I Love Him
I love him
I woke up with a scream as I dreamt of being taken away by the two pro-like kidnappers. Len abruptly got up and wrapped his strong lean arms around me and whispered comforting words to me while Rin rubbed my back up and down. I soon calmed down and regained my regular breathing. I felt Len gently broke our hug and looked down at me.
"Are you fine now?" He asked, worry lacing his words. I nodded shakily and kept my head hung down. Rin continued to rub my back and I felt Len's right hand run through my hair.
"It's fine. We are here. You don't have to be afraid, okay?" He whispered and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, which, ever so oddly, sent a wave of peace and feeling of safety course through my nerves; calming me immediately. As Len never broke our hug again, I ended up sleeping in his arms.
"Miku.. Miku.. Wake up." A soft, gentle and cute voice woke me up and as a heavy sleeper? I'd guess she was going on for about 5 minutes already. I groaned and rolled to my side to get a better view at my adorable sister, bathed in sunlight making her blonde hair glisten a bit.
"Yes?" I asked groggily and rubbed my eyes, trying to wipe the sleepiness away.
"You do realize we have recording soon, right?" She asked with a cheerful smile.
"Rin.. I don't know why you're so cheerful today but isn't it later this noon?" I asked in a logy voice and rolled back to my initial position again and hit something hard and warm.
"You both need to get up with much haste if you don't want to get late." As Rin said that, I lifted my head and froze at the sight before me. As much as I wanted to ask Rin again, I couldn't. The words flew off my head the moment those pretty ocean blue eyes slowly opened and gazed back at mine. His face was merely inches away from mine and a little bit of movement and I could taste that delicious delicacy, those chapped, pinkish li-
STOP! STOP! STOP! Indecent thoughts! Shoo! Move out! Pack your things and go! Shoo!
I thought frantically and shook my head mentally. I remained frozen there, making my own brain command my eyes to avert my gaze, however, the particular stubborn part wasn't coordinating well, or rather, it wasn't even trying to decoding the message!
A snap of a finger made both of us snap out and break from our hug.
How did I end up in his arms?
I turned to an annoyed Rin and smiled nervously.
"Hurry up and get dressed, Stupid Lovebirds." she huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms over her chest. I blushed at the 'Lovebirds' word and froze yet again. She seemed as if to notice and pulled me up from the bed.
"We'll never be able to get in time if you keep freezing like that Miku." She grumbled and dragged me to the bathroom, but rather gently. I heard the door slam shut behind me. I turned to lock it and started stripping off my night gown. I heard her walk away as I continued to strip down.
"Hey! Get your butt and start preparing too!" I heard her scold Len. Len then quickly got to his feet and scrambled to the other bathroom. He was really in a hurry as his footsteps sounded heavy and full with haste. Well, no one messes with Rin when she's in a hurry. I hurried to my own business and took a shower. After a few moments in there, I wrapped a towel around my naked body and went back to my room in only a towel. Since Rin dragged me there, I forgot to bring with me a change of clothes. I twisted the doorknob and pushed it open while humming to myself.
"Oh! Finally do-" Len's voice trailed off as he looked my way and I froze on my spot. Seriously, I've been freezing a whole lot this morning. I'd surely be a statue if this goes on.
He suddenly turned around and ducked to my bed, face first, and hid under the pillows.
"I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to! I-I decided t-to uhh.. wait for you here with Rin! That's all! I didn't mean to I swear!" He hurriedly cried. I walked to my wardrobe and walked in and without a word closed it behind me. Well, what could I say? I was already so red from the embarrassment of having Len see me in only a towel! I'm sure if I tried to talk back there, it'd only come out as a shaky whisper! I started to ransack for an outfit to wear and settled on a simple pink tank top with a black cardigan on top and jeans. I am kinda afraid to show some skin today because of what happened yesterday. I don't know why? must be in my psyche. After dressing, I went out again. This time though, Len kept his head buried on the pillow.
