How Do You Love Someone

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen:

Ryder didn't know what she was supposed to do with Rain. Obviously she couldn't make her go away, because that would involve her accepting her. And she didn't want to know what that would involve from her. Although she thought at first that she might be able to control her, she had a feeling that she was going to need help.

The car ride after leaving Chuck's was quiet, but it wasn't the awkward silence, more of the peaceful silence. Arriving at their new motel, everyone unpacked. She knew the other's wanted an explanation for what happened to Lilith, and she was going to give it to them, but not while Lilith was in the room.

Jenna wasn't completely okay with being in the same company as Lilith, because for all they knew at any moment the demon in her would be unleashed, and then they would all be screwed. She had voiced her concern to the brothers the night before, but they had assured her that if that were to happen it would've happened already. She just had to trust that the brothers and Ryder knew what they were getting themselves into.


Unpacking their things they all settled in their beds realizing that it was too early to eat. They all looked at Ryder, and she nodded. She didn't want them to think badly of her anymore than they did when they found out about her.

"Lily?" Ryder asked the little girl.

Lilith looked up, "Yes, mommy?"

"It's time to take a nap," she said making the bed for her.

Lilith groaned. "But I'm not tired." She said yawning.

Ryder smiled. "Of course you're not."

Lilith got in the bed, and almost instantly she was asleep. Ryder kissed her forehead, and turned to the others.

"So?" She said not knowing where to start.

"Tell us everything." Dean said. He may not have liked the idea that the demon they have been looking for was sleeping a few feet from them, but he was forcing himself to think about Lily his niece; which made it easier and comfortable.

Ryder took a deep breath, and told them everything Chuck said leaving out the parts with Rain. Speaking of which, Ryder could see that Rain was sitting on the table just watching them. The way Rain looked made her uneasy yet she wasn't bothered by it.

"Have you ever once considered that they may be lying to you?" Rain asked. When she didn't get a response, "Seriously? For all you know, they could be playing you and when you let your gaurd down, they'll kill her."

Ryder ignored her, and continued talking. She did consider that possibility but she knew the brothers wouldn't do that. By the time she finished, no one knew what to say. Each were all in their own thoughts processing what they have been told.

"What happened to the baby?" asked Jenna.

Ryder shook her head, "I don't know. Castiel never told me."

Now that the silence was broken, Dean spoke up. "So why doesn't she know what she is?"

Ryder shrugged her shoulders. "I'm assuming if God turned her into a child, He blocked her memory."

They were interrupted when Lilith cried out. Sam rushed to her side, and held her trying to calm her down. "It's okay baby, it's just a bad dream."

Out of nowhere, Lilith began to cry. Ryder rushed to their side, "What's wrong?" Lilith didn't answer, and got out of her daddy's arms. They watched her walk up to Dean, who looked both concerned and confused.

Lilith held out her arms for Dean to pick her up. Dean complied. "I'm sorry, Uncle Dean." She wiped her tears away on her sleeve.

"For what?"

"I didn't mean for the doggies to hurt you." Dean jerked his head up wide eyed at the others. So much for their theory.


Everyone was worried that Lilith would remember what she did as a demon. They didn't want her to know, but then again how could she find redemption if she didn't know what she did? But they didn't care about that, they didn't want her to be like the psychotic little girl from season three.

Ryder knew it was time for her talk about Rain, and she was a little scared on what their reactions would be. Would they think she was crazy? Would they think she was a demon? Or evil? She just hoped that they wouldn't think badly of her, or at least not too badly.

She had asked Dean and Jenna if they could watch Lilith so her and Sam could talk. She was a little hesitant about leaving her with them, but she felt like she could trust them.

Sam was worried about being told that Ryder needed to talk to him about something. By the look on her face, he could tell it was something serious. He didn't know how much more he could take in such a short time. He was still coming to terms about Lily's true idenitity, but he was starting to ignore that part of her. After all, he wasn't one to talk.

Since seeing his daughter, he could easily think she was just a normal little girl. He couldn't see an ounce of the demon that she was. He was a little sad that she was no longer a baby, because this was his first child and he wanted to go through the stages of her development. He didn't want to miss it, and now that she was older, he felt some loss.

Ryder was incredibly nervous, and as soon as Dean and Jenna left with Lilith, she prepared herself. She didn't want to waste anymore time waiting; she figured stalling wouldn't do her any good.

"Sam?" She received a hmm in response. She took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you." She looked behind Sam to the table, and saw that Rain looked at them wanting to hear as well.

"What's wrong?" He moved closer to her.

"Remember when I went to sleep and didn't wake up?" Sam nodded. "Something happened and I think it's time you knew what happened while I was out."

Sam's heart picked up speed. He didn't know why, but he scared about what had happened. He wanted to know what happened from the moment she woke up, but he didn't want to push her, and end up doing more harm than good. He knew by the look in her eyes that something bad happened, but he wanted to wait until she was ready to tell on her own.

"Before Dean came for me, I woke up in my ex boyfriend's bedroom, and I was so scared that meeting you and Dean was all a dream.'' She smiled sadly. "I don't know what I would've done if it was. I needed you both to be real. I needed you, and at that moment I was alone."

Sam wanted to comfort her and hold her, but he knew she needed no interruptions if she was going to go throught it all. So he settled for holding her hand.

"I was stuck in the memory of being with my abusive boyfriend. I loved him and believed he loved me. I wanted him to love me." She looked away in shame. "He beat me and left me lying there on the ground."

Sam didn't care if it was just a memory, he was pissed. Someone hurt his wife, and he couldn't do anything for. Lilith was no longer the number one on his list of people to kill. Her ex just had the honor of taking her place.

She suddenly smiled huge. "Then Dean came and I was so happy! Seeing him there meant that you both were real. I didn't dream you up." Ryder went on to tell him about the other memories, and every second that she talked, Sam grew more and more angry. What the fuck was wrong with those people?! Part of him was hoping that at any moment she was going to tell him it was all a joke, but he knew she wasn't. When it came time for her to talk about Rain, she noticed that Rain was giving them her undivided attention. She was curious, but why?

"Please don't think that I'm crazy when I tell you this, okay?" Sam nodded. "Before Dean and I came back, I met someone. The one that brought me there." Ryder explained to him the best way she knew how.

Sam sat there trying to take it all in. "Is she here now?"

Ryder nodded and pointed to the table where Rain was still sitting.

Sam looked and turned back to Ryder. "What was the point?" Ryder looked at him confused. "I mean, I get that she wants you to free her, but what was the point of showing you those memories?"

Ryder frowned. She never thought of that. She looked at Rain wanting to know the same thing. Rain sighed.

"The point was to show you how locking me away only hurt you and allowed other people to hurt you. Accepting me would change all that."

Ryder replayed what she was told to Sam. Sam didn't like that. Sure it sounded like Rain cared for Ryder, but if what Chuck said about her, it was probably best to let her be. It's not like she'll ever need to accept her, right?


By dinnertime, everyone settled in. Since neither brother had found a hunt, they decided to take advantage of relaxation. Lilith had fallen asleep after she ate, and the others were on the verge as well. Something had bothered Ryder ever since Sam came back for her. Why? It would have made more sense for him to stay away, or at least try to kill Lilith, but they didn't.

Ryder voiced her concerns to the others. Neither brother nor Jenna answered right away.

(Flashback)

"Dean?" Sam had made his choice.

"Yeah?"

"Go back."

Dean pulled the car over in the motel parking lot, but made no move to get out or drive back. He wanted to go back to Ryder, and apologize for leaving her, but he couldn't help but feel angry with her. She had Lilith with them for a long time now, and she didn't tell them. Something like this needed to be announced the moment she found out the truth.

"Are you sure?"

Sam sighed. "I don't know, but I can't just leave her there." And he couldn't. It didn't matter what Ryder did, Sam loved her and he was going to have to talk to her either way.

Dean turned so he was facing Sam, "I love Ryder, I do and I'm glad she makes you happy, but you have to be sure about this. You can't ignore that that baby is the same Lilith that killed me, and wants you dead."

