Overwhelming Emotions

Petra

Overwhelming Emotions

Genre: Drama Romance AU Reincarnation

Rating: T

Pairing: (mainly) Rivaille x Eren

Summary: Being woven in his dreams and memories, Rivaille was at a loss. The second encounter with a certain boy made it even much worse than he thought it would be, especially when the boy is reaching his hands out to him again.

Disclaimer:

I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, but this fanfiction is mine.

© AsakuraHannah on FFn

Chapter 6 : Petra

"Just so you know, you and Armin were also there in those dreams of lies. Both of you were such a good and skillful inferior soldiers."

Armin stared blankly at his notebook, unaware that his grandfather had been watching him from the side. Finally deciding to break his grandson's thought away, whatever the cause is, the old man was sure the he needed to spill them out.

"Armin, what has been bothering you?" Armin jumped when he was questioned, and whipped his head to the side to look at his grandfather in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I spaced out, grandpa." He sighed and returned to write down on his notebook again, copying the answers from his textbook. He was doing his homework when his thoughts drifted to the previous event in the school this morning. He found out who the internship teacher was, the way he tried to avoid the conversation with the man, the way he told Mikasa about what happened. Everything happened too fast for his liking, his mind needed some rest. Armin gripped his mechanical pencil he was using tightly, a frown forming on his forehead. Again, his grandfather saw this and shook his head.

"If you want to talk about it, I don't mind listening, Armin." Armin raised his eyes timidly at him.

"Grandpa… do you believe in past life? As in… reincarnation?" Armin asked, feeling his cheeks getting warmer as he spilled out what he has been thinking about. His grandfather blinked at the question, his body leaned closer to the boy to stare into his eyes.

"Well, it all depends on each person and the way they see things around them. Some say previous lives means childhood memories that had been forgotten. Some say they were actually just a dream which were unreal. What matters is the way we handle the situation. In the end it's our choice to move forward and not let ourselves be tied up by the past." Armin watched as his grandfather put a forefinger and a thumb on his chin, thinking. His blue eyes shifted back down to the book in front of him, staring at the text without actually reading anything.

"What if… what if that person decided to be tied up in his past and let the people he knew dearly from the previous life to be tied with him again?" Amin's hands were now trembling as he imagined what kind of answer his grandfather would give him.

"It is up to that person if he wanted his beloved to be happy in this world or not." Armin stared at him in silence, he wasn't sure if the answer was a good thing or a bad thing. The blonde looked down on his textbook. Seeing no other things the blonde wanting to talk about anymore, his grandfather lets him have his time to think. He slowly got up from his seat and pats Armin on his shoulder.

"I'm going to sleep now. Don't be too late, Armin." He said, reminding him that it's almost midnight. Armin nodded at him with a small smile gracing his lips.

"Good night, Grandpa." He said as he stretched and yawned, his body was already yearning to lie down on a soft comfy bed. Armin closed his notebook and gathered the things on the table. He should head to bed as well. He needed to return the book tomorrow morning, again, after all. He stopped when he remembered the scene in the library from the other day. That time he was walking passed the library after buying Eren his lunch during his detention, he almost crashed on Jean on his way back. The taller guy was surprised when Armin ran towards him in a hurry.

"Armin, what…"

"I'm sorry, are you alright?"

"I'm okay, but… that bread… Eren's?" Armin looked down at the bread he had dropped.

"Yes." Armin stared at it. Jean nervously rubbed the back of his neck, unsure what to do.

"I… I will pay for it. I'm sorry."

"Eh? It's okay."

"Just take the money." Jean thrusts the payment for the bread he had spoiled to the blonde's hands, even though it was an accident. Armin felt his fingers brushed against his palm lightly. He stared at the money as Jean walked away. He felt his cheeks getting warmer as he could still feel the lingering sensation of Jean's fingertips on his palm.

Armin flinched in surprise when he dropped the pencil he was holding, breaking his thoughts. His face flushed in embarrassment and he quickly shook his head. Jean had Marco already, he won't stand a chance! Armin quickly gathered the things that he would need to bring in tomorrow lessons and switched off the light. He brought one book upstairs to his room to read the last chapter before he goes to sleep.