Isn't it hard to breathe when like that?
"Ermm.. You can look now Len. I don't want you fainting due to lack of oxygen." I said. I saw him jolt at my voice and shifted uncomfortably.
"O-Okay." he said in an unsteady voice.
What's wrong with him?
He pushed himself up but kept his gaze down.
"Seriously Len, Miku is fully clothed now." Rin huffed and pushed herself out of the bed and strode close to me. She linked her arm around mine and stalked out the door, slamming it close behind her. I turned to Rin as she started to run and drag me down the stairs. She was smiling so cheerfully already so I really can't be a kill joy and start mulling over what happened yesterday. It was done and whoever that Shion guy was? He must be really worried about how that lost girl is living her life. She bolted out on the door and paused by the stairs that lead to our car waiting for us. We looked past our shoulder and saw Len by the stairs and momentarily paused to catch his breath, when he did so, he looked up and we both playfully stuck our tongues out before we giggled and dashed to the car. He remained there for a while before he snapped out and hurried after us. We were wrapped in a comfortable silence as we rode to our destination. No, we aren't going to attend school today because our schedules will be quite busy with our concerts fast approaching.
"Miku, Are you sure you're fine?" Rin suddenly broke the silence and turned to me. I smiled at her to ease her anxiety and held her hands.
"I am Rin. I can sing just fine." I said.
"But.. Please don't force yourself, Okay?" Rin said worriedly.
"I will. Now, get moving. We still have a rehearsal awaiting us." I said when I felt our car halt. She turned to her side and scooted over to the opened door.
"No, No, No Hatsune-san. You must sing it with more emotion." Our Music director reprimanded yet again.
"I'm sorry." I apologized again. It's almost 2 hours already and they're still not happy with how I sang the song yet. I hung my head in embarrassment as I can't get the song right.
"I suggest that you rest for a while Hatsune-san." He said and took off his headphones and stood up. I took my own set of headphones off too and walked out of the recording studio. I was about to close the door behind me when I heard his assistant said something.
"She must not have been in love, Sir." she said and handed him a cup of coffee.
Not been in love? What does it mean to be in love anyway?
I thought to myself as I walked in the silent gray hallways. I took the elevator and went to the ground floor to try and freshen myself with a tea. The doors opened and revealed a surprised Len.
"Miku!... You.. Are you fine?" He beamed and suddenly worry coated his words. I quickly forced a smile on my face and walked out of the elevator.
"Of course I am." I exclaimed. His expression didn't change though, more like, he became even more worried.
"Are you really sure? How'd your recording go?" He asked softly, as if aware that it was a sensitive subject to me.
"Uhh.. He-Hey, where is Rin? Why isn't she with you?" I asked as to avoid the matter and changed our course of discussion. Thankfully enough, he didn't push the issue further.
"Well, she's out with Luka-nee. Luka-nee asked her to help her with groceries and her luggage." He said with a casual shrug.
"Luggage? Groceries?" I asked and tilted my head in confusion.
"Ah yes, you haven't heard about it. Apparently, she decided to move and live with us." He said with a smile. I nodded softly after I took in the new info, as much as I want to jump up and down because of the news, I really can't find it in me to be so happy about it. Don't get me wrong, I do love having Luka-nee around and I am beyond excited about it, it's just that with my current state of affairs, I am just too bothered to be all happy and giddy. I walked silently to an Automatic Vending Machine with Len following behind me. I pushed the button for a camomile tea with honey and vanilla and it rolled down. I grabbed it from the box where it'd always fall and walked to a nearby bench. Len was just there beside me, keeping me company, not saying a word but making me feel he'd always be there for me. I smiled against the can of tea and sipped a bit of it.
"Len.. Thank you." I broke the comforting silence and turned to smile at him and he smiled back.
"Are you fine NOW?" He asked.
"Yep, I feel much better after a tea." I said and leaned back.
"That's good." He said and gave me his loop-sided grin.
