How Do You Love Someone

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty:

Ryder didn't know why, but Rain had seemed off for the past couple of weeks. She wanted to ask her and see what was up, but something was always in the way. The boys had gone on a few hunts here and there. Ever since Jenna's betrayal, she had been determined to go with them. Ryder was okay with that, and even though she had forgiven her as much as she could, Ryder had not once left Lilith with Jenna. If she did, Dean or Sam had to be with her. Jenna was her friend, but it would take awhile before she could fully trust her again.

Jenna felt terrible for what she did to not only Ryder, but to Sam. Ever since she noticed that Ryder wouldn't leave Lilith alone with her, it only reminded her of what she did. She had talked to Dean, and he agreed to let her hunt with them. He understood that it was more than just her wanting to help them. He wasn't going to question her until he felt that it was doing more harm than good.

They were all currently driving to another hunt which was just a simple salt and burn.

"Daddy," Lilith whined from the backseat, "I'm hungry.

Sam smiled from the front and shared a look with Dean who nodded. Since they were all adults they could hold off longer without eating anything, but they had no choice when it came to Lilith.

"Yeah me too." Dean said.

Sam went back to the map he had in hand, "I think there's a sandwich in the back."

Dean glared at him because they both knew that the sandwich had been in the back for quite some time. Sam smirked. Sam had told Dean to throw it out awhile back, but Dean kept putting it off.

Jenna furrowed her brows, why did that sound familiar?

They figured they wait just a little longer, since they weren't that far from the next town...until, "Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom."

Dean groaned. He had been wanting to go straight on through to the next town, but he couldn't do anything but pull over. A child's bladder could only hold for so long, and although he loved Lilith he wasn't going to risk his car just because he wanted to keep driving.

Ryder got out of the car with Lilith and some toilet paper and went behind a few bushes. Dean and Sam turned to give them some privacy. Jenna got out the car and stood next to her husband happy when he wrapped his arms around her; holding her. He didn't know why he did it, but he felt that she needed it.

"Dean-" Sam was interrupted when he heard a phone ring. Dean unwrapped his arms and went into the glove box to get a phone that was once his dads.

Jenna was hit with the realization which episode they were in now. Adam. It was confirmed when the look on Dean's face went blank. The Winchesters were about to meet their long lost half brother.

Dean had driven them all out to the diner in the next town. He didn't like the idea of someone using his dad as a way to get to them. The man was dead, so if they wanted to get to them the least they could do was use a better way. But now that they did, they were already dead in his book.

The brothers went into the diner leaving the girls out by the car. Jenna had told them she needed to talk to Ryder alone, and other than a few suspicious looks they went inside.

"What?"

"Should we tell them about Adam?" Jenna wasn't really up to the way this was going to play out if they left it alone.

Ryder had thought about that since Dean first got the call. "We should, but we're not."

"Why?"

Ryder sighed. "I don't want them to get hurt anymore than you do, but they have every right to know about him. He went down like a hunter, so he deserves to be put to rest like one." With that she went to the diner to join the brothers.

They all ate in the diner, and waited patiently for 'Adam' to show up. Ryder decided that she and Lilith would go to a different table to let the conversation play out like it was supposed to. Even though Ryder wanted to yell at the impostor as soon as he walked in, she figured that there were some things that needed to be done first before you try and change the outcome. That and also because she didn't want to tempt herself and kill the guy.

Ryder watched as the brothers and Jenna were with Adam. It went exactly like it did from the show but the only difference was was that Jenna was in it. Ryder was asked to go with them to investigate his mother's death, but she used the excuse that she didn't want Lilith anywhere near the hunt. The truth was Ryder was getting more and more weak. She remembered how Sam felt from the show, but the way it made Sam feel, that was nothing. This right now felt so much worse.


The situation with the ghouls who pretended to be Adam and his mother played out exactly as expected. She wanted to join the brothers and Jenna, but she couldn't get up. She remembered how Sam saw the process of what he went through. The trials are cleansing me. She didn't see it that way. She understood how he could, but right now she just felt horrible.

"Mommy, are you okay?" Lilith asked laying down next to her. Her mommy has been very sick, and she wanted her mommy to feel better. Where was her daddy?

Ryder smiled tiredly. "I'm okay sweetheart. Just tired." She closed her eyes trying to relax. She knew what was going to become of her in such a short time, and she had to do something for her family. Her eyes shot open. She had been putting off the third trial for some time now, and she knew that sooner or later she was going to have to complete it. Sooner or later she was going to die.

