You Only See What You Want To See

Chapter 18

I hated them! I totally hated them! They forced me to wear clothes that were definitely too short and tight. I even had no wear a skirt! A skirt! I hated my life.

Full-mouth-idiot only whistled as he saw me coming out of the bathroom and offered me to go out on a date with him, as an answer I’ve only send him flying out of the window.

Now we were standing in front of that bar in which our target, Akito, currently was. I felt a lot of people, and not one of them had a proper stand.

Kakuzu had told me everything I needed to do on the way and even though I didn’t like the plan one bit, I couldn’t protest so I just followed those two assholes inside the stinky and noisy bar.

“He sits on the third table on the right side of the corridor; he’s the left one of the group.”

I nodded as I could feel him. He was heavy and his voice that reached even us was loud, irritating and drunk.

“We’ll keep an eye on you. Just guide him outside without anyone else!” Kakuzu growled and then left with full-mouth-idiot who was smirking and staring at me the whole time since I’ve left the bathroom.

Sighing and blowing my hair out of my face I walked on the corridor that guided directly to the bar and between some of the desks. I made sure to walk slowly and extremely near to the table the target was currently sitting at. I felt hungry eyes on me and I knew why: A little girl in sexy clothes, blind and helpless… Damn perverts!

I’ve reached the table by now and looked with my blind eyes directly at that Akito before I proceeded to go away, but a hand suddenly grabbed my arm and made me stop. I smiled slightly; of course I had anticipated his move from the man’s food stance.

“Hey pretty girl”, Akito who had gripped my arm spoke. “Are you the first time here? I’ve never seen you here before.”

I turned around; trying to act like Kazumi would do, innocent and shy.

“Yes, I just came into the town today”, I said with thin voice but loud enough that he would hear me.

“And what are you doing with those losers you came in with? They don’t deserve your beauty, why don’t you sit with us? My name’s Akito and you are…?”

I had to admit for a drunk his voice was almost clear and steady.

Smiling again I answered: “I’m Tora, those men are only business partners of my dad and they brought me here. But I shouldn’t sit to strangers.” I wanted to turn around but the guy didn’t let me go of course.

“Come on sweetheart, I’m a well-known man and I invite you.”

I hesitated for a moment but then gave in. “Fine” I said and moved to his desk where five other men were present, while two girls were sitting on the laps of two of the men. Akito also pulled me onto his lap and I had to fight against the urge to break his nose. I hated my situation and the people who brought me into this.


“Gaara…” repeated Kazumi the name of the Jinchuriki. “I like the name. So tell me, do you like the view over this city too? I do, it’s really beautiful, and I’ve got my silence and time to think. Do you agree?” she asked, still smiling while Gaara didn’t move, just the sand did and was now surrounding the girl.

Kazumi stared at the blue eyes of the boy, fighting against Masayoshi who wanted to look through the boy’s past. Finally he said: “I agree, but you’re not silent.”

“I’m sorry, but if you want to I can shut up.” She made a gesture that zipped her lips shut.

“I want you to leave. It’s not safe around me” he said warningly with his raspy voice.

“Come on, no one can find us here.”

“But I am the danger.”

Kazumi only titled her head. “You? But you look cute, not threatening.”

What did I just say? Kazumi asked herself as even the sand stopped while Gaara stared at her slightly dumbfounded. The boy looked at her suspiciously but Kazumi just turned around, showing him her back, hoping that this wasn’t a big mistake.

Kazumi continued looking at the roofs of the village, trying to be as relaxed as possible.

She only looked up when clothes were rustling and saw Gaara sitting down next to her, one foot dangling off the building while his blue eyes watched the dark sky.

“You aren’t from Suna” he stated.

Kazumi shook her head. “I’m here with two friends of my family. They have to do some business in Suna and I wanted to see the village.”

Still feeling his piercing eyes on her she asked: “Why do you look at me like that? Is something wrong?”

“You’re the first person in a long time that doesn’t run away as soon as it sees me.”

By now Kazumi couldn’t hold back her curiosity any longer and looked into his eyes with Masayoshi’s power.

He was alone, always alone. They called him a monster, threw things at him, and shunned him.

He was a monster. Everybody hated him.

His mother, his father, the villagers… Even Yashamaru did.

Yashamaru…

He showed him what love means. He silenced the demon. He wasn’t afraid of him.

But no, in the end he wanted to kill him too, like all the others before. He never loved him, no one did.

His only purpose in live was killing. Killing and blood, that’s why he even existed, that’s when he felt alive.

