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Viagraquenta

By Teanna Byerts

Humor / Fantasy

Viagraquenta

Viagraquenta

or

the Lay of the Mortal Women

(to the tune of... oh whattheheck...be original)

Ah! Those mortals in love

with Elven prin-cesses

silv'ry of skin and lengthy of tresses

Tuor and Idril

and Luthien fair

with brave Beren storming

into Morgoth's lair

Aragorn mucking about in the woods

til he kicked Dark Lord butt

and won his True Love

JR was a Man

writing in a Man's time

but Real Women want

to have equal rhyme

PJ came along

and gave us our prizes

with chisel-dy cheekbones

and great big brown eyeses

lithe as a greyhound

steadfast as a goose

with possibly some parts

resembling a moose

Oh! Legolas Greenleaf

long under tree

in joy thou hast lived

beware of the screams

of zillions of ardent

teen-age-ery girls

but take not that grey ship

depart not this world!

Don't panic! Don't flee!

(but keep Gimli beside you)

true fans will remain

whatever betide you

whether fleeing from balrogs

or raptors or mummy

or blasting it out

in some vast space slug's tummy

dropped from a Black Hawk

or doing wire-fu

in some sappy romance

or voice of cartoon

we'll descend on the-aters

like Sauron's Dark Hordes

and eat all the popcorn

and drool on the floors

we'll storm all the malls

buy up all the toys

(what's this? oh, hah hah

for my nephew, in Boise)

we'll write awful poetry,

stories, and fix

up all our walls

with posters and pix

your sweet shining visage

makes us all quite wary

of mere mortal Men

balding, pudgy or hairy

what we really want

'neath our Christmas Trees

is one Gandalf's Helper

sans costume, please


The author is a serious long-time student of Tolkien's works and an artist

specializing in high fantasy, I find this giggly girly stuff rather....hey...hey

kid, is that a new action figure? Where did you GET that?!!? Ooooooh, look at

the cute little arrows...no, give it here, give it, GIVE IT...


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Teanna Byerts
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daneliacapote116: This was one of my favorites! When you start reading you want to continue I can't wait for the rest of the novel!! The characters where awesome! Everything was great. I encourage you to read this novel, your going to love it it and want to read it more and more !!

Stephen Warner: To start off, I am thoroughly impressed. The writing style is somewhat unique, and the plot seemed to move at a nice and steady pace. However, I was not expecting this to be a vampire book! I am usually not one for novels about vampires, but I was pleasantly surprised! You wrote with such grace a...

Catherine Kopf: Wow! This was a really great story. I really enjoy reading fantasy, so it didn't take long for me to become invested in the book and its characters like Jacob. I really liked your writing style, and it seemed to flow very well. The descriptions that you used for your world were also created n...

spooky jedi: Love your story!I really hope more people read this story!Its amazing!! The plot is very unique and different, which is very good to have in a world full of stories. You have very complex and intellectual plot line, with your many loveable character and that hint of 'will they, won't they' is ju...

Erin Crowley: The concept here is really strong, but the execution is definitely lacking. Tenses, grammar, etc are all off, with at least one or more errors per 'Page' on my phone. The writing style is almost broken- sentences move into each other awkwardly, and are filled with an excess of "filler words", lik...

Felisa Yoder Osburn: I really enjoyed the story. Civil War stories are some of my favorites and the intertwining of the past with current times was wonderful. I look forward to reading the next stories.

Lauren Sanby: This is an excellent story. Very gripping and keeps your attention throughout. Hoping the author is writing a sequel because I'd love to read more about Rhi and Andreas and find out what else Rhi is able to do with her powers.

Sabrina Ettey: The story plot is great. I loved it. Just the grammar punctuation and writing style was kind of distracting. But with the smooth polishing, it may shine like a pearl. :)

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