"You had me worried back there." He added. The way he looked at me makes me think I am the only person in the world for him, like only I mattered. The way he smiled at me makes me feel so loved. The warmth spreading like wildfire quickly found its way on my cheeks, the loud beating in my chest felt like it was a gong signalling a warning and the butterflies that resided in my stomach went wild inside. I never believed in such words like 'He took my breath away' or like 'In that moment all I could see was him' but that moment proved me terribly wrong. Nothing mattered so much more that time besides him, his adorable loop-sided smile literarily took my breath away. I turned away before he could even notice my face go red and chugged the tea down in a few gulps.
I.. Why am I acting like this? gather yourself Miku! Len is your BROTHER for Goddesses' sake! It's a taboo to love your sibling in that way.
I mentally scolded and slapped myself. I took in a few deep breaths, mustering enough courage to turn around and face him.
"I think-" I trailed off when someone suddenly interrupted me.
"Len-sama?!" exclaimed a high-pitched, classy and accented voice. We both whipped our heads to where the voice came from and saw this really pretty girl in a black short skirt, white shirt and a black vest with a black boots to match. Her hair was a golden blonde like Len's but a tone bit darker, it was tied up into a side-ponytail and flowed all the way down to her thighs. She took her sunglasses off and took a good look at Len.
"It really is you! Oooh! Len-sama! I finally found you!" she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around Len's neck and clung.
"He-Hey! Get off me! Stop clinging to me!" Len scolded and pried her hands off him.
"Might we be introduced?" I asked, disturbing them. I don't know what I am feeling and it certainly is my first time seeing the girl but I already have this ugly rage burning inside me.
"Oh! Yeah, this is the first you've seen her. This is Akita Neru, an old acquaintance." He said plainly.
"Neru, this is Miku.. uhmm.." He trailed off as if bothered by something.
"Is she.. your girlfriend, Len-sama?" She asked so sweetly and batted her eyelashes at Len.
"Oh no, no.. She is not.. uhh.. She is my sister." He abruptly declined. I don't understand why I should even be feeling like what I am feeling now, but when he readily declined her suspicion, it somewhat.. I don't know? It somehow hurt to hear. I got that uncanny painful stab on my chest as I felt it tightening so much.
"I see. I thought she was a potential threat." She said and sighed in relief. She then turned to me with a sweet smile and bowed.
"I am Akita Neru. Pleased to meet you, Miku." she said and waved. I smiled at her and bowed back before I walked away without another word and strode to the open elevator.
It's better this way. I must not interrupt them in any other way. I must give them some privacy.. I must..
I paused and waited for the door to close and just take me any floor but that one. As I felt the familiar sound of the elevator's door closing, I lifted my head and saw his horror-stricken face and his hand outstretched like they were trying to reach me. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm my unclenching chest and breathed deep. It was quite shaky and my eyes stung a bit. My face felt a bit damp too. I re-opened my eyes and saw my face in the mirrors inside the elevator. I was crying. Tears were streaming down my face and they weren't stopping.
"Whaa- Why am I.. Why are these tears.." I softly monologue, unable to finish even a sentence. I tried to wipe the tears away before anyone found me like that but as I did, the picture of Neru clinging to Len flashed back and more tears streamed down.
"What is this? Why does it hurt? Why?" I murmured to myself before I pushed the button that would take me to the highest floor of the building. It stopped at the 30th floor and I took the few remaining stairs to reach that certain place where I could cool off and calm myself before I go back to recording again. I opened the door and the cold wind brushed my face. It was such a good spot for hiding and thinking. I closed the door behind me and walked to a space where I could sit down and just enjoy the view before me. It was somehow different from our school's rooftop since it was taller but just like in the school, it can view very nice spectacles too.
"All I need is an hour of peace and I can go back to the studio with a smile." I murmured and breathed in deep.
That girl.. She likes Len.. I can feel it. Len isn't aware of it but I know with the way she clung and became uneasy when she thought I could be Len's girlfriend.
