A Love That Wants to Live

Chapter 32

Lucy woke up with a terrible ache behind her eyes and for a moment wondered why they felt so crusty, until last night's events came crashing down on her. Sniffing, she pushed the tears back as she climbed into her shower. She didn't understand what had happened last night between her and Laxus, she wasn't even really sure that she wanted to. For now she sat in her shower, allowing the warm water to rush over her, and cried some more.

She was surprised when she stepped out of her shower to find Levy sitting in her bedroom. Natsu and Gray, she was used to. Even Erza broke in from time to time, but not Levy. Levy was too shy for that sort of thing, but here she was, sitting on the floor of Lucy's bedroom, looking at her hands in discomfort.

"What's up, Levy?" Lucy asked softly as she dressed.

"Something happened last night, didn't it? After we left? Something between you and Laxus," The bluenette asked, her eyes still on the floor.

Lucy stiffened, "What makes you say that?"

"Laxus came in this morning, grabbed the first quest he saw, and handed it to Mira to be authorized. I heard Evergreen ask about you and Laxus say something about how you wouldn't be going on anymore quests with him. Not them, but him."

Lucy sighed, tears filling her eyes again as she sat down beside Levy.

"Lucy, you were so happy yesterday, and he seemed happy, too. What happened?" Levy asked gently, causing Lucy's tears to flow freely as she sobbed into her favorite girl friend's shoulder.

"I don't know," She finally managed. "We were doing so well, then he showed up last night and accused me of being easy and called me a bitch. Even now I don't understand what happened."

Levy wrapped her arms around her best friend as she called Mira, explaining what had happened to the take-over mage, who had originally overheard the whole conversation and asked Levy about it in confusion.

Laxus had entered the guild with only one thing on his mind - get as far away from Magnolia, and the woman who had broken his heart, as possible. Not to mention his house, which looked like as if a destructive force had blown through it and destroyed every single breakable object in it. He knew Mira would have questions when he got back. Thankfully he'd had enough sense to confide his anger to a few rooms and then block them off so that Thor wouldn't accidently wander into them.

He grabbed the first quest his hands touched and gathered up his team as he shoved the request at Mira. She raised an eyebrow, but kept her thoughts to herself. Evergreen spoke for the both of them.

"Where's Lucy?"

Laxus shot a death glare at her before remembering that no one yet knew what had transpired last night.

"Lucy's not going to be going on any more missions with me," He growled as they headed out the door.

The Thunder Legion all exchanged concerned looks before they rushed to catch up with their leader.

"Why not? The last one went really well - minus Lucy getting captured of course," Bickslow said, metaphorically putting his foot in his mouth.

"Precisely, we cannot have someone as weak as her in our group," Laxus snapped. "I will not allow it."

The group fell silent after that, afraid to make any more mention of the blonde that they had all grown to consider like family.

Mira tapped the lacrima in annoyance.

"Laxus, you have got to come home," She whined. "Lucy hasn't left her room since you left. Please, not even Natsu can get her to come out. We even threatened her with Erza and she still won't move. You need to talk to her."

"Why would I care?" Laxus sneered, though his heart constricted at the thought of his now ex-girlfriend crying all alone in her room.

"It's been two weeks, Laxus, come home and talk to her," Mira said. "Gramps is demanding that you take action."

Laxus sighed as he nodded, "Fine, but don't expect anything good to come of it."

Mira gave him a grateful smile as he shut off his lacrima. He sighed again, wondering what he was going to say to Lucy. He definitely didn't forgive her, in fact he was still angry about the whole thing, but if she was still locked up in her room like they said then obviously she either felt extremely guilty or she didn't see what she did as wrong. Either way he wanted to hear her reasoning.

"Pack up, guys, we're going home," He said, turning away from them.

He didn't miss the collective sigh of relief, though.

Lucy wasn't sure how long she had been like this. Longer than she had originally intended, she knew. Every time someone even mentioned her leaving her house, though, she moved herself further away from the door. The idea of going outside hurt, the idea of going to the guild hurt even more. She didn't want to see Laxus. She didn't even understand what had happened between them, only that Gray, Mira, and Loke were probably right. He'd gotten what he wanted from her and now he was done with her.

Loke and Virgo took turns coming to see her, though she didn't understand why. About the fifth time Loke forced his gate open she looked up at him with dull eyes.

"How long have I been like this?" She asked softly with the zombie look still in her eyes.

"Two weeks," Loke answered gently.

Lucy nodded, seemingly unsurprised as she stared out the window. Every day seemed to pass exactly the same, she ate, she drank, she used the facilities when needed and slept when needed, otherwise she stared out the window, only differing when tears spilled across her eyes and she had to take a moment to collect herself again.

Loke sat beside her this time, stroking her hair gently.

"We did warn you," He said, not unkindly. "We tried to tell you he would hurt you."

She nodded and wiped her eyes, "I love him, though. I still love him."

"I know, Princess, I know," He answered, pulling her close to him.

She cried into his shoulder again, "When am I going to quit hurting?"

