Chapter 25- In The Moment
Chapter 25- In The Moment
(SPOV from the time Eric stepped through the mirror.)
I want to go back to Fangtasia and let Pam know that the psycho is loose."
"If there were trouble, Pam would have contacted us, Sookie." She nodded.
"I know, but I would feel better if she knew. Perhaps she
will even want to come here and stay until we can figure out our next
move." Once they were in the mirror room, Sookie took his hand and asked
him to concentrate on the mirror in Fangtasia like he had before. Soon they saw
the room in the basement just as before.
Taking a long hard look around the room, Eric let go of Sookie's hand and stepped through the mirror.
As Sookie watched him step through it seemed as though time slowed. She felt a moment of surrealism, like something had changed, but it was not possible to pinpoint what exactly. It was a taste in her mind, a feeling in her ears, a sound her eyes could not see. The cascading sensations triggered a memory from their time at Uppsala, and rather than fight the pull, she surrendered to the moment and let herself be taken seeking by instinct as much as habit now to find her stabilization, her truth in the love they shared.
They had been training hard for most of the night, and for the past several days as well. It was several hours before dawn and they had just left the hot spring, warm now after hours of being in the cold. She watched Eric moving in front of her, into their bedroom, and felt herself overcome with desire. She wanted to touch him, to show him how much he meant to her, to show him what effect he had on her, just walking past wrapped in a towel. She shivered slightly, and let her lust enter the Bond, pushing it at him. He turned to face her, smiling slightly, eyebrow up in askance.
Mmmm, love the eyebrow, she thought, I want to kiss it when it goes up like that, and then trace it with my tongue. His eyes slipped close at her words echoing in his mind, his turn to shiver.
She moved around him and took his hand, leading him to the bed, slipping the towel off his hips and laying him face down on the bed. He folded his arms under this face and looked back over his shoulder at her, eye brow still raised, teasing her now, daring her to follow through on her desire, as his eyes twinkled.
She smiled back at him, leaning down to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek, before turning back and opening the drawer on the night stand.
Over their time together she had told him verbally, mentally and physically what he meant to her. Tonight, she wanted to leave words in any form behind and share with him the feeling, the emotion itself that bubbled inside her when she was near him.
The Bond allowed emotions to be shared, but it was not something that she had been able to explore to her hearts’ desire. They were conditioned to falling back on words when sensations became too intense to process. Conditioned to releasing tension physically, rather than allowing themselves to experience the full range of the emotions that surfaced when they were together. Tonight, she wanted to paint her love for Eric Northman on a different canvas, she wanted to dive into the deep swirling colors of her love, and see how far it could take her, how deep it went.
Opening the massage oils she had gotten in Kalispell, she began to massage his skin, keeping her telepathy in check and using only the Bond to express her feelings. She climbed onto the bed, and started with his feet. Lifting one leg as she massaged the sole of his foot, using her thumbs to move in slow circles. She let her mind wander. How many steps had these feet taken to find her? How many shoes had they worn? How many times had they run away from or toward danger? She loved them, the shape of them, and the feel of them because they were a part of him.
Into the Bond she sent curiosity, and affection. She kissed the sole of his foot, before moving to the other and repeating the process. She imagined them standing in her kitchen, while his mouth demanded she be his, and she sent amusement and longing through the Bond to him.
Eric was curious, and she felt that coming back from him, but he was letting her lead the encounter that was unfolding between them. Occasionally, when she caressed him she felt him send love to her in the Bond as well, soft gentle nudging’s that told her he liked what she was doing, even if he wasn’t sure what it was yet.
She reverently massaged him, using the slow hypnotic patterns to set both their minds into a relaxed state. When she rolled him over, she pulled him to sit up, while she moved into his lap, putting her arms around him and pulling him close to her chest so that her head rested on his shoulder. He mimicked her motion wrapping her in his arms.
Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and sent him tenderness through the Bond. She imagined the color of it as a light baby pink on her canvas, and then she cataloged the moments in their time together the evoked that emotion in her.
Finding her high school photo in the cubby, and realizing for the first time what he had done for her in saving her home…
Listening to her favorite music while she drove toward Uppsala…
Watching him cook for her…
She took her time with each of these memories allowing herself to savor each one, and sending him waves of tenderness through the Bond at each one unfolded.
Next was acceptance, and it was a light green on her palette.
