"Boxers on the couch, dirty socks on the table, Lakers Jersey hanging on the doorknob, boys." Raven let out a heavy sigh. "Fantastic."
She turned. No way she thought. Her eyes had to be lying.
"Why are you in a towel?" She snarled, cupping her hands over her eyes.
"Just took a shower."
"Okaaay, let me rephrase that question. Why are you standing in a towel in front of me?"
"Oh uh sorry... would you prefer I take it off?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" She uncovered her eyes seething with disgust after getting a full frontal.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"
"Just taking a dip in the hot tub."
"HOT TUB? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A HOT TUB!"
With a puff of smoke a hot tub appeared and jazz music began playing over the towers intercom. Raven stood dumbfounded, her mouth gaping, telling herself this was all just a bad nightmare, but when she glanced down at her equipment she realized…she was… BUTT. NAKED. God, she thought, this better be a nightmare. For the sake of her sanity, this better be nothing but a stupid nightmare! Heat rose to her cheeks and her stomach was infested with butterflies.
"So Raven how about that dip?"
Raven scanned her room violently ripping the sheets from her bed while her forehead dripped with cold sweat. Just a dream. She let out a sigh of relief and headed to the bathroom to inspect herself.
"I must be sick or something," she pulled down both bottom eyelids, then stuck out her tongue. Everything seems normal. Disrobing, she stepped into the shower, grumpy. "How pathetic am I?" She mumbled.
Yanking the shampoo bottle from the shower ledge, she began to lather her hair, scrubbing furiously. It wasn't the nature of the dreams that was irritating her most. It was the fact they were always about one person in particular. One person that just so happened to live and work with her on a regular basis and it just didn't get any more awkward than that.
She rinsed her hair hastily, nearly letting shampoo fall in her eyes. "I'm putting an end to this now!"
After wringing her hair gently with a towel, she put on a fresh uniform, and picked up the mirror that acted as her portal into Nevermore. As she uttered her most famous phrase she transcended into the inky darkness of Nevermore arriving to find several four eyed birds gathering around her, squawking their guts out. She greeted them with a vicious scowl, shoeing them.
"Turn baaack, turn back." They crowed incessantly.
"Give it a rest already!" Her second set of red eyes jumped out of her skull and the birds continued their squawking, but managed to scatter away from her presence. "Stupid birds." She never knew why they always followed her around, but she did know that they were irritating as most of Nevermore was. If only she could quickly find Knowledge and get the hell out of here.
"Knowledge," she shouted. "Where are you?" Great, she thought slumping, Knowledge was never out in the open where it would be easy to find her. She was usually in the library buried under a mountain of books. It was going to be a pain in the butt walking all the way to the library to find her if that's where she was. Getting to the library was like a days trip in the real world. It just had to be that way. Only troublesome and frivolous emotions were easy to find. She didn't go looking for them, but they always came loo-
"He has a great body don't you think?"
A few supple finger tips whisked across Raven's back, moving to her cheek.
"I love his equipment, but I'd like to try it out for real for a change. Dreams and fantasies only work for so long and then I just get so bored. Where's the fun without the sensa-"
"I don't know who or what you're talking about Lust, but can you not touch me."
Sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, Lust pureed, slowly licking Raven's cheek, pressing her tongue firmly against it. Raven tensed up, gritting her teeth, she had to do everything in her power to stay calm. The sex starved clone wasn't worth her time or energy.
"Oh I think you know exactly who and what I'm talking about. You should, you ride him every night in your dirty little fantasies." Lust chuckled, pecking Raven across the cheek.
"GET OFF ME."
"SERIOUSLY, you're so boring, even if you did manage to hook up, he'd probably fall asleep."
Raven shot Lust a dirty look. "Can you please just tell me where I can find Knowledge? I have other issues to deal with besides your hormones."
"You mean your hormones?" Lust smirked. "Sure, I'll tell you where you can find her, but only if we practice our kissing first." She moaned, licking her lips.
Raven responded with a blank stare. "We can do this the easy or the hard way." Her palms sizzled with dark energy.
