I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
I had let myself love and become vulnerable. I had let myself get hurt. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to open myself up again.
It was dark, and I was over
Until you kissed my lips, and you saved me
Dimitri had saved me in some ways, but if you summarized our relationship, he'd hurt me more than he'd helped me. Sure, he'd helped me through the dark times, but truthfully, he only made them worse.
My hands, they're strong
But my knees, were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet
I was strong, I'd always been that way, but when it came to Dimitri, I was weak and vulnerable. He'd made me feel something I'd never felt before. My guard was always up, but Dimitri had a way of melting every defense I had.
But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew
All the things you said
They were never true, never true
And the games you play
You would always win, always win
I'd never known Dimitri completely before I'd saved him. I'd always seen him as invincible and tough, unable to show much emotion but full of it just beneath the surface. Now, I knew his vulnerabilities, his flaws, his true emotions. He'd promised me so many things, especially in the cabin. He'd told me he loved me unconditionally, that he'd always be there, that he wanted to protect me forever, and that I was his priority.
Oh, how he'd lied. Now, he wanted nothing to do with me, he could barely look at me for Christ sake! He didn't love me, he didn't protect me, and he wanted to be as far away from me as possible at all times. He was a liar, and had been playing with me the entire time. I was devastated.
But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming
Out your name, your name
Ever since Dimitri had been taken I'd had horribly vivid nightmares. Especially since I returned from Russia. I become accustomed to restless sleep and waking up screaming in a cold sweat. I always dreamed of him, of his scarlet eyes and chalky skin. Just the thought of the nightmares sent shivers down my spine.
When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Whenever I was with him, I felt at peace, like a part of me had been missing and now I was whole. Every touch, hug, kiss sent electricity coursing through my veins. To imagine a world where that was no more almost sent me to tears.
Feel you here together
You and me together
Nothing gets better
Dimitri was the only one who could ever make me feel that wholeness, that completion, that passion, that love. No one would ever come close to that one single year I'd shared with him. Dimitri was it. He was the one. My one and only. Knowing that I'd never feel whole again hurt, but I'd get through it. I had my memories. Sure, they weren't as good, but they were all I had to defend myself against depression.
Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you
I couldn't help but search for him, not physically, of course, I knew exactly where he was, but I searched for his love, any sign of love for me was hope. It was a reason to stay. But, as I watched the gates of the moroi court recede, I knew it was too late. It was too late for us. Too late for anyone to save me from the horror that was my life.
He'd stolen my heart, and then shattered it, leaving me to abandon it. I'd left my heart at court, and some tiny piece of me yearned to flip the car around, run back, and force Dimitri to take me back.
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something die
'Cause I knew that that was the last time
The last time
As I turned onto the highway, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I'd officially given up hope that Dimitri, Lissa, anyone would come barreling down the road and beg for me to stay. I felt the hot, salty tears course down my cheeks, momentarily blurring my vision. I swerved, almost crashing, but righted myself just in time, making me cry harder. It's not like anyone would care if I were dead, right? So why won't you do it, huh? What's the point of living anymore if you have no one to live for?
It felt as if another piece of me had died. No one cared. It was the first time in my life that I knew for an absolute fact that no one gave a damn about some hot headed, reckless dhampir girl with no friends, family, or love.
I made a promise to myself. This would be the last time I'd ever open my heart up. This would be the last time I'd ever take a chance on someone, or put myself out there. I was closing myself off from any chance of ever getting hurt again. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this twice.
I pressed my foot on the gas pedal forcefully, accelerating away from my depressing life to start an emotionless one. I let out a bitter laugh as I realized I had no idea where I was going.
Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn