Chapter 3 - Alone in dark places with Mr. Grey
“Look, John, I don’t understand what is happening. I don’t like feeling like this, all of this is so out of my control, I hate it!”
“Christian, you are just not used tofeeling period, you’ve spent so much energy to keep everyone out, that now whensomethingnew enters your life, you can’t assimilate it.”
“What am I supposed to do then?, all of this started when Anastasia showed up in my life, even I can see that, and now she’s out. So why the hell is everything so backwards still?”
“Because it doesn’t work like that, Christian. You two were starting something, you wanted some sort of relationship with this girl, and just because that didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that you can suddenly go back to the way things were before she appeared.”
“Then, what? I can’t stay like this, I can’t stand this! Should I search for someone new, to get her out of my mind?”
“You can try, if you think it’ll help. But, Christian, tell me what happened exactly, things appearedto begoing well last time I saw you.”
“I thought they were too. I mean, I’m not stupid, I knew this wasn’t goingto beas easy as it was with the others. She’s different, and in spite of being challenging...well actually, I really like that about her, I have neverencounteredthat before.
When I first showed her who I truly was, I didn’t expect her to even consider having something to do with me, and then when she told me exactly how inexperienced she really was, I felt disgusted with myself to have taken her to that room, to want to do to her what I wanted...want to do.”
“But she stayed...”
I smile at the memory. “Yes, she did. And I told her to take some time toinformherself on the lifestyle before she committed to it, but then all the waiting started to drive me crazy. I wanted the assurance that she wasn’t going anyway, that she was mine.
No one´s ever put me ‘on hold’ like that. Then I had to tolerate all the other guys circling around her like vultures, and she doesn’t even notice it.”
“That damned photographer, who is always around. The one from the store where she worked, who couldn’t stop leering at her like ahorndog. All the occasional others staring at her like a piece of meat. And now, to top it all, her roommate’s brother, who suddenly appeared at her graduation, and wouldn’t take his hands off her...” I start pacing, running my fingers through my hair, as the image of that jackass with his hands on Anastasia’s beautiful porcelain skin starts flashing behind my eyelids.
“But she has nothing to do with any of them, Christian. So, what happened between you two?”
I sigh, “Everything was fine, she had agreedto bea part of my life, but then...I don’t know, I guess she really wasn’t ready for it, I suppose it was too much...”
“Just like that?, first she says ‘yes’, and then she says ‘no’. Nothing happened in between?, theremust’vebeen something, Christian.”
“I...I really don’t know. I mean I heard her reasoning, but the thing is that she had agreed to that relationship, and I was finally just being myself.
I told her what she had to do, and what I wanted from her. I told her we would take it slow, I don’t think there’s anything else Icould’vedone,”
I think back to that night and things don’t get any clearer to me...
“I understand that she said ‘yes’ to surrender to you, but even though you’re telling me that you said you would take it slow, at the same time you are telling me that you started imparting orders right away, and knowing you I doubt that you did it in a less intimidating way that you usually use in those intimate moments”
But...that’s what a Dom does...how else am I suppose to do it otherwise?, I look at him, I’m completely lostright now.
“Christian, it is not only her innocence when it comes to all things sexual that you have to take into account. Above all, you must have always present that, regardless of how much reading she’s done on the subject, she has no idea of how things truly are in that part of your world,” he pauses to let it all sink in, and then continues, “so when you say that you were going to take it slow, you kind of went back on that promise as soon as you made it, because you went right ahead into ′Controling-Masterof the Universe’ mode, without giving her any time to acclimate to any of it.
I know that empathy is not yourforte, but try to put yourself in her place; with allthe intensity ofhow fast things have been between the two of you in such a short amount of time, for a girl who hadn’t had any sexual experience so far, to accept to enter into your lifestyle was a very big step she was taking. And then you have to consider that it is not only the sexual aspect she was getting used to, but also a certain amount of rules, obligations, and punishments. Which from what you’d told me was what she was having a lot of trouble with, specially being someone whodoes’thave an appreciation for pain, just for the sake of it,and-"
Hewas cutoff by my phone. Man! when he starts talking, he really gets into it...
“Excuse me,” I tell Flynn and then sigh when I see the caller ID. What now... he is so annoying. “what, Elliot? I’m busy”
“Chill, bro.,” I still haven’t punched him for his behavior yesterday with Anastasia. But I can’t just do it without a reason, ’cause then I would have to explain how I know what I know of last night.Argh! “What you doing?” he sings, utterly irritatingly.
