Monster in the Mirror

Chapter 24

When we got back to the living room, I was surprised to see that the elves had turned it into a barricaded warzone: complete with spiked traps made from wooden planks and nails. "You're not getting past us fucker." one of the elves on the other side of the barricade growled, making me narrow my eyes at him before noises from the kitchen caught my attention. "Oh no you didn't!" the voice of Eric sounded from inside the kitchen. "T-That sounds like the Grand Wizard." Butters said as we made our way closer to the source of the commotion.

"MotherFUCKER." he said, making a small smirk appear on my face as I leaned against the wall to peek around the corner. What I saw was just so amusing that I had to stop and stare for a minute: Eric was flat on his back on the floor while two elves kicked him while he was down, while the third was texting on his phone. Suddenly wincing as one of the elves hit Eric harshly with a garden hoe, I snuck up behind them and effortlessly picked them up off the floor by the backs of their costumes.

"What the fuck?!" they yelped as they struggled to get free, making me smirk as I carried them out of the kitchen and threw them in the basement, locking the door shut afterwards. "Now then, still up for a fight?" I asked the remaining elf as he fearfully looked at Butters and I from his position in the corner. "N-No thanks." he stuttered before dashing past us and out the door. Turning my gaze to Eric, I couldn't help but laugh at him as he lifted his hand and flipped me the bird.

Kneeling next to me, Butters pulled on my sleeve to get my attention. "Your word is my command my Lady. Shall I heal the king my Lady, or maybe let him suffer just a little bit more?" Butters said, making my face split into a Cheshire grin. "Hmm…I don't know Butters, letting him suffer sounds very tempting." I said, making Eric lift his head up and glare at me. "EY! Fuck you MacManus!" he spat, making me laugh before giving the word for Butters to heal him. "His powers were too strong-The Bard- he's up in one of the rooms." Eric said in a false dying voice as he poured a ketchup packet in his mouth before 'coughing up blood'.

"They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs, I'm sure they're going to rape her. Don't let them rape Princess Kenny….mehhh." he said as he 'died' making me snicker from my place across the room. "Y-You're not supposed to laugh Saphira." Butters said as we exited the kitchen to face the three elves on the other side of the barricade. "I'm sorry, it's just he REALLY needs to work on his acting…because he sucks at it." I said as we stopped next to the spike trap. "I heard that you bitch!" Eric shouted, making me laugh again. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?" I called back, making Butters laugh at the Wizard King's griping. 'Hmm, now how to get past this…' I thought as I took in the trap on the floor, as well as the objects surrounding it. 'Fuck it.' I thought as I raised my foot and stomped down on the wood: destroying the pathetic trap easily.

Leading Butters forward, I stopped where I stood as I heard Tweek desperately try to get our attention from outside. "Step back Butters." I said as the timid paladin did as I requested just as I picked up a lit kerosene lamp and threw it at the door. Making contact, the lamp shattered and exploded, allowing both Tweek and Token to enter the house: I did feel bad for breaking the family's things though. "For the KKK!" Token yelled as he and Tweek began hitting a cracked dresser that stood between them and the elves. 'Uh Token, are you sure you should be saying that?' I wondered with a shake of my head before running over and giving the broken dresser a good punch, breaking it into pieces on the floor.

"OH JESUS!" Tweek screamed as Butters and I ran past him and into the three elves that had covered The Bard's escape. "Protect The Bard!" an elf wearing a gas mask and chains on his armor ordered as they charged us with their weapons raised. "I hope we don't get in trouble for this." Butters said as he drew his hammer while I brandished my sword as the elf in the gas mask looked like he was trying to focus his 'power'. Charging forward, I feigned to the right of an elf in green armor: only to spin around at the last second and hit him from the left.

Following my lead, Butters charged the same elf I had just attacked in order to finish him off quickly. "Feel my righteous fury." he said before raising his hammer above his head and slammed it down on the floor, causing the elf with the gas mask and the one in green to act like they had been electrocuted. When the one in green fainted, the elf in brown robes tossed flowers into the air and threw a rock at me. Catching the offending stone, I made a fist around it and crushed it into dust, intimidating the one who threw it.