Lust rolled her eyes. "Oh pUHleease, there's no need for that, I'm a lover not a fighter. The bookworm is in the thought gallery sorting through scrap books."
Without hesitating, Raven was off, headed for the thought gallery. This section of her mind was filled with memories, ideas, and dreams. She neared the entrance, glancing above at various flashing images. They were memories of Raven and her experiences with the Titans as well as memories from her childhood. She shuttered, having to turn away just before her least favorite ones appeared. There were two in particular. The first was possibly the more aggravating of the two. It showed Terra, Beast Boy's almost girlfriend, sitting alone with him on the couch. They were playing video games sharing the same cheesy grin. That was back when everything that came out of his mouth was Terra said this and then Terra did that. Raven didn't really care if Beast Boy had a love interest, but what she hated was hearing about it 24/7. It got sickening after a while. So sickening that the memory had ingrained itself in her thought collection and no matter what she did to forget it. It just kept popping up. She grimaced. People always remember the things they hate the most, sucks it has to be that way she thought, catching a glimpse of her second least favorite memory, the one of Goth, her first boyfriend. Raven had known her brake up with him was inevitable. The relationship was too unbalanced to ever work because he was just as incapable of expressing love as her, because of this; their relationship never really went anywhere. No one ever had much to say. Goth would forget almost every holiday, even her birthday. It just got to the point where she became extremely bored. It was like dating herself. She still remembered her exact words when they broke up. This relationship is pointless. Goth agreed and they went their separate ways. It seemed a shame that she dated him for 2 years and it ended without either of them really caring. She never really understood why this image kept showing up in her thought collection, but it always did nevertheless. She shrugged and looked away before stepping into Knowledge's presence. The yellow cloaked clone was sitting cross legged on the ground with her nose in a book as always.
Raven approached her casually. "What book are you reading?" she asked, although not really caring.
"Hello Raven." Knowledge mumbled, ignoring her question and continuing to look through the book.
"Knowledge I don't have all day. Can you put the book down? I have a problem I need to talk to you about."
Glancing up at her Knowledge smiled. "Of course Raven, now what did you want to discuss? Let me take a guess, your dreams perhaps?"
"Exactly." Of course she would know right off the bat, she was Raven's clone, and as if that wasn't enough, she was Raven's most intelligent clone.
"What do you want to know?"
Raven tried to speak, but Knowledge cut her off.
"I can't tell you how to stop the dreams from happening if that's what you want. Your hormones have a mind of their own and are untamable, much like Lust." She tried to hide it, but Knowledge had a slight look of disgust on her face when she mentioned the dark purple cloaked clone.
Raven's usually indifferent demeanor shifted to despondency. It was just sad. She was taught all her childhood to control her emotions, but she couldn't completely control her hormones, especially not in her sleep. This was like the knife in the back of all her training.
"If you can't tell me how to make them stop can you at least tell me what I can do about them? These dreams are making life very awkward for me."
Knowledge winced. "I understand how they could make you uncomfortable."
She reopened her book and turned to a page with a very graphic image, which caused the color to completely drain from Raven's already pale face.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING IN THERE!"
Knowledge shook her head. "All your memories and dreams go into this gallery," she gestured around the room at the walls lined with books. "I can't help what comes in. My job is merely to sort everything and put it away. Before you came I was just looking at the newest arrivals in the dream section and I must say your dreams do seem to be increasing in intensity. I keep studying and searching for a solution to this problem, but..." She sighed.
"But she doesn't know what you should do because dealing with desires and hormones isn't something a fact based clone knows much about. She can read all the books and sort through figures, but your heart is unpredictable and insatiable."
Raven looked up to see that it was wisdom who had butt into their conversation, appearing noble and sage like clad in a rustic brown cloak.
"So what do you suggest?" Raven asked impatiently.
Wisdom cleared her throat. "I suggest that you start expressing yourself more and find out what you really want from the person you keep dreaming about. Clearly you desire him in ways that you won't admit for whatever reason. It's your job to figure out why."
"What if I just wait till the dreams stop?"
