Therapy Cruise

Dirty Laundry

Beast Boy blinked, and rubbed the gunk out of his eyes, 7:00 am.

"Man what a dump." He grumbled, throwing his drool soaked pillow aside.

Once he was out of bed he began to sort through his junk yard, which at one time , yesterday, could have been referred to as a pent house suite. It looked as if a garbage truck had relieved itself on his carpet and loosed a mountainous, barf worthy, clothes troll. And that was just from two suitcases. The rest of his stuff was still packed.

Piled on top of the mounds of clothes were handfuls of candy wrappers and even what looked like an old pizza crust that accidentally got mixed in with his luggage. Anything was possible with Beast Boy because his packing style was shove whatever is lying around in a suitcase and hope he brought all the right stuff. So, taking that into consideration, he was lucky he didn't find a dead rat in his clothes.

He knew he could be a little neater, but why change a fool-proof plan, well mostly fool-proof. Sometimes it took a little work finding everything after the fact, and he might end up with pizza crusts and stale bubble gum instead of clean underwear or deodorant, but hey, no systems perfect.

With a look of determination, he tossed miscellaneous items haphazardly over his shoulder, looking for IT. IT, was his sock. Yes, just one sock, but not an average sock, a lucky sock, and he never washed it. Apparently laundry detergent has a bad habit of washing the good luck out of clothes, along with the smell, something Beast Boy couldn't afford to let happen, not when the team was spending a week with a shrink. They would need all the protection they could get.

"AAGGGHH! Where the heck is it. I know it's in here! Fake mustache... no, whoopee cushion... no, dog leash... What the heck we don't have a dog?" he shrugged, tossing the leash over his shoulder. "I can't believe I lost it," he sighed heavily. "Without that sock we are soooo screwed."

He thrust open the top drawer to his dresser. All he'd managed to get put away the other night was three pairs of boxers and a Snuggle-Me-Elmo he'd had since he was three; one of those corny items from his past he just couldn't force himself to get rid of. It reminded him of his parents and his childhood, so it stayed, always hidden, in his dresser, far faar away from Cyborg's view. Pushing the Elmo aside, Beast boy groaned, wishing he was more organized, even if just for a day so he could find his long-lost lucky sock.

It wasn't until he was just about ready to call it quits, when he spotted something green and dingy, peeking out from underneath one of the unopened suitcases.

"There you are dude." He grinned, showing his fang. It was perfectly undamaged, minus the holes that were already present. Yanking it out from underneath the suitcase, he set it in his pocket, for safe keeping.

"The weird thing is I totally don't remember packing this suitcase." He said, unzipping it.

"Let's see. White muscle shirt, white muscle shirt, black tank, black tank...stop light uniform. Yep that's what I thought. This is definitely Robin's suitcase not mine. Movers must have made a mistake. I'll just give it back later."

He began to zip the suitcase back up, but stopped.

Huh? Since when does Robin keep a diary, only chicks do that? He chuckled, snagging it out of the suitcase. He flipped back the cover and groaned, "Blank. Really dude? Figures." The one time he could have gotten something on Robin and it ended up a bust. Too bad.

"Hey cutie!"

"EEAAAAaaaaaap!" he shrieked, sending the diary sailing a good 4 feet in the air. When it hit the ground Beast Boy stood across from it staring, wide-eyed, as if any second wicked scary would pop out and eat his face.

Ah mannn! The creepy talking diary just had to get sent to my room. Picking up a hanger he inched toward the notebook shielding his eyes with his hand.

Alright, it's now or never dude. He inched toward the notebook taking baby steps. Closer just a little closer... almost ...there! He quickly flipped back the diary cover with the tip of the hanger. This time there was no talking or anything, so Beast Boy figured it was safe. He uncovered both eyes and gasped, nearly pissing himself.

PROPERTY OF RAVEN

You've gotta be freakin kidding me. His eye balls hung from his sockets like spaghetti noodles.

Well no wonder it talks!

Looking over his shoulder, he quickly, picked up the diary. He knew he was alone in his room, but knowing Raven, she was probably watching him through the walls or something.