She got out of the bed, got her shoes and jacket and did the same with Lilith. She wrote a quick note to the brothers and left the room.


Ryder and Lilith sat in the motel room watching cartoons, which annoyed Ryder but she laughed along with Lilith anyway. Lilith had woken up from a nap, when they got back, from another nightmare. Lilith dreamt that she had killed two cops and a nice lady. Ryder frowned when she heard that. She remembered that episode. Lilith kept apologizing, and in the end Ryder had told her it was just a bad dream. How do you tell your daughter that when she was a demon, she had killed and tortured three innocent people? You don't.

When Dean, Sam and Jenna came back, Ryder knew that they had found Adam's body. She got up from the bed and went to hug Dean. She knew he had taken the whole situation with Adam harder than Sam. She held him and tried to get him to stop shaking. Sam got Lilith dressed and they went to Adam's funeral.

No one spoke, not even saying what they did in the show. They just watched as Adam's body burned. Jenna holding onto Dean, while Ryder holding Lilith held Sam's hand. Although trying to prevent the apocalypse from happening was their number one goal, both Ryder and Jenna were sad that it won't, because without the apocalypse Dean and Sam won't meet Adam. On the other hand without the apocalypse Adam won't go to Hell.


Castiel watched as his brothers and sisters hurt what was important to his friends. What really concerned him was that his sister that he hasn't seen in years has joined them. He felt something he couldn't quite name when it came to the Winchesters.

As he stood in front of her, he couldn't help but wish that it didn't come to this. It was one thing to have had to kill his brothers for what Ryder said they were going to do. It was another when it came to a sister that gave up everything to have what the humans have.

"Anna."

Anna looked up from her beaten state. She felt no shame or regret for what she did or for what she tried to do. She wanted to rid the world of a dangerous demon. The very same demon that the Winchesters were protecting and calling them their child. Such a disgrace. She looked into Castiel's eyes, and knew that he wouldn't ever see the truth as long as he was with the Winchesters.

"I wish it didn't come to this." He pulled out his blade and rose it above his head ready for the kill. He was very tempted to give her to the Winchesters especially Ryder, but he felt that something like this needed to be dealt with within the family.

Anna chuckled. "No, you don't. Good luck witch that abomination they call a child." She spat blood at him.

Castiel frowned. She was wrong. It was never easy to kill the ones you call family. It didn't matter what she did, it was still hard for him to do this. Castiel drove the blade through her heart quickly not wanting to prolong the pain she would feel.

Anna screamed and in a flash of light her body fell limped to the ground. Castiel's frown deepened when he saw the scorched wings on the ground. Another angel died by his very own hands all because he went soft for the Winchesters.


Rain walked around Bobby's house and watched as everyone went about their business. She felt so angry that it came to this. She didn't want it to, but she had no choice. Rain just wanted it to be over, but she couldn't do it. She kept herself hidden from the others so she wouldn't be bothered. She could tell Ryder was getting suspicious, but she couldn't worry about that right now.

As the day came to an end, she noticed that something was up with Sam. She could smell it on him. Something was going to happen, and whatever it was it wasn't going to be good...for anyone. The longer she was with them, the more angry she got. She had been trying to control it ever since she came to them, but the more time that passed the more it was getting hard to get it under control.

She was told that it wouldn't be able to last forever, but she had to hold onto whatever hope she had when she came. It was the only thing that kept her from giving in. She hated that she lied, but if she were to tell the truth, none of them would even listen to her. She convinced herself that this was the only way. Maybe when this is all over, she could be forgiven.


Sam went on the hunts with his brother and Jenna, and everything was going great as much as it could be for them. But he couldn't keep lying to himself. He needed it...no matter how much he tried to get his mind on other things. He was so angry with himself. He thought about how far Jenna had come from the unspoken girl he met a year ago. Now she was on the verge of being a great hunter. She listened and she was a quick learner.

Dammit! He couldn't keep going on like this. He needed it so bad. Sam had to have it, but he couldn't give into it. He promised his wife and family that he wouldn't do it. He sat up in bed, and watched as Ryder slept and felt incredibly terrible. He promised her, and here he was thinking about it. He couldn't deny that it's been on his mind since he first made the promise.

Coming to Bobby's house a week ago, he had given it some thought. It wouldn't hurt if he just did one more time. It's only once, and after that he'll stop. It can't be that hard, right? He shook his head, no! He wouldn't give into it no matter how much he craved it.

