The Consequences of Dying

The Choice

Bella

This had to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

Why had Edward dragged me here? Didn't he realise that this whole house was covered in Verity's scent? That my head was about to implode from the restraint I had placed on myself?

We entered the living room and the first thing I saw was that little tiny baby. Suddenly all my senses whirled into a tornado. All I could see was her. All I could hear was her heartbeat. All I could feel was my bloodlust. All I could taste was her scent on my tongue.

I was inches away from pouncing on her. But then I felt Edward's hand lightly touch mine and this simple action blew everything back into perspective. I couldn't do this to him, not when he had made so much effort to make everything right. Why was I always making mistakes and leaving him to clean them up?

No. I had to be strong. I had to survive through this. For him, for me, for us.

Thankfully, my mind was mentally slapped before Renee (Edward had reminded me that she was in fact my mother) came up and hugged me. My vampire instinct was to crush her and drink every last drop of blood within her, regardless of whether I craved her blood or not. But I didn't, I controlled myself, something I couldn't believe was possible.

But before I knew it, Edward was gone. He had disappeared into the other room with Charlie. My reason to control myself had vanished from my sight.

There were only four people left in the room: me, Phil, Renee and Verity.

If I could hyperventilate, I would've. My brain was collapsing in on itself; all rational thinking was slowly dissolving in sea of bloodlust.

I had to have her. I had to have her now.

"So sweetie, there's something me and Phil have been meaning to tell you. This isn't easy, but…we're leaving. Phil is going to apply for a job in New York. We've been planning this for a while but our decision was only confirmed earlier…" Renee started blabbing. I truly didn't care, not one bit. They could go, leave forever. In fact, they probably wouldn't make it out of this room. Once I had killed Verity it was highly likely that I'd have to kill them too.

But something big and hairy caught my eye in the window. Jacob was standing outside in his wolf-form, too scary-looking to enter but too scared himself to leave.

I didn't need Edward's mind-reading power to know what he was thinking. His eyes bled with sorrow, with pleading and strangely so, with hope.

He still had faith in me. After everything I had done to him, like when I had punched him, hurt Verity and triggered a fight that resulted in Quil's death and yet he still had faith. He somehow hoped that I would do this for him, for Verity, for the part of me that still urged to do the right thing.

I had to do this. For Jacob. For the part of me that still loved him, regardless of whether I remembered him or not. I couldn't imagine a world without Edward just like how he couldn't imagine a world without Verity.

I had to do this to save what little true love there was in the world.

"Please don't go!" I begged, holding my hands to my face and pretending to cry. In reality I was holding my breath to Verity's scent and closing my eyes so that I didn't have to look at her.

"Oh honey, I told Phil that if you weren't okay with it then we weren't moving a muscle! I just had assumed that…since you were married to Edward now…that you wouldn't really need me around anymore…" She spluttered, running over to hug me and squeeze me tightly. I dare not try to hug her back in case I broke her in half.

"She's right Bella, we're perfectly happy here. It was just an idea, future planning and all. If you want us to stay then we'll stay," Phil added, hesitating to hug me too. Instead he stood where he was, Verity in his arms.

This was the final choice. Was I willing to keep them around, even though it meant having to battle the blood thirst every single day? I was being presented with the easy way out. The option to send them away for good so that I wouldn't have to be a monster anymore.

My selfish thoughts suddenly flooded back to me. I had always been selfish; it was one of my personality flaws. I had such a selfish urge, to tell them it was fine, that I'd be okay and that they should send me a postcard as soon as they get there. I wouldn't have to worry anymore, all the drama would end. I could be myself and be with Edward forever, happy and not blood thirsty.

But then there was Jacob. Could I really be responsible for killing Jacob? This was a matter of life and death, but if Verity stayed there was a high chance that I would kill her but if she was sent away there was a definite chance that Jacob would die.

Verity or Jacob? I never once thought I'd have to make this choice.


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