Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Teanna Byerts would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Viagraquenta

By Teanna Byerts

Humor / Fantasy

Viagraquenta

Viagraquenta

or

the Lay of the Mortal Women

(to the tune of... oh whattheheck...be original)

Ah! Those mortals in love

with Elven prin-cesses

silv'ry of skin and lengthy of tresses

Tuor and Idril

and Luthien fair

with brave Beren storming

into Morgoth's lair

Aragorn mucking about in the woods

til he kicked Dark Lord butt

and won his True Love

JR was a Man

writing in a Man's time

but Real Women want

to have equal rhyme

PJ came along

and gave us our prizes

with chisel-dy cheekbones

and great big brown eyeses

lithe as a greyhound

steadfast as a goose

with possibly some parts

resembling a moose

Oh! Legolas Greenleaf

long under tree

in joy thou hast lived

beware of the screams

of zillions of ardent

teen-age-ery girls

but take not that grey ship

depart not this world!

Don't panic! Don't flee!

(but keep Gimli beside you)

true fans will remain

whatever betide you

whether fleeing from balrogs

or raptors or mummy

or blasting it out

in some vast space slug's tummy

dropped from a Black Hawk

or doing wire-fu

in some sappy romance

or voice of cartoon

we'll descend on the-aters

like Sauron's Dark Hordes

and eat all the popcorn

and drool on the floors

we'll storm all the malls

buy up all the toys

(what's this? oh, hah hah

for my nephew, in Boise)

we'll write awful poetry,

stories, and fix

up all our walls

with posters and pix

your sweet shining visage

makes us all quite wary

of mere mortal Men

balding, pudgy or hairy

what we really want

'neath our Christmas Trees

is one Gandalf's Helper

sans costume, please


The author is a serious long-time student of Tolkien's works and an artist

specializing in high fantasy, I find this giggly girly stuff rather....hey...hey

kid, is that a new action figure? Where did you GET that?!!? Ooooooh, look at

the cute little arrows...no, give it here, give it, GIVE IT...


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Teanna Byerts
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Olivia N J Hamel: I want this book. I love it so much. It is so enjoyable to read and to have a copy of this always, I would be very happy, to always be able to come back and look at it again.

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

Elizabeth Robbins: 4.5 starsAs far as apocalypse stories go, this one took a new direction. I'm glad someone finally addressed the need for a vampire apocalypse! This is sort of a multi-genre festival of delights. With hints of forced societies, vamps, hunters, romance, apocalypse, government conspiracy, and thrill...

ram123: Beautifully written novel, engrossing from start to finish. Great story, clever and imaginative adventure of two young sisters in Victorian England. Story moved at a quick pace .Looking forward to the second book. Congratulations to the author I predict that this will be a very successful series.

RodRaglin: This is an interesting approach to a very topical subject. I hope you go on to explore the reasons behind the increase in teen suicides as well as tell an entertaining story.I like that you start with the inciting incident - the announcement of the suicide. In revision you might want to consider...

catd69: Karim is a very talented writer. When I started reading his journey it took me into the book and I was in the story till the end. I've never felt this way with any other writers stories. If you want to read a gripping adventure, this will be the one book I would suggest you pick.

FinnTH: I hope there is a sequel to The Knowing Ones because these characters are very distinct. The imagery of the forest and Adriana's connection to the woods is powerful.

Yellow: If you are looking for something original try Evening Goddess. Karina takes you on an adventure filled with tragedy and dangerous situations. The mixture of a serious plot and sexual situations keep you reading to discover what challenges she will face next. The novel will make you laugh, cry...

skippybash12: This story has engaging characters that you care about and a plot that is unpredictable and exciting. It is well written with a believable voice. Great weekend escape and if there was a sequel available I would buy it today -

More Recommendations

JWalker: I loved this story from start to finish! It flows at a really nice pace and the story world feels so real. The fight sequences are a treat especially when Isanfyre is training to become a warrior. I found the names really cool and thankfully easy to pronounce. Personally I have always struggled w...

Alex Rushmer: This was not what I expected, but I enjoyed it a lot Malfoy was always one of the characters that I liked a lot, so I like that a lot of this happens between him and Colette. I read the first couple chapters, and I enjoyed your writing style and am excited to see where you take this story. My com...

ernbelle: When I first started this story I was a little unsettled by all of the information that appears in the prologue, and wasn't sure if I would continue. However, I am very glad I did. The plot was very well thought out and really interesting. There were not any page breaks or markers to acknowledge ...

Brie Lundy: I have never read a story like this before. It was riveting. It kept me captive. Once I started it I couldn't stop until it was finished. 10/10. I need more of this book. They need to find the Wizard!!

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!
King's Lament

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!
Spectra

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."