I stormed into the cafeteria, anger pulsing through me as I seethed at Lissa's irrational words. I couldn't even begin to fathom where she might've gotten the ridiculous idea that she was the heroine to Dimitri's tragic tale. All she managed to do was stake him with the aid of Christian's elemental magic. I'd busted my ass to give Dimitri the second chance at life and he'd tossed me aside like an old, used up, broken toy, to go worship the ground Lissa walked on. It set me off just recalling how he'd gazed at her in awe, without giving me so much as a glance.
A single, hot, angry tear escaped my eyes but was quickly brushed away as I walked into the cafeteria. I wasn't going to cry over either of them, not the ungrateful ass nor the conceited bitch deserved my sorrowful tears. I was done grieving my broken relationships. It was time to call upon the ones I had managed to salvage throughout the years. I knew whom I needed to talk to, and I was in luck. The person I knew I could lean on was casually sitting at a table with some ignorant, pretty girl flirting ceaselessly while nursing a cup of steaming coffee. Adrian.
I strolled over to their table, making sure to pointedly ignore the stares and whispers I was receiving. Adrian noticed this and waved me over, saying goodbye to the girl he was talking to. She got up and left, giving me a cold, envious stare before grabbing her purse and strutting angrily out.
"Woah. She's quite the charmer, Ivashkov." I joked. Adrian gave me a smirk, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close for a few seconds before giving me a swift kiss on the cheek and sitting back down. I was puzzled for a second before my memory hit me like a speeding train. Shit. I'd almost completely forgotten how I was currently in a relationship with Adrian. How the hell did I forget this? Oh yeah, the two most important people in my life dropped me cold.
It was no excuse though and I looked away at the table blankly, avoiding his gaze and feeling immense guilt wracking up.
"Is there something wrong, Rose?" I winced at his use of my real name. I much preferred his pet name for me. He only used Rose when I something was wrong or he was being serious.
"What happened to Little Dhampir, Ivashkov? What, did blondie win you over that quickly?" Humor was my only defense when it came to uncomfortable subjects and he knew it. He didn't even crack a smile at my attempt to lighten the mood. I frowned, irritated that he wasn't budging.
"What?" I asked, letting a bit of Rose Hathaway attitude seep into my words. Adrian just studied me for a moment, taking in my whole appearance before studying my face and eyes carefully, no doubt noticing my damp cheeks and forced smile.
"Don't lie to me. What happened?" he asked. I gulped, unsure whether or not to confide in him. I averted my gaze, resting it on a couple in the corner holding hands, whispering in each other's ears and laughing. It reminded me of how devoid my life was of that. Adrian followed my gaze, noticing the couple wistfully for a moment before turning back to me.
"What is it, Rose? Your aura is all over the place. Jealous? Anger? And tbe darkness is everywhere, Rose! What happened?" He locked eyes with me, moving his hand to rest it on top of mine. "You know you can trust me. You just won't let me in." His eyes pleaded with me, begging me to open up and enlighten him on the pitiful story that was my life. I shook my head, withdrawing my hand from his and leaning back.
"Stop." I snapped. I needed a clean break if I was going to leave Court. I wanted him to move on, I didn't need him remembering this moment anymore than I needed to. Opening up to him would wreck me even further.
"God damn it, Rose! Stop shutting me out! Ever since Belikov came back I haven't seen you at all. Not once, Rose! Do you know how worried I was, not knowing where you were or what you were doing? Especially with your ex back?" He was yelling by the end. I could feel my rage coming back, threatening to boil over like it had with Lissa. My temper was short as it was, even shorter after today's events, and he was pushing it.
Yet as I thought of his reasons, I felt guilt fight for dominance with my fury. He had every right to accuse me of cheating. I'd been sneaking around trying to find out information on Dimitri or moping about in my room for the past week. I had completely forgotten about Adrian, too caught up in my own drama to give any thought to him. I was officially an awful person, of course, I was much too proud to admit any of this.
"I don't want to talk about it, ok? You don't own me, Adrian! And how dare you accuse me of cheating! Jealous, much? I'm sick of everyone around here telling me what's going to happen like they can control me. Well guess what, buddy? I'm done! I'm tired of this. All of it! I'm done doing the thing that will benefit others. I'm done sacrificing parts of me for others. And I'm done fighting for everything that I have, which, by the way, isn't much if you haven't noticed! Not that anyone really cares! Nothing ever comes easy for me, there are no blessings in my life, and there's certainly nothing fun about it! I'm tired, Adrian, I'm fucking exhausted and I'm only 18!" I knew that I was unloading a lot of irrelevant, pent up emotions, but lately I was so overloaded that it didn't even matter. When I finished my rant I felt empty and tired, like it'd taken every ounce of strength I possessed to speak my mind. I felt like laying down where I stood and crying.