Wisdom shook her head. "I would have thought you learned your lesson by now. You've already forgotten what happened when you tried to ignore fear? Your powers created monsters all because of your denial."
"Well then, since you obviously know everything, how do I go about expressing myself without my powers blowing something up, especially, when I don't even know what I'm in denial about?"
Wisdom smiled, and without saying a word she handed Raven a plain blue notebook.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" Raven sneered.
"She wants you to write in it." Knowledge added. "It's a diary."
"I don't want to write about my sex dreams. I don't even want to think about them."
"The more you avoid them the worse they're going to get. And I forgot to mention that hormones are a lot more vicious than you might expect and for you that goes double. If you don't take me seriously and start expressing your desires there will be side effects and some may involve your powers."
"Great." Raven groaned. "What kind of side effects?"
"Those associated with common sleeping disorders are just a few. Sleep walking, insomnia, sleep talking, etc. But, when your powers are affected sleep walking will be the least of your worries."
Raven took a deep breath and stood up. And, without saying much of a goodbye to her emoticlones, she departed, feeling miserable and hogtied.
"Think we should have warned her about losing the notebook or about... you know?" Knowledge asked Wisdom.
Wisdom grimaced. "Uh well probably, but she's an intelligent girl, she'll manage, if not this situation could get ugly."
When Raven arrived back in her room the first thing she did was slam the diary on her bed. A diary was such a ridiculous trinket.
"Thanks for absolutely nothing Wisdom," she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. Where did she even begin? How could she bring herself to write about something so revolting? It all seemed very pointless and she'd made up her mind. She was putting off writing for as long as she could. With any luck, maybe the dreams would stop on their own, Wisdom didn't always have to be right.
Tossing all worries aside, for the time being, she headed into the kitchen to prepare her usual herbal tea. It was one of life's simple pleasures.
"Morning Raven," she was greeted by Robin at the kitchen table sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper. It was something he did every morning. She figured it was because he liked to believe he was more mature than he really was.
"Morning." Raven grumbled, avoiding conversation.
Eyeing her, Robin thought to himself, well she's in a fantastic mood.
"Soooo... nine am? Kind of late for you." He smirked.
He set down his paper. "Soooo, how do you feel about the team trying out the new training course today? Cyborg added a new setting so that we can simulate a crime occurring anywhere in the world. It should be more of a challenge. He even added a Trigon simulation especially for you, think you can handle it?"
"Raven, you okay?" Robin sighed watched, while she stared straight ahead, pouring her tea. What's up with her? She was fine yesterday, he thought to himself. Well, whatever it is it's not like she's going to tell me about it anyway.
He gave her one last glance before giving up on conversation then went back to reading his paper, but set it down again when he heard a large clank and splash. "Raven, watch it your spilling tea!"
She glanced down at her boots with a bored expression. Blinking, she suddenly realized that her boots were soaked. And Robin, was now up, cleaning the floor while she was standing there mindlessly.
"Robin I got it." She murmured, a scarlet hue appearing across her cheeks.
"Its fine I already got it. And you might want to change your boots."
He pointed towards the ground. Suddenly she felt like her feet had been stung a thousand times, how she hadn't noticed the hot liquid seeping into her boots before was a mystery.
"They'll dry," she bent down abruptly knocking heads with him.
"OW." They grumbled in unison. Raven starred back at Robin, who was shaking his head at her, while rubbing the spot where she head-butted him. Imitating him, she rubbed the spot on her own head where she felt a small sting.
Attempting to get up, she lunged forward simultaneously with Robin, nearly head butting him again, but this time he stuck his hand out to block her. Consequently she toppled over on top of him.
A few seconds passed and they both laid there, stunned, when the kitchen door burst open.
"And then I told the guy, dude you're not gonna beat me. I've gotten to level 13 on Mega Monkeys 4, and 15 on Skiz Whiz, I can kick your butt any day of the week. Whoa," Beast Boy stopped dead in his tracks.
"Are we interrupting something?" Cyborg raised an eyebrow.
Robin glanced up at Cyborg and quickly got up without saying a word. His face went beat red causing Cyborg to burst out in laughter. "LOOK AT HIS FACE!"