“Is there anything you need, I told you I’m busy”
“Oh, Christian, you’re such a fudy-daddy-”
“Elliot!,” I growl at him, and for some reason my so-called psychiatrist finds it funny. I narrow my eyes at him, and he fights to compose himself, failing miserably.
“Ok, ok,geez!, look I actually call to do you a favor. Um ...” he clears his throat. Oh, God what’s on his mind now? “look Kate told me you andAna-"
“Wow! She’s discrete...” I roll my eyes.
“Shut up!, she only did it so I wouldn’t put my foot in my mouth when talking to Ana. You know, Kate appearsto beunder the misapprehension that I’ m a bit of a screw up in that way. Go figure, huh?“, he laughs. “Anyway, as I was saying, this is a favorfrom me to you...”
“Come on, just get on with it! I don’t have all day”
“Well, as you know, the girls just moved here and I helped to get everything into their new apartment. So, when Kate told me that she wanted to make a little welcome home party, I thought maybe you would want to come and say congratulations on your new place, or whatever it is you say..”
I would see Anastasia... I want to see her, but...she would have invited me if she wanted me there, besides it was me who said ′if you walk away, that’s it’ .
“Earth to Christian!, are you there?”
"Oookay, so, the thing is that only a few peopleare going to bethere. Just intimate friends of the girls, and Kate’s brother,”
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I can see it already, that lame photographer and Katherine’s stupid brother fighting for Ana’s attention, and who knows which other idiotis going to beslobbering all over her,
“but since I’m sure you didn’t get an invite, I guess youcan bemy ′plus one’. Whatd’yousay brother?, wanna be mydate?,you won’t have to buy me a corsage” IDIOT!
I’m Christian Fucking Grey, I’m no party crasher... but Iwon’t beable to stand not knowing what she’s doing with them, or anyone else for that matter... but... I sigh. No, I can’t do it... Damn it!
“I’ll call you later, Elliot, to let you know my decision.” I just hang up on him. I don’t feel like listening to his response.
“Is everything alright?”
“Um, yeah. I guess, you could say that...”
“Anything I can help with?”
“That was my brother, telling me about a small, private party at Anastasia´s. Since he found out we are no longer together, he wanted to let me know. And very subtly informed me, her closest friends-aka ‘the photographer’-, no doubt about that, would be there for her. He wouldn’t miss the opportunity, of course. Plus her roommate’s brother will be there, as well.”
“I see, and what are you going to do?”
“Well, there isn’t much I can do, now is there?”
“That depends on you, Christian. Do you want to see her?, and I think I know the answer to that, just as you do.”
“Of course I want to see her. But she was the one who sent me away. I told her if she ever left, that would be the end of it. I can’t go back on my word...”
“Really?, is that more important than she is to you?. Look, you have now a little more insight into why shemight’vechanged her mind. And for what you’ve told me she wasn’t too happy with her own decision either. Maybe if she sees you again, if you two talked... who knows what could happen...”
“I’ll think about it. Just because I don’t like the idea of her in a party, where there most certainly will be alcohol, surrounded by all those horny guys who are out to gether-" What the hell!, “Stop grinning, you ass!”
“Oh, Christian, youcan beso transparent sometimes. You know, no one would think any less of you for caring about her”
I frown at him. “I think our time is up.”
"Don’tyou think that would be up to me?” There he goes with the grinning again, Asshole!. My jaw clenches so very tightly. I think he can actually hear my teeth grinding.
“Very well, have yourself a good week, Christian. And, seriously now, think about what we’ve talked about. Because, even if you found someone elseright now, I really don’t think that what you’re experiencing at the moment, is going to change any time soon. You can’t force this things, Christian. As much as you hate it, there are some things thatareout of your control.”
We shake hands and I leave, with his words resonating in my head... ′Maybe if she sees you again, if you two talked... who knows what could happen...′
Who knows what could happen?, I run both my hands through my hair.
.~.~.~. .~.~.~. .~.~.~. .~.~.~. .~.~.~. .~.~.~. .~.~.~.
“Good evening Mr. Grey, should I serve your dinner now?”
“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Jones.”Mmmm, chicken parmesan... Nice.
“Is there anything else I can do for you Sr.?”
“No, that’ll be all, Mrs.Jones"
My cellphone’s vibrating in my pocket. I check the caller ID and a gasp escapes me. “Anastasia,”
“Not quite, bro.” That Fucker...
“What are you doing with Anastasia’s phone?”
“Since you never called me back, I figured you might not answer if you saw it was me calling”
“Fair assessment. What do you want, Elliot?”
