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Amy, No

By mythicaltunes

Humor / Drama

Amy, No

"Could we? Please?" Amy tugged pleadingly on the Doctor's hand, giving him the most seductive pout she could.

"Hmm?" The Doctor was fiddling with something on the console, not looking at her. She squeezed his hand angrily when she realized that he was just adjusting the heating.

"Ow!" He pulled his hand away and shook it, giving her a look of confusion. "What?"

"Oh, you know what." She sidled closer, making sure her legs were in full view. He glanced at them, then went back to the console.

"I'm afraid I don't."

Amy pulled at his jacket, beginning to feel frustrated. "Stop pretending you're asexual, you git. What are you? Dead from the neck up?"

"Oi!" He whipped around, about to speak, but she grabbed him by his red braces, pulling him close. He gasped, his jaw opening and closing as he thought of what to say. He settled with, "Can't Rory do that for you?"

"That's the point. Let's go find him." Amy turned, ready to drag him with her in search of her husband, but the Doctor stopped, his braces snapping back against his chest as she lost her grip.

"No, no." He was shaking his head furiously as she turned around, hair flapping around in his face. "No, no, no. That's… private humany stuff."

Amy snorted. "No it's not. Have you ever heard of porn?"

The way his eyes went wide suggested that he had, but then he just continued shaking his head again.

"Definitely not. You're my friend. Rory's my friend. I can't-"

"You want to," Amy accused, poking a finger at him.

The Doctor stumbled back a step.

"I do not!"

"Filthy liar."

"Fine. I am a filthy liar."

"Good. Let's go find Rory." She grabbed for him again.

"Shouldn't we ask him first?"

Amy stopped with a hand gripping one of his braces. She ground her teeth in frustration. Why was this man making everything so difficult?

"He's going to say no."

"Then what are we going to do?"

"How should I know?!" Amy released him and threw up her arms in exasperation. "Convince him."

"Convince Rory of letting us…" the Doctor trailed off and started laughing. "Oh god, I'm going to die!"

"Doctor, focus!" She slapped him in the shoulder. "We have to think of a way to convince Rory."

"Convince Rory of what?"

Amy whipped around at the sound of her husband's voice, her face flushing so red that it made her hair look dull.

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh." He came over to the console and crossed his arms over his chest, looking suspicious. "What have you two been doing?"

"Discussing things," the Doctor piped in.

"About me?"

"Sort of…"

"Both of you, spill it, now."

"Amy wants to have a threesome with us!" the Doctor abruptly shouted, then clamped a hand over his mouth. Amy glared at him and he gave her an apologetic look.

"What? What?!" Rory strode forward, eyes narrowed in anger, and shoved the Doctor back against the console, grabbing the collar of his jacket. "If you touch my wife, I'll cut off a part of you that you might end up missing!"

"Hey, Rory, calm down." Amy placed a hand on his shoulder and tugged him away from the Doctor. She hadn't meant to create such a mess.

"Why?"

"Sorry?"

"Why would you want to…" he gestured to him and then the Doctor as a form of explanation.

"Well, for starters, you're my husband, my wonderful gorgeous husband, and I love you." Come on! This has to work! She came forward and planted a quick kiss on his lips. "And he-" she snapped one of the Doctor's braces and he gave a surprised cry, "Seems a little undernourished, don't you think?"

"No."

"What?"

"I said no." Rory crossed his arms over his chest, then looked at the Doctor. "She talked you into this, didn't she?"

"Sort of…" Amy gave him a glare and he continued. "But I do think she's sexy."

"Doctor, I'm the only one who gets to do that."

"Okay…" He looked shamefully down at his feet.

No! Come on! Amy's plan was falling apart and she wasn't happy about it.

"Please, Rory?" She clung to his arm. "We could all have a good night."

"No! I don't want some freaky alien seeing me naked! I don't really want to see him either!"

"I take offense to that," the Doctor piped in, raising a hand as if to be noticed.

"Shut up, you!" Rory abruptly grabbed her arm and started pulling her away from the console. "Come on, Amy."

"Ooh, where are we going?" She wiggled her shoulders at him.

"Away from him."

Amy couldn't help smiling. Maybe her plan had fallen apart, but she was still going to be happy with the result.

"I like it when you're angry."

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