He was a monster, a demon.

They hated him but could do nothing but staring.

He hated them, but he could kill them all. And he would.

“Are you alright?” Kazumi suddenly heard a voice. As she looked up she saw in Gaara’s face again, the marked face of a tortured soul.

“Yeah… I’m fine, thank you” she muttered. Her heart was still beating fast after she just saw the marking points in his terrible pass. “I just wondered why you do think that you’re a threat. Why did you say you want to kill me?”

Gaara hesitated for a moment but answered. “I’m a monster because a demon is sealed inside of me. I’m a threat to the village and to the people, they all hate me and so my father tried to kill me five times already, but the sand protects me. It’s like a curse, I don’t get hurt, I don’t die, and I have to exist. I asked myself the question so often: Why? Why do I exist? What reason am I living for? What is my purpose? Now I know it: It’s to kill others. As long as there are persons I can kill, I exist and live. And she will be satisfied.”

“Who is she?”

“My mother. With her last breath she cursed the village with me, hoping I will destroy it and the people who killed her. She wants their blood.”

Gaara still stared at her, blankly, but with a little surprise in his eyes.

“Why don’t you run? Are you too afraid that I might kill you? Maybe she’ll be satisfied with your blood.” Gaara grinned madly, and again the sand on the roof moved around their bodies.

Kazumi was afraid by now, very afraid. She shouldn’t have asked him about his past. Kazumi had to hurry to calm him down or she had to use Masayoshi’s power and attack him though she didn’t want to.

So Kazumi gulped down her fear and looked at him instead with a sad smile.

“Gaara, I’ve seen a lot of monsters in my life” she whispered. “They all did terrible things, but you know what? You are not one of these monsters. If you would be a monster, you’d already have killed or hurt me. But you didn’t but joined me sitting on this roof, watching over Suna and talking. Maybe that demon inside of you is a monster, but you, Gaara, you are different than this monster. I know it. And that’s the reason why I don’t run, because I’m not afraid. And I don’t want to fight against you but only enjoy this beautiful view over Suna.”

Mostly it wasn’t even a lie. She wasn’t afraid of Gaara, but of the demon inside of him, its powers and what would happen if Gaara couldn’t control it anymore.

Gaara’s eyes widened in surprise, but suddenly he turned around, clutching his head in pain. “Please… please don’t do this… I promise you to bring you better blood, but not hers. Please, I’m begging you, don’t force me, she isn’t worth it. Stop this… please… mother.”

For a moment Kazumi really feared that the demon had come out and she thought about running away, but just the thought of it felt wrong and so she only placed a hand on Gaara’s shoulder.

“Gaara, listen to me. I meant what I said: You’re not a monster. The demon inside of you is one, but not you. I believe that deep down in your heart you’re a very nice person. Whatever happened to you, it’s not your fault, you’re not evil, the others may think that but they’re wrong! Please don’t confirm their opinions by letting the demon win! Fight against it, try to calm down! I know you can do it Gaara, and I’ll wait here until you manage to suppress it. I won’t run away.”

Suddenly Gaara stopped shaking. The spinning sand fell down and lay on the roof motionless. Breathing heavily the red haired boy turned around, looked at Kazumi with wide wet eyes and total surprise.

Sighing in relief Kazumi leaned back, she knew that the demon had disappeared for now.

“Did… did you mean what you said?” Gaara asked with a cracking voice.

Kazumi smiled at him, nodded and then gave him a quick hug. “Every word of it”, she whispered. She felt sorry for him. Sorry for the pain he went through, sorry for all the rejections he got, sorry for what the villagers turned him into, sorry for the heavy burden he had to carry on his shoulders since his birth. Kazumi only knew him for a few hours; she never met him before, but after every time she looked into someone’s soul she had the feeling of knowing this person for her whole life. She knew his secrets, knew what had happened to him and knew his real self. Kazumi felt incredibly close to Gaara right now and really hoped that he would manage to survive against the demon and Akatsuki.

“Gaara, here you are, we’ve searched you everywhere!” a sudden voice interrupted them.

A blonde girl with a huge fan and a boy with violet painting in his face, a black cap and a mummy on his back had appeared on the roof.

Kazumi had seen them in Gaara’s memories, they were his siblings.

“Gaara, father wishes to see you”, the girl said, her eyes moving from her brother to Kazumi and back again.

Gaara stood up with his usual emotionless controlled expression and walked slowly to the two.

“Who’s that girl Gaara?” the boy asked suspiciously.