“You know exactly why I’m calling, Christian,”
I sigh, “I’m having dinner, Elliot,I-"
“Whatever, you keep eating alone, and I’ll send you an image of.... the girls’ new place. You know, since you, apparently, are not interested enough to come see it by yourself. I filmed a short video with my cell, you are gonna want to watch it, trust me. Then you can go back to your... dinner, while I and everyone else here have fun.”
A video?,what the hellis he talking about?
“You have a goodnight, Christian,” I could hear him smiling. Asshole. He hangs up and a couple of seconds later, I receive the video.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!
I ran both my hands through my hair, and then let my head hung.
Before I realize it, I’m on my car.
When I reach my destination, I text Elliot, letting him know that I’m outside. I don’t know if I should ring the bell or not. If Katherine answered, she probably wouldn’t buzz me in, and I’m not sure what Anastasia’s reaction would be.
While I was driving I couldn’t get what I saw in that video out of my mind. I kept seeing Anastasia, talking first to the photographer, and then to Katherine’s brother, smiling at them. I sawboth of them, embrace her and put their arms around her waist and shoulders.
It was too much, seeing her like that ′with them’.
Elliot knew very well what he was doing, show me ‘the girls´ new place’, my ass!. He wanted to get me riled up...and it worked.
Elliot’s text distracts me from my musings:
Wait up – E
My face is starting to hurt from having this fake smile plastered on it, for a couple of hours now, to play the gracious host, thanks to Kate’s grandiose idea to have a housewarming party.
I just want to stay in my room and have some peace... nah, who am I kidding, I want to see Christian. I miss him so bad...but he warned me, he wouldn’t take me back, if I walked away. So, I have to face it now, I am never gonna feel his arms around me again, his lips on mine, I will never feel his weight on top of me, nor his breath on my face when he whispers dirty things in my ear. I sigh and close my eyes.
Suddenly, and almost without realizing it, I touch my wrists, and it is as if I can still feel the indentations of his silver tie.Mmmm, it makes me smile, but then I open my eyes and reality comes crashing down on me.
He’s probably already found someone else, someone who doesn’t doubt her every move, someone good enough for him, who would be able to do the things he wants to do, someone who would please him, instead of upset him with her every word...
“Hey, Ana, did you hear what I said?”
“I’m sorry, Ethan. What was that?”
“Haha, where are you, Ana?, you’ve been distracted all night. I asked you if you wanted another drink.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about my job interviews on Monday. Um, and yeah, I’d likeanother-"
“Hey, Ana, can I talk to you?”
“I’ll leave you guys to it.”
“Aha, whatever you say, Elliot” Ethan leaves, leaving me with Elliot.
“There is someone downstairs and the buzzer doesn’t seemto beworking, would you mind getting that, Ana?, Kate wanted me to help with something...” he gives me the sweetest smile, and for some reason I don’t trust it and tell myselfto besuspicious.
“Oh, um, absolutely. Not problem, I’ll go.”
As I reach the entrance to the lobby, I see someone standing on the other side of the door. The closer I get, the clearer the person becomes...
I gasp. OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.
I stand there, frozen like a damn popsicle,wide eyed, and gaping like a fish. Before my brain can start properly working, to react in any way, he turns around.Oh mama! He’s so hot.
He seems a bit anxious, running his hand through his silky, sexy hair. But otherwise totallyscrumptiousas usual, in black jeans, blue shirt and a distressed leather motorcycle jacket. He’s dressed in ‘badass Christian Grey’ mode tonight,Oh how I dig it!
A few seconds pass with the two of us just standing there, staring at each other. Then he nods. That’s when I snap out of it. I walk to the door and with a shaky hand open it.
There isa moment ofsilence until one of us speaks. “Anastasia. Good evening”
I still find it hard to form a coherent sentence, and so all I can say is, “...Hi;”
“I heard you were having a housewarming party and wanted to come welcome you to my city. I also wanted to bring you this...for your new apartment”
He handles me a bag, wich is kinda heavy, so I put it on the floor. When I raise my eyes questioningly to him, he answers my unspoken question.
“It’s afeng-shuifountain, asolar poweredlight fountainto bemore exact..” Oh right, he’s very interested in all that alternative energy thing. This is such a sweet gesture. “I didn’t know what to get you, and since I know you are not much into receiving gifts, I thought...I’d make it something for your place, something that both, you and your roommate can enjoy...”
He gives me a sly smile.God, how I missed that smug smile.
