The Big Mistake
Three times. It was three times that I've already tried to call him, but he hasn't answered yet. I know that he's probably still on his way home in his car, but still. If there is any chance that he didn't want to go home and stopped the car... well, then I just have to keep calling him.
I'm not going to lie – I'm worried. A lot. I know that the homecoming was a disaster and after all Kurt's been doing these past few years to get into Northwestern, he probably wants to be left alone because let's be honest – all he's achieved tonight was nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I don't want to be a pessimist, believe me I don't, but the whole school laughed at us and no one wants to write for him and help him with his magazine now. He must feel awful, and that's why I want to be there for him.
And when he almost fell before I caught him in my arms and when he started shaking his head after I asked him if he was okay... I can't leave him alone. I don't want him to be alone, I feel like I just need to be there for him.
I take my phone and try to call him again - I'm almost back home and because my parents didn't go to homecoming, I'm alone with just my phone in my hand. The call suddenly ends – he rejected the call! I stop walking.
"What?" I say out loud, staring at the device in my hand. I mean, why would he do that? If he saw that I was calling him, that means that he's already home and has his phone, and that means that he could have at least called me back and told me to leave him alone. I'm even more worried now!
I continue on my way home and finally get into my room. I fall into my bed and close my eyes. Today has been one hell of a day, and I'm exhausted. I desperately want to call Kurt again and make sure that he's really okay after tonight. We're boyfriends after all, he should tell me at least something. Even if he doesn't want to open up to me, he has to know that I'm worried. On the other hand, if he really wants to be left alone, I'll respect that and wait until he wants to talk to me himself.
I'll see him at school tomorr- wait, no I won't. It's Friday, so I'll just have to call him tomorrow again. Maybe we could hang out for a while and try to come up with any idea to make his literary magazine.
I'll tell my parents that I'm outside with a friend or something again. I hate lying to them, but I'm afraid that my dad won't like me having a boyfriend. My mom would be able to handle it... maybe. I don't know, she seemed quite okay with it after I came out to her and dad. But he started shouting that he never wanted to have a faggot for a son. I remember that night as if it was yesterday. I got so scared of him that I started crying, but my mom managed to calm him down. At least a bit. Later he said that he was okay with it, but I can tell that really he isn't.
I don't want to think about my parents though. I just have to hope that Kurt actually answers my calls tomorrow.
When I wake up it's already late morning. For a second I panic that I'll be late for school, but then I realize that it's Saturday. Ah finally! I let my head fall back into my soft pillow and curl up in my warm blanket. I don't want to wake up yet, it's so comfortable in here!
But then I remember what happened yesterday and open my eyes, suddenly fully awake. Kurt was so upset when he left the homecoming, I just wanted to be there for him, but it seems that all those walls he has built up around himself over the years of being alone are going to be a little harder to break. I want him to open up to me, but only if he himself wants it. And I'll do anything to make him feel better about yesterday.
Suddenly my phone rings and I immediately grab it, answering the call.
"Kurt?" I say.
"Hi," he answers. I hear him swallow. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday." He continues, "I should've called you back, but I kinda wanted to be alone."
"Yeah, I got that," I laugh quietly. "But I want you to know that you don't have to be alone anymore. If you want to be, then sure, but if you need anything, I'll be here for you." I answer honestly . "Always." I add.
"Th-thanks," he says awkwardly. "Sorry, I don't say 'thanks' very often." He laughs. I laugh with him.
"That's okay." I say. "Hey, do you want to go grab some coffee or something?" I ask, hoping that he'll say yes.
"Sure!" I hear him smiling. "I know just the place!"
One hour later and I'm hugging Kurt in front of some coffee shop that I've never been to. There are so many things in this city for me to discover, even when Kurt always says that it's in the corner of nothing and nowhere.
When I see him sitting to the table on the opposite side of me, waiting for the coffee that we ordered, I can't help but notice how happy Kurt seems. Just yesterday he was more upset than ever and now he's practically beaming.
"What is it?" I ask, smiling myself.
