Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
lackingwit would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Princess Gaara

By lackingwit

Other

Princess Gaara

This was composed by a friend named KillerMay (look her up, she rocks). It makes completely no sense. Its crack on crack on Gaara.

It was a lovely winter day in Suna, the sun was shining brightly and the temperature was held at an even 70 degrees, it was the perfect day to go out walking or to go to the park. The princess of Sunagakure had a different agenda though. The dearest and most beloved princess really wanted to go on a killing spree. After all, what else is there to do when you can't sleep? While the princess was contemplating where to go for said killing spree, there was a knock at the door.

"Princess! May I enter?" came the call from the other side of the door. It was the princess' older sister and the head knight of the kingdom, Temari.

"Fine," the princess replied.

"Kankurou and I were wondering if you wanted to—are you contemplating where to go to have a killing spree? Don't lie to me, I see that look in your eye, Princess Gaara."

Gaara sighed a manly sigh. "Yes Temari," he replied. "I can't go around killing Sunagakureans because I'm supposed to be their princess but everywhere else is so heavily guarded," he replied, looking down almost sadly, though he kept his voice in a flat monotone.

"Gaara," Temari said sternly, watching as her brother-princess glared at the ground with sorrow. "I strongly forbid any murdering of our people. As would Mom and Dad. But feel free to torture the prisoners in the downstairs."

At the mention of their parents, Gaara's light blue-green eyes burned with anger. Damn parents—it was their fault he was in this mess anyhow. Saying their youngest child was a female? Unexceptionable! He didn't give a damn if the people "wanted another princess," he was a fucking boy for Kami's sake! Boy! The thing dangling between his legs was proof! "I hate them," he muttered angrily before plopping down on the chair. His formal skirt flowed around his ankles. He glared at its pink color. "What have the prisoners gone and done this time?" he asked, his voice in the same monotone as before.

"The usual," his blonde sister answered in a fleeting voice, "killed this guy; gave information to that traitor country; so on and so forth."

That's hardly a reason to imprison someone, the princess thought. I did all of that just last week.

Gaara sighed, "Why don't you guys ever let me have any fun?" he asked.

Temari sighed and took a seat on the edge of his bed, facing the chair. "Gaara, you have to understand—you're the princess of Sunagakure. It's very important that you behave the way the citizens want you to behave."

Gaara fingered the cuffs of his pink shirt, looking down. "I thought citizens preferred princes, as I am—technically."

Temari shrugged. "Yes, but after Kankurou..."

He sighed again. "Couldn't I at least wear clothes that aren't pink? It doesn't go with my hair or eyes..."

"I agree," she replied. "But you're a princess. And princesses are expected to wear pink."

"But green looks so much better on me," Gaara complained, his voice airy, "it makes my eyes pop!" He widened his eyes innocently, making their blue-green color popped. His black pupils were dilated.

Temari narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Her metal boots clanked against the stone of the floor. She reached her brother, tripping his chin up to see his eyes better. Gaara only talked dresses when he was high. And, being smarter than the average bear, Temari could put two and two together to make a high-flying Gaara. "What were you sniffing before I came in?"

Gaara giggled a giggle that could have had the rest of the world thinking he was an actual girl. "Mixes!" he laughed, the effects of the cocaine, marijuana, and PCP reaching up to him.

Temari rolled her eyes. "God," she murmured. "You're up as high as God."

"Did somebody say God?" cried Kankurou as he sailed into the room through the window.

Now, here's the thing about Kankurou—he was the second child born into the royal family and the first son. So, he was the one that was going to take over and become king. However, his life's passion was...to preach. And preach he did.

Temari face-palmed. Oh Jesus Christ ("Did someone just think about the Lord?"), not this again. Whenever "God" was said in the household, Kankurou had the tendency to suddenly appear.

"Yes Kankurou, I said God. I was using it in a simile to say how high Gaara is."

"Gaara is high?"

"Yes Kankurou, Gaara is high."