"Looks kinda like a tomato." Beast Boy added in all seriousness.
"Shut up. We weren't doing anything." Robin grumbled, his face still resembling a cherry. He went back to his seat and tried to read his paper like any adult, or teenager pretending to be one, would.
"Don't worry, we won't tell Star." Cyborg chuckled, seating himself at the table across from Robin. Robin raised the newspaper in front of his face and Cyborg yanked the paper down smiling evilly.
"Getting any other action when no one's looking?"
Robin glared. "If I were you I'd shut up before I get an extra 6 hours added to my training session."
"You can't do that."
Raising an eyebrow, Robin pulled out a small piece of folded paper.
"What's that supposed to be, a love letter to one of your girlfriends?"
"Oh nothing," he snorted. "Just several codes I need to access your internal training system. All I have to do is punch them in your system while your charging and you're doing pull ups till your arms give out."
"Shutting up now."
"I thought so." Robin smirked, raising the newspaper in front of his face.
Beast Boy snickered, then his attention quickly turned to Raven.
"So what was with the cuddle session?" He raised an eyebrow.
Raven grabbed several wads of soaked paper towel off the floor and brushed past Beast Boy without saying a word. Taking a seat on the couch, she picked up one of her favorite novels she left on the inn table, and soon became engrossed when Beast Boy moved directly in her light.
"Beast Boy you're in my light." She snapped, not bothering to look up.
"Oh sorry," he stepped to one side. "Sooo um..." Beast Boy sat down next to her looking over her shoulder.
"Do you mind." She grit her teeth.
"Not at all," Beast Boy shrugged. She's always hiding something, he thought. Well, whatever it is I'm definitely the last person she'd tell. Beast Boy may have been slow at times, but he wasn't a complete idiot. He knew that if something was up he'd be the last one to know. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye one last time before giving up on conversation and flicking on Gamestation.
A wicked grin spread across his face. "Dude, I'm gonna kick this dude's butt all over the screen."
Dun de Dun Dun DUN!
FREAAAAKIN FReAAAKIN PARTY
Raven's eyes narrowed and she shot Beast Boy, who was completely absorbed with Gamestation, a vengeful glare. She then turned back to her book trying harder to concentrate.
FREAK FREAK FREAK!
DUN de DUN DUN DUN
The music kept going, Beast Boy bobbing his head. Raven looked up from her book.
"Beast Boy can you turn it down?" She growled.
"Whadya say Rae?" He kept bobbing while getting up to get a bowl of Tofu Puffs. She grabbed the remote and muted the sound and Beast Boy came back with a mouth full of cereal. He plopped back down on the couch noticing the sound was off and Raven was back to her reading. Solving his problem, he flicked on the sound again.
CHOOSE YOUR PARTY CRASHER DUDE!
An animatronic voice rang out of the game system.
Raven put her book down and walked up to the TV, switching it off, she then went back to reading.
"What the heck Rae?" Beast Boy complained, Tofu puffs tumbling out of his full mouth. He got up and turned the system back on with the volume blaring even louder.
"Fine!" Raven got up, storming out of the room, her book slamming to the floor with a jarring thud.
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE, WE CAN BOTH SIT HERE!" He hollered, but she was already gone. "What? What'd I do?"
Robin and Cyborg, who were both busy in their morning tasks, turned to face him and shook their heads.
"WHAAAAT?" He whined, setting down his cereal bowl, and getting up to finally lower the octave on the TV.
"Every morning you do something to bug her BB." Cyborg sighed, getting his bacon out of the fridge and heating the skillet.
"Yeah, and she already was in a bad mood to begin with, you just had to mess with her." Robin added.
"Like how?" Beast Boy folded his arms petulantly.
Cyborg turned and stared at him.
-TWO DAYS AGO-
"Beast Boy stop hugging me."
"But duude you just single handedly whooped Mumbo and sent him home to his mommy crying, that was awesome, we gotta celebrate or somethin."
"Get off me."
"Fine, but we're having a party later."
"No, I don't want a party."
