Wait for You
"Take off your clothes, Yuki."
It wasn't a request.
Trying to hide her emotions, her fear, she slowly stripped off her garments, letting them slide off her body. As soon as she was fully naked, the Pureblood pushed her against the wall roughly, already unclothed himself, and smiled a dark smile that gave her chills.
"Now please me," he ordered.
"Kaname—" her words were cut off as he slapped her hard.
"You are to be my wife. This is your duty," he said forcefully.
"Yes…Lord Kaname…" she whispered as he turned her around swiftly, bending her over and pushing her against the wall painfully.
"Tell me how much it hurts. Scream out the agony you're in!" he growled, entering her from behind and plunging his fangs into her neck roughly.
She obeyed, succumbing to the numbness in her heart to block out the experience, just like every other time, but not before a single tear managed to escape, running down her cheek and falling silently to the floor.
Later that day, Yuki shut the door behind her as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake the sleeping Pureblood. She paused at the doorframe, leaning against it, trying to compose herself. She had once said that it wouldn't bother her if he betrayed her. Now those words seemed so distant, so foolish as everything she constantly tried to block out came rushing back into her memory. He hadn't betrayed her; no. He had done much worse. He had defiled her, violated her; he had taken every ounce of respect she had ever had for him and shattered it into a million pieces.
"Yuki? What are you doing up? It's the middle of the day," said a male voice from beside her.
"Hanabusa," she said, surprised to see him, but suddenly realizing she was glad he was there.
"Yuki…" he said, crossing his arms in front of him. "Something's up. What is it?"
"Can we go for a walk?" Yuki said suddenly, feeling a bit restless. Her friend nodded, and they set off down the hall.
"So?" Hanabusa prompted, waiting for the answer to his question.
"I'm just…a little worn out, I guess."
"Worn out? Are you taking the blood tablets? If you don't take them regularly, they don't do very much good," he offered, ever the teacher even on his time off.
"Yes, I have been taking them regularly…" Yuki said quietly, looking away from the icy blue eyes that always seemed to see right through her.
"Then you should be feeling fine…" he said out loud, but the comment seemed to be more for himself as his eyebrows furrowed, just as they always did when he was presented with any problem he intended to fix. "Unless…Yuki, do you and Kaname exchange blood?" he said freely, even though it was a very personal question. He had long since realized that she was a sensitive girl, and that if he offered, she would usually open up to him.
"Hanabusa! That's not—"
"Answer the question Yuki."
Getting closer, he backed her against the wall, his arms boxing her in. Looking up at him, Yuki remembered that she used to be terrified of him when he would do this sort of thing. But now, she could easily see that the look in his eyes was concern, not something to fear. She knew that the fact that she had awakened had little to do with her lack of fear; she had truly gotten to know and care for him in the time that he had become her teacher, guardian, and friend.
"You know you can trust me, right?" he said suddenly, looking intensely into the deep brown eyes of the girl in front of him. His statement confused her, and she realized she must have looked frightened despite knowing there was nothing to fear, anticipating worse things to come instinctively, though she knew that he was not Kaname.
"We do exchange blood," Yuki confirmed as way of an answer. Of course she trusted him. The noble had barely left her side since she had awakened, and he was her constant companion when Kaname was away.
"Oh? And tell me, what is it like, drinking his blood?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to catch her in her obvious lie.
"His blood?...Well…I mean…I don't really drink his blood…"
"I thought so…" he said quietly, closing his eyes to hide his rising anger at Kaname. "But yet he is allowed to drink freely from you."
"O…of course…we are…I mean he is—"
"Exchanging blood is an act that is shared between two vampires, Yuki. If you are constantly giving him blood without drinking his in return…no wonder you feel worn out," he said seriously, now looking her in the eyes again.
"Why…why would vampires want to drink from each other? Why go through the pain?" Yuki said, catching Hanabusa off guard as he looked at her, troubled.
"Pain?...It's not supposed to…It's meant to…" he started, then closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened them.
"It should feel good, Yuki…really, really good." She looked at him, confusion showing on her face.
"Do you remember what I taught you about blood sharing? How vampires consider the act even more intimate than sex? " he asked, going on as she slowly nodded. "Why do you think that is?"
When she couldn't answer, he answered for her. "It's because drinking another's blood gives you access not only to that person's body but also to their mind, their very soul. So naturally, an act even more intimate than sex should be just as wonderful as sex, if not better," Hanabusa told her patiently, remembering that though he had known these things from a time when he was still quite young, she hadn't ever had a need of knowing them until recently.
Her eyes filled with tears and a tiny frown appeared on her lips. Having not in the least anticipated that this would be her reaction to his words, he was about to ask what he had said that upset her when she seemed to fall into him, curling her tiny fists around the front of his shirt, gripping it tightly.
