I knew that that was the last time I would see Jacob and be able to recognise him. I looked outside the window; I had a matter of minutes left before I was to die. And oddly, I was okay with it. I was shocked at how calm I was to my own death. What made me nervous was the pain, blood thirst and wanting to kill people part of the deal.
"Bella?" Edward asked, hovering by the door, wondering whether or not to come in.
"Come in Edward. I'm ready…" I told him firmly. I had prepared for this day for months, years probably. Edward, however, had only just accepted that he was going to change me. He had hardly anytime to anticipate what was going to happen and the fact that he was the one doing it.
"Are you sure?" he asked, yet again. He was constantly asking me whether I wanted to turn back on him, on us and our plans to spend the rest of eternity together.
I thought back to Jacob, to how upset he was. I also thought back to Verity, a little girl whom had no idea that her sister was a vampire. They would have a happy life together, I was certain of it.
Yet there was some part of me, a small part; that wished that I was in Verity's position. That I was the one he was waiting to spend the rest of his life with. We would spend our time being reckless, riding motorcycles and cliff diving just like we had done when Edward had left. I truly loved Jacob, I was sure of this. But as he and I both knew, loving someone was not enough to overcome all this. If only none of this was happening, then things may have been easier.
Then I thought of Edward. I looked into his golden eyes; they had never been so bright. He wasn't wearing anything formal or eye-catching to him. But to me, his tight black jumper and white shirt sticking out from underneath added to his beauty. I stared at him and all his beauty and realised that I there was nothing that I was not willing to do to be able to be with him forever.
Edward was my life, my death and my after-life.
"I'm completely sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my life" I said, staring at him with deep determination. I would get through these three days only because Edward was by my side. If he wasn't there for me during the next three days, it would probably drive me to suicide, which ironically I seemed to already be doing by willingly getting bitten.
"The others are outside by the door, do you want them to be here?" he asked quietly. I could tell that he was only asking these questions as a formality, underneath he was hesitant and reluctant for any of this to happen. If he had had his way whilst I also had mine, he would probably lock himself in his room like Rosalie.
"No! I don't want them to see me once it happens! I'll be in a terrible state…I don't even know whether I'd attack them or not…please explain…I don't want to seem rude…" I started off, panicked at the idea of my new in-laws watching me scream in agony.
"I'll let Carsisle come in, he's got your morphine and a sedative ready so that you don't feel as much pain initially…" he informed me as he walked to the door and let the model-like doctor walk through the door and to my bed.
"This will knock you out for about twelve hours, the morphine will have faded away by then so you might wake up to agony but when you have woken up I'll give you another dose…" he started to explain, before I unintentionally cut him off.
"Wake up? How can I sleep? I thought vampire's couldn't sleep?" I asked hurriedly, officially confused.
"You'll still have a lot of blood in your system, the sedative will be able to travel around the bloodstream and send you to sleep. It will only work for the first twenty-four hours though." He answered politely, getting a needle out.
"Not a needle…" I moaned, backing away.
"You're willing to have venom injected through my teeth yet you don't want a sedative, something that should help you ignore the pain, because it's through a needle…" Edward muttered to himself, still irritated at how I feared needles above him and his vampire-ways.
"Wait, you're going to give me the sedative before I get bitten?" I asked quickly, looking from Edward to Carsisle.
"What did you think? That I was going to allow you to watch me kill you? Be serious Bella…" Edward asked, astonished at the idea of me being awake.
"I'd just…like to remember…" I said meekly.
"But you won't remember!" Edward replied softly, but with a menacing tone hidden underneath.
"Okay…do it" I said, holding out my arm as I closed my eyes shut. At first I thought the needle had gone in and that I hadn't felt a thing but suddenly the needle was in my arm and my veins grew cold with the sedative.
"Edward?" I asked quietly, my eyelids growing heavy.
"Yes Bella?" he replied, taking my hand and breathing unnecessarily, preparing himself to do the worst.
"I love you, don't you ever forget that…" I mumbled, using my remaining strength to keep my eyes open.
"I won't. I love you too. But for now you need to sleep, it's the last time you ever will…" he said with a serious tone. I wondered whether he was trying to be funny to help him calm his nerves.
I chuckled sleepily, unaware of how heavy my limbs were. I reluctantly closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep, for the last time.