"Come on Rae why ya gotta be so grumpy. What's wrong with fun once in a while?"
"Beast Boy, do me a favor. Shut up and get off of me."
"I'm not shutting up or getting off you until you say okay to the party."
... band aids
"OOWW! What the heck did I do?"
"Yeah so?" Beast Boy shrugged.
"You never learn." With that Cyborg turned the heat up on his bacon and the smell started to radiate through the whole house.
"MAAAANNN! What the heck's wrong with you?"
blah die blah blah and thus began the day's tofu and bacon fight.
"Raven, where is it that you are hurrying to?" Starfire asked as Raven brushed past her in the hall.
With that, Starfire floated into the kitchen. Overly giddy as usual.
"Good morning friends, what a glorious day for-"
"WE AREN'T EATING DEAD PIG!"
"WE AREN'T EATING SPONGES!"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"
Starfire scanned the room and became horrified. "Friends you will stop this fighting now!" Her eyes lit up with green furry and she blasted a hole through the couch.
The whole room went silent.
"Sorry Star." Robin spoke up. He couldn't stand seeing her in a sour mood.
"It's fine Robin. I just hate to see friends fight. Every morning we have the same fights. I do wish to see us get along better. Is there not anything that we can do to stop the fighting?"
"Therapy," Beast Boy laughed, hiking his feet up on the couch, and switching Gamestation over to TV mode.
Robin and Cyborg both looked at each other. "Beast Boy that was the dumbest thing you've ever suggested."
He turned away from the TV and glared at both of them. "Not uh I've suggested dumber things, ask Raven."
Both Robin and Cyborg smirked.
"What, why do you both look like-I just said something dumb again didn't I?" Beast Boy's head drooped.
No one said a word; they only nodded sloowwwly.
"Whatever, I don't care," Beast Boy pouted. "Not like you guys don't say dumb stuff."
"Like what?" Robin hissed, causing an evil grin to appear on Beast Boy's face.
"Like that time you lied and told Starfire that pie she made taste like it came from a restaurant when it actually made you sick for three days."
Star's eye began to twitch slightly.
"Beast Boy!" Robin growled "Why'd you tell her that, now she's going to ignore me for the whole day!"
"And?" Beast Boy folded his arms.
"And I would have never told Cyborg how you took a joy ride in the T-car last week, while he was recharging." Robin smirked evilly.
"YOU WHAT!" Cyborg fumed, going toward Beast Boy as if to strangle him.
All at once all three Titans, including Starfire began to grill into each other. That's when Raven walked back into the room, her eyes glowing red with rage.
"Who cut holes in my favorite cloak?" Her tone was like a growling pit bull before it snapped.
A nervous chuckle came from Beast Boy's direction.
Just keep calm Beast Boy and she'll never know it was you.
"BEAST BOY!" Raven hissed.
"WHY WOULD YOU CUT HOLES IN MY CLOAK?"
"Eh he he." Beast Boy laughed nervously, backing up as Raven, with jagged teeth and red eyes, inched closer and closer toward him. "Well, I kinda needed it for my new uniform."
"New uniform?" Everyone looked at him puzzled, everyone except Raven who still wanted to slaughter him.
"Yeah, I decided since I'm getting older I should get a cooler uniform, you know maybe with a mask and cape. Kinda how Robin does the whole eye mask thing."
"I suggest you run now." Raven meant every word, as two shadow like hands appeared above Beast Boy's head.
"NO RAVEN WAAIT!" He squealed, trying to evade her grasp, but she was too fast for him and grasped his neck throttling him.
"Agh ca- n't bre-ath." Beast Boy panted.
Meanwhile, while Raven was strangling Beast Boy, Starfire was giving Robin the cold shoulder and Cyborg was yelling at Robin for not telling him that Beast Boy took the car out for a joy ride, the whole room, COMPLETE CHAOS. Then suddenly, a commercial with a handsome faced sales guy popped up on the TV.
Are you angry?
All five Titan's turned toward the TV screen at the same time. "YES!"
Do your friends get on your nerves?
