☀︎ 19 ☀︎
Over the next week, Taehyung discovers that living with Jungkook really was something he could get used to. Being isolated from the outside world seemed to be therapeutic for the time being, just being locked away in the small studio apartment with the younger was definitely an upgrade from having to be apart of normal society. But he knows it isn’t something he could really get used to, in a few more weeks he’ll be starting his final university year and that wasn’t something he could do being locked away. Integrating himself back into his normal routine is something he’s going to have to work on, and slowly but surely he’s beginning to do just that.
Becoming so dependant on Jungkook is another thing that Taehyung is trying to work on, but that’s something he’s completely terrified of doing. He feels guilty, leaning on his boyfriend so much and relying on him always being there when he needs him. He knows full well it isn’t healthy for their relationship, but after everything that’s happened, he’s scared to go back to standing on his own two feet. But he’ll try for the sake of keeping what they have, he doesn’t ever want to lose it after all.
“I need to go to the art store today, pick up some new sketch pads and canvases to bring to my studio,” Taehyung says one morning (midday) over breakfast.
“You have your own studio?” Jungkook says, shocked, but thinking about it further he wasn’t actually that shocked that Taehyung has his own space to work on his art.
“Yeah, my parents bought it for me when I first started to take my artwork seriously. They said they could see I have talented and wanted me to be able to work to the best of my ability, they’re the best.”
“They really are,” Jungkook agrees with a smile. “Let’s take a shower first and then we can go.”
“Actually, I was thinking about going by myself...” Taehyung speaks in a slight mumble, unsure about his own words but wanting to believe he can actually do things by himself again.
“Yeah? I mean- yes, I am. I shouldn’t be scared to do things by myself, I should feel safe now I’m not by the sea anymore.”
Jungkook frowns, the thought of Taehyung trying to push away the trauma he feels just because they’re back home isn’t something he can agree with so easily. “You also shouldn’t rush yourself into getting over everything that happened.”
“But I need to be normal again, Kookie. I can’t allow this to get in the way of my life.”
“You are normal, Tae,” Jungkook sighs as he leans across to cup Taehyung’s face. “I understand you wanting to go back to how everything was before, but please don’t push yourself into it.”
Taehyung smiles and nods, although he didn’t completely agree with the statement about him being normal. “I’ll start by taking a shower by myself, although I will miss you being all wet and naked beside me.”
“I bet you will,” Jungkook laughs, taking the plates over to the sink as he watches Taehyung make his way to the bathroom. He knows he shouldn’t pry about everything, but he can’t help but want to be protective over the elder after coming so close to losing him. But he also knows that he too has to learn to move on, he doesn’t want to end up smothering his boyfriend too much with all his worry. He’s an adult after all, and even after all that has happened he should be confident that he’ll be able to do things alone.
Jungkook hums as he cleans the kitchen, taking more time to clean his apartment now he has Taehyung staying with him. Before Taehyung came, he wouldn’t wash the dishes until he actually ran out of dishes to use. It was actually refreshing to have a clean place all the time, to be free from always losing things within the mess of stuff lying around. The place seems brighter, but Jungkook would argue that it was more to do with Taehyung being there and less to do with the cleanliness.
His thoughts go to Taehyung and how much happier he’s seemed over the last couple of days. The nightmares had stopped for the most part which meant Jungkook could finally sleep well again without constantly worrying and keeping himself awake to watch over the elder. Maybe it was time to start believing that he was getting better, maybe he should have confidence that he can do things by himself now.
Distracted, Jungkook doesn’t realise the glass beside him before he turns and knocks it from the counter, the glass shattering to pieces on the kitchen floor. “Shit,” he mumbles, sighing as he leans down to collect the pieces.
As Jungkook’s picking up the shards of glass he suddenly hears a yell of his name, startling him and causing a piece to cut his finger. He hisses as he brings his finger to his mouth in an attempt to stop the bleeding, scrambling back off the floor when another yell of his name comes from the bathroom. He panics as he rushes over to the bathroom door, hoping that Taehyung hadn’t slipped and hurt himself, that would be the worst thing that could happen right now.
When he enters the bathroom he sees Taehyung seated on the floor of the shower, sobbing into his knees as the water bounces off of his back. The sight breaks Jungkook’s heart, even after all the times he’s seen Taehyung so broken it still doesn’t get any easier to see. He quickly grabs the fluffiest towel he owns from the towel rack beside the shower before shutting off the water and crouching down to wrap the towel around Taehyung, softly shushing him as he did so. Without saying a word he picks him up from the ground and carries him out of the bathroom, sitting both of them down on the edge of the bed as he holds the elder close to him and rocks him softly.