Sam slipped out of the bed looking away from his wife. He couldn't look at her, because if he did then he would feel all the more shitty with what he was going to do. Sam got dressed and grabbed his things. He carefully kissed Lily, and snuck out of the house. Looking back at the house, the voice that kept telling him that it was a bad idea and to go back was silenced. Turning his back on everyone in the house, he flipped open his phone and hit speed dial.

"Ruby."


Rain sat on the couch in the library listening to the quiet. It was interrupted when she saw Sam coming down the stairs. Normally she wouldn't give it a second thought, but the way he was carrying himself shouted, 'Suspicious.' She stood up not before making sure she kept herself hidden and followed.

What is he doing? she thought. She was about to go back in the house thinking he just needed some air, when he heard, "Ruby."

Hearing that one simple name brought her so much anger. Ever since she became apart of Ryder, she knew all her memories; including the ones about the show from her world. She knew what Ruby did to Sam, and what it did to his and Dean's relationship. Regardless of her circumstances, she respected Ryder.

As Sam left the yard, Rain ran up the stairs to Ryder's room. "Ryder!" She shook her shoulders.

Ryder groaned, "What?"

"Wake up!"

Ryder was never happy to be woken up, especially in the middle of the night. "Why?''

"It's Sam.''

It wasn't what Rain said that alarmed her, it was way she said it. Ryder sat up, "What's wrong?"

"Ruby," Rain said.

That was all she needed to hear. She quickly got dressed, and ran to Dean and Jenna's room. Getting them up and telling them what happened was easy. Finding him was going to be the hard part. Ryder had decided to leave Lilith with Bobby, which he wasn't that upset about. After all the man had grown fond of her...once he got over the shock of who she really was.

Dean had tracked Sam's phone which led them to a motel; Ryder and Jenna had noticed was the same one from the show. Shit! This was it. Hopefully they could change the course of this situation.


Now that Ryder didn't have to worry about Lilith being with them, she didn't have to worry about anything holding her back. She was pissed! Not because of the fact that Sam left her to go to Ruby...no...she got over that the minute Rain said it. No, what pissed her off was the fact that he was craving blood and he kept it from her. They were supposed to be in this together, and to tell each other what's bothering them.

Dean could practically feel the anger rolling off Ryder and right now he felt sorry for his brother.

None of them bothered to knock on the door. Dean just kicked it in and stormed in gun ready. Now that Jenna had been hunting with Dean and Sam, she could hold her own in a fight. She wasn't up to Ryder's level, but she could still kick ass.

Sam and Ruby jumped off the bed and saw in horror as the very same people they weren't expecting came in. Sam although was sad to be caught by his wife, was more worried about the look Dean was giving him.

Ryder didn't storm in the room, she left that to Dean and Jenna. She looked at Rain, and shook her head when she was offered her her help. Ryder wanted to do this on her own. She stood behind Dean and Jenna and listened as Sam tried to talk his way out of it. She shook her head, sorry Sam, not this time.

"Ryder."

Ryder took a deep breath trying to calm her rising anger. "I don't want to hear it Sam."

Dean and Sam eventually got into the very same conversation they had when Sam chose to go with Ruby. Things were different now. Ryder wasn't going to give Sam that opportunity. The brothers fought each other in the exact same way, which Jenna was trying to stop, but Ryder knew it had to happen.

Ryder took off her jacket, and as soon as she did Jenna knew what was going to come. They shared a look that said,

Stay out of it.

Ryder walked up to Ruby who was watching in pride of the fight between Sam and Dean; which disgusted the girls. Ruby wasn't paying attention to either girl, but when she felt someone behind her she stiffened.

"I told you to stay away from Sam. You didn't listen." Ruby turned away from the fight and looked as Ryder appeared bigger and badder. "I told you that I would kill you, and the thing is," Ryder took her stance, "I always keep my word."

Ryder and Ruby took their stances each glaring at the other. One fighting for what was hers, while the other fighting to get up in the ranks.

Ryder looked at Sam and Dean fight in sadness, and that small distraction was all it took for Ruby to throw in a quick punch knocking Ryder backwards. Ryder wiped the blood away and smirked. Ruby went in for another punch, but Ryder side stepped it and threw her knee in Ruby's stomach. Ruby hunched over in pain. Ryder didn't give her a chance to recover, and kicked her in the face knocking her to the ground.

Ruby quickly got to her feet, but wasn't quick enough because Ryder punched her again. Ruby went to grab at her face, but Ryder pushed her hands away and kicked her in the chest causing her to fall on her back. Punch after punch and kick after kick, the women tore at each other.