She thought of how he had told her about herself. “There are two Sookie Stackhouses…” and reveled in the fact that he had not only accepted her, but celebrated her.
She thought about how when she had asked him to leave with her, he had gone all in, and walked away from everything but her.
She thought of how he had taken in stride her darker sides, her softer sides, all of her sides, and held them safe in his hands, held her safe in his hands while showing her acceptance.
She sent him acceptance through the Bond, and opened her soul to him completely. Whatever she had been he had held her and loved her, and she wanted to do that for him. For all the things she didn’t know yet, and all things yet to come, she accepted him, invited him into her.
The depth of the emotion she sent him, was overwhelming, and he instinctively tried to pull back. Her arms and legs held him tighter, and she felt him take an unnecessary breath as he shook in her arms. He turned his face down to hide it in her shoulder, instinctively trying to distance himself from the intensity of emotion.
He sent fear back to her through the Bond, and this too she accepted, dialing back her emotion and rocking him gently in her arms. Slowly, as she felt him calm she opened the Bond again, and painted the canvas more slowly this time. When she felt him kiss her shoulder softly and raise his head again to rest his head on her shoulder she smiled and kissed his shoulder in return.
She sent him joy, in the color of yellow like the sun.
All the days and all the ways he had changed her, healed her, and cared for her.
All the pain he had erased sometimes, with something as simple as a smile or an eyebrow raise.
All the times he had loved her until she broke into a thousand tiny pieces, only to feel him come along and put them together again, one by one with a kiss, a caress, a whisper of I love you.
All those years alone, all those horrible things with Bill, all the terrible things she remembered, and all the miles she knew she had yet to go, all was joy because of the man in her arms.
The yellow of joy he drank in, and returned to her a thousand fold. It was her turn to gasp and try to pull away, but this time he held her in place and softly kissed her skin when she hid her face from the truth of what they were to each other. As she had done for him he dialed it back, and then brought it up more slowly, letting her feel how much joy she brought to him.
Now understanding what she was doing, rather than wait for her to take the next step he moved to love. When Sookie felt it over the Bond she saw her canvas splash in red and she felt herself open up. In that moment there was nothing she couldn’t be and nothing she couldn’t do. She could hold the world, she was the world, and it all centered on the love of this man who held her in his arms.
In places the red was light in shading and color, there she saw his memories of their meeting for the first time, and in places darker, the death of Godric, the lost time when she was in Faery, and those were the color of blood. But there were darker shades still, the color of roses, the color where red mixes with black and becomes something filled with shadow, there she saw herself with him, loving him, taking him into her mind and her body offering him everything she was inside and out. Begging him to take it, to take her.
It bordered on pain and crossed over into pleasure. This was what she had sought when she began this, to drink; to dive into this emotion and swim of drown. Though she stayed in his arms, in her mind she jumped into the red, into the love between them, needing to see where it went.
He had been inside her and her mind many times, and each one had been a revelation but this was more, so much more. She found the parts of their love that centered on caring for one another like his cooking and her offering herself to him for nourishment.
She found the parts where they played together, sharing intimacies and laughter.
She found the part where they joined their bodies, never able to get close enough, or deep enough to satisfy their hunger.
She found the darker parts, of both of them, the loneliness, the anger, the pain.
So much emotion it nearly overwhelmed her, but she didn’t give up, this is what she had wanted. This intimacy, this level of knowing him and of being known.
She imagined kissing his neck, while she embraced this churning passion. Imagined how good he would taste on her tongue and she sent that to him, her pleasure at this touch.
She imaged how his kiss would make her ache between her legs, longing for him, and she sent that desire to him, telegraphing it through the Bond, never once moving her head from his shoulder, or her body next to his.
In her mind she swam deeper into the red, into the love and imagined giving herself to him completely, in the way she knew he wanted, but had never dared to ask. She imagined her pleasure at his fangs and cock sliding into her and then she touched on the forbidden.
She imagined the pleasure of him drinking her dry while he fucked her fast and hard, she felt her orgasm, more intense than any she had experienced before as she came screaming his name with her dying breath. In her mind she pulled back to look at him in that moment, her blood on his fangs, his eyes wild and untamed his body still possessing hers, demanding that she stay with him.
This was the secret of the red. The secret they both pulled back from when emotion became too intense. He wanted to kill her, to turn her. Something wild and untamed in her wanted it as much if not more than he did. To be with him, like that, no barriers, no worry of hurting her, just nights of endless pleasure for all of eternity to be with him forever.