Sam ran his hand through his hair, "I am sure. She must have had a good reason for not telling us, and we didn't actually give her a chance to explain." He couldn't get her scream out of his head, and all he wanted to do right then was to go see her. He couldn't leave her alone. Sam looked at Jenna. "What do you think?"

Jenna didn't look at either brother. "Well to be honest, I'm a little worried, but I know Ryder. She would never intentionally put either of you in any harm. If she did keep who Lily was from us, then she must have thought she wasn't dangerous."

"I love her, and I can't just not be with her."

Dean sighed. "If you're going to go back, fine, I'll back you up, but you have to know that if you want her, you have to have Lilith too."

"Look, all I see when I look at the baby is Lily, my daughter. Everything else, we'll work out."

Dean turned off the car, and went to open the door. "You're right, but you have to remember if we're going to do this, then we have to protect her from the angels." Sam nodded. There was no way he was going to let the angels hurt what was his. Dean got out of the car, and Jenna went to follow.

"Wait, where are you going?"

Dean stuck his head back in the car, "If you're serious about playing daddy with a demon in the morning, I'll take you. Right now, she's asleep and you need to sleep yourself."

The next morning, Dean and Jenna cuddled with each other. Dean was having a very sexy dream about him and Jenna. He was then being jerked awake. He groaned, "What?"

"Let's go." Sam said walking out the door.

(End flashback)


Jenna was in the motel room watching TV with Dean, except they weren't watching TV; they were too busy making out. They were interrupted with a cough. They broke apart and looked up.

"Anna?"

"Hello, Jenna." Anna said.

Jenna looked next to her and saw that Dean was gone. "I'm dreaming?"

"I had to find a way to speak with you alone."

Jenna rose to her feet, and crossed her arms. "What do you want?"

"I know you and Ryder came from another universe."

Jenna shrugged her shoulders. "So does all the other angels."

"I know you want to stay here with the Winchesters, and now that I'm an angel, I have the power to send you back."

Jenna's heart skipped a beat. She didn't want to go back. If she went back, she would have to be with her father again. She took a step back shaking her head. Dean was her life now, no way could she just accept that.

"If you want to stay here, then I need something from you."

"What?"

"The demon child you have with you." Anna said looking around the motel room.

"What do you want with her?"

"That's none of your concern, but if you must know, she's the demon that could start the apocalypse. We need her to come with us."

"She's with Ryder, there's no way I can do that." She felt awful that she was even talking about this. She felt like a terrible friend for even considering kidnapping her friend's kid.

Anna stepped closer to her, "If you don't bring us the child, you will be sent back to your pathetic universe. No more Dean and Sam."

Before Jenna could respond, she was suddenly awake lying next to Dean. Dean felt her wake, and held her tightly.

"Are you okay?'' he mumbled.

Jenna took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. Should she tell him? They all did have a right to know what was going on, but if she did say anything Anna could send them back to their old world. Ryder needed to know what was being planned with her daughter. If they were sent back, she wouldn't be with Dean anymore. Is it worth risking her life with Dean? Would she be a horrible person if she gave the angels Lilith?

"No."

Dean could hear the fear in her voice and was suddenly wide awake. "What's wrong?"

Jenna told him what Anna said, and by the end Sam and Ryder were awake and alert.

Both Sam and Ryder were really pissed off. Who the hell did Anna think she was? Ryder pulled Lilith closer to her, but not enough to wake her. Before they went to sleep, they had warded the room against angels.

The next morning as the sunlight brightened the room, Sam went to wake up Lilith to eat breakfast, but when he saw the space next to Ryder empty he freaked out. He jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom thinking she was in there; nothing.

"RYDER!" He screamed. He was in full panic mode. His daughter was missing.

Dean, Jenna and Ryder woke up and ran to Sam thinking he was in trouble.

"What's wrong?" asked Dean.

"She's gone.''

"Who?" asked Jenna rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. "Lilith." Ryder's eyes widen. "Lily's gone."