Eren stared at the ceiling in silence; he put the back of his hand on top of his forehead, thinking back on what had happened this evening. The conversation he had with his teacher, the way the man frowned with his head down in deep sorrow, the way Rivaille grip his hand tightly, asking about his condition. Eren bit his lower lip; he suddenly felt his face flushed at the memory. What a weird feeling he was having towards the man. He knew he shouldn't have felt like that but he couldn't help having an attachment towards him after what happened in the infirmary. Eren closed his eyes tightly, imagining the way Rivaille looked at him when the he said those words.

"Tell me about that past life. Make me remember."

Flushing brightly at his own words, Eren turned to his side.

"Damn, how embarrassing." He muttered to himself. He remembered the way Rivaille had called his name.

"I will tell you much more about it… Eren." Instead of Jaeger, Rivaille had called him Eren. Eren brought his fingers towards his mouth, biting his nail when his face grew even warmer than before. He shook his head, forcing his mind to think about something else otherwise he wouldn't be able to have his sleep soon.

The way home was pretty tiring while he felt light-headed after fainting. Mikasa had been asking him if he was okay numerous times during their way back. She finally stopped after they arrived home and forcing Eren to immediately lie down on his bed.

When Mikasa walked in to the infirmary room, she was shocked to find out that they were holding hands. Eren quickly snatched his hand away with a red face, earning a grumble from Rivaille. He wasn't sure if the man felt annoyed with the interruption or because Eren had snatched his hand away. Mikasa was already glaring daggers at him; it was enough for Eren to pull her away from Rivaille's sight as soon as possible.

Eren growled when his mind wouldn't stop thinking. No, moreover, it won't let him stop thinking about Rivaille. He pulled the blanket up to his head, forcing himself to sleep.

A boy around the age of fifteen ran towards the sleeping boy underneath the tree. In his hand was a sketchbook that he used to bring everywhere he goes. A raven-haired boy called out his name.

"Eren… Eren!" watching those green eyes starting to open, blinking a few times to look at the older boy heading towards him. Eren rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Levi-san…" he called his name as Levi comfortably sat beside him. The boy stared down at him, giving him the sketch book for Eren to look.

"Do you remember these wings?" Rivaille showed him a sketch of wings overlapping with blue and white color. It had a pentagon symbol at the back of the wings. Those green eyes lightened when he showed Eren the symbol. Eren brought the sketch book closer to his eyes to examine it closely. He gave a nod, his pupils trembling at the flash of memory.

"This is…" Rivaille nodded, he felt a wash of happiness in his chest when the boy acknowledged it.

"Freedom Wings. These were our symbol in the Scouting Legion that time. Do you remember?" He said giving the details to him. The boy's smile widened for a moment before his facial expression changed. Eren quickly brushed his tears when it falls down on his cheek. Rivaille quickly pats his head.

"Eren, don't cry…" he whispered.

"I felt so sad all of a sudden." Hearing that, Rivaille gave a knowing smile. He pulled the boy into his arms, embracing him tightly as he caresses his back. He lied on the grass with the boy on top of him, his hand not stopping from caressing his back. For a moment his eyes felt heavy as he closed his eyes, and soon afterwards, fell asleep on the soft grass beneath him.

Rivaille slowly opened his eyes, waking up from his dream. He slowly sat up, blinking a few times as he recalled the dream he had.

'Childhood dream, huh?' Rivaille brought his hand to his eyes, rubbing it softly and gave a small yawn. It was Saturday today; the school was having a holiday of course. He swung his legs off the bed and sleepily walked to the bathroom. It was rare for him to have such a dream. His mind then drifted to the boy in his dream. Eren… had he been having this kind of dream lately? Rivaille let out a loud sigh. It was morning and his mind was already so busy thinking. He quickly turned the tap water on and splashed cold water at his face several times.

Rivaille stared blankly at the television, not knowing what to do with his holiday. It was when Irvin interrupted him that he turned his attention towards the older man.