"Hanabusa, I don't know what to do…" she wept quietly, her tears soaking his clothing. "Kaname…well I know that it's natural, since we're engaged…I always thought it would be different…he seems to enjoy it…but…"
"Yuki…are you telling me that when you and Kaname…" Hanabusa said, letting his words drift off, as if just coming to a realization, but not wanting to be the first to say it.
"Yes. Ever since I got here, we have been having sex…but I just always thought that…well, I've been told it's such a great experience, but I don't see it that way at all. What's wrong with me? Why do I feel…repulsed by him…" she said, her cries swelling at the end.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you," he said gently, stroking her long hair, trying to comfort her, though her words were beginning to disturb him more and more.
He normally would not allow any type of blasphemy about Lord Kaname. However, he had been known to bypass certain commands and other things because Yuki wished it. She seemed to be the only one who made him feel like violating Kaname's commands couldn't possibly be worse than seeing her unhappy. He had grown not only very fond of her, but he also felt extremely protective of the young vampire. If Kaname had somehow hurt her…
"I always imagined that at least, it would be my choice too…when we…"she said, breaking him from his thoughts. Her voice shook, and she seemed to be unable to finish the sentence. Her words finally sinking in, his head snapped up to look at her.
"Yuki…what are you saying?…" Hanabusa said softly, completely aghast, as he realized what she was telling him. "It…shouldn't be like that…that's…wrong…"
At hearing those words, her sobbing started up again, and something inside of him broke. He leaned down to look her in the eyes, trying to think of something to say, but her gaze caught his and he found his words stuck in his throat. Something unfathomable crossed her eyes in a flash, and before he had time to react, her lips were pressed softly to his.
"Yu—Yuki…" he said softly, pulling away. Though there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted this, he knew that she truly couldn't. Not to mention there was no telling what Kaname would do to her, or him. Death would be too easy in Kaname's eyes.
"Hanabusa…I…" Yuki started, looking miserable. It killed him. "I don't even know…anything. I feel so lost. I thought I knew what it was I wanted…I…I want this, Hanabusa. But even so, I'm sorry…I can't ask you to disobey the one with whom your loyalties lie. Forgive me."
His anger at the Pureblood continued to seethe, and just like every other time, he didn't even have to weigh his options to know that her happiness meant more to him than his life, or whatever else Kaname might take away from him. Because there wasn't anything Kaname could do to take away this moment. He could take away his memory of it, but never the moment itself. The fact that it had happened.
"Yuki…my loyalties lie with you. At first, it's true you were just my assignment. 'Protect the Princess' I was told. So I followed the orders. But you must know that as time went on, I began disobeying orders, even defying Kaname, because it was what you wanted. You are the one who is precious to me now." Hanabusa told her meaningfully. "And if he's hurting you—"
And then her lips covered his again. Almost without thinking, he picked the tiny girl up, holding her bridal style as he opened the door nearest to them, relieved that it happened to be a bedroom.
Before Yuki knew it, she was laying on her back on a soft bed, with Hanabusa hovering over her, looking down at her. He smiled, wiping her remaining tears away tenderly and brushing her hair away from her face. "Don't cry, pretty girl," he said soothingly, and somehow she found her tears vanishing, her wide brown eyes looking up at his blue eyes, a silent question in their depths.
He answered her question with a soft kiss on her lips. The fact that he was kissing her back, that he wanted this too, ignited a fire in her that she had not felt before.
They kissed slowly at first, allowing Yuki time to feel his lips. Soon his tongue was gently caressing her own lips, and knowing what he wanted, she parted her lips to allow him access. He made a small sound of appreciation.
Yuki reached up to touch his hair, and he sighed, enjoying it as they continued to entice each other with their tongues and moaning softly.
Slowly, he traced the line of her throat with his finger slipping under her shirt, all the way down the path between her aching breasts. When she gasped, breaking their kiss, he gave a tiny laugh. "What's wrong, Yuki?" he teased her.
"It's…ok. You can…if you want," she said, voice breathy, and he felt himself harden at her words.
Looking her in the eyes, he found the bottom of her nightgown and ran his hands up the sides of her ribs. His thumbs reached the sensitive undersides of her breasts, and she stilled, closing her eyes as his fingers slowly caressed her.
"Enough of this," he said suddenly, grabbing her nightgown and pulling it over her head, discarding it on the floor. She hadn't been wearing anything underneath, so with that removed, Hanabusa stared openly at her completely nude body, her long hair falling like twisting ropes of seaweed around her.
"Yuki…" he said, his eyes full of some emotion she couldn't identify. He put his hand to her face, cupping her cheek as he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "How can he not realize what he has?"
