Draco tossed and turned, unable to settle as the guilt from his actions earlier that day turned his stomach and prevented him from falling asleep.
The rest of Slytherin house had practically hailed him as a hero for getting Potter and the Weasley twins kicked off of the Gryffindor quidditch team, but Draco couldn’t help but feel as though he might have gone too far this time.
Not with Potter, obviously; he and the Boy Who Lived had a long history of insulting each other’s families, and Draco didn’t feel remotely sorry for insulting the boy’s mother- Potter had said worse about Draco’s mother at the World Cup last year after all.
It was what he’d said to the Weasley’s that was really getting to him. It wasn’t as though he respected the Weasley family or anything, it was just that Fred and George Weasley, while renowned for being pranksters, had never gone so far as to insult Draco’s family to his face, even though they had every reason to with the horrible things his father said about theirs on a regular basis.
And that was the problem; apart from Ron, Draco didn’t actually have anything against any of the Weasley’s as people- when he insulted them it was more of a regurgitation of what he’d been brought up hearing than his actual opinion. Draco had always been embarrassed to be with his father when the man insulted others based on things that they couldn’t help, like family or money, but he had learned to keep his true opinions to himself at a young age, because that’s what good little pure-blood wizards were supposed to do.
There was also the fact that, while he sometimes didn’t agree with what Lucius said, the man was still his father, and Draco loved him and would do almost anything to make him proud. So, in addition to getting top grades and being a good quidditch player, Draco had learned to suppress his conscience and always act as though he was above everyone with different beliefs or ‘impure’ blood, because nothing seemed to make Lucius prouder than knowing his son was just as disdainful of ‘lesser’ wizards as he was.
That didn’t mean that it didn’t bother Draco, but until today he had at least prided himself on having some control, on never taking the insults too far. Today though, he had let his frustration at losing get the best of him, and in insulting the twins’ family and financial status, he felt as though he’d crossed that line, and it was for that reason he was having trouble sleeping.
It didn’t help of course that the twins’, incredibly justified in his opinion, actions following Draco’s remarks had resulted in them receiving a lifetime ban from quidditch. He knew that the game was important to the boys’, and Draco himself couldn’t imagine what he’d do if he was told he could never play again. Add that to the fact that, no matter what everyone else seemed to think, he didn’t want to win the quidditch cup only because Gryffindor had a sub-par team, but because of his own team’s honest skills and merit. He would much rather beat Gryffindor with Potter as their seeker, so he could properly lord his superiority over his nemesis; anything less than that would just be settling for second best- he couldn’t brag about beating a team of inexperienced, second-rate players!
It was too late to change all of that though, and besides, he wasn’t really all that upset about getting Potter banned anyway, even if it did mean he couldn’t beat him personally in the final game of the season. Not to mention, if he approached Umbridge and asked her to rescind Potter and the twins’ punishment he was sure that she would believe him to be mad. She would possibly even call his parents, and Lucius would notbe happy if he thought his only son was vouching for Potter and a couple of blood-traitors, especially Weasley’s.
As hard as he tried to convince himself that there was nothing he could do to fix the situation, sleep continued to elude him, and he knew it was because there really was something he could do to make this at least a little better. It was dangerous, and would almost certainly result in some grievous bodily harm on his behalf, but his conscience wasn’t going to give him any rest until he at least tried. Confronting the Weasley’s would definitely result in some immediate pain for him, but at least it would eliminate his guilt a lot faster than any mental punishment he could mete out to himself, and he might actually get a restful sleep sometime this week.
It was settled, tomorrow he would find the Weasley twins and he would apologise- no matter how much it would hurt his pride to do so.
Mind made up, Draco’s eyes finally closed as he drifted into a restless sleep.