"Is there somewhere that you would like to go today?" Irvin asked as he put the last dirty plate in the dishwasher. Rivaille was now dangling his arm on the back of the sofa, throwing a bored look at him.

"Nothing in particular." He mumbled. He was hoping that he could have something to do other than lazing around in the house. Maybe he should do the cleaning?

"Oh… It started snowing…" Irvin said when he checked outside the window. Rivaille's eyes shifted to the snow from outside the window then a realization dawned on him. He whipped his head towards the calendar.

"Crap, Petra… I almost forgot." Rivaille said, cursing as he rose to his feet. Irvin looked at him for a moment in confusion.

"You can't possibly go back to France just to go to her, right?" Watching the shorter male walk back towards his room to change clothes.

"No, of course not!" Irvin was puzzled at his answer before he shook his head, smiling at his cousin. He looked back to the window muttering to himself,

"It's always snowing on the day you left, Petra…"

"Irvin, I'm going. I'll take the umbrella." Rivaille said as he walked outside the house, fully ready. Irvin stared at the closed door, the younger male didn't even asked if his cousin wanted to go along with him. Shaking his head, he let out a soft chuckle. It's good to have Rivaille a bit energetic. His blue eyes stared at the mug he was holding in his hand. His features changed from relaxed into a sour expression. Irvin puts the mug down and walked towards a small vase. He plucked one of the roses after he made sure it was the smallest of all. He then walked back into his room and places the roses in front of Petra's photo. His eyes stared at her smiling face with a flickering sadness.

'Petra, it's been a few years after you passed away. I guess you are free up in heaven without illness and pain now. Rivaille is slowly making his life better each day. I hope you can guide him from above to have his past life forgotten.' Grazing the photo frame with the tips of his fingers, Irvin's lips formed into a thin smile.

Rivaille walked inside a flower shop and momentarily stopped when he saw the boy he wasn't expecting to see during the holiday. Their eyes met for a moment before Eren blushed at his sight.

"Good Morning, Rivaille-san." He mumbled to him, fumbling on the card he was holding. Rivaille gave a silent nod, eyes never leaving him.

"Morning." He mumbled back, standing beside him in front of the counter.

"Eren, here is the flower." Mikasa paused when she saw Rivaille standing beside her brother. The girl frowned at him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not hiding her annoyance in her voice. Rivaille shrugged at her.

"I can ask you the same thing." He slipped his hands inside his jacket's pocket. Surely, their school was not against their students having a part-time job. Mikasa is working in a flower shop? Rivaille had to hold his mockery, knowing very well how violent the girl could be when she wanted to. Eren smiled at him.

"Mikasa is working here as a part-time. This flower store is Christa's mother's business. Though Christa was now having an errand to the market near here." Rivaille fumed after Eren explained the reason. Mikasa gave the bouquets of flowers to Eren when he reached his hands for it.

"Here. Can you put my own bouquet-made in front of her grave as well? I will go there after I finish my shift this evening." Eren nodded at her, slipping the card inside the bouquet.

"Grave?" Rivaille asked, earning a look from both of them.

"Yes, our mother's." Eren said, staring at the bouquets in his hands.

"I see… I'm also here for grave flowers. One bouquet, and separated flower petals, please." Rivaille said, eyeing Mikasa to prepare them for him. Mikasa silently nodded at him and walked back inside the small storage where she picked the flowers and stuff.

"May I know who those are for?" Eren eyed him curiously.

"Petra… a friend of mine. Irvin's childhood friend."

"I see…" Eren watched him for a moment, halting up the question about the other petals for. After Mikasa was done with Rivaille's order, they both walked out the store in silence, raising their umbrellas. Eren looked at the older man, unsure what to say to him, speculating which graveyard Rivaille was going to visit.

"I will go with you to the graveyard." Rivaille said knowing what Eren was thinking.

"Oh… okay…" he said and led him to the train station.

Eren places the flower on top of the grave; he then crouched down and clapped his hands together, praying. Opening his eyes after a few minutes to realize that Rivaille had put one of the flower bouquets in front of his mother's grave, praying along with him. His green eyes looked down to the flower when Rivaille opened his eyes.