Frowning at the diary, he thumbed through a few of the front pages, but it was all blank. That's when it hit him, suddenly like a bullet in the head, he had to get rid of this thing! If Raven caught him with it he'd be in deeeeep _ fill in the blank.

This is bad. This is really REALLY BAD!" He began hyperventilating, but stopped. Wait a second. He thought. It was in Robin's suitcase. That means... a devious smirk slowly crawled across his face, "Robin stole her diary, aka he's screwed not me. Well, that takes care of that." He said, stretching as he laid the diary back down in Robin's suitcase. Plopping down on his bed, he inwardly praised himself for quick problem solving. He was a genius, a brilliant green genius.

Contorting his body so that the notebook was in view, he dangled upside down, thinking how much he'd hate being in Robin's shoes when Raven found out he took her diary. His eyelids began to droop shut and he smiled to himself.

Dude, I'm so glad I'm not him.


"Why am I outside?" Raven peeked out from beneath her covers, staring out at the crisp waves lapping the sides of the ship. Her muscles felt tight and rigid and she stretched suddenly recognizing that she must have fallen asleep during meditation, which happened to her occasionally.

She shivered and clutched the plush blanket drapped over her head. It had to be around fifty degrees this morning, freezing. I can't believe I fell asleep outside. All the trouble my emotions are causing must be taking its toll. Ugh, and I feel like I have a headache too.

Lifting to her feet, Raven gripped her blanket tightly and hurried back toward her room, shivering the entire way. She wobbled a little as if her legs were egg noodles and her insides were doing the Macarena.

"I hate boats. "

The rocking sensation only worsened as she walked into the lobby until she felt she might puke. She doubled over for a moment, and then bolted for the nearest toilet.

Just as she burst into the restroom, Robin happened to pass by, holding a hefty stack of paperwork. He only saw a grey blur as she made her mad dash to the John. He could have even mistaken her for a ghost if it wasn't for the strange gagging noises heard echoing from the bathroom.

"Raven you alright in there?"

His only reply was loud splashing followed by flushing and more gagging.

"Sounds like you have things under control." He said, as he sifted through his paperwork, not bothering to look up. "I'll be in my room going over some case files."

He hurried off towards his room.

Alright, where's that diary. He slammed the door to his room and locked it. From the sounds of it she'll probably be in the bathroom for a while. Now might be my only chance to slip it back into her room unnoticed.

It wasn't until about 5 o clock this morning that Robin's gears started turning. What was he nuts. What person in their right mind would confront Raven about reading her diary. She was likely to castrate him. Although, he wasn't one to give up so easily. This was one battle he'd rather not fight. He just couldn't believe he'd even considered talking to her about it the other night. Yeah she was reasonable...at times, but not about everything. This was one of those subjects that didn't fall into that class and although Robin realized it would bother him leaving this problem festering, it would bother him more to piss Raven off and thus destroy the trust she had for him. He knew that one of the few reasons she stayed a Titan was that she felt like she could trust all of them, and trusting her leader was one of the most crucial parts of trusting her whole team. If she was angry at him what if she took it out on everyone? Anyway Robin looked at it he couldn't see any up side. That's when he decided to just return the damn thing and try to forget about it. That would be the responsible thing to do. The safe thing to do. There was just one problem. How was he going to return it if he couldn't find it?

It's got to be in here somewhere. He tore through both of his suitcases. He didn't have much left to unpack. Most of his belongings were already neatly tucked away in his drawers.

Is this all I brought? I could have sworn I brought at least one more suitcase. I packed extra undershirts, boxers, uniforms... and Raven's diary. I put her diary in that suitcase. Great, the movers must have mixed it up with someone else's luggage meaning it could be anywhere on this stupid ship.

"Well..." Robin let out a heavy sigh, sitting on the edge of his bed, "the good news is I have life insurance."


The pungent aroma of Mexican cuisine mingled with the fresh scent of the Ocean breeze wafted through the kitchen and onto the patio where Cyborg, Jack, Phil, and Starfire were sitting.

"Aw man! Somethin smellsss good!"

"Of course, this place has the best Mexican food I've ever tasted in my life." Jack beamed.

"Yeah and the band isn't bad either, up for some dancing?" Phil extended his hand and Cyborg looked at him sideways.

"Uh I know you aren't talking to me."

