The Consequences of Dying

The Decision

Bella

How stupid does this situation sound? It's my wedding day, I'm alone in the back of a limousine and I'm crying over the fact that I cannot be with another man when I'm supposed to be married. I refused to believe this was happening to me. Everything had just gone downhill from the second I entered this stupid limousine with Edward.

I love Edward, that I have no doubt. But I also love Jacob. To hear that he had found his soul mate was like crushing my heart that belonged to him. It seems so selfish I know. I was upset because he had found his true love when I was already married to mine. Some part of me wanted him to remain un-imprinted just so that I knew he loved me as much as I loved him, which was probably impossible now.

He probably only had eyes for my sister which is about a million times worse.

My sister? He had been imprinted by my sister? I would have to watch, during the first eighteen years of my eternal damnation, Jacob and my sister slowly fall in love and get married. It was too much to bear. Whenever I would think about my sister, I would think about her and Jacob. And from now on, whenever I would think about Jacob, my broken heart would quiver with pain. How could all of this have happened so quickly? As far as my guests were concerned, they still thought I was the happiest girl on earth.

I should be the happiest girl on earth. I'm married to Edward, the love of my life. He was my true love, my soul mate and the person I would spend the rest of eternity with. But could I really do this? Could I really allow myself to be signed up for a life without Jacob? Beforehand it had sounded so simple, get bitten and live with Edward forever. Now it was different, get bitten or live a life without Jacob.

But no matter how long I sit here, thinking about whether or not to get bitten, I know what my answer will be. To me, it's already been written in my destiny that I will become a vampire. Sometimes I wonder whether Alice has already 'seen' me become one, because I am that certain.

And even though this whole Jacob getting imprinted thing may have wavered me from my decision, it was still going to happen. Because there was no point living a life with someone who already had a future with someone else. It would be much better for both of us if I just forgot about him altogether. He would live a happy life with Verity and I would live a happy life with Edward.

Everyone would be happy.

So then why am I so miserable? I was still rocking in my seat, I was still crying over Jacob and I was still wishing that there was a way we could be together.

But what about Edward? I knew that if I spoke to him about this, he would willingly give me up to Jacob in the hope that I would remain human. I needed someone who I could trust completely and see my point of view, both versions of it.

And there she was, like she had 'seen' herself coming into the limousine. Alice sat next to me and without saying a word she took me into a long hug, not expecting any conversation. I was never more grateful that she was here.

"Alice, thank you so much…" I hiccupped, ready to talk to her about what happened.

"Hold a sec," she stopped me, closing her eyes for a couple of seconds and then re-opening them. "Just told Edward not to listen in on our conversation"

"Oh…" I didn't know what to say on the matter of Edward. I had been so rude to him earlier; he was so sweet just accepting my irrational behaviour like that. It just made me love him more.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asked, but I could tell from the tone of her voice that she already knew. I wondered whether I should be angry at her for not warning me beforehand, but I pushed this matter aside.

"Jacob…imprinted…Verity…" I whispered quietly, hoping that she would string the points together. This really wasn't necessary, this whole charade, she already knew.

"What do you want to do?" she asked simply, staring at me with concerned eyes.

Now this question made me really think. I knew exactly what she was referring to: she was asking whether or not I still wanted to become a vampire.

"Let's do it…tonight…" I said defiantly, as the expression 'It's either now or never' floated across my mind…

She nodded, closed her eyes and let Edward know that I had made my decision.


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