"Do you know my mother as well?" Eren asked in a soft voice. Rivaille stood up from his crouching position, taking the flower in his hand.

"A long time ago, when you were seven years old." He turned his back to Eren. The brunet rose to his feet, frowning at him.

"I see… another forgotten memory…" Rivaille looked at the boy from the corner of his eyes when the frustrated tone was heard in his voice. Eren staggered when Rivaille started to walk away. Following the man in wonder, he called out to him, but Rivaille kept walking, fully ignoring him. Eren's footsteps trailed him whilst Rivaille walked towards the barrier of the cliff, showing a full view of the ocean. Eren stood beside the man, surprised when Rivaille pulled the flower petals from inside the small plastic bag and throwing them by the sea little by little. Walking closer to the barrier, his eyes stared down at the fallen petals onto being washed away by the wave.

"Petra… Thank you for your guidance. Now I'm here with the person I've been longing to see. It must be your doing for bringing us together again." Rivaille whispered as his eyes stared into the horizon. For a moment Eren stayed silent at those words. He wasn't sure if he should ask what he meant by those words, who Rivaille was seeking for that he said along those lines.

"Petra was a friend of mine. She was much older than I am. She was born with an illness and had to be inside the house for the rest of her life. I went back to France when I was 15 years old and stayed in her house for a few years. Irvin knew I wouldn't like being sent back home, because my parents thought of me differently. As an aristocrat, having a weird child like me who could see many hallucinations, they thought of me as filthy." Eren gazed at Rivaille's whose eyes never leaving the horizon. He could see his murky glares when he started telling him the story. The younger of the two didn't say anything to let Rivaille continue, but he couldn't help not to frown at the thought of Rivaille's parents.

"Hanji, is her distant relatives, yes, I know. It's surprising enough. That science-freak, Hanji Zoe, your science teacher. She was the one taking care of her the whole time, while continuing studying in university. When I stayed in the house, Petra was the only one listening to my past life stories. She was so kind and trusting. Never did she laughed on every of my stories like Irvin did. Sometimes I wonder if she could also see those chain nightmares." The raven haired man walked closer to the metal barrier and leaned his arms against it despite the coldness.

"Did she pass away from the illness?" Eren asked in a soft tone, earning a nod from the older man.

"Yes, sadly it didn't last long of my stay there. After the burial, I went to the military on my own will despite the fact that Irvin tried to stop me." Green met dark orbs for a moment, before Rivaille stood up straight, breaking their eye contact. He wasn't sure if he should tell Eren about the reason he entered the Military.

"Let's go. The snow is getting heavier." Rivaille said and walked away, half ordering Eren to follow him. Eren hesitated for a moment but he followed the man nonetheless. He felt by following him, maybe he would know something important. Somehow, looking Rivaille's back as they walked out from the graveyard made Eren's heart clenched painfully. His eyes saw a silhouette of wings on Rivaille's back pasted on a green cloak. Blinking in surprise, Eren quickly rubbed his eyes and the wings disappeared from his line of sight.

'Was it my imagination?'

TBC

A/N:

First of all, I want to apologize for those who liked Petra ;w; If you ask me why I chose her to be one of the chara's death beside Eren's mom, well, she's the closest to Rivaille, you know, the SPOILER'marriage'SPOILER thing. And after listening to the OST "Call Your Name," I got the idea what her life supposed to be in this ff. Once again, sorry D:

Second, I'm starting the story telling :3 I'm sure that all of you already know what happened in the past as all of you had watched the anime. The giants, 3D MG and stuff. So I won't write full details on it, I mean what for? XD I won't write something all of you had known while watching and reading snk. But I will write something about how their past lives ended and how it was related to this ff. :D

Third, Thank you –hugs all for reading this fic– Upcoming next, will be a date. –wink wink– :DD Reviews are much appreciated.

Forth, As for the question from latechocox3,No, Irvin did not remember about his past life. When he said "It's always snowing during the day you left, Petra…"I mean, when Petra passed away, it was snowing. .w. since then every year it's her death anniversary , its always snowing. that's what I mean.

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