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Viagraquenta

By Teanna Byerts

Humor / Fantasy

Viagraquenta

Viagraquenta

or

the Lay of the Mortal Women

(to the tune of... oh whattheheck...be original)

Ah! Those mortals in love

with Elven prin-cesses

silv'ry of skin and lengthy of tresses

Tuor and Idril

and Luthien fair

with brave Beren storming

into Morgoth's lair

Aragorn mucking about in the woods

til he kicked Dark Lord butt

and won his True Love

JR was a Man

writing in a Man's time

but Real Women want

to have equal rhyme

PJ came along

and gave us our prizes

with chisel-dy cheekbones

and great big brown eyeses

lithe as a greyhound

steadfast as a goose

with possibly some parts

resembling a moose

Oh! Legolas Greenleaf

long under tree

in joy thou hast lived

beware of the screams

of zillions of ardent

teen-age-ery girls

but take not that grey ship

depart not this world!

Don't panic! Don't flee!

(but keep Gimli beside you)

true fans will remain

whatever betide you

whether fleeing from balrogs

or raptors or mummy

or blasting it out

in some vast space slug's tummy

dropped from a Black Hawk

or doing wire-fu

in some sappy romance

or voice of cartoon

we'll descend on the-aters

like Sauron's Dark Hordes

and eat all the popcorn

and drool on the floors

we'll storm all the malls

buy up all the toys

(what's this? oh, hah hah

for my nephew, in Boise)

we'll write awful poetry,

stories, and fix

up all our walls

with posters and pix

your sweet shining visage

makes us all quite wary

of mere mortal Men

balding, pudgy or hairy

what we really want

'neath our Christmas Trees

is one Gandalf's Helper

sans costume, please


The author is a serious long-time student of Tolkien's works and an artist

specializing in high fantasy, I find this giggly girly stuff rather....hey...hey

kid, is that a new action figure? Where did you GET that?!!? Ooooooh, look at

the cute little arrows...no, give it here, give it, GIVE IT...


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Teanna Byerts
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