Jane didn't come home that night. Lisbon had left the door unlocked, just in case he had decided to show up. What he had said to her had hurt. A lot. She had been there for him through all of this. She was the only one who had been able to calm him down, or make him feel better. She had let him sleep on her chest, wrapped up in her arms… and then he had just thrown it all back at her. But she also knew that this wasn't really him.
She was lying in bed, the clock telling her it was already past midnight. But she kept waiting for him.
She drifted off to sleep at about three. Her alarm woke her just before 7. She patted the empty spot on her bed and sighed. She showered and dressed before she made her way downstairs. A sinking feeling presented itself in her chest when she saw that the couch was vacant also.
She grabbed a coffee on her way out the door, not bothering with breakfast. The absence of her consultant and friend, had done its job to dissipate her appetite.
As always, she arrived at work before any other member of her team. She made her way into her office, sighing as she saw the large stack of paperwork waiting for her.
She settled in, know she could get at least half an hour of uninterrupted work done, before the rest of her team arrived for the day. It saddened her to think about why she had so much paperwork. Usually she would come in on weekends to try to catch up, and she had also had yesterday off.
She wondered what Jane was doing. Was he ok? She should be angry with him, furious even. But she just couldn't find it in her heart to be mad. He was grieving. The inevitable death of his newly found daughter was driving him over the edge. She wanted to call him, but she knew she should give him some space. Wait for him to come to her.
Three days had passed and Lisbon still hadn't heard from Jane. She was starting to go crazy, and it wasn't going unnoticed. The team was starting to worry about her frequently checking her phone. She was leaving earlier than usual, rushing home to see if he had come back. Every time she arrived home and he wasn't there, she could feel her heart sink. Something had to be done. There was no way in hell she was going to let him go through this alone. She wasn't going to let him shut her out this easy.
She walked into the kitchen, chucking last night's leftovers into the microwave. While her meal was cooking, she gave in, deciding to call Jane. She dialled his number, hesitating before pressing the call button. This was going against everything she had told herself the last four days, but she needed to know that he was ok. She listened to the dial tone for a moment, before she was cut out to voicemail.
She slammed her phone down on the countertop. Either he was ignoring her or… or what? It was only 6:00 at night.. so it wasn't like he was asleep. She needed to see him! but she had no idea where he was and he wasn't answering his phone. Maybe he was at the hospital?
Lisbon grabbed her keys and phone off of the counter and headed out the door. She grabbed her jacket on her way out, her dinner long forgotten.
Lisbon walked into Greer's room to find it Janeless. There was no sign of her friend. Greer was sitting up in the bed, reading a book. There was an IV hooked into her arm, leading up to various tubes. She had completely discarded her wig, not needing to pretend anymore.
"How are you feeling?" she asked Greer.
"Yeah alright.. the pain meds they've got me on are pretty wicked." They shared a smile.
"Sorry I haven't been to see you earlier Greer… I don't really have an excuse."
"It's ok. Dad's been here heaps, keeping me company.. and so has mum."
"Yeah… I thought I may as well start calling him dad, it's what he is, no point trying to deny it." she smiled sheepishly.
"Well that will be nice, for the both of you."
"Teresa? Is he ok?"
Lisbon moved in and sat on the chair beside Greer's bed.
"Greer, I haven't spoken to your father since we found out about your prognosis. We… we had an argument.. and I haven't heard from him since."
"Oh…" Greer muttered. "I guess I should have guessed that one.. he's seemed… off lately. He hasn't looked well, at all. And he mentioned he wasn't staying with you… I should have made the connection earlier. I guess my super powers are diminishing."
"Don't say that Greer." Lisbon looked sadly at her hands.
"Teresa… it's ok… I came to terms with death a long time ago… I'm not afraid to die…. I just afraid of what will happen when I'm gone. It's all out of our control."
"Yeah I guess it is."
"Teresa.. everything will work out in the end.. it has to be ok."
Lisbon looked up into the desperate girls face.
"As long as I'm around Greer, things will work out."
"Thanks Teresa. For everything. You've been a great friend through this."
Lisbon smiled back at her. It was weird to think of a seventeen year old as a friend.. but that's exactly what she was. Through these horrible events.. they had indeed become close. The sat in silence for a little bit.
"Wait.. super powers?"