Ryder could see the fight between Dean and Sam was coming to an end with Dean losing. Ryder looked at Ruby wiping the blood away from her nose.

All Jenna could do was stand there in horror and awe as her once best friend fought the very same demon Ryder had been wanting to kill six years ago. She could see the moments where Ruby got the upper hand, but she knew the way Ryder fought. Ruby only thought she was getting the upper hand. She had thought about helping Ryder, but she knew that Ryder would have to do this on her own. There was no way Ryder was going to allow anyone help her or get in the way. It wasn't because she wanted to prove that she could win the fight, but because of Sam. She loved Sam for ten years, and although there wasn't anything she could do for the Sam from their old universe, she could at least do this for her husband to prevent him from having to go through what he would've gone through.

Ryder had thrown the final blow knocking Ruby to the ground. She was getting tired of the fight, so not wanting Ruby to recover she got on top of Ruby who glared at her. "I gave you the opportunity to save yourself even though I hate you with a passion." Ryder spat the blood from her mouth in Ruby's face. "You didn't listen. You thought you were so smart, but that was your downfall.''

"What are you going to do?" Ruby tried to think of a way to get out of this. "You can't kill me."

Ryder smirked, and pulled out a long silver blade. "You want to bet?" Ryder could see that she didn't know what it was which made her all the more happy. "This is an Angel Blade; which can KILL. ANY. DEMON." Ruby's eyes widen.

(FLASHBACK)

"...All she wants to do is to be able to talk to the man she loves."

"Fine. What's the other thing you need?"

Ryder smirked. "I need an Angel Blade."

Castiel looked at her confused. "Why would you want that?''

Ryder sighed. "There's a demon named Ruby that is manipulating Sam, and I want her dead but I'm the one that's going to kill her. I, along with thousands of other fans, watched what she did to him, but I'm not going to allow her to do it again...not if I can stop it."

Castiel saw the anger and fury in her eyes as she spoke. In the end, he nodded. "When do you need it?"

"I'll call you."

(Flash)

Ryder didn't storm in the room, she left that to Dean and Jenna...Before she went in the room, she prayed to Castiel. She waited only seconds before she heard the wings behind her. She turned around and saw him holding an Angel Blade in his hands. He handed it to her, and disappeared. She put the blade in her waistband and walked in. ...listened as Sam tried to talk his way out of it...

(END FLASHBACK)


"This is for every fan that watched as you manipulated Sam." Ryder raised the blade. "But more importantly this is for what you were trying to do to MY HUSBAND!" Ryder drove the blade through Ruby's chest. All the women in the room saw the orange light flicker as the demon died, but that didn't stop Ryder from continuing to stab Ruby.

Ryder stabbed her again. She thought about the first moment that Ruby entered into Sam and Dean's lives. She stabbed her once more. She thought about the fight between Dean and Ruby. Again. She thought about the times Ruby continued to lie about being able to break Dean's deal. Again. She thought about the times when she convinced Sam to drink her blood. Again. She thought about when Ruby had convinced Sam to kill Lilith. Again. She thought about the damage one whore of a demon caused between the two men she loved.

"Ryder, stop it!" Rain yelled.

Ryder did stop as she was going in for another hit. She looked up and saw the horror on both Jenna's and Rain's faces. She ignored them and turned her attention to Sam and Dean. She noticed that the fight had quickly stopped when Sam stopped hitting Dean. Ryder got off of Ruby and saw confusion in his eyes. What the hell?

"Sam?"

"What the hell was that?" Sam said looking around the room. He quickly looked down at Dean who was bleeding and badly beaten. He looked at his hands and his eyes widen in horror. "Did I do this?" He reached down to Dean, and even though no one else noticed, Sam did. Sam saw that as he reached down to help Dean, his brother flinched a little. "I'm so sorry."

Before anyone could speak, Castiel appeared in the room. He saw that both Dean and Sam were injured, and could tell that it was by the other. He touched them both and they were instantly healed. He ws saddened that he could only heal their physical injuries, and not the emotional ones. Those they would have to do on their own. Without thinking he walked up to Rain.

"Are you okay?"

Sam and Dean shared a look that said they would talk about it later.

"Cas, who are you talking to?" asked Dean.

Ryder clutched the blade tighter realizing what she was seeing. She tried to calm herself down. "Castiel?"

Rain glared at Castiel. This wasn't how she wanted this to go, in fact she didn't want this to happen at all. She had thought about telling them all, but realizing that there was no point, she decided against it.

"Have you been able to see her the entire time?" asked Ryder.


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