I'm doing my Chemistry homework and don't pay attention to anything else around me. I think I sent Blaine downstairs for water, but I don't really care at the moment. I want to be finally done with this so I can cuddle with Blaine again and sing with him.
Yes, sing. Though it sounds weird, I really did enjoy singing with him. I don't know why, but it was nice. I've never actually tried to feel my voice. And when I sang with Blaine, it just felt amazing.
I sigh and close my eyes for a few seconds. I hear Blaine enter the room behind me, but I don't look up. I'm just so tired and I think it has something to do with the fact that when I sleep with Blaine, cuddled in my bed, it feels really nice and I just want to do it again and so I'm tired as an excuse to go to bed again.
Something lands in front of my head on the table. Finally, I open my eyes and look at it. It's a letter, it's a–
"Oh my god Blaine is this what I think it is?" I yell suddenly and grab carefully the already opened letter. "Wait, why is it opened?" I ask. I know that it isn't important now, but I just couldn't help asking.
"It's your Northwestern acceptance letter, Kurt. Just look at it." Blaine says and touches my shoulder. I look down at the letter again. I can feel my hands shaking and starting to sweat. This is a moment I've been waiting for almost my whole life!
I realize that I'm smiling like a lunatic. I look at Blaine again. He smiles back at me and I finally turn the piece of paper around. I feel my body tense and I'm pretty sure I'm not even breathing because I feel a slow pain rising up in my chest.
"I got in," I whisper and take a deep breath. "I got in!" I smile and turn around to hug Blaine. He keeps smiling at me and laughing as he wraps his arms around my back, returning the hug. "I got in!" I laugh again.
I feel so happy! I've actually achieved my goal, my dream came true, god I'm awesome!
"See?" Blaine suddenly says and pulls away to look into my eyes. "You got in, so you don't have to make the literary magazine." I frown slightly, but he keeps talking. "You don't have to blackmail all those people and feel bad about it, you already know you're going to Northwestern."
I look down for a moment and think about what Blaine just said. It's true, the magazine is pointless now because they already accepted me. And Blaine's right, I would feel bad about it, especially now that I know the magazine isn't needed. But not that bad. And the the Clovergate operation is already in-progress, I can't stop now. I got the money from mom and announced it at the ASSembly. Everyone expects me to finish it.
"No," I say and look back at him. "Blaine, I can't stop now, I've already started, gave them the flyers and got the money and everything. Even though it's pointless now, I still want to do it. At least for myself."
He looks down, still holding my shoulder, but then he nods slowly. I can see that he doesn't like the answer, but he probably gave up trying to change my mind. "Okay," He says. His face is so damn close to mine that I can't resist and just lean in to kiss him. He doesn't pull away.
"Now, why was the letter opened?" I insist. I know that Blaine wouldn't open it, he would wait for me.
"Um," He starts, obviously not wanting to tell me.
"Well?" I say and try to look into his eyes when he looks down again. This doesn't look good...
"I don't actually know." He answers then. "I just found it in the trash can in the kitchen. It was already opened, so I suppose..." He trails off, looking at me worriedly.
And then it hits me. I checked the mail today, I checked it as I always do. Blaine was with me and the only other person who could have possibly found the letter, opened it and thrown it away was...
"Mom?!" I yell through the whole house. I know she's still on the couch and I know that she did this. How could she?!
I'm barely aware of Blaine trying to calm me down as I storm out of my room and run downstairs, only to find my mother, watching TV as if nothing happened. I stop only when I'm right in front of her so I'm blocking her view of the television. She looks up at me.
"What's up?" She asks.
"What's up?!" I yell at her and now she finally looks at me. Her look is somehow distant, I know she's been drinking, but that doesn't change the fact that she's been obviously sober when she threw the letter away. She must have been, otherwise she wouldn't have even been able to get out of the couch.
I show her the letter and her eyes go wide. That's it. That's the proof she did this.
"How could you– How could you throw my letter away?!" I say. All I can think about it what my own mother did and nothing else.
"I'm sorry," is all she says. "I wanted to protect you."
"Protect me?!" I shout again. This makes no sense, it's ridiculous.
"I didn't want you to get hurt like I did," she says then. I think she's starting to sober up by now. "All your talk about growing up and becoming a writer – all these delusions you have won't happen." She continues. "Dreams don't come true, Carson, take it from me. I'm living proof. The world is a very cruel place. You would have left and been eaten alive and come back utterly destroyed. I wanted better for you." She leans closer a bit, looking right up at me. God, is she actually serious?!
I can't believe it, my own mother, my own flesh and blood, did this to me and now she's trying to validate her actions. "I can't believe this. This is so unfair!" I yell again, completely blind with anger.
"Life is unfair." Mom says then and stands up. I take a step back. "It is. And the sooner you realize that, the faster you grow up and see the world for what it really is."
I give up, this conversation has no point anymore. She's the most pathetic person in the world! I stand up and walk away. "Thank you," I say before I'm gone. "Thank you for being the perfect example of something I refuse to become.
I don't know what's happening anymore. I hear Blaine's voice calling my name, but then I'm suddenly in my car, driving away. Somewhere, I don't know where and I don't even care. I'm just driving and driving and I don't ever want to stop.
I pass the CLOVER CITY LIMIT sign on the outskirts of town. I don't know why, but it somehow makes me angry all over again and I reach for my umbrella, get out of my car and go at that sign like a piñata.
It doesn't make me feel better.
I get back into my car and drive some more. I drive as far as I can until there is no more road left take. I look around and see that I'm at the ocean. And in that moment I realize that I've actually never seen it.
It's so big, and blue and just beautiful. The sun is shining above and I sit on the hood of my car. I start to think.
My mom, my own mom betrayed me. I remember I asked her to inform me if there was a letter in the mail for me. She said that she would. And what she did? She opened it and as soon as she found out that I've been accepted she just threw it away to protect me.
I snort. She didn't do it for me, no. She did it only for herself. She couldn't bare the thought that I might actually leave her in this shit-town and go to Northwestern. She wanted me for herself, that's so selfish of her.
Well, at least I got in. I smile a little and look at the letter that's still lying on the passenger seat. I still have a few weeks to confirm that I want to go there and study. At least Blaine found that letter now. Better than three months from today – that would be too late.
My phone suddenly rings. "Carson, I need to talk to you, I need to apologize," I hear my mom's voice. She's the last person I want to talk to now, so I end the call and look back at the ocean. The wind is nice and it plays with my hair nicely. At least something feels nice now.
"Kurt?" I hear a very familiar voice right next to me. I turn around and can't help but smile.
"How'd you get here?" I ask.
Blaine smiles and says. "I followed the trace of sadness mixed with unbelievable hotness from your house." We both laugh bit and after Blaine sits next to me on the hood, I lay my head down on his shoulder, still facing the ocean. We keep sitting like this, half-hugging at least another five minutes and neither of us wants to stop. "I love you no matter what happens, Kurt." Blaine says eventually, kissing the top of my head.
"I love you too," I smile, nuzzling my nose into the crook of his neck.
"So what about our plan then?" He smirks suddenly and looks down at me. "Get to Northwestern and cuddle every night? Do you still want it?" I look up at him, getting lost in his brown eyes and then kiss him, happy to be in his arms.
"Oh yes, definitely."