"The team dropped by yesterday. Rigsby and Cho call the whole perception thing super powers."
"Ha… right. Yeah I think I've heard that one before… they've used it on Jane a few times."
The sound of his name made Lisbon heart hurt. She paused, looking sadly out the window, where it was just beginning to rain.
"Do you know where he is?"
Greer gave Lisbon a puzzled look.
"You really weren't kidding when you said you hadn't heard from him all week, were you?"
Lisbon shook her head sadly.
"Is there anything you can remember? I need to find him." Lisbon muttered.
Greer paused, thinking for a moment.
"Oh… he said something about his playboy mansion?"
"He's in Malibu?"
Greer looked at Lisbon, confused.
"It's the house where he and his family used to live… that's where they were murdered."
Confusion turned to horror.
"Why would he go back there?"
"I'm not sure… Greer, I have to go to him."
"Of course Teresa…"
"I promise I'll come back and see you soon." She leant in, giving the small girl a hug. "Take care of yourself."
Greer rolled her eyes.
"Hey, I have people being paid to do that for me."
"You take care too Teresa… and take care of him."
Lisbon turned to leave. She was halfway out the door when Greer spoke again.
"Don't be too hard on him… I know he's missed you."
"But you said…"
"Go Teresa… you have a long drive."
"Right… see ya soon."
Greer smiled at Lisbon's departing back. She had seen that crazed look in her eye so many times. She would do anything to protect him. At least she knew he would be in good hands, once she was gone. She only hoped he wasn't too stubborn to accept the help.
The rain was incredible. It hit her windscreen like bullets, her wipers only clearing her view for a microsecond. Lisbon had been driving for nearly three hours before she realised she was low on gas. She pulled over into the next station, deciding she should probably eat something as well. She had been skipping a lot of meals recently without even realising it, and it wasn't doing her energy levels any favours, especially seeing as she still had to drive for about another three and a half hours.
She stifled a yawn as she went inside to pay for the gas and grab some food. She settled on a pie and a bear claw, also grabbing a coffee. Caffeine would be amazing at the moment.
She dashed out to her car, trying her best not to get soaked in the process. A crack of thunder resounded in the distance, making her jump.
She jumped into her car, throwing her food on the passenger seat and the coffee into the cup holder. She somewhat shook herself, to rid her hair of the raindrops that had gotten caught.
She turned back onto the road, grabbing the pie and taking a massive bite out of him. She groaned in satisfaction. It had been a long time since she had had a pie this good.
In a matter of moments she had completely demolished both pie and bear claw and was in the process of sculling her coffee.
She focused on the road, putting everything into not crashing into oncoming traffic, she could barely see where she was going from the rain.
She had only been to Jane's Malibu mansion a couple of times, none of the visits ever being very pleasant.
She had no idea what she was going to say to Jane when she got there. What if he really didn't want to see her? What if he kicked her out? Even worse.. what if he wanted her to stay? She had come to feel so many different things for Patrick Jane, and it scared the crap out of her. She didn't know what to do with them. Every time she saw him, she felt as if the world had stopped, that they were captivated in that moment in time forever… or if they weren't, she wanted to be.
The part that seemed to scare her the most, is the fact that she though he may feel the same way. She had seen the way he looked at her, the twinkle in his eyes would always shine just that little bit brighter when he watched her. He made her nervous.
She suddenly felt nauseous, the food disagreeing with her thoughts. She cracked her window, trying to get a little fresh air.
She was so confused.
What the hell was she doing? Here she was driving nearly seven hours on a Friday night, to a man who probably couldn't bear the sight of her. Who was she kidding.. of course he didn't feel the same way. Look at what he had said to her when she had tried to help him. She was only ever trying to help him… sometimes she wondered if it was worth it… loving a man who could never love her the same way.
She slammed on her breaks, lucky that there was no one behind her. She loved him. Well… of course she loved him… but she was in love with him? That was why she was finding it so hard to be away from him, why it had hurt so much when he had yelled at her.
How had she been so naive? She was in love with him. It was so obvious to her now.
"I'm in love with Patrick Jane!" she yelled to herself.
She had to get to him. She put her car back in drive and started racing down the road, in the hopes he didn't despise the very sight of her.