Ryder was trying to calm her anger. Her daughter was gone. Lilith was gone. She needed her back!

"How did Anna even get in here?" asked Dean. "I thought the symbol would keep the angels out."

Ryder went to the symbol that she had Jenna draw on the wall. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She studied the symbol, and her heart picked up speed. She slowly turned her attention to Jenna. She didn't notice before, but Rain had been glaring at Jenna ever since they woke up.

She slowly walked to Jenna who looked incredibly guilty. "Was it worth it?"

Sam and Dean looked at Ryder confused.

Jenna looked up at her, guilt and sadness in her eyes, but Ryder ignored it. "You were supposed to be my friend, and you let her take my daughter."

"Ryder, what are you talking about?" asked Dean.

"Beat her ass!" Rain yelled. She got to her feet, "No, you know what? Let me do it."

"The symbol isn't right. Jenna didn't draw the symbol right." Dean and Sam turned their attention to the wall.

"Why would you do that?" asked Sam.

Jenna was crying at this point. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't go back. I love Dean, and I couldn't go back to my father."

Dean looked at her with so much disappointment. He loved her, but right then he so mad at her. When he heard about what Anna told Jenna, he didn't once consider giving her up. He was flattered that Jenna loved him that much, but they don't put the lives of children in harm's way.

Ryder pushed Jenna, "You better hope that Lilith is alive! If she's dead, don't you ever come near me again." She looked away. "Cas!"

A flutter of wings were heard behind them. "Yes?"

"Take me to Lilith. Now!" She yelled when he didn't move. "Please! She's just a child."

Castiel didn't want to take them. A voice that he didn't recognize wanted the apocalypse to come, because then the world could finally be at peace. Another wanted the Winchesters to win, and that voice was just as louder than the voice that spoke his orders. He walked up to the group and with a simple touch they found themselves in a warehouse.

Dean looked around the warehouse and saw that it looked just as typical as the cliched warehouse. In front of them all was a group of angels, and in the center of them all was Lilith crying...and scared.


Ryder stepped forward as soon as she saw her daughter crying. Her motherly instincts kicked in, but Sam held her back. They had to go about this smart.

"Castiel, what are you doing?" asked Zachariah.

Castiel stayed quiet. He chose his side when he brought them to his brothers and sisters. Ryder was grateful for what he did for them, but was surprised that he betrayed them in a different way. Right now wasn't the time to think about that.

"Give me my daughter!" Ryder yelled.

"Your daughter?" Zachariah spat out. "Such a disgrace! You call this abomination your daughter?"

"Mommy!" Lilith cried out when another angel grabbed her hair.

"Come on Ryder; accept me!" Rain yelled from in front of her.

Ryder ignored her. "Why are you doing this?"

Anna stepped forward. "She's an abomination. She needs to be destroyed."

"Ryder, this is no time to think about right and wrong! Lilith needs you, and you need me!"

"Please, she's just a child. Give her back." She wasn't one for showing her emotions in front of others, besides the brothers and Jenna.

An angel pulled out an angel blade and cut Lilith's throat a little earning a cry of pain from the little girl. Both Ryder and Rain cried out.

"Ryder, do it now!"

Ryder felt conflicted. What was she supposed to do? If she let Rain in, would she still be herself? What's going to happen? She was scared.

"Sam?" Sam looked at her, and she smiled sadly. She walked up to him and kissed him. "Forgive me.'' she whispered against his lips.

Sam frowned, and then it clicked. "Don't do this. You don't know what would happen."

"I love you." She looked at her daughter terrified. "Yes!"

Rain smirked and kissed Ryder gently. "Show time.'' To everyone's point of view, they see Ryder fall to her knees screaming for no reason, but to Ryder her body felt like it was on fire.

When it was over, 'Ryder' got to her knees, and smirked. Sam could see that it was no longer his wife that was standing before them, but Rain.

"Hello. Pleasure to meet you all." Rain gave a mock bow and walked in up to the angels, ignoring the other's protests.