Are you a group of super heroes that may also be referred to as the Teen Titans?
Raven, stopped strangling Beast Boy for a moment, and raised an eyebrow. "Well that was oddly specific, but yes."
The handsome faced guy continued.
Well then you need therapy. Island Cruuuuise Therapy. Super hero group therapy sessions start at only $19.95 per session. Call now and receive our exclusive package deal featuring 8 sessions for only one easy payment of $170.00.
"Ha ha." Beast Boy laughed. "Member when I said that thing about us getting therapy and look now the dude pops up on the screen. Funny isn't it."
"I still want to kill you." Raven growled.
"I know." Beast Boy groaned, knowing he didn't distract her in the least.
Robin quickly looked around at his team mates bickering and a strange thought came to his mind.
If we do the counseling sessions it might help make the team more focused. More focus equals better combat practices and better combat practices equals a better team. Plus, it saves me the trouble of dealing with it.
"Alright team I think we should go with the stupid counseling sessions." Robin grumbled.
The commercial sales guy smiled and bounced his eyebrows and Robin looked at him like what the?
Eh um I mean call to order now 1-888-I AM MAD and again that is 1-888 I AM MAD. Call within the next 2 minutes and receive one of these fabulous squishy balls, great for relieving stress, the sales guy squeezed a little blue ball and bounced his eyebrows again.
Robin took out his communicator, with built in cell phone, and began to dial.
"No!" Beast Boy, Raven, and Cyborg all ran to stop him, but he had already dialed and the handsome sales guy answered.
"Yes, I'd like the package deal on super hero group therapy."
"Blah die Blah blah blah."
"Uh huh, the 8 sessions is what I want."
"Blah die blah die blah blah."
"Name's Robin and send the bill to Wayne Manor 1007 Mountain Drive, Gotham. That's my mentor's address he usually pays for everything."
"Blah blah blah blah."
"Did you say the cruise is next Saturday and it lasts a whole week?" Robin raised an eyebrow at his team.
"No no no no!" They all waved in protest, well except Starfire, she was literally bouncing off the walls in the background. Most likely over joyed that she'd get to spend a week long cruise with Robin, whom she could not stay mad at, although, she could do a great job of pretending.
"Seems kinda soon," Robin scratched his chin.
"IT IS!" The other three titans shouted in the background.
"But, I think it's definitely best for the team. We'll see you in a week."
"UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" All three Titans groaned dramatically. Raven was banging her head on the couch, Beast Boy was hitting his head on a table, and Cyborg was smashing his head up against the kitchen counter. And Starfire...Starfire was still bouncing off the walls ecstatically.
"I must go pick out suits for the cruise!" She giggled, clapping her hands. "Raven you will join me?"
Raven stared at her looking as if she'd rather be hit by a runaway train, but then Starfire gave her the most pleading and innocent looking face.
She sighed heavily. "I suppose."
"Yay!" Star twirled in the air and then grabbed Raven and dragged her, flying out of the room down the hall.
"Man, what are you thinking? Who's going to look after the city for a whole week?" Cyborg complained.
Robin looked back at him confidentially. "I've been talking to Aqualad a lot lately and he says Steel City is pretty much dead. They had a major bust and most of their serious criminals are behind bars. They can send a few of their members to jump city and look after it while we're away. And we can always get a few honorary Titans to help out too. Kid flash loves messing with villains, says he gets bored too easy."
"Man this is lame." Beast Boy said while slumped over the couch. "A therapy cruise, really dude?"
"Think of it as a vacation, your always giving me crap about not taking vacations, well now you get one."
"AWWW Maaannn! This has got to be the lamest excuse for a vacation ever. On an island with a shrink, were they treat us like lab rats." Beast Boy quickly morphed into the beady eyed creature to make his point.
"Give it up BB, Robin's not letting up on this one. Might as well make the best of it."
"Yeah well, they better serve tofu on that stupid ship." Beast Boy grumbled.
"Oh they do." Robin smirked. "And the sales guy said they have hot waitresses."
Cyborg and Beast Boy both raised their eyebrows.
"We're game," They grinned.