There was a minute of silence before the crowned prince asked, "Do you think we'd be able to paint his face?"

Temari face-palmed. Temari paused to watch her brother-princess try to climb out of one of the freakishly large windows. She grabbed him before he could jump to fly like a bird. She closed the shades and put Gaara onto his bed. He fell with a cross-eyed expression. Temari sighed, "He's talking dresses."

Prince Kankurou smiled. "Awesome!" he shouted. "He'll be out in a minute or two!"

Temari huffed, glaring intently at her brother. "Kankurou," she muttered menacingly, "isn't face-painting against the Lord?" As a princess and knight, she had studied the Bible cover to cover, and, man, did she hate that thing!

Kankurou pouted, going cross-eyed as he tried to eye the purple paint that covered his face. "No!" he said defensively. But as his sister pulled out a Bible from beside-table next to Gaara's pink-seethed bed. "Is it?" he wondered aloud. He shut up as soon as Temari handed him the Bible.

Kankurou's jaw dropped to the floor as he read the passage; then, after rereading a few times, threw it out the window, aim perfect. The curtains flew out the window and breezed back inside, but the Bible did not. He had thrown it with enough force to send it to Kohona. "FUCK GOD," he shouted angrily. "I LOVE FACE-PAINT! I'M GOING TO GO MAKE OUT WITH A MAN, JUST TO PISS THAT ALL-KNOWING 'LORD' OFF! FUCK THE AFTERLIFE! FUCK YOU, GOD! HEAR ME? FUCK YOU!" he yelled to the sky.

Kankurou spent the next ten minutes, sitting in the corner, slowly rocking back and forth while holding a cross against his face, whispering, "I love you, Jesus" over and over again.

Temari fought the urge to facepalm.

Gaara on the other hand had passed out and was apparently having some kind of dream about how he was a pony. He was kicking his legs and was repeatedly whispering "neeeeiiiiighhhhh".

"Gaara's out, Kankurou - if you still want to paint his face."

Suddenly, Kankurou bolted up from his emo-religious-corner and ran over to where his younger brother was currently laying on his bed. Seeing how Gaara was moving a lot, he went over to one of the drawers in the room and pulled out four sets of handcuffs.

Now, some of you may ask, Why does Gaara have four sets of handcuffs in a random drawer in his room?The reason? He's a princess. And because he's the princess, he gets sex slaves. Lots of them. Feisty ones too. But that's a story for another, R-rated time.

"But...but...but..." Kankurou stuttered, "the...the Bible..."

Temari grunted as she helped her younger brother handcuff the youngest. Deftly, she avoided a unicorn-brother-princess's kick in the face; the click of the handcuffs had her moving to another foot to bind that one as well. "Kankurou," she groaned as sweat prickled on her forehead (damn, he was strong!), "I've got really bad news for you: God. Does. Not. Exist."

Kankurou froze in place. Gaara's unbound fist punched him directly in the face as he neighed, but he was too shocked to even feel the bruise about to form. A black light glowed behind the prince-priest's face, darkening his every feature. "What," he asked omniously, his hair flying around him, "did you just say?"

Rushing to bind her littlest brother's hand, the blonde said fiercely, "God. AKA, Kami. Does. Not. Exist."

Kankurou then proceeded to slap her, snap his fingers in a Z-formation, and jumped out the window yelling, "FOR JESUS!"

By some jacked up twist of fate that probably stems from being a ninja in another world, he landed safely and ran into a forest. All the while, he was screaming out random verses from the bible. "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint!"

And then his voice faded away.

"...We aren't going to see him again, are we?" Temari asked Gaara.

The princess twitched awkwardly, and whispered, "Precious, precious carrot..." before once again letting out a loud "neigh".

Temari sighed.

Why didn't she just agree to be princess?

After turning back to the window, watching as Kankurou shouted and jumped from treetop to treetop with surprising deft, Temari clicked together the last set of handcuffs, officially avoiding being kicked to death by a unicorned Gaara. She took a deep breath and sighed it out. "Well," she said, exhaustion threading her voice, "time to tell Mom and Dad that they lost their crowned prince."

