The Consequences of Dying

The Regret


I was scared. More than scared. From the way Edward talked, I was certain that this guy counted himself with the werewolves and so what if he was my dad's friend? I didn't even know my dad. I slowly, human pace slow, made my way to the door and knocked on it quietly, praying that he didn't hear.

But of course he did and when he opened the door I saw a guy sitting in a wheelchair. A surge of guilt swept over me, this guy was completely defenceless, how was I even scared of him? He couldn't hurt a child, let alone a vampire.

"Hello Bella, isn't this a surprise? Can I ask what this visit is about?" he asked politely yet coldly, moving his wheelchair so I could come in. I could see the dislike in his eyes, he knew alright, but Edward was right, he wouldn't hurt me: vampire or no vampire.

I had a real urge to say no, I hadn't thought of an excuse; what was I meant to say to him?

"Jacob invited me...he told me to wait here for him...he wants to talk..." I rambled on, hoping he would believe me. Apparently he did, he nodded slowly and gestured towards the couch. I took a seat and he returned to cooking dinner.

I sat on the couch in a stiff position, breathing unnecessarily deeply to control the smell of him; he didn't smell appealing but I hadn't had anything to drink since I transformed, I was thirsty. I thought back to what I had done and how Edward had left me. I was heartbroken; it was like when he left me when I was human two years ago. I felt empty with the uncertainty that he would return.

Suddenly, whilst Billy was cutting some vegetables, he cut his finger. I could smell the blood like it was next to my nose. My mind went into overdrive as I clutched the sides of the couch to stop from getting up and drinking the life out of him. I wondered whether I should help or not, he couldn't wheel his chair round for some tissues to stop the blood flow. I felt too sorry for him, I needed to help.

In seconds I had a plaster and some tissues and handed them over. He stared at me, deciding whether I was being Bella Bella or Vampire Bella. When he took the tissues it confirmed that he had chosen the first option. I held his hand softly to place the plaster on and within the same second my hands left his, eyes wide.

For a moment I had completely forgotten about my power, it frightened me when I saw his greatest desire, because I was in it. I saw Jacob and me together, in love and happy. And again, like it is in most people's desires apparently, I was human. I held my hand like it had been burned and before Billy could even react to my weird behaviour I was out the door, in the woods. Still holding my hand with the other.

I had to think things through, I had no idea who Billy was, apart from that he was Charlie's friend. Why was his greatest desire for me and Jacob to be together? I ran through ideas quickly and decided that Billy must be related to Jacob, like his dad or maybe an uncle. No other person would have a desire for someone else to be happy unless that person was his child.

I clutched my silky hair with both hands. Why did everyone want me human? Edward, the love of my vampire existence, wanted me human and Billy, the father of the guy I once loved, wanted me human. Did Jacob himself want me human?

I thought back to my dreadful crime scene. I had punched Jacob in the face; we had made skin to skin contact, so I must have seen his desire but I was too busy thinking about Verity to notice. I thought hard about the vision I must have had earlier. Then it hit me.

Jacob's desire was strange. It was split in two, like two parallel universes. One was him and Verity, I presume, they were in love and happy and were enjoying their life to the full. And then there was Jacob and...and me...we were in love and I remembered him and of course...I was human. I sank to the floor.

Had I made the wrong choice by turning into a vampire?

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