“What happened, angel?” Jungkook quietly asks when Taehyung’s cries die down, hoping the question doesn’t set him off again.
“T-the water... I thought I could do it, I-I thought a s-shower wasn’t like being back in the sea, but the memories came b-back to me. Without you there to g-ground me I panicked, I t-thought I was going to die, Kookie.”
“Shh, It’s okay. You’re safe, I’m here.”
Taehyung takes a shaky inhale of breath, leaning his body more into Jungkook’s as his hands find the younger’s. “I f-feel so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. You just pushed yourself a little too soon, nobody is expecting you to just immediately get over everything.” Jungkook encourages, rubbing his nose against Taehyung’s wet hair.
Jungkook narrows his eyes, confused before he realises what he’d been doing before running to Taehyung’s aid. He barely even remembered the cut on his finger, too busy thinking about how to comfort his boyfriend to take a second to worry about his own injury. “I’m fine, it’s just a little cut.”
“But you’re bleeding,” Taehyung frowns, seemingly finally getting back to his normal state. He takes an edge of the towel and wraps it around Jungkook’s finger to clear away the blood and stop the bleeding, being careful not to cause the younger any pain. “Where’s your medical stuff? We need to get this cleaned up.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, Tae.”
“All you do is worry about me, so if I want to worry about you then I’m more than entitled to do that.”
“Okay, okay,” Jungkook laughs. “You can be my nurse once you’ve completely calmed down.”
“I am calm.”
“You’re still shaking, so I know that’s a lie.”
Taehyung sighs, slumping back against Jungkook before unwrapping the younger’s finger and placing a kiss on the cut. “Healing kisses, the first part of your recovery.”
“You’re adorable,” Jungkook smiles down at Taehyung, every part of him melting when he receives an equally as bright smile back.
They sit there for a little longer until Taehyung insists on finally going to get the medical supplies, claiming Jungkook would ‘die from blood loss’ if he didn’t treat it right away. It was only a small cut, but for the sake of not having a whiney boyfriend on his hands, Jungkook lets him go. The elder spends a while cleaning up the cut and placing kisses onto it before finally wrapping a bandaid around it and declaring he was done.
After that, Jungkook makes sure Taehyung was all dry before helping him get into some clothes, although the elder insists he was perfectly okay to do it by himself. But after seeing the sight in the bathroom Jungkook felt as if they were back to square one, he couldn’t help feeling more protective once again.
“I feel like I take two steps forward and then five back. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again, I’ll forever just be the weird boy whose messed up because he was drunk and stupid and drowned himself.” Taehyung sadly says as he lays back on the bed and stares up at the ceiling.
“Don’t say that. You’ll be okay in time, I just think you need a little help getting there...” Jungkook uncertainly speaks as he sits beside the elder, not knowing how he’ll react to what he’s suggesting.
“Help? As in speak to my family more? Because as much as I love them, I really don’t think they’ll be able to help me.”
“I was thinking someone more professional... like, maybe a therapist?”
“Seriously, Kookie?” Taehyung frowns as he sits up to be eye level with his boyfriend. “I don’t need someone prying into my business, I’m perfectly fine dealing with it the way I am now.”
“But you’re not, Tae, and as much as I’d love to think I can help you through this I can’t by myself. You need someone who can make sense of everything, give you ways to move forward and leave all of it behind you,” Jungkook tries to explain.
“I’m scared though. A therapist will make me relieve it and I just can’t, I can’t speak out loud about what happened, what I felt when I was there...”
“I know, angel. At least try it though, if you don’t like it after the first session then we’ll find another way.”
Taehyung looks down at his lap before hesitantly nodding, trying it couldn’t hurt. Maybe it is what he needs, maybe he does need to talk about it in order to put the whole thing behind him. That doesn’t make it a less terrifying concept though, the thought of having to tell a stranger about the worst moment in his life wasn’t ever going to be a pleasant thought in his mind. But when Taehyung sees Jungkook smiling encouragingly at him he knows he has to face his fears, he would never want to lose the privilege of seeing that smile just because of his weakness. He can’t lose the best thing he has in this life, he won’t allow himself to.