☀︎ 20 ☀︎
Returning back to his own home felt strange to Taehyung, but as soon as he got a text saying his family were finally back from Malta he didn’t even hesitate before going there to see them. He’s tackled in a hug by both of his brothers the second he walks through the front door, both of them crushing him as they keep saying how it wasn’t the same without him around.
Jimin is the next one to smother Taehyung with love, the lack of contact between them when usually they’re completely inseparable really was starting to get to him. Taehyung almost feels bad that he hasn’t missed any of them even half as much as they seem to have missed him, but with everything that was happening with him, he could hardly be blamed for that.
“Has Jungkook been taking good care of you?” Jin asks as soon as Taehyung is released from all the hugs.
“He’s been brilliant, I’ve never felt so loved before.”
“Wow, I am insulted,” Jimin pouts sadly.
“Well you don’t take baths with me and smother me in kisses to keep me from freaking out, so Kookie is deserving of the most love award.” Taehyung laughs, reaching forward to squeeze Jimin’s cheeks together to get him to stop his pouting. Of course, it works and Jimin starts giggling instead.
“You have my blessing to marry him, go forth and multiply.” Jin claps loudly, a wide smile spreading across his face as he says the words.
“You feeling any better now that you’ve settled back here?” Namjoon asks, figuring he has to be the one to address the uncomfortable situation. It’s not as if they could just forget the reason why Taehyung left early, and he needs to know how his brother is feeling.
“Uh- I thought I was but it turns out I can’t really do anything without Kookie being there which I know is unhealthy. He suggested I go to see a therapist, and although I was against it at first he convinced me that it is for the best to help me try and work through my problems.” Taehyung fiddles around with his fingers, feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. “I made an appointment for tomorrow, Kookie’s taking me.”
Jimin steps forward again and wraps his arms around Taehyung for another hug, “do you want me to come with you?”
“Chim, I’m not dying. Knowing Kookie will be outside waiting for me is enough, I don’t want to turn up with a whole audience.”
“Two people is not an audience.”
“You really think Jin and Joon won’t come if you do? There’s not a chance I’m going to be showing up with four people there.” Taehyung laughs when he sees his brothers both look at each other in confusion as if they weren’t planning on asking as well, the fact he’s known them his entire life makes it easy for him to know what they were planning before they’ve even opened their mouths.
“Fine. But call me afterwards, okay? There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep without knowing everything went well,” Jimin holds his pinky out for a promise which Taehyung is quick to seal by intertwining his own.
“Call me as well, you know how much I worry,” Jin says before walking up to his brother and hugging him tightly.
Namjoon is quick to join the hug, Taehyung now sandwiched between his two older brothers. “Make sure you call mom as well, she’ll only freak out when we tell her you’re going to therapy.”
“Guys I’m only going to talk about my problems, you’re all acting as if this is a much bigger deal than it actually is.”
“Because we love you, Taetae. We only want you to get better, you don’t deserve any of this.” Jimin manages to squeeze his way into the hug, only restricting Taehyung’s breathing more.
Although it was uncomfortable, it made Taehyung feel secure. Seeing that he had everyone around him just rooting for him to get better makes him more determined to go into his appointment with an open mind, however much it terrifies him to do that.
The waiting room was quiet, too quiet to be able to calm Taehyung’s nerves. His knee bounces up and down frantically as he waits for his name to be called, only stopping when Jungkook places his hand on top of it and flashes him a comforting smile. Having the younger there really did stop him from getting up and running away never to come back, the support was well needed.
Once Taehyung’s name is called he almost falls out of his seat but how much it startles him, the feeling he was about to walk into a torture chamber and not a perfectly safe doctors office swarming around him.
“I’ll be right out here. If it gets too much for you at any point then just know you can leave, yeah?” Jungkook gently squeezes his hand in encouragement, desperately hoping its enough for his boyfriend to stop looking completely petrified.