"Obviously." Phil sneered. "Miss Starfire, would YOU like to dance?"

"Ummm I would..." she glanced over at the salsa band next to the refreshment bar. The sun rays shone down on the dance floor as a few other cruise guests bounced and popped with the rhythm of the feisty beat. "I WOULD LOVE TO!"

She snatched Phil's hand and yanked him onto the dance floor. "Waaaahhhh!"

"Hey wait for me!" Jack bolted out of his seat laughing.

Both Jack and Phil floated effortlessly with the music, tapping, and swaying with perfect timing. Caught sandwiched between the two, Starfire was not quite hitting the steps, but she did her best to watch the fancy foot work of her companions.

"How's everyone doing on this fine afternoon?" A short man dressed in a loose-fitting red dress shirt and black slacks stepped to the stage mic.

"We're about to turn things up a notch with this new sexy little number I cowrote. Ladies find a dance partner and let's turn the heat up!"

The percussionist tapped the bass lightly a few times before erupting into a flamboyant burst causing the cruise guests to cheer and pick up the tempo. With each sizzling staccato note Jack and Phil responded with a flavorful dynamic of twists and turns and poor Starfire squirmed uncomfortably, becoming entangled in the mix.

"Please, I am unfamiliar with this custom of strange rubbing." she said, as Jack and Phil began to grind against her.

"It's part of dancing just go with it." said Jack.

"Oh uh well if you are sure." said Star, easily convinced. She began rubbing herself up against the other dancing cruise guest causing a myriad of strange stares.

Cyborg looked on with amusement. "Oh Star." he chuckled shaking his head. He quickly turned his attention to the menu deciding he'd better order now.

"Man, it all looks so good what do I want? Yo waiter!" He snapped his fingers not bothering to look up from his menu. "I think I'll take the Carne Asada, Chile Relleno, a bowl of spicy Menudo, Chilaquiles, 3 tamales, Sopapillas for dessert, and oh can we get some chips and salsa for the table?"

"You want me to bring the fridge too or no?"

"Excuse me are you here to take my order or talk traaa- aaah - aah"

Cyborg's jaw immediately dropped as he turned toward his server. What his eyes had stumbled upon had to be the most attractive woman who had ever walked the face of the planet. With thick auburn curls flowing down her back and bright red lipstick she was a stunner, but a petite little thing. She was only about five foot three, but her small frame was home to many voluptuous curves sharper than a street corner. She folded her arms and stared impatiently at Cyborg.

"Is that all?"

"Umm hold on a sec. Star are you eating anything?" He shouted.

Seeing the impatient waitress at the table she quickly returned to her seat and picked up a menu biting her lip.

"Ummm. I will take a bowl of the mustard and the a...Tacos de Lengua".

Surprised, the waitress took a step back.

"You sure about that Chica? You know that means beef tongue tacos right?"

Star's eyes lit up. "Really delightful! That sounds exactly like the Gloshnushar I used to eat at the Blockclavnar back on Tamaran".

"I guess that means yes." The waitress smiled and intentionally brushed shoulders with Cyborg as she grabbed the menus off the table. "Oh and just so you know I'm Catherina your server for the day." She said, heading off to the kitchen.

"Well check her out." Cyborg mumbled watching the spicy little waitress as she sauntered away.

"I was unaware that she is available for the purchasing. Why is it that you want to buy her?"

"Uh no Star ya see... uh..." he sighed. "Never mind."

EEEEeeRRRReeeeRRRRRR

Titans to the deck

EEEEeeRRReeeeRRRR

Calling all Titans to the deck

Dave's voice echoed through the loud-speaker overhead. As soon as he gave the word, the Titans came bustling in like horses at a race track.

"What is it? What's the emergency?" Robin asked, standing in his signature pose ready to signal the attack.

"Aha ha ha, Robin you are hilARIOUS! There is no emergency."

"There isn't" Robin growled.

"No Rob, can I call you Rob? I like that name don't you..."

"Uh no actually I-."

Dave ignored Robin and continued. "That was the signal for the start of your first group therapy session! Wouldn't want the team to miss their first big day. Aaannnd, Just so you know it cost an extra hundred bucks for every canceled OR LAAATE session." His grin became even wider.