"Probably not for a really long time," He answered truthfully. "Maybe not ever. The pain will fade though. Eventually you will continue on with your life just as it was before that bastard entered it and hurt you."

"I don't want it to be like before, I want him back," Lucy wailed.

Loke shook his head in dismay. He didn't understand why she would want someone who hurt her back. Of course, he never really did understand humans. A knock sounded on her door just then and Loke vanished with a 'you'll probably want to get that.'

Lucy sniffed and brushed her hair back from her face as she answered the door to find Laxus standing there, glaring down at her.

"Come in," She mumbled as she turned her back to him and moved to sit back on her bed.

Laxus stared at Lucy in dismay. Her hair was greasy and disheveled as if she hadn't showered in a while and her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying and lack of sleep. He wondered if maybe he had made a mistake that night, but then anger shot through him. Where did she get off making him feel so guilty, anyways? He followed behind her and noticed that her normal pile of laundry hadn't really grown since last time he was here. Hadn't she been at least showering and changing? The sink contained one glass and plate, but no other dirty dishes which could mean that she'd just washed the rest, but something told him that was unlikely, given the state of the rest of her apartment.

He cringed inwardly, feeling awful about the way he'd treated her.

"Lucy," He sat down in front of her on the bed. "Why aren't you eating?"

She looked up and guilt flashed through her eyes, "I'm just not hungry."

"When was your last meal?"

He watched her think about, fear rising in him when she shrugged.

"Last time Levy and Erza were over, I think. Or did Natsu give me food when he was over," She thought about it before shrugging again.

Worry creased his brow, "Luce, you have to eat."

She shrugged again and annoyance flared in him.

"Where do you get off being the one all hurt and shit?" He demanded. "You think I enjoyed saying those things? You think this is how I wanted it to go?"

She shrugged again, refusing to look at him.

He grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly.

"Look at me, damn it," He growled.

She did and he inhaled sharply, that blank look she gave him was worse then the one she had given him earlier when she looked at him in sorrow. At least there was emotion then, now it seemed as if she was void of feeling.

Lucy didn't want to look at Laxus, she didn't even want him to be here talking to her. She just wanted him to go away so she could sit here in her apartment and stare at the outside world. A jolt of fear shot through her, however, when he shook her and she turned to stare at him on reflex.

The fear and anguish in his eyes surprised her. Why should he care what she was doing with herself? He was the one who had used her and then left, making it seem like it was her fault that they were breaking up in the first place, just because he didn't want to be with her anymore. So where did he get off worrying about her?

Anger shot through her then, surprising her. She hadn't felt anything but heartbreak since that night and the anger was a welcome change. She was angry with him for using her, for making her believe that he really cared about her and then dumping her, but she was angrier with herself for believing him and giving him the one thing he wanted.

"Why do you care?" She finally managed to spit out. "You used me and then left me like I was trash. All you care about is getting what you want and you got it. So if you don't mind, Get the hell out. I don't care what you want or what you're going to say because it's all just lies anyway."

Laxus looked at her in surprise, it had been a long while since he'd seen Lucy this angry and even longer still since she'd directed that anger at him.

"Lucy," He whispered, dropping his hands from her shoulders. "I just don't understand -"

"Well, neither do I," She interrupted. "Get out."

He sighed and stood, "Alright. I'm going to be at the guild for a bit if you need to talk. I just wanted to clear all of this up."

She shook her head, back to staring out the window.

"I don't care what you want anymore, Laxus Dreyer."

He turned, leaving her to cry once more.

Back at the guild he did something he never thought he would do - he sat down beside Natsu and Gray, glaring at the two.

"What'd you do to Lucy?" Natsu demanded before Laxus could get a word out.

"I broke up with her," He answered, irritated at the pair already.

"I told her that would happen," Gray sneered. "It's so typical of you."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have had to if you two had been a little more clever about leaving her house in the middle of the night. Next time you want to have a little rendezvous with your little play thing, try to be more discreet. Especially if she has a boyfriend."

They exchanged confused looks.

"What are you talking about?" Gray demanded.

"I saw you two that night, sneaking out of Lucy's window."

"We always do that," Natsu said, looking at Laxus incredulously. "Is that why you broke up with her? Because you saw us climbing out her window? Do you know how mad that makes her when we do that?"

"No kidding, every time she yells at us to use the door and we just don't. It's easier to go out the window," Gray scratched his head. "You should have confronted us first, it would have been a lot less messy. Really, Natsu might be stupid but he wouldn't cheat on Lisanna."

Laxus sighed, "No, I didn't think so, but what about you, Gray? You seem just as likely as the next guy to use a girl until he gets what he wants."

Gray laughed, "My interests lie elsewhere, believe me. Lucy's like a little sister."

His eyes wandered over to where Crime Sorciere had just walked in, following them as they headed toward Makarov's office. Understanding lit up in Laxus's eyes as he watched Gray eye Ultear.

"I have to go," He said, pushing away from the table.

Lucy. I'm so sorry. I have so much to make up for and explain.

He sprinted toward her house, hoping he wasn't too late to win her heart once more.

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