It works, or at least Jungkook thinks it does as he watches Taehyung’s features soften before he stands up. There was still slight hesitance in his movements as he smiles and walks over to the door he was called into, but Jungkook still had enough faith that the elder was calm enough to get through the hour session he had.
“Ah, Mr. Kim. Please take a seat.”
The doctor’s voice was soft and kind, but Taehyung still felt nerves sloshing in the pit of his stomach. When he takes his seat across the table the doctor looks up from his papers and gives him a reassuring smile, clearly used to seeing people so shaky coming into their first session.
“My name is Doctor Choi. This is a safe environment for you to tell me everything that has been bothering you, nothing that is said will go beyond this room. You don’t have to be so scared of me, I’m here to help.”
Taehyung stays quiet, his gaze fixed on his lap as he plays around with his fingers. Everything about being there made him feel uncomfortable, even though the doctor was being nothing but friendly and patient with him. He considers just standing back up and leaving, running back outside to curl up into Jungkook’s warmth and never have to face is problems. But he was there for a reason, he was there to keep him from feeling like this and get him back to previous self. This whole thing was so he didn’t need to be afraid anymore, so with that thought, he finally raises his head.
“I’m- I just want to be my old self again...”
“And what’s keeping you from that?” Dr. Choi questions, wanting to get a better insight into the situation.
“I’m scared.” Taehyung can see the look in Dr. Choi’s eyes urging him to go on so with a deep sigh, he finally lets himself go. “I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of being without my boyfriend, but I’m also scared of losing my boyfriend because I’m too needy. I’m scared of my family treating me as if I’m made of glass for the rest of my life, of them constantly looking at me as if I’ve only got a month left to live. I’m scared of losing my place at university because I can’t physically go to any of my lectures because I’m scared of being outside on my own. Just- everything, I’m scared of everything.”
“Do you know the reason as to why you are scared?”
“Everything was perfect a month ago, even though I was on holiday to the place I’ve always hated. I have thalassophobia so going to Malta was always bad for me, but as soon as I met Jungkook I thought it wasn’t so bad. He helped me, gave me ‘phobia killing lessons’ and they were working, they were working so well.” Taehyung feels tears building in his eyes as the frustration wells up within him, so angry that everything had to end so badly.
“Jungkook saved my life one night when I was drunk and stupid and took my new found toleration for the water way too far. I could’ve died, if he didn’t find me in the water then I would’ve.”
“Would you say that was the reason that you’re scared to be without him?”
“I think so... he’s the only one I actually spoke to until he convinced me that I couldn’t shut my family and my best friend out like I wanted to. He’s been so amazing after everything, but I just know I’ll lose him if I keep leaning on him so much, that’s why I’m here. I can’t lose him, I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I did.”
Dr. Choi nods as he jots something down in the book in front of him, something that unnerves Taehyung a little. He doesn’t know if he’s said something that makes him seem absolutely crazy, although this whole situation was making him feel that way. As he’s trying to get a look at what the doctor was writing he looks back up to him with a kind smile, assuring him that he was just making notes in order to understand Taehyung’s situation better. He feels better after that, at least he thinks he does.
The rest of the hour goes by fairly quickly now that Taehyung can finally relax, now seeing that the whole situation really wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. It was refreshing to be able to talk out everything that had been weighing down on him for long, and although it doesn’t change anything about what he felt he had faith that over time it would.
When Taehyung leaves the room he walks out with a smile on his face, the smile only growing when Jungkook looks up at him with one of his own. “How did it go?” The younger is quick to ask as he stands from his seat.
“It went good, I told him I’d be back next week.”
“I’m so glad,” Jungkook sighs in content before bringing his boyfriend into his arms for a hug. “Wanna get takeout before we head home?”
Home. It makes Taehyung’s heart flutter, the word meaning more to him than Jungkook seems to realise. He leans forward to peck Jungkook’s lips before nodding happily, the idea of snuggling up together with food and a movie was all he needed right now. Jungkook was all he needed right now.