"Thanks for telling us." Robin smiled, his teeth grit tight as if they'd shatter.

"Aww come on we didn't even get to eat yet!" Cyborg groaned.

"No problem Robin." Dave kept smiling, resembling a Ken doll. Folding his hands he stood in silence until an elderly woman appeared on deck. Her hair was long and scraggly with platinum strands highlighting the grey ones and she was wearing an orange wrap with a Hawaiian flower pattern. She herself looked orange, probably from too many spray on tans. Stopping in front of the Titans, she grinned.

"Oh what a charming group Dave! You were right about them in every way."

"Thank you Lizzy." He puckered his lips and they exchanged a fake side kiss that stereotypical rich people occasionally do. All of the Titans raised an eyebrow simultaneously, even Starfire.

"Titans I would like you to meet Lizzy. She will be your group therapist for the duration of the cruise."

Robin smiled unconfidentally before extending his hand to greet the orange woman.

"The Titans are very plea-."

"Shhh shhh shhh you speak too much hun'. Do you always speak for your team like that?"

"Well no I-."

Lizzy hushed him again, this time putting a finger to his lips. She moved her face close to his until he could smell her slightly musty breath, with a hint of pepper mint.

"Let the rest of the team speak for themselves. You'll have your turn soon enough tiger. A handsome young fox like yourself doesn't need to move his pretty little lips all the time."

Cyborg and Beast Boy were close enough to overhear the old woman's speech and burst out laughing.

"Uh oh bird boy I think she likes you." Cyborg teased.

Robin groaned. Maybe it wasn't too late to cancel the sessions. With a therapist like this one he might need Post traumatic stress counseling.

Lizzy turned her attention to Cyborg and Beast Boy who were still enjoying Robin's humiliation.

"You two are just bullies without a doubt."

"Huh?"

"Bullies! Must I repeat myself."

"I'm no bully!" Beast Boy retorted. "How does a green kid with pointy ears-"

"Don't forget fangs." Raven added.

"And fang- HEY!" he shot Raven a vicious glare. "Basically lady, I couldn't be a bully if I tried."

"Oh hun' but that's how bullies start. You have low self-esteem don't you?"

"I DON'T HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM!" Beast Boy's squeaked.

"It's okay sweetheart. You can tell me all about being green later. I know it must be hard."

Cyborg was now rolling with laughter nearly having an epileptic fit, while both Beast Boy and Robin looked like they wanted to kick Lizzy in the throat. Guys didn't hit women, especially when those guys were superheros, but man was this old bat pushin it.

Seeing Cyborg's jovial mockery, Lizzy felt it rude to leave him out. She gave him her utmost attention and smiled sheepishly.

"Don't worry Cyborg I've got some advice for you tooOO." She said shaking her bony little finger at him.

NoOO, I really hope you dooON'T.

Cyborg gulped as the old woman approached him.

"How old are you son? "

"Uh 20 ma'am."

"Really? you're that old and you still haven't found yourself a woman? Are you still a virgin? It must be hard makin it with no equip-." Lizzy covered her mouth.

"I apologize love, we'll talk about it later. " She kissed her hand and planted it on Cy's cheek and he looked as if he'd been hit with a baseball bat. The other Titans dared not speak or poke fun at him.

The last to receive Lizzy's criticism were the two women of the group. Starfire was told that she was too conceited and needed to stop being so attention seeking. Starfire was somewhat confused by this, but she nodded and agreed to do her best to be more of what us humans call "meek".

Lizzy approached Raven more cautiously then she did the others. There would be much work to do with her. She was by far the worst of the Titan's. Lizzy had learned all about each of the Titan's short comings from the profiles that Dave sent he was such a fan of theirs and knew so much about them. Raven, however, was a truly disheartening case. The poor dear. To have never know love or be able to fully embrace her emotions. All the things she must have pent-up. Lizzy would take it upon herself to do her best to free this poor darling from her emotional bondage.

When Raven saw Lizzy approach her she did her best to give her a blank stare as if she didn't care what she said. She wasn't in the best of moods to go head to head with this woman and was still feeling slightly motion sick.

"You're out of luck, I don't get embarrassed like the others." She grumbled.