“No one”, his brother replied with his dark raspy voice. “She’s just a traveller.”

With a last glare at Kazumi Gaara’s siblings turned around and started walking down the stairs but stopped as Gaara again faced Kazumi. “I’ll be gone for some time, but if you ever come back to Suna, I’ll be sitting on this roof again. I really enjoyed watching at the village with you.”

While his siblings only stared at him in shock and surprise, Gaara’s lips formed into a small smile as he turned around and disappeared into the night.


It was the fifteenth time that that disgusting guy tried to grab me, and the fifteenth time that I’ve slapped his hand away. Of course his friends saw that and they all laughed at him again, enjoying his attempts to hit on me. I already tried several times to go outside with that Akito alone, but his friends wouldn’t let him alone and so I had to suffer once more. I even had to drink alcohol that I didn’t manage to spill away though I really hated the taste of it.

It was past midnight, the people got drunker and more perverted by every second. The horrible smell in the bar almost made me gag and right now I wouldn’t even complain against the hard mattress in that apartment.

Finally as I couldn’t stand it anymore I stood up. Of course Akito held my hand, asking with his drunken voice: “Hey sweetie, where are you going?”

I smiled as much as possible, cracking already my fist. “I’m sorry but it’s really late and my father will get worried if I won’t appear. It was fun with you, but I have to leave now.”

The men complained but I made a step toward the door. I didn’t care about Kakuzu, full-mouth-idiot or the mission anymore. I only wanted to get out of this shithole!

“But it’s dark and dangerous out there for such a pretty young lady” Akito said. “I’ll come with you to protect you.”

He also stood up, swinging an arm around my shoulder. Of course his friends stood up too, but surprisingly Akito held them off. “I want to be alone with her. Don’t worry; I’ll be back in an hour.”

I felt his dirty smirk and knew that he would never let me go home. Pervert ass! But I didn’t mind, at least he’d be alone if I’d show him how helpless I really was.

So Akito dragged me outside, and I took instantly a deep breath of the fresh cold air. Oh how I’ve missed it!

By now we had reached an empty street. I knew that Kakuzu and Hidan were following us and I wasn’t one bit afraid as Akito suddenly pressed my body against the wall of a house.

“I can’t wait any longer”, he breathed out, grabbing under my shirt. “I want you right here and now.”

With a quick gesture and a wand of stones I pushed him away from me, created a rock as big as a head and threw it at the pervert. He stumbled back, reaching for the knife he had in his pocket, but I was faster. In a second his lower body was caught in a prison of stones. His face was the only thing that looked out and I just could imagine the surprise in his eyes as I smirked at him evilly.

“You won’t do anything today” I told him.

Clapping his hands Hidan jumped down, his scythe in his hands. I knew it was a scythe because he had told me everything about it and how he had killed so many persons with it. Kakuzu followed him closely.

“W-what’s going on here?” Akito asked confused, struggling inside his little prison. “Who are you asses?”

“Shut your fucking mouth”, Hidan snored.

“We heard that you know some information about the Akatsuki” Kakuzu said calmly.

“Oh! Yes, yes I do! Why haven’t you said this in the beginning? Let me free and we can handle out a price for the information you want.”

Wow this man was damn stupid.

“I won’t pay a rat like you anything” Kakuzu grumbled darkly, “especially because we are the Akatsuki.”

It needed a moment until it made click in the alcoholic brain of his.

“Oh hey eh… I-I’m sorry okay? I didn’t know it. Listen, it’s not my fault, I didn’t know you’d really exist!”

“What motherfucker told you that stupid shit?” demanded Hidan to know.

“I… I don’t know!” he replied scared. “A man came to me and paid me a lot under the condition that I have to tell the information he had given me to as many people as possible. I agreed. I’m sorry okay? I don’t know who this man is, I swear!”

Did he just start to cry?

“How did he look like?” Kakuzu’s voice was as cold as ever which made the man gulp.

“It was dark… He wore glasses, normal clothes… I don’t know man!”

“Can I finally sacrifice that heathen?” asked Hidan impatiently.

“Yes, we’re done. Tora, you can release him.”

Raising an eyebrow I stomped the earth back into the ground. Instantly the man ran away, but Hidan just laughed. “Running like a coward won’t save you from Lord Jashin you shitty heathen!”

I followed Kakuzu, but as soon as we left the street I heard a loud bloody cry and Hidan’s crazy laughter. I shivered slightly. Although I hated this pervert stinky Akito, I didn’t want to be in his skin right now.

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