“Thank you, Christian, I’m sure it’s lovely. That’s very nice of you. I’m sure Kate will appreciate it as well.” I smileshyly at him.
“Yeah, maybe...“, he winks at me. “if she didn’t know it was from me...”
“Haha. Well, be that as it may. Thank you, from both of us.”
“You’re welcome, Anastasia. How was your first day in Seattle?”
“We’ve been moving things around all day, so um, I guess tiring. But Kate wanted to have this little gathering, so...I don’t know, here we are...”
Thank God Kate insisted that I change my casual attire into something a bit moreappropriateto receive guests. I am wearing my new Catherine Deane “Lenny top”- that I fell in love with as soon as I saw it at the store, the last time I kept Kate company while she went shopping - it is silk and white with black buttons and neck, paired withlow rise, black skinny jeans and peep toe sandals.
“Indeed, here you are,” he gives me an intense look that makes my insides quiver and my breath hitch.
It takes me a couple of seconds to get back to earth, I shake my head a bit to clear my mind before I can answer to him. “I’m sorry, how rude of me. Er, do you want to come in?“, I swallow, not quite delicately.
“Sure, I’d like that. Let me take that bag, it’s a bit heavy”
We get into the elevator, and so it begins...the ever present charge that seems to increaseeverytimewe get inside one of this things, is still there, and it leaves me breathless.
I try to force myself to look straight ahead, and control my breathing. But there’s no use...just in the same way that magnets attract each other, I have to look at him, Ineedto look at him. When I peek, I find him glancing back at me over his shoulder.
Suddenly, everything goes black and the elevator stops...
Without even realizing it, my hand has flown to his, grabbing it tightly. The emergency lights go on and I turn to him.
We look at one another silently. A minute later, I’m about to say something but the light bulbs make a buzzing sound and go off. Leaving us completely in the dark, once again.
When his cellphone rings I jump and gasp, letting his hand go.
“Hey, it’s ok. It’s just my phone,” then he fishes for my hand again, and since we can’t see, his hand roams a little on my leg and hip, before he finds it.Mmmmmm, Oh my!.
My breathing catches and I shut my eyes tightly, to try to keep my cool while feeling his touch, after I thought I’d never feel it again.
I let him hold my hand more than willingly. And if anyone could see my faceright now, they would actually categorize me as shamelessly eager.
He puts him on speaker. “Dude, where are you? Is Ana with you?”
Ah, Myspideysenses tell me he is not too surprised about that. So I was rightto besuspicious when he sent me down here,Agh! this Grey brothers, always with an ace under their sleeves. But, hey, I won’t complain for the results of his meddling, it’s taken a very interesting turn for me. I mean if I get too spooked, I may have to cuddle up to him a bit, and who could blame me for that, right? I sigh. What a happy camper I amright now.Oh, thank you fairy Godmother for sprinkling some of your fairy dust on my night.
“Yes. We’re stuck on the elevator. The lights wentoff-"
"Aaaaaah, stuck on the elevator, in the dark with a hot girl. Go, Christian...”
“Elliot, you’re on speaker”, he sighs, and Elliot hoots.
“Oops! Hello, Ana. Hey, if he doesn’t behave, let me know, and I’ll set him straight later.”
“Elliot! shut up for a second and tell me what happened,” Christian asks exasperated.
“It’s a blackout. The whole downtown has no light.”
“Fuck. Well, can you get the concierge so he can get us out of here.”
“Give me that!”
“Ana, are you ok?”
“We’re coming down, which floor did you stop in?”
“Don’t bother, Kate, stay with the others. Just let the guy at front desk know we are here.”
“No way, Ana. I’ll go get him myself and then I’ll stand outside the elevator door until we get you out.”
“Oh, Kate, that’s not necessary. I’m not alone, so I’m ok. Please. Besides I don’t even knowin whichfloor we were when we got stuck”
“Ask her if she wantsme to go”
“I heard,” I cut her off.
With the light from the cell, you can see alittle bit, so I glance at Christian, and his expression changes and becomes tight after hearing José’s voice.
“Um, Kate please leteveryonewho cares know that I’m ok, and that I don’t need the extra company from the other side of the door,” I still haven’t taken my eyes away from Christian, and I can already see his features soften at my statement. “We are hanging up now; call if you have any news.”
A ghost of a smile passes through his handsome face as I press the off button on his phone.
Wow, I couldn’t have been on a better place at a better time for this blackout. Trapped on an elevator with the one and only Christian Grey.
Thank you Santa for my early Christmas present. I promise I won’t ever ask for anything else.