on top of Eren's hand.

"I'm alright now. I'll take a bit of rest here. Just come here when the lesson finished and we'll walk home together." Mikasa nodded at him and pulled Armin away with her. When they walked outside the room, both of them found Rivaille leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Mikasa glared at him but she didn't say anything when Armin pulled her along with him; back towards their class. Rivaille ignored her glare and walked inside the room. As soon as he was inside, he walked towards the bed, looking down at the brunet who blinked at him in surprise when he saw his teacher. A dusty pink colored his cheeks; his eyes glistened in shame when their eyes met. The fact that the teacher had carried him in his arms when Eren fainted was embarrassing enough.

"Are you alright? Hanji told me that you've regained consciousness." Rivaille asked with a soft tone. Eren tried to sit up but Rivaille stopped him.

"Just lay down." Rivaille pulled the chair to sit beside the bed, and sat down with his eyes on the floor.

"I'm alright, Sir." Eren said, as green eyes curiously looked into Rivaille's face.

"I told you not to call me that. How much have you heard?" That question was reminding Eren the conversation from earlier. Eren remained silent at that.

"Almost everything." Rivaille raised his head to look at him. Both of them were staring at each other until Rivaille gave a soft snort.

"It must be weird for you to listen to that…" Rivaille shook his head.

"Do you know about my father?" Eren asked him with a frown.

"More or less… yes. When I was little, we met often. I was your father's patient that time, being threatened because of my… weird hallucination… past life if you must know." Rivaille said, fiddling with his fingers.

"How come I don't remember that?" Eren ran his hand on his temple, closing his eyes in frustration. Rivaille stared at him, unsure of what he was supposed to say to that. You lost your memory. Didn't Mikasa and Armin tell you that?

"I was wondering about that too. You did not seem to recognize me." Let alone about your own past life memories.

"I don't recall anything at all from my childhood. I don't know what happened… But I dream some things." Hearing that statement, Rivaille immediately pulled Eren's arm, yanking him to make him look into his eyes.

"What kind of dream? Tell me!" Eren winced at the painful grip on his arm.

"Rivaille-san, it hurts." Rivaille's hand twitched for a second before letting go of him abruptly.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered. He doesn't know what to do anymore. Eren doesn't remember anything. Was it all just a dream? Their childhood memories slowly fading away as the time passed by; even Irvin had told him it was childish to clutch on the past memories. But he felt relieved when someone actually listened to his stories, Petra had been so kind. Rivaille felt his heart clenched painfully, remembering that she no longer exist in both worlds. His gray eyes stared into those green eyes of Eren's. Just when Rivaille thought everything had shattered and broken, Eren's sentences made him stare in shock.

"Tell me about that past life. Make me remember." Eren said, looking at him resolutely. Rivaille's pupils trembled when he felt a wash of nostalgic emotions painfully hit him in his chest. It was overwhelming.

"Levi, tell me again about the stories. All about it!" A small child with green eyes ordered him. Rivaille could only smirk down at him. 'You were my underling during that time, how dare you order your superior like that?' He brought his hand to pat on the brunet's hair.

"I will tell you so much more about it, Eren!" Levi said, kneeling down on the ground so that they could be on eye level. Eren gave an excited nod, grinning wildly.

Rivaille cupped his mouth to prevent himself from breaking down in front of the boy. Eren quickly sat up, staring at him in worry.

"I will tell you much more about it… Eren." He whispered, clutching his hand tightly. Eren gave him a small smile; he put his other hand on top of Rivaille's, soothing him down. He didn't know why, but he needed to make the man's sadness go away.


;_; I was typing the last scene when the OST 'Call your name' started.

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