"Rose, when was the last time you took Lissa's darkness?" Adrian asked quietly. Oh, he thought this was darkness? Oh, how I wished it was!
"That's completely irrelevant! Ever thought that maybe this is how I really feel? Huh? Or are you too busy with your snobby little Royal-" I was cut off by a hard punch to my jaw, surprisingly enough it wasn't from Adrian, it came from behind me. I spun around, lowering into a defensive position. There, standing glaring at me was my mother.
"What. The. Fuck! You can't just walk around assaulting people!" I growled, giving her my worst glare while rubbing my jaw. Janine looked ready to explode with fury.
"Really? Because I was under the impression that you could! Especially with your shining example when you slapped the Dragomir princess! Do you have any idea how disappointed the Guardians are? How disappointed I am? Eddie was livid and I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him later! Everyone at court is absolutely disgusted with your childish behavior! Now I suggest you go and make amends with Princess Dragomir and pray that she accepts your apology. She, along with everyone else, is mortified at the public embarrassment. You've officially proved yourself to be the bratty, irresponsible, hot tempered child I always knew you were!" She was ranting, consumed by her rage and spitting out as many hurtful insults as she could think. Her face was as fiery as her coppery hair and her eyes glinted dangerously, telling me that she was seconds from punching me again.
"What a surprise. Janine Hathaway is disappointed with her daughter. It's not like I had a shining example to live up to. I wonder why? Oh yeah, that's right, because you weren't here to give me one. Lissa is a spoiled, conceited, snobby bitch and I want nothing to do with her. I refuse to put up with this bullshit anymore. No one even cares about me, they only want what I can give to them! I'm sick and tired of it!" It was a low blow but I was too angry to think of anything better.
"Oh really? What are you giving me? Huh? A hopeless relationship?" Adrian had currently been watching the scene like a tennis match and had finally decided to side with Janine. No surprise there.
"What do I give you? Love. Motivation. Companionship. Purpose. Don't even get me going, Ivashkov." I spat the words out with as much malice and anger as I could muster. Adrian just nodded, surprisingly agreeing with me.
"Please, Rose. You act like it's some great feat. What do you so painstakingly give to me?" Her words dripped with sarcasm. I turned to face her head on, meeting her gaze steadily, a dead serious look on my face.
"A chance and family." I needed to say no more. She understood what I meant. I'd given her a chance by slowly letting her intergrade herself back into my life and besides me, she had no other family. She was alone without me, not like she even cared though. If she truly cared she would've been there the last 18 years.
"You're not my daughter. You're selfish and ignorant and you obviously don't know your place or your manners. I would pity you and your naïve and childish behavior, had it not been your own damn fault." With that she turned on her heel and stormed out, not even bothering to shoot me a final glare. I felt ready to explode with ire. She had no right, after being absent for so long, to reprimand me. She was no more my mother as I was her daughter. I wanted to scream.
"Rose, what are you thinking?" Adrian asked slowly, with a slightly suspicious ring to his voice. I shifted my gaze to his curious face, taking in his features one last time and committing them to memory before I turned away slowly.
"How much I'm going to miss you. Don't wait for me, Adrian." I murmured before slowly walking away, thinking about how much I'd gained and lost in only one year. I'd grown into an entirely different person. I strode out of the cafeteria, a coffee and donut growing cold in my hand. I had grabbed them on my way out but suddenly, my appetite had abandoned me, leaving me with a cold breakfast in my hands.
The weight of what I'd just decided bounced around the tired walls of my brain, my head going to overload as I realized what I was about to do. It seemed insane but oddly justified. I thought about everyone I loved.
Lissa was a conceited bitch and hated me. Dimitri didn't care for me in the least bit and had outright told me he didn't love me. Adrian needed someone who was good to him and didn't attempt to cheat on him, attempt being the key word. Christian would side with Lissa no matter what, and besides, he'd probably get over me leaving pretty easily. Eddie… Janine had said that Eddie was extremely disappointed in me and furious at my behavior, just like the rest of the guardians. Janine hated me too. The only person I hadn't managed to completely alienate was my father, and I had a pretty good idea of how far he'd go to hide me if I asked. I felt a lone tear made a pathway down my cheek. I sighed, tossing my breakfast in the trash, and made my way toward my housing, grabbing my bags, then fled to the garages, taking Abe's SUV and pulling out. I needed to leave, it was for the best. At least, that was what I told my self as I pulled out of the front gates, sobbing.