Remy was the first to admit that he'd made a lot of mistakes in his life. Bella? Yeah that was a mistake, but at least he'd been happy for a while. Truly he had been, or at least he had convinced himself he was. No one at thirteen knew who they wanted to spend their life with, but he'd been assured it was what was best for his new family. So, he had been happy. She was his best friend for so long, it couldn't be that bad, right? Until Julian interfered it looked like it. In a few moments it was all over though. His entire life he had built from nothing was gone. Because a jealous boy threw himself on a sword. The way she looked at him, before they led him away, it was all he really needed to see, to know there was no going back.
Asking Essex for help? Not only was that a nightmare, it was a huge mistake. Sometimes he still wonders if he should have just let his power kill him instead. But he could now see the evil in someone at first glance. His powers were the reason he went. Essex had promised hope, control. For a power that was eating away at him. That theater had been the final straw. He never wanted to hurt an innocent person because of his powers again. But then he did, down in the tunnels. He led them there, Sabretooth and Scalphunter, into the tombs. Foolishly believing Sinister that he was going to help them. Now he was stuck with the bloody nightmares the rest of his life.
Joining the X-men? That one the verdict was still out on. Sometimes it felt like the worst mistake of all, like when he was left to die. In the snow and ice, with his heart figuratively ripped from his chest. Her rejection had hurt far more than the hunger and cold. Worse he felt he deserved it, which is why he came back.
Other times it felt like the best choice he ever made. Like when he thought about Stormy, or Jubilee, or Laura. He'd found his best friends by joining, but he'd also made a lot of new enemies. He couldn't imagine a life without those girls. They were like sisters to him, all three of them. Stormy was first. He saved her, but then she saved him as well. Jubilee was always so upbeat, even when things looked like the end was near, that girl could find something positive. And Laura, she came along and needed him too. Just when he was starting to feel like he'd done all he could for this team, this family, she had arrived. So hurt and alone.
Really he was never cut out for this hero stuff, and he was never sure if he'd believed in the Dream. If he was honest, he thought it was just that. A dream. There would always be those who hated them, just for being born. He hadn't signed on for the dream. Joining had been about redemption. For the tunnels. For Sinister. For being so naive that he thought the man was really going to help anyone.
Now he wasn't sure he could ever find it with them. Everything had gotten so mixed up so fast. Now they weren't even a team anymore, the split occurred, and he chose a side. It was never really a question. He was going with the children, because the children, it wasn't too late for their redemption. But then maybe it was. Maybe redemption was just a pipe dream.
Maybe he was never supposed to be anything but a monster. He'd been told so often enough. By friends and lovers. By Family and enemies. Always the same. He was a monster. It was apparent from the moment he opened his eyes the first time. He did wish for a better life though. Was it really so much to ask? To be his own person instead of whom everyone else thought he should be; maybe it was.
Rogue. His Anna. Was she a mistake too? Sometimes he wished he'd never met her; maybe he wouldn't be this miserable if he hadn't, but then, some of his best memories and happiest moments were with her. She was his salvation and his damnation rolled into one. Every time he thought they were really and truly over...something brought them back together. Like last night. She came to him in the night, begging for him to give her another chance. Saying that she was sorry, that she had been wrong to give up on them like she had.
He did, he always does. It's the dance they do. They fight someone walks away hurt. Someone begs for another chance. A horrible cycle that continues on and on. There was a time, not really so long ago, where it wasn't like this. When they got along. He missed that, truly. He loved her so completely, far more than he had ever loved anyone else. Meeting Anna, falling in love with her, made him realize that he'd never truly loved Bella. Not like he should have anyway. So last night, was it only last night? He'd finally thought everything was going to be alright. That they were going to have a real chance this time, without the secrets, or her fear.
He wishes he could say that he knew that he'd made a mistake right away. He wishes, he could say, he'd seen through the tricks and lies. He never learns that fast though. It wasn't until later that day, when he overheard Anna speaking with Kitty. Over Erik. And how he'd called to make up after their fight last night. He'd confronted her then, and asked her Why? Why had she asked him for another chance, when she didn't really want one. So she told him. Now Remy knew. She'd used him. To get revenge on Erik, over something most likely petty.
The Rogue he fell in love with wasn't this woman that they all worked with now. That Rogue would never have done something this amoral and cruel. She was a kind person who loved the people around her and didn't want to cause pain. Maybe his Anna would never return. Hopefully she did because new her didn't seem to care about anyone but herself. She seemed to want him to suffer. Either way. He could add last night to his list of mistakes. Only this time he couldn't think of a but. There was nothing to take from this but his own foolish and broken heart. And the knowledge that he would never make this mistake again.
Remy stared at the ring in his hand. The one he'd bought so long ago, hoping one day... Well, it was time to wake up. One day was never going to happen. People like him; they just don't get happy endings. It was time to let it go. He needed to face that, for his sanity, if nothing else. He let the charge fill the ring, before throwing it as far as he could out over the bay before turning back to walk to his apartment.
He would do his best to remain her friend. He didn't have enough of them to afford to lose one. Really, it was all he could hope for anymore. He wasn't going to make the mistake of thinking they had a chance. Not again. His spirit couldn't take it anymore. Another shot to the gut like that could break him.
Maybe he should call Lee. Lee was the only one who'd remained his friend through every single mistake. But Lee was busy now, raising a family. Logan was always good, at least as a drinking buddy. Logan would probably tell him it was his own fault though; he didn't really need to hear that tonight. The girls were both busy, he was sure, and it was a Saturday night after all. Stormy was all the way in Africa with her husband.
No burdening his friends was not something he wanted to do, anyway. You're not supposed to drink alone. It means you have a drinking problem or something like that. But what's one more mistake. He didn't really feel up to a bar or club tonight. He just didn't feel like being around other people right now, he certainly wasn't up to explaining away his glasses, or having to hide his eyes for that matter.
Turning the key, he finds Logan already there, whiskey on hand. Remy should've known. Logan always knows what's going on around him. Remy never even had to say anything. "I know Bub" was all Logan said. It was enough. Logan knew what had happened, he knew what Remy was going through. Most importantly, he wasn't judging Remy. In the end that was all He really needed.