"Oh darling, I would never try to embarrass you. You're such a temperamental creature. You're hording all your emotions like some caged animal. I will free you from your prison. I guarantee you, this will be the best trip of your entire, sad little life."

Raven did her best not to execute the women with her eyes.

"Well then," Lizzy turned to face her audience. "Let's get started now shall we. The first thing I'm going to do is divide you into partners. How shall I do this hmm... I know. Cyborg and Starfire, and Raven and...and Robin.

"ROBIN!" Starfire shrieked. " I OBJECT YOU HEAR ME I OBJECT! THIS IS THE MOST CRASBORGNOVOGING SHIZMOLCING GRABBORNACKING MUCKROCKER!"

"Easy easy dear a young lady such as yourself has no need for such language. This is just for today. "

"Hmph!" Star folded her arms and turned her head away from Raven and Robin in disapproval.

"Wait a second lady there's only five of us who's my partner supposed to be?" Beast Boy asked and Lizzy smiled back at him. "You're looking at her."

Great. Beast Boy inwardly groaned.

Lizzy proceeded to take the Titans to her office for their first session of which Raven was certainly not happy about. First of all, the woman's office was below the ship so it was rather dark even during the day. They had to travel down several flights of stairs and into a leaky hallway to get there and only a few bulbs hung from the ceiling. When Raven stepped into Lizzy's office, the first thing she noticed was that it smelled of strong mildew to the point where she felt spores where growing in her nostrils. True, it wasn't the place she envisioned in her nightmare, but it wasn't exactly pleasing to the eyes either. Inside Lizzy's office she had many child's play things. A rockem sock em Robot set, Leggos, DvDs, Blocks, Puzzles, and coloring books. She also had a Gamestation, but all these things appeared to be worn out. Lizzy began to pull seats into a not quite circle, she joined the seats of the partnered individuals, and urged everyone to find their spot.

"This is really your office?" asked Raven.

"Oh hun' it's just a temporary one. My actual office is still being built. I wasn't around when Dave started his business. Originally, it was only a typical cruise ship, but then Dave, out of the goodness of his heart and concern for people, decided to offer therapy sessions to his guests. What a good man, unlike my wretch of an ex husband... ooops, I mean let's get started now shall we.

She placed her hands in her lap and smiled. "While you are here we will do a few exercises to see how well you understand each other. "

"Sounds simple enough." Robin nodded.

"Well good, looks like we have our first volunteer. Robin you will start."

"What? I wasn't volunteering."

"It's too late hun' time is ticking and you were the first to speak."

"Fine." He grumbled.

"Robin, I want you to imitate your partner Raven, show us what she's really like?"

"Ha no problem." He walked over and grabbed a thick book off one of Lizzy's shelves. Folding his legs Indian style in his chair he began to read.

Five minutes passed...then ten...then fifteen.

"Okay this is boring can you just do something already!" Beast Boy shouted.

Silently Robin got up, closed his book, and walked over to Beast Boy scowling. Suddenly back handing him across the cheek. Without saying a word he returned to his seat and continued to read.

"What the hell Robin?"

"Beast Boy shut up I'm not Robin I'm Raven."

Thinking for a moment Beast Boy scratched his chin. "Oh." He sat back down and a tiny smirk appeared on the real Raven's lips.

"Good, good Robin. You've completely highlighted Raven's aloofness and showed us her inner rage issues. Simply fantastic. "

"But I didn't! Raven, I didn't- I mean I-"

"It doesn't matter." Responded Raven.

"Raven now's your chance to retaliate. Show us how you really see Robin."

This should be good. Robin thought, folding his arms and smirking.

"Common Rae." cheered Cyborg.

"I'll pass."

"You can't pass darling."

"I can and I will."

"Failure to comply is the same as a canceled session and I'll just have to add it on to your bill."

"Come on Raven just do it, it's not that big of a deal."said Robin.

"Yeah Rae you can do it." said Beast Boy

"Fine." she let out a deep sigh. "SLADE!" she screamed falling to the floor. "Quit hiding, I know you're here why don't you come out like the coward you are!" She shouted hysterically, punching herself in the gut and wreathing in exaggerated pain!"

"SLADE!" She continued to scream, throwing herself into walls, and banging her head against the sofa.

