This was wrong. I was leading Bella out to the Cullen's garden with an intention that both she and I knew but had no way to stop.
I was going to kill her.
My mind was telling me that I didn't have to do this, that I wasn't a killer. But my heart, the adrenaline running through my veins told me that Quil was dead and that someone had to pay the price for it.
But as we walked in silence, I couldn't help but be at awe at Bella's courage. She had basically sacrificed herself for the Cullen's. Those heartless, murderous bloodsuckers. She really was one of them now.
"Jacob," Bella whispered, her voice was soft. "Before...before it happens...I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I don't know if you know this, but I was the one who asked to get bitten, they didn't force it on me. In fact, Edward refused until I persuaded him into doing it. So once...once it's over...please leave the Cullen's alone. They don't deserve any of this, I do."
I wanted to spit at her stupid nobility. Her loyalty to the Cullen's infuriated me beyond belief.
But this was still Bella, not exactly my Bella, but Bella nonetheless. Some part of me, the part that still loved her was raging inside my chest, doing all that it could to stop me in my tracks. And suddenly I had transformed back into a human and I was speaking to her, talking to her as if she wasn't a vampire, as if she was my original Bella.
"Bella, I didn't mean any of this to happen. It's all just got out of hand, Verity getting hurt, Quil dying. It's not fair that you're stupid Cullen's should walk away free with no battle scars. But I don't want to hurt you, there's some part of me that still loves you, even if you don't remember..."
She looked up at me, stared intently into my eyes, trying to find the memory that had long ago faded into the past. But after a moment, she sighed. She hadn't the power to bring back dead memories.
"I know you love me Jacob; I've seen it in your desire. You love me and yet you love Verity. Your heart is split in half because you can't let me go and I can't allow it. If you are in love with Verity, you should give her your entire heart and soul. Don't waste it on me Jacob, it was never meant to be." She spoke fluidly but her eyes were directed at the floor, as if she couldn't bear to tell this to my face.
"The only thing standing between you and death is the fact that I still love you," I reminded her.
"Don't you get it Jacob? I deserve to die! I hurt my own sister, I crave for her blood. I was so naive to think that it would be so simple, that I would just become a vegetarian like that. I should have seen the signs, the difficulty Jasper was having, even Edward when he met me! I ignored it all...I've been so stupid..." She said, more to herself than to me.
I didn't know what to say because the truth of the matter was that she was right. She had done all those things, every second she was alive, Verity was in danger.
This was it. The final choice, I didn't think it would come so soon.
The decision to kill Bella for Verity.
Everything was ready, I had Bella, I had the trees around me as fuel for the fire, I had everything...
Apart from the courage to do it.
Who was I kidding? I wasn't a killer, they may have killed Quil but was I really going to damn myself to hell and do the same?
"Bella, can you leave forks? Leave and never come back, stay as far away from Verity as possible and never try to see her again?" I asked quickly, my words coming out one on top of the other.
Bella's face lit up, even though she wanted to die a second ago, the chance to start over somewhere else was like a dream come true.
"Of course! We were planning to move to Alaska anyway!" She exclaimed, delighted.
"That's perfect! Verity won't be in danger and you'll have the chance to start over!" I said excitedly. We were like two people who had just struck gold, giddy with happiness.
"Jacob," came a misery-filled voice from the back door. I recognised the voice instantly.
Of course, Edward.
"It's OK Edward, I'm not killing Bella," I told him in a low, grumpy voice. Happy though I was that I wasn't to become a murderer, I was annoyed that he had burst our bubble of happiness.
"Really?" He said, forgetting his misery for a moment as he ran to Bella and gripped her in a tight hug, as if he would never let her go as he whispered over and over again how much he loved her into her ear.
It was disgusting.
"Jacob, I actually came here to tell you something else..." He said, his voice was guarded.
"What is it bloodsucker?" I practically spat at him.
"They're taking Verity away...for good." He said, still holding Bella with one arm around her waist.
They were taking Verity away from me? But if it becomes permanent I would...If she remains too far away for too long my heart would...and I would...This could be the death of me. I was going to die. I couldn't let them do it. I had to stop them before it was too late, stop them before it was too late for me.
"No! NO! NO!" I screamed, my skin started to rumble across my body as I violently started to shake. This wasn't happening. I couldn't let this happen!
"Go! They're at Charlie's house saying their goodbyes." He said, how he knew that I would never know myself.
"Jacob, what is this? What does this mean?" Bella asked with clear panic in her voice.
But I couldn't answer; I wouldn't know how to answer. I started to run. Run as fast as my legs would let me.
Running for my life.