I thought over and remembered the pretty girl awhile ago.
She was sweet and kind yet I acted like that in front of her. She didn't do anything to me yet I hated her already. Just how ugly can I get?
I told myself as new batch of tears started to pool my eyes again.
"What's with this hateful feeling?" I monologue and clutched my chest.
What about Len? What does he feel for the girl?
I asked myself and suddenly my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and read the caller ID.
Yeah, speak of the devil.
"Yes?" I spoke after I flipped it open and answered it. I tried to clear my voice as to not make it obvious I was crying.
"Miku? Where are you?" He asked. His voice somehow sounded frantic and worried.
"I.. Look Len, I am fine. Don't worry." I said, deciding not to tell him for I don't want to face him yet. Not with me feeling as ugly as this.
"Miku.. Did I.. Did I do something wrong?" he asked gently. I could tell without looking at him, that he's down, that he dreaded to hear my answer and that he's worried for me. I let off a sigh and looked up to the vast cloudless sky above me.
"No, you didn't." I answered him finally after a short pause.
It's me.. Something's so wrong inside of me.. I can't let you see me like this.. I don't want to.
I silently thought to myself.
"So, Why?" He asked. I got confused with what he asked and was about to ask him.
"Why did you cry?" he finished before I got the chance to ask. I stiffened with what he asked.
He.. He saw me cry?
"Wha-What? What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to find a reason to deny it.
"In the elevator.. In your reflection in the mirror.. When you lifted your head.. I saw you cry." He said. I've been hearing a few rustles on the line for a while but ignored it, thinking it was only the signal and the bad reception because of the machines that jams the signal. I paused and debated on what to answer. If it would be better if I just admit that I really did or deny it further.
"I.. I.. I'm sorry." I answered finally. I brought the phone away from my ear and pressed the end call. I shoved it back to my pocket and brought my knees closer to my chest and buried my face in my palm. I sobbed yet again, thinking how I am acting currently isn't appropriate. Someone was worried about me and I just acted cold and ignored it.
I didn't want to feel this way.. I hated feeling like this.. I don't like this burning rage within me.. I feel so ugly.. I don't want to hate anyone.
I kept on thinking how this sudden hate that sprung out of nowhere is so ugly and hateful. I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn't hear the door creak open and close. I just realized there was someone with me when his strong lean arms wrapped around me and it pulled me closer and embraced me tight. His scent filled my nostrils as I inhaled more of his intoxicating fragrance. The feeling of warmth and safety within those arms were enough to make me stop crying.
"See? You were crying." His melodious and gentle words was all I could hear, gone were the birds' calls, the cars' honking below and the machines' rumblings. All I could see and hear was this man, encasing me in his arms.
Please God.. Just stop time.
I thought and suddenly snapped out. It was wrong. That feeling was wrong. I pushed him off me and stumbled backwards as I caught him off guard. He looked at me surprised and I just hung my head down.
"Please just leave me alone." I said in a quiet voice.
"Miku.." He called my name. It was so sweet. I really loved hearing my name roll off his tongue.
No! I shouldn't feel like that!
"Please.. Just.. Just leave.." I said a tone higher this time.
"Look at me when you say that." he said, his voice becoming hard and stern. I flinched a bit with his words but didn't abide. Instead I stood up without having as much as glance his way and strode to the door. As I was nearing the door, his hand suddenly caught mine and I was spun around. He cupped my cheeks and forced me to look at him. His lovely aquamarine eyes were full of worry. As for mine, it was ugly.
"Please.. Don't look at me.. I am ugly.. This feeling is ugly.." I said and forced my head to turn and avert my gaze, but his hold on me was strong.
"What is? What are you feeling?" He asked again. He stared deep into my eyes and I just wanted to get lost in them.
"I.. I don't know.. All I know is that.. I didn't like you talking to that girl." I confessed in a small voice that even I barely heard it myself.