Yuki thought about feeling self-conscious for a moment, but then his hands once again found her breasts and her thoughts were silenced. She couldn't help the moans escaping her throat as his fingers moved in slow circles around the hardened peaks of her breasts. She inhaled sharply as he pinched her nipples; though he was being rather rough with them, it felt wonderful.
He continued squeezing and massaging, pinching and playing with her, and when she thought it couldn't possibly get any better, he leaned down, ever so softly kissing the rosy peak of one of her breasts. Every touch made something within her coil tighter, sending flashes of heat towards a place she could only describe as her center. She moaned, arching up to meet him as he took her nipple into his mouth, using his tongue to rotate it in slow circles.
As he repeated this on her other nipple, she found herself caught up in him. He really knew what he was doing. Everything he did made her want to gasp in pleasure. She hadn't known this kind of pleasure existed. It had never been like this with Kaname. Satisfy his blood lust, pleasure him, bring him to climax. That was her duty. But with Hanabusa, every fiber of her being felt wanted as he devoted attention to her entire body, finding places she never even knew about. She wanted him. She wanted all of him, and she wanted to please him like no one ever had before.
Remembering what she had learned herself, she put a hand to his cheek, the only way she could let him know she needed to say something. Her brain wasn't going to be coherent unless he stalled his gentle fingers for a moment.
"Hanabusa…can I…touch you?" Yuki asked, a little timidly. For a moment, his eyes opened wide, as if he had not been expecting this. But then he used his body to flip them over so that he was lying on the bed with her straddling him. Sliding her leg over him, she sat beside him and began to nimbly unbutton his shirt. Once the oppressive shirt was unbuttoned, she discarded it as he had done with her nightgown.
She placed a hand on his chest, marveling at the lean muscles. Curious, she ran her hand over the smooth skin and rolled his nipples between her thumb and index fingers, causing him to close his eyes and let out a soft moan.
Sliding her hands down ever so slowly, she found the waist of his pants and slipped her finger tips under the edge. He groaned, and his hands whipped out to grab her wrists.
"If you don't stop…I won't be able to hold back," he said, trying to get his breathing rate back to normal.
"Who said anything about holding back?" she said to him, a beautiful flush on her cheeks as she looked at him with eyes begging for more. Well, who was he to deny her? Nobody, that's who.
He flipped them over again, attacking her lips with his own. As she kissed him back passionately, he slipped his hand down her stomach and with his index finger, he probed her dripping flesh, finding that spot that seemed to drive all women crazy, and ever so slightly stroking his finger over it. Her reaction was electric. Her entire body arched, her lips disconnecting from his as she half screamed, breathing raggedly.
"Whatever you're doing—aaaahhhhhhh…keep doing it," she moaned as he began to move his finger in slow circles. She could feel every single muscle in her body tensing up, quivering in anticipation for a release. She knew she couldn't last much longer.
"Hanabusa…help me get your pants off," she said breathlessly as she desperately tried to stop herself from moving against his finger, which had ceased its movement at her words.
Chuckling at her impatience, he switched positions so he was on the bottom again, unbuttoned his pants and slid them down his legs along with his boxers, leaving nothing more to the imagination. Seeing him completely bare, she found her eyes gravitating south on his body.
Not bothering to waste any time, she tenderly took him into her hands, staring for a moment. It wasn't that she didn't know what to do, after all she had done this for Kaname many times, but never had she wanted so badly to please him, because never had anyone made her feel this way before.
"Here, let me show you," Hanabusa told her, mistaking her hesitation for uncertainty and taking her tiny hands in his own. He wrapped his own hands around hers, encompassing his length, and began gently applying pressure, teaching her all the right places to touch.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh yes…that's it…" he practically growled, voice husky as she took over, applying more pressure, gently squeezing his entire length. When she had worked her way up to the base, she hesitated for real.
"Can I play with them?" she asked shyly as her fingertips ever so slightly grazed his testicles.
"Please," he groaned, not able to force any more words than that out. Taking them in her hands, she gently massaged them as he shuddered, breathing raspy as he tried desperately to get enough air.
Gliding her hands down the base again, she found her fingers at the tip and gently stroked the sensitive skin. His body jerked, and he dug his fingers into the sheets, letting a tortured groan escape.
"Yuki…I need you now," he said urgently, looking into her deep brown eyes as she sat straddling him.
"Yes," she answered simply, cupping his face in her hands tenderly. That simple gesture caused his heart to constrict. For the first time, he allowed himself to think of her with Kaname. He usually avoided the thought because of the strange ache that came with it. Now as he thought about what she had told him, his anger at the Pureblood boiled over and his fangs emerged.
"Hanabusa…do you need blood?" Yuki asked him softly.
"Yuki…you are a Pureblood Princess…I would never—"
"I want you to, Hanabusa. Because you are someone I care deeply about," she cut him off, looking into his eyes, and he thought that she was perhaps the only person to ever want him. Not just his body, like so many women who had given themselves to him. Not just his service and protection as Kaname had. Not just his reputation as an Aidou. She wanted all of him.