"ALRIGHT WE GET IT!" Robin pouted.

"Ha ha she got you Wonder Boy," Cyborg joked.

"Oh glorious, what a wonderful Robin impression Raven!" said Star.

"Star not you too."

"Hmph!" She replied, turning her back to him.

After Cyborg and Starfire switched roles,Lizzy traded places with Beast Boy, making him seem a lot more mindless than he really was. She did a terrible impression actually, even Raven didn't find it amusing. When they had finished the first excercise Lizzy had looked at her watch noting that it was 6pm already.

"Alright, now let's put a twist on the game. I want you each to put on one of these." She reached behind her, into her desk, pulling out five glowing helmets."

"What are they?"asked Beast Boy.

"You'll see, just slip them over your head like so." She said demonstrating.

Following her lead, each of the Titans proceeded to put on the strange head-gear.

"Now Starfire would you be so kind as to tell everyone what you think is most agitating about Cyborg?"

"I am not sure I know what it is you mean."

"What don't you like about him."

"But he is my friend and I like everything about him."

"Aw Star I like you to." he said grinning at her.

"Oh reaally?" asked Lizzy

"Yes." said Star.

Lizzy reached under her sleeve and pressed a tiny white button. Suddenly Star's eyes glazed over and her back became perfectly erect.

"I do not like how Cyborg eats all of my mustard with his dogs of hot, or how he shouts the booyah first thing in the morning, or when he hogs the changer of channels, it is the most annoying."

Lizzy placed her hand on the white button again and Star was back to normal.

"Jeeze Star is there anything you do like about me?"

"Eaaap, what is it that I said?" She covered her mouth quickly.

"So these things are like a truth serum." said Robin."I'm not sure if I want to go along with this."

"What's a matter Robin got something to hide?" Beast Boy interjected.

"No, I just don't appreciate the invasion of privacy." he replied calmly.

"Is that how you really feel Robin? Do you feel like the other members of the team invade your privacy?"

"I never said that!"

Lizzy tapped her little button again and smiled.

"No wait!" Robin shouted, but immediately he turned into a zombie like Starfire.

"They invade it all the time. Beast Boy's always knocking on my door when I'm going over case files, Cyborg likes to eaves drop on my phone conversations, Star's always following me around poking and hugging me, and just the other night I caught Raven spying on me when I was working out in my boxers!"

Lizzy deactivated the button and Robin became normal once again.

"Robin you do not wish to be hugged or poked by me?" asked Starfire, sniffling.

"Aww Star come on it's not like that it's just I well uh sometimes your hugs well they kind of hurt." He slumped in his seat feeling fully exposed.

"I've had enough." Raven snapped. "Your not counseling us your making things worse!"

"Oh dear you've got it all wrong. I'm just helping you all learn to express yourselves more effectively and soon you won't become angered when you hear the truth from your friends. But you're right, we are way past time and I think you've had a long enough session."

"Finally!" Beast Boy went to remove his head gear, but it was stuck in place. "Hey what gives? This thing won't come off."

"I know. You will have to wear them for the rest of the evening and I've set them to automatic function, which means that when any of you lie about something you'll be forced to tell the truth."

"No way." Raven responded.

"Yes way, and they aren't set to fall off until midnight tonight. Good luck and see you next time everyone."

Lizzy received a series of scowls as everyone exited her office at which she smiled and waved.

I don't think I can stomach a week of this. Raven thought.


Out smarting the system, Raven decided to spend the rest of the day in her room. She would emerge at twelve when it was time for the device to fall off. Robin had devised the same plan except he intended to go out for dinner. Cyborg and Beast Boy took it as an opportunity to bank on each other's secrets and Star joined the two finding the reactions of each rather amusing.

By the time midnight had rolled around, Raven emerged from her hiding spot and wandered onto the deck. It just so happened that she was perfectly alone this time.

She couldn't decide if it was the sudden shock of cold air or the smell of Sea water churning her stomach, but she was sure she didn't feel quiet herself. Stumbling over to the balcony, she groaned, her guts gurgling like a washing machine. She endured several dry heaves before thick chunks began to pour out of her mouth.

This can't be motion sickness doing this to me.




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