Why? Why don't I like it when Len's talking with her?
I thought and as though reading my mind, Len asked the same thing.
"I don't know.. I don't understand it.. I hate feeling like this." I whined.
Why is my heart beating so erratically with him holding me like this? Why are the butterflies on the move again? Why do I always want those orbs to gaze at me and only me? Why do I hate seeing that girl clinging to him?
I asked myself questions leading only to one answer.
I love him. I love this guy before me. I love him with a love that exceeds that of a normal sibling. I love him, romantically.
I finally found the answer I dreaded to know. I hated seeing the pretty girl clinging to him because I love him. I would get this pleasant pounding in my chest because I love him. The butterflies would always act up whenever he touches or stares at me because I love him. I wanted those pretty aquamarine orbs to look at me only because I love him.
"I love you." I said quietly.
"What?" He asked when he didn't hear it and arched a brow.
"I.. I love you Len.. I know now.. I didn't want you talking to that girl because I love you.. I know it's inappropriate because we're siblings.. but I love you.. I know it's ugly and disgusting for me to be feeling this way about you but I can't help it.. I love you. I noticed it a whole lot earlier but I tried to pass it as nothing but a sibling love but as days passed by.. It's becoming harder and harder to deny it." I confessed all at once and watched Len's shocked face.
I knew it.. He'd find it disgusting.
"Please.. Just forget about it.. Forget I said anything.. I know it's disgusting so please just for-"
"Whoever told you I found it disgusting? Would you please shut up for a while? I haven't said anything and you go ahead and tell me to forget everything you just said? I.. All my life I dreamed nothing but that girl. To say that I think about her everyday would be an understatement. I always thought it was all just a wishful thinking that she might learn to love me.." He said and paused. I watched his every move from when he let me go, to when he hung his head down, to when he ran a hand through his hair, and to when he finally gazed back at me.
"But finally.. she finally said she loves me." he said with a sweet smile on his face. I know I should have been happy for him, but with the fact that I just confessed to my own brother that had someone he likes just hurts. It hurts so much.
"I wish you happiness then." I said in a cold and strained voice. I was fighting back the new batch of tears threatening to fall.
"No.." That one word got all of my attention back to him.
"You should wish US happiness." He said and emphasized the word as he cupped my cheeks gently and leaned in closer till he closed the distance between us. His lips were on mine and just that was sending these pleasant shivers throughout my body.
"I love you too Miku.. I have loved you all my life." he said when he pulled away. I smiled and let go of the tears as I held his hand that were on my cheeks and leaned into it.
"I'm glad.. I thought you'd hate me for confessing something so outrageous to you." I said and smiled while crying.
"Haha, you can't imagine how those words made me so happy that I couldn't care about other things at all. It was always my dream to have you loving me back Miku, and looks like I finally did it." He said before he kissed me again. This time however, he kiss was passionate and slow. It was so sweet that I almost forgot my recording session.
"Oh! Goddesses! I need to get back. I need to finish my recording." I exclaimed when I pulled away from his kiss.
"Oh? so you're not done yet?"
"If someone wasn't always bothering my mind I could have." I teased and stuck a tongue out at him. We walked back together to the elevator and luckily there weren't any passengers.
"Oh, so you've been thinking about me too." He retorted as he closed the distance yet again when the doors to the elevator shut close and it rumbled to life.
"Yes I do, you spoiled brat." I pecked him in the nose and smiled. He kissed me again and pulled back after a few seconds.
"Haha, Go now. Do your best in your song." He said before the door opened and I dashed ahead of him.
Everything will be fine
Now that you are mine
I can feel my heart fly
As I sing this song to the sky
Hey! I know it's been a long time since I updated this story but I was just finishing the other one since it ended already. Now, I might just devote my time in finishing this story, IF I get a lot of readers :) seriously, are Len x Miku fans not reading this one? I am so sad T^T well, anyway, I love them so I'm not giving up this story ;)