"That was the last one. All gone!" his voice came out a lot husker than intended. He cleared his throat, attempting to place the bottle in line with the others. His hands shook, and his head spun, making what should have been an easy task, damn near impossible. The placed the bottle on the floor carefully, before retracting his hand. His movements were jittery and his hand caught the top of another bottle, sending it crashing down on the other bottles, falling like dominoes. They clinked to the floor, and all ten bottles rolled around the room.
"ARGH!" he growled. "Fuck'n stupid bottles! Fuck'n stupid room! FUCK'N STUPID LIFE!"
He got up, momentarily losing his balance and falling back against the wall. He stumbled forward and picked up the closest bottle, chucking it with all his force against the wall. It smashed, littering the room with shards of glass.
"Why the fuck would you do this to me?" he threw another bottle. He wanted to scream… so he did just that.
"Why is it…" he threw a bottle. "that I get another chance to be happy," threw another. "And then she has fuck'n cancer!" he turned around, throwing another bottle, this time aiming at the red smiley face on the wall. The glass burst into a million pieces. Some of the remaining liquid from the bottle, splattered all over the face. It made it look like the face was crying. He collapsed onto his hands and knees, the glass cutting into his palms. He hung his head and started to sob, each cry coming out louder than the last.
"Why?" he cried out.
Soon he was howling, unable to control his desperate pleas to a god he didn't believe in.
By the time Lisbon made it up Jane's driveway, it was past midnight. The rain hadn't eased at all, if anything, it had gotten heavier. She got out of the car and dashed up the stairs to the entrance. She stood for a moment, not knowing what to do next. Deciding she couldn't just barge into his house, she knocked on the door.
She tried again.
After a few moments she realised that if he was in there, he wouldn't be able to hear the knock over the rain. Maybe she should just leave and find a motel. But then again, she had driven all this way to find him, and she didn't want to back down now. Making up her mind, she gently pushed on the door, and was somewhat relieved when it opened for her. Well, it was a sign that she was meant to be there.
She crept in, quietly closing the door behind her. Deciding Jane probably wouldn't thank her for dragging mud and water through his house, she took off her boots, and placed them by the door.
The house was quiet. The only sound she could hear was the rain. It echoed throughout the house, giving off an eerie feeling. She really hated being here. This place reminded her of death. It reminded her of why Jane was so broken. But then again, it reminded her of the reason she was here to begin with. This man needed help, and she was the one who was meant to give it to him.
She made her way towards the stairs, knowing that if he was going to be here, then there was only one room he would be in. She climbed the stairs slowly. She felt like a victim in a horror movie, the one where you're yelling at the character not to go in the room, but she still does… well, let's just say she wasn't looking forward to what she was about to find. But then again.. maybe he was fine. He might not even be here. He could be in a hotel somewhere… or if he was here he could be asleep somewhere. But she knew, once again, she was just being naive.
She reached the top of the staircase and edged towards the bedroom. The door was cracked open, but otherwise closed. She reached the door, but hesitated before entering. She took a deep breath and took a leap of faith, swinging open the door all the way.
The first thing she noticed was the face. The murderous face smiling back at her. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, as the chills ran down her spine. The second thing she noticed, was the man crouched in front of the face, as if he were praying to it.
She felt instantly sick. He was worshipping the face? It was then she noticed the glass scattered around the room, and the lone bottles that had rolled into different corners.
"Jane?" she whispered.
She saw his body tense, as he realised he was no longer alone. He slowly sat up, stiffly turning towards her.
"Lisbon." It was an accusation again. "What are you doing here?"
He was angry, she could see that, but she had no intention of letting that offend her.
"I came to make sure you were ok." She stayed where she was, thinking it was a bad idea to make a move towards him.
"Ha." He scoffed. "Of course you did. Or maybe you just wanted to see the broken self loathing Patrick Jane. You wanted to see the real me… well here I am."
"Because we all know the great Teresa Lisbon doesn't have any baggage…" Jane cut her off. "does she. Your just a perfect little flower aren't you."
"Hey… that's not…"
"It's ok my pet… no one is going to know that Special Agent Teresa Lisbon was beaten as a child? that she has daddy issues."
"You're an arsehole."
"Ha! You see, my dear, you're finally beginning to see the light. So maybe you should just piss off."
"I'm not going anywhere." Lisbon said, planting her feet
Lisbon swore she saw Jane's eyes flash red.