She embraced her death in his arms, and sent it to him, she let him taste her need to be with him, in the darkness and in the light and then she clung to his neck tighter. Her body, overcome by this climaxed in his arms just from the emotion she was feeling, she sobbed as she felt the pleasure crest inside her, and moments later, as she passed that pleasure to Eric she felt him respond in kind.
Physically, they had not joined beyond their embrace. No words had been spoken or thought between them. They had been experiencing each other’s emotions through the Bond. They had been feeling their love for one another.
Now that she knew the secret of the red, Sookie was drowning in it. She wanted him, her body was burning and aching with need. Pushing it through the Bond she felt him jerk beneath her. She could feel the slickness coating her thighs and knew he could feel her arousal as well. She bit his neck, not breaking the skin, but indicating she needed him now.
She found herself on all fours on the bed with Eric behind her pushing in deep, deeper than she could recall. She came on the first thrust and her orgasm went on and on while he pounded into her, still not speaking. She reached back her hand to him and when he grasped it she pulled herself up, her legs outside his, while he continued to pound into her, now using her hips to slam her down on his engorged flesh.
She leaned back into his chest, wrapping an arm around his neck and turning her head, silently demanding that he drink her, that he take her to the red, and truly make her his forever. Eric growled in response and then quite unexpectedly he stopped. He stopped moving in her, he stopped moving her on him, he stopped everything. Sookie moaned, needing her release, wanting his bite, but before she could break the taboo of speaking she felt something in the bond between them.
Tenderness. Eric was sending her tenderness, as she had to him. His arms came around her, slowly, softly, reverently pulling her even tighter against him in their arousing embrace. In his waves of tenderness, she saw that he also loved that he had to be gentle with her, that it helped him to bridge the gap from his vampire nature back to his long abandoned humanity.
Then she felt acceptance, first that she was fragile, and that he reveled in that fragility knowing that he could care for her and protect her, and then in her desire to be one with him. She felt his acceptance that no matter what happened, all he needed was to be with her.
That was when she felt his joy. It came to her in wave after wave, so strong it took her breath away and she struggled in his arms, fighting for air, though the tidal wave was only taking place inside her mind and soul. Gently he lifted her off him, and turned her to face him. She moved to take him back inside and then for the first time since this had all started she looked into his eyes.
I know you now, she thought and began to move on him again rocking up and down, wanting to feel him let go inside her, while she looked into the beautiful blue of his eyes.
As I know you, beloved, he answered in her mind.
“I… love how deep…. I can…I can … t-take you like this!” she moaned in his arms throwing her head back, arching to place her hands on his legs as she moved on him. He looked down to see his shaft between her thighs, the sight of his flesh disappearing inside her, while feeling her squeeze him was enough to make him lose control. He pulled her back to him, buried his face in her neck and bit down as he let go, the feel of his bite bringing her to orgasm as well.
Instinctively, her internal muscles were squeezing his still hard cock in time with his sucking of the wound on her neck. He pulled deeply on the wound and her muscles responded by clamping down on his shaft, forcing another orgasm from his body. She felt him empty into her again and ground her hips down on him, wanting everything he had to give. Her hands came up to the back of his head and she held him that, cradling him as he drank.
When he pulled back sealing the wound, she moaned, “No, please don’t stop, Eric.”
“Shhhh,” he comforted her. Looking into her eyes. “Right now, it’s enough to know that we both want that, to be together like that forever. Right now, it’s enough for me. Is it enough for you?” he asked looking deep into her eyes.
“As long as you understand I never ever want to leave you, Eric. I don’t care what it takes or what it means, I want to be with you like this forever!” She shifted on his lap as she said “this” driving home her point while her hands captured his face.
“We will be,” he promised her, taking her back into his arms and kissing the top of her head. “We will be.”
With the memories of that night running through her mind Sookie followed Eric through the mirror into the basement of Fangtasia. Again, for just a moment, something felt…odd. Looking around quickly she saw no differences from when she was there before. Eric turned to face her, reaching for her hand, and it was in that moment that she realized what was missing.
She could no longer feel him in the Bond.
He looked down at her smiling, waiting for her to take his hand while she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt this was not Eric Northman standing before her.
Somehow, in the moment, she had lost him.