I had been so focused on the Elf Priest that I had forgotten about the one in the gas mask. "This elf is gonna fuck you up, dude." he said as he charged me and began slashing with his jagged sword, punching and kicking with impressive combos. Once he finished his attack, I drew my hand across my face to find that the little prick gave me a nosebleed. "Ow." I hissed before glaring at both elves in front of me. "Aww is the baby gonna cry?" the Elf Priest mocked, causing me to focus my glare on him before my face split into an evil sneer. "Ha! You fucking wish." I mocked as I ran forward before lightly punching the floor: causing the wooden floor to crack and split under their feet, taking down the priest and leaving the one in the mask unable to move. "He's all yours Butters." I said as I turned around and walked back to my spot.

"O-Oh a-alright then." he replied as he ran forward and slammed his hammer down on the trapped elf, rendering him defeated. "Holy shit, nice one!" Token said as he, Tweek and Craig approached us from the front door. "Thank you." I said as I opened a bottle of water and took a sip. "Where's the Grand Wizard?" he asked as Tweek began spazzing and muttering about how much trouble we were in. "He's over there, in the kitchen: he's hurt bad." Craig said as they began making their way through the mess and over to the kitchen. "Good thing my medicine skills are plus four." Token said as he and Tweek entered the kitchen.

"We'll revive the wizard, you guys get upstairs." Craig said as he followed his friends. Wiping the blood from my nose, I nodded at Butters before walking up the stairs to the second floor, where several doors stood closed. "Help! Someone save me!" Kenny cried in a girly voice from behind the second door to the right. "We gotta get to the princess!" Butters said as I opened the second door, finding Kenny sitting on the bed and tied up while an elf with a sword jumped up and down on the bed. Raising an eyebrow, I smirked as Kenny shrugged his shoulders before nodding upwards at a ceiling light that had been tied to the bedpost. Following the cord, I saw it was slanting downwards from its source against the wall. "Tell me you're joking…" I said, sighing as he shook his head while the elf looked at me in confusion. Drawing my sword, I hit one of the legs of a nearby table causing it to break and allow me to climb up.

From there I used a wall decoration like a ladder to reach a set of shelves: how they didn't break under my weight, I had no clue. Narrowing my eyes at the elf, I grabbed hold of the cord and used it as a zip-line to kick the elf, break the bed, and rescue the princess. "Good thing Jimmy's parents are out of town." Butters said as I untied the knot that held the rope in place around my friend. "Thank you for saving me my Lady." Kenny said as he hopped down from the broken bed. "Princess Kenny, how badly did they rape you?" Eric asked as we got out of the destroyed room.

"They didn't rape me." Kenny replied as we made our way over to the first door, where Craig was attempting to pick the lock. "I can't get through! The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob." Craig said as Eric glared angrily at the door. "Let me try." I said as he stepped back and let me have a go at getting the door open. Gripping the doorknob, I threw my shoulder into the door, making it budge a little but not much. Each time I hit the door a little harder than the last, until I hit the door wrong and bruised my shoulder. "Fucking hell." I hissed as I stepped back and cradled my injured limb. Fed up with the obstacle, Eric stormed over to the door and tried to turn the knob, only to hit the door with his stick in anger.

"YOU CAN'T HOLD THE DOORKNOB, BARD! THAT'S CHEATING!" Eric yelled, causing a laugh to come from the other side of the door. "Yeah I can! I have The Stick of Truth: which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay." The Bard said as Eric turned to us dumbfounded and pissed off: not like that's anything new. "Ungh! Can he do that?" he questioned as Kenny and I looked at each other. "He has The Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants." Craig said, causing Eric to growl in restrained rage. "God fucking damnit! There's GOT to be another way into this room!" he seethed as he tried to turn the knob again and get the same result as last time. Just as I was about to suggest a plan on how to get inside, I noticed that the streetlights outside had just lit up as the sun went down.

"Oh shit! LATER!" I yelled, jumping down the stairs and dashed out the door, listening to the panic of the other kids as they realized the reason why I had bailed on them the way I did. Running as fast as a fourth grader could run, I quickly made my way towards home for dinner, and to prepare for my meeting with Mysterion, question is…how will he react to the fact that homeless people were brewing drugs in my friend's garage?

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