He got up, drunkenly advancing towards her.
"Get the hell out of my house!"
He pulled back his arm, as if he was about to punch her, but his fist landed on the wall with a loud crash, denting it painfully. Lisbon jumped as his knuckles came into contact with the plaster. She thought she heard one of his bones break. He let out a moan of satisfied pain before collapsing to the floor again.
This was the second time in a week that Lisbon had seen Jane act out violently, and she didn't like it.
Tentatively, she closed the distance between them, placing a hand on his shoulder, and kneeling down to the same level as him.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?" he asked in a gruff voice.
"Because I care about you Jane."
He let out a slow, steadying breath.
"I'm worried about you."
"You're worried about me. Why would you be worried about me?" he paused theatrically. "Oh… that's right.. coz I'm a nutcase who's falling apart. Coz my seventeen year old daughter is dying. Everyone I ever care about dies. They all just fucking die. And you're worried about me. Well whip-de! Aren't you a saint." He shrugged away from her, making her loose her balance and fall to the floor with a loud bang. She let out a small cry of pain, when she landed on her tailbone.
That's gonna leave a bruise.
"Lisbon? I'm… I'm sorry… are you ok?" she heard that the tone in his voice had changed, he spoke a lot softer this time.
"I'm fine." She got up painfully.
"Maybe you should just go. I want to be alone."
"Jane, I'm not going anywhere."
"Argh! Woman! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn all the time!"
"I'm not leaving."
She heard a low growl coming from Jane's throat.
"Fine. Do what you want."
"Fine. I will."
"If you're staying…" he said darkly, "then why don't you do something useful."
Before she could even register what was going on, Jane's lips were crushing down on hers. He tasted like alcohol, and anger, and overall Janeness. His lips were rough against hers and his chin scratched her face because he hadn't shaved in days. Although every part of her soul wanted to give in to this kiss, she knew it was wrong. He made her so angry! Why couldn't their first kiss have been under better circumstances? She felt all the rage and grief he had caused her over the time she knew him, boil up to breaking point.
She pulled away from Jane and slapped him.
"Screw you. I was only trying to help you."
She looked at him darkly, before she turned on her heel and left. She was half way down the stairs before she heard a thud- the sound of a human body hitting the floor.
She was only trying to help. She was only trying to help. She was only trying to help. You wanker!
Here she was, trying to be a good friend, trying to save you, and you just shove it right back in her face. And now you're alone again. Sitting in your miserable little house, in your miserable little room, in your miserable little life. Well, you got what you wanted. You wanted to be alone. Now you are. And she's never coming back.
He heard the floorboard creek behind him. Two strong arms wrapped around his torso, hugging him from behind.
She never really had any intention of leaving. Now he knew she was here, the initial reacting would wear off. He just needed some time to calm down, and from the way she exited the room, she presumed he was stewing in self pity.
She waited ten minutes before re-ascending the stairs. The bedroom door was open and she could see him slumped on crouched knees, his head hung low and his shoulders shaking. He had his back to the door, so he couldn't see her returning.
She made her way across the bedroom floor, a floorboard creaking just before she reached him. She knelt down behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle, hugging him tight, she felt him relax against her, his arms coming up to hold hers.
He pulled her around so he could face her.
"Oh, Teresa.. I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry."
"Patrick… shhh.. it's ok."
He wasn't crying, he was well beyond crying. He pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly. They broke apart after a moment, looking into each other's eyes.
They sat there gazing at each other, drinking in every detail, as if they were long lost lovers that had found each other. In some retrospect.. they were.
Jane reached out, cupping her face and started leaning towards her.
Lisbon's heart starting beating at a mile a minute. He was going to kiss her… properly. She felt herself be succumbed by his spell, closing her eyes, and leaning in, breaking the distance between them.
Lisbon felt electricity spark through her lips. This was one of those Hollywood kisses, one's you only heard about in fairytales. She had never dreamed a kiss could get this amazing.
After a short time they broke apart, both just wanting to keep things sweet and simple.
He smiled for the first time in days.
She looked up into his eyes, the twinkle had reappeared.
She had kissed Patrick Jane! Her insides started whirring and her head started spinning. She sighed in delight. This was better. At least she had her Jane back now.
The worst wasn't over, but at least there was now a small light at the end of the tunnel.