"Who are you?" asked Anna confused. She could see the difference in energy as soon as she stood up.

"Name's Rain, and you have something's that mine. Give me my daughter, and you all could leave this place alive." She thought about it, "Actually, I might just kill you anyway, but I'll make it quick."


Dean didn't know what he was seeing, but he knew it wasn't his sister in law. He had a feeling it something to do with the room that he couldn't get into when he was in her head.

"Ryder, be careful they're angels." said Jenna. She felt guilty about what she did, and she wanted to make it right. She knew she wouldn't be able to get in Ryder's graces, but she could do something.

Rain turned to look at her and sneered, "Shut up, bitch! This is your fault anyway." She sighed dramatically, "I'm getting bored." She walked up to the angels and went to reach for her daughter like the angels weren't even there. An angel stood in front of her blocking Lilith.

"Leave now, or you die."

"My thoughts exactly." Her eyes turned black, and she shoved him against the wall like she was swatting a fly. She turned to look at Castiel. "You want to help Pretty Boy?" Out of nowhere the fight broke out; Castiel and Rain against the angels. Regardless if Rain wasn't an actual demon, she could hold her own against the angels.

(AN: Just like before with the other fights. Ryder who is now Rain, fought off the angels killing several.)

Zachariah and Anna escaped before Rain could get to them.

Rain looked at the bodies scattered all over the floor and frowned. Now that she and Ryder were now one, she could feel her emotions toward what she did. She fought against those emotions.

While Rain and Castiel were fighting the angels, Sam and Dean went to get Lilith away. Lilith clung to her daddy's shirt. Lilith was very happy that her daddy saved her.

"I love you daddy." she said.

Sam smiled. "I love you too baby."

Rain gathered herself together before she turned to the others. Her eyes were still black, and she tried all she could do to get them back to normal. The others watched in fear at what they saw. They were hoping that she was possessed, because if that were the case then they could deal with that.

"Rain, you're scaring everyone. You got what you wanted, but remember this is my body." Ryder said in her head.

Rain rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, but don't think this is the end of me." She closed her eyes, and when she opened them her eyes were back to the bright green they once were.

"What the hell was that?" asked Dean.

Ryder ignored him and embraced Lilith. She was so happy Lilith was safe, and she broke down still holding her. Sam held them both wanting them to ease their pain. Sam was very sad, because no little girl should ever be put through what she did.

"Mommy you saved me." Lilith cried.

She rubbed her back, "I'll always save you. It's okay sweetheart. You're safe."

"What the hell was that?" Dean asked again. He held Jenna's hand since she tended be able to calm him down.

"Rain." She simply said. Ryder turned to Castiel who was still with them. "Thank you Cas." He nodded. He took them back to the motel, and Ryder still clung to Lilith not wanting to let her go.

Sam could see that Ryder wasn't in the mood to explain, so when he got her consent to tell them, he did.

Dean was confused and amazed. Confused with Rain, and amazed that he finally got to see Ryder fight...or was it Rain? Did it count that it was Rain fighting? Damn, he didn't think it did.


"I'm sorry Ryder." Jenna said when the boys went out to get dinner. Jenna didn't want it to be awkward between them. She didn't want their to be tension between them everytime they were alone, or in the same room.

Now that Rain was with her, Ryder was having all the more trouble controlling her anger. This was the whole reason she locked her away. This was something she wanted to avoid. If she couldn't get it under control, she was going to lose herself, and she was afraid of what it would do to her family.

"Do something like that again, and we are done. You're supposed to be my friend, and you had let them kidnap my daughter." Jenna let a few tears go. "I'm only forgiving you because for one, I love Dean, and two because we have history."

That night, Rain looked at the others sleep. Castiel had appeared, and stood next to Rain. "Are you going to tell them?"

Rain shook her head. "No. It's best they don't know. Ryder's going to complete the trials, so what's the point?"

Castiel sighed. "This isn't just about you, this is about them too." He disappeared.

Rain walked up to Ryder and kissed her gently and she vanished into Ryder's body. She just hoped that she was doing the right thing.


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