And so Temari told her parents the whole drugged up thing and became the princess and dubbed the skirted Gaara crowned prince. And Gaara never had to wear a skirt again. (Although he did, just because he was so used to them.)

But then one day Naruto came to visit and saw Gaara in a skirt. The blond then proceeded to explode, taking Gaara with him.

Somehow.

So. Yes. No sense. Review!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, lackingwit
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

RedX9: I would love it if you would show how she is the bottom of the class. A paragraph alone isn't enough to show this.If she was such a screw up, how did she pass and graduate from the class. Are her teachers this lax that they would allow a screw up to graduate?I didn't understand the schooling syst...

Lydia Sherrer: I first read The Speaker almost a decade ago when I first discovered author Sandra Leigh. I loved it then, and I still love it now. It is a simple, easy read, yet deep in meaning and rich in storyline. I do not know what kind of research or prior knowledge Leigh has of First Nation tribes, but sh...

Alex Reltin: The way you build the world around the characters is amazing, and the way you get into the character's mind and make us feel for the characters through the entire story. There isn't much more I can say about this other than amazing! Are there going to be anymore updates any time soon?I also Vote...

mrh: This interesting take on the Harry Potter series fascinated me from line one on. I am in love with this tale and its characters and cannot wait to read the next chapter. I look forward to more soon.When can I expect the next chapter? I am so excited to read it!

Animeviewer: It is one of the best stories I've ever read. This story will have you riding a roller coaster of emotions and nearly dying to know what happens next.You will get very attached to the characters and in my case I relate well with some of their very traumatic or emotional experiences, Just Juliet f...

Bboyjoon: A brilliant but unsettling story about 5 murders committed by a serial killer. This novel scared me a little bit and I have to commend you for being able to do that. I wanted to know if you’ve actually met a serial killer before. I mean the way you’ve described the mind of a psychopath is extreme...

Bella_Lee_Taylor: the plot of the story is good and I can't wait to read the second book, but you need to check your grammar because as I was reading there were were important parts of the story some of the spelling and grammar were out of place and the way you you worded things can be better but I can see that th...

Lacey Schmidt: The Trouble with Super is that you can't stop reading it. Mr. Barrett's characters are all to easy to relate to even if you don't have a super quirk of your own, and their plight is both heart-rendingly funny and heart-warmingly sad at the same time. It's a bit like Office Space meets the Matri...

Sammi Chan: THIS WAS AMAZING!!! My favorite part of this story was the slow build of Merlin and Arthur's relationship. Their relationship was rlly nicely fleshed out and so good :) The way that you handled the magic reveal was super enjoyable. I rlly liked the switching POVs. Good!Mordred was cute and I'm rl...

More Recommendations

milu: every chapter you find something new or you unravel a mystery.hatsoff to your writing style.the story revolves around the truth of abelia.we start each chapter hoping that atleast in this chapter we will find about the truth.it is that curiosity which draws us into reading this.

RodRaglin: Your writing is very good, Rachel, but remember you also have to entertain the reader and in that regard it's a bit sparse in action and dialogue.Consider when revising...When starting a new story always consider your protagonist's Goal - what they want; Motivation - why they want it; and, Confli...

FreakyPoet: I found this story well written and extremely cute. I like how the emotional roller coaster, otherwise know as love, was done here. it was very believable that these two characters would deny, agonize, then come to except their feelings the way that they did. I enjoyed it very much, thank you ...

Books17: This is my first book review.I found the story to be very intriguing.The beginning of the story starts and you are immediately thrown into wanting to know what will happen next, The action, or intrigue is established early, so there isn't the feeling of the story dragging on, or thinking about wh...

bhodges11: I like the concept of the story, but there were things that I felt could use more detail. I like the back stories created, but was left wanting more from parts of the story. I like the cadence of the author's writing style - it was a very easy, enjoyable read. I felt like it ended on, not a cliff...