"Yuki, if it makes you happy I would do anything," he said, simply, honestly, as he shifted their weight, positioning himself on top of her again. It was the truth, though he was just beginning to realize it. Doing as she wished, he lowered his mouth to her neck, kissing her gently above her vein to let her know where he was going to bite her.
Carefully, he bit into her neck. She was shocked to find that he had been right; it felt amazing. However the pleasure she was feeling could not entirely block out the pain she harbored in her heart. He sipped her blood slowly, savoring its taste. Emotions began to flood out of her vein, and he couldn't stop the torrent of memories that seemed to assault him. Her joy at finally being with Kaname, and her plummet downwards when he seemed to distance himself from her and use her up…his rough touches and painful acts, causing her to cry out in agony…his satisfaction at her pain, her weakness, her fragility…his control over her.
Hanabusa hadn't realized that a tear had escaped his eyes until a tender hand wiped it away. He unlatched himself from her neck and threw his arms around the girl beneath him, pulling her head against his chest. There were no words he could say, so he just didn't. They stayed like that for a spell, until he suddenly remembered that he was naked on top of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
Swiftly, he positioned himself at her entrance, letting her help to slowly ease him inside of her. They both could not help but moan as they finally became one.
"I can go as slowly as—" he began, though he wasn't overly confident of his ability to reign himself in.
"Don't go slowly," she asserted, looking at him again with those deep eyes of hers. Seeing his taken-aback look, she explained, "As I know you saw…I have dealt with pain before. There is no need to hold back; I'll be just fine."
He didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her to know what pleasure felt like. But this was one battle he knew he would never win. So, slowly nodding, agreeing to what she asked of him, he began to thrust into her, crying out as her inner walls tightened around him. Her lips were suddenly on his neck, asking a silent question.
"I…am yours. You may do whatever you want to me, Yuki," he said, and almost before he finished, she plunged her fangs into his neck. The pleasure was unbearable. The sound of her sucking his blood and the feel of her lips on his neck, her long draws of his blood, his continued thrusting into her core…this was absolute ecstasy. How had he never felt this before? He had done this plenty of times. He supposed it had never been with the girl he loved before.
Loved. Just like that it hit him. The protectiveness. The twinge of pain at thoughts of her and Kaname. The way that making her happy was truly his addiction. The way her pain was his pain…the way that this girl's very existence had slowly become the most meaningful thing in his life…
He was in love with her. As the realization hit him, she broke from him, gasping and he stopped his movement inside her. He looked at her concerned for a split second until he realized what was going on. She had felt his emotions as she drank his blood.
"Hanabusa…I had no idea you…felt that way…" she said, eyes full of wonder and something else brimming through their depths. "I—" she started, but was silenced by a finger to her lips.
"Don't say it, Yuki. Don't tell me you love me. I know you have been hurt deeply, and it will take more than one night of passion and a blood bond to heal from that. I know you have spent your entire life looking for one who will love you truly and absolutely," he started his movement again, knowing they both were close to the release they so craved. "I want to be that person, Yuki…but you are…too precious to me…to allow you to…throw away your declaration of love…when you aren't certain." Her cries and the sound of his name on her lips brought him close to the edge as he tried to force his words out through his rising pleasure. "So if the day ever comes…that you do love me…I will wait for that day…I will wait for you…Yuki…" With one final thrust, he hit a spot inside of her and she screamed his name, and then they were both pushed over the edge of pleasure and ecstasy, crying out, bodies clenching and unclenching as they both rode out their orgasms.
For a minute, they stayed like that, bodies still connected, entwined in each other's arms, slowing their rapid breathing and heart rates. Then, he heard a soft sniffle as she snuggled even closer to him. She drew a breath, preparing to say something, but he beat her to it.
"I love you, Yuki," he said simply, for it was the truth.
"Thank you, Hanabusa. For loving me. And for allowing me time to heal."
He wanted to pick her up and take her away from here, never to return. He wanted to make sure that loathsome creature never hurt her again. But he knew that Kaname would always find them. There was no escape, besides the Pureblood's death, which was virtually impossible. So until the day that he found a way to kill Kaname, he would have to settle for the terrible truth: that Yuki's suffering was not going to end, and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. The only thing he could do was never leave her side, and comfort her when her pain breached the numbness threatening to consume her.
"I will be with you forever. However, it is a long road ahead of us. You understand that?" he asked her, thinking of everything Kaname would do to hurt her if he ever found out. "No one can ever know."
"Yes," she said, resignation in her voice.
"Good," he said, smirking despite the situation. "It looks like our tutoring sessions will be a whole hell of a lot more fun from now on."