He looks up and asks, "what?" He's so adorable like this.
"Nothing, you just seem so happy after yesterday." I say. He looks down, apparently thinking about the homecoming. He's not happy about it, but it lasts only a second before he grins and looks back at me.
"I'm happy," he says. "Possibly for the first time in my life I'm happy because I have a plan how to make the literary magazine." He smiles at me and takes a sip of his coffee as soon as the waitress brings it to us.
"Really, how?" I ask, incredulous.
"Everyone has something to hide." He answers and chuckles. He seems proud of this idea.
"What do you mean?" I ask. I don't know why, but this seems a bit suspicious.
"Well, just this Monday," He starts all excited. "I caught Nicholas and Scott making out in the boys' bathroom. I promised not to tell anyone, but you won't tell this anybody else, right?" He asks.
"Uh, no," I say. "We're practically the same as them, secretly dating." I whisper after that. He smirks at me and takes my hand.
"At school maybe, but I really want to be your boyfriend at least outside the school." He smiles at me and strokes the back of my hand with his thumb.
"Of course," I smile back and put my other hand over his.
"Well, and I made them write for me in exchange for keeping my mouth shut." He says. Wait... what?
"What?" I ask and put my hand away. He rolls his eyes and takes another sip of his coffee.
"Look, I know that I'm probably the worst person here," he admits when he sees my expression. "And I know that this is probably the most selfish thing that I've ever done in my life, but I need it." He smiles at me, a bit unsure of himself suddenly.
"So you blackmail them?" I ask. I know that we know each other barely two weeks, but I felt like I know him already, and I didn't think that he would ever want to blackmail anyone.
"Yes, it's the only way, I told you – everyone hates me here and no one would ever want to write for me. It's the only possible option."
"But it's not right." I tell him. "You shouldn't take advantage of them like that, Kurt. Imagine if someone caught us in that bathroom and blackmailed us."
"Uh no," he says, grimacing. "Not in that bathroom, I made sure not to use it ever again after I saw them there."
"Kurt," I say, looking closer into his blue eyes. "I'm serious here, it's not right to blackmail someone, especially someone who has to hide who he is or is still in the closet and afraid to come out." He keeps quiet, so I take his hand again and squeeze. "Kurt, look me in the eyes-" he slowly looks up, "-and tell me if it really feels right to do something like this." He keeps looking into my eyes, but doesn't say a word.
Suddenly he takes his hand away and stands up. "Where are you going?" I ask, standing up myself and taking my coffee.
"I don't need you to tell me what to do, Blaine, I know I have to do this and I plan to continue so I can have more submissions. I need all of them, any that I can get or I can never get to Northwestern, okay?" He says. "And I'd appreciate it if you as my boyfriend supported me." He starts walking away, but I quickly grab his sleeve and turn him around.
"Kurt, I didn't say that I don't support you. I'll always want to help you and I really wish that you get to that school, but this... this just isn't right, you have to know that." I insist. I don't want to fight with him right after we got together, but blackmailing someone... God.
"I know that it isn't right," he says. "But do you honestly have any better idea how to do the magazine? Or how to get any story or a poem at all from those dumbasses that our school is full of?" He asks and I have to shake my head because he's right, I don't have any better idea.
"I guess I can't stop you, can I," I sigh and he smiles, hugging me again. We stay like this for a couple of seconds before I pull away slightly, pressing my forehead against his. He looks down at my lips and my eyes automatically look at his lips too. "I shouldn't want to kiss you so bad right now, people might see." I whisper, leaning slightly closer.
"I guess... I guess that we'll have to take that risk," he whispers against my lips, finally closing the gab between us and kissing me. It isn't a long kiss, but it's sweet and beautiful.
He giggles silently and I swear that it's the most adorable sound that I've ever heard. I chuckle again and he takes my hand, leading me happily out of the shop.
"Hey," I call at him, "that didn't change my mind, I hope you know that. I'm still not okay with that blackmailing plan of yours." He rolls his eyes, sighs and turns around to kiss me again.