Star Wars: The Force (Sexually) Awakens

Summary

A return to the Star Wars Expanded Universe for a hot summer night with the Solo Twins, Jacen and Jaina! This is Star Wars like you've never seen it before - and never wanted to.

Genre:
Scifi / Fantasy
Author:
Will Buckingham
Status:
Ongoing
Chapters:
1
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
18+

Chapter 1

“Faster, Jacen!”

“I’m going as fast as I can, Jaina!”

The Millenium Falcon shuddered like a sick Bantha as Jacen pushed the junker to its limit.

The Solo twins were blasting through hyperspace at speeds that exceeded both light and logic.

But there was no way in Hoth they’d beat their parents home to Coruscant.

“This is all your fault,” Jacen snapped as distant star systems streaked past the windows. “You just had to go to ANOTHER off-world party.”

“I NEVER miss a Max Rebo show!” Jaina fired back.

“It was a fucking cover band!” her brother raged.

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you weren’t having fun.” Jaina leaned back in her chair, poking her brother tenderly. He prickled at her touch. “I saw you chatting up those Twi’lek girls. They were ready to wrap you up in their head-tails and take you home for a night cap.”

“They were not,” Jacen said, pinkening.

Jaina poked her brother again. He turned a shade of red reminiscent of their grandfather Darth Vader’s old lightsaber.

Though the Solo twins had recently turned 18, they still goofed around like younglings. Luckily, they still had a summer left before they joined Uncle Luke at the Jedi Academy. Plenty of time to get messy and make mistakes before the force-sensitive teens began their training as Jedi Knights.

A familiar beeping interrupted Jaina’s teasing. The holoprojector blinked on top of the control panel. The twins’ hearts sunk as they read the Caller ID:

Han Solo.

“Fuck!” Jacen said. “They know. They KNOW!”

“Let me handle this,” Jaina insisted, annoyed. “Don’t. Say. ANYTHING.”

She answered the call, and a blueish image of their middle-aged father projected above the panel, his roguish good looks hardened into a scowl.

“What are you guys up to?” Han growled. “Your mom and I just called home, and Anakin said you two took the Falcon out. Where are you?”

Jaina cursed under her breath. Their little brother had sold them out.

“Relax, we just went out for Corellian takeout. We’ll be back soon.”

Han’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m calling home again in half an hour. If you’re not there, I’m sicking Chewie on you!”

“Dad, no!”

“That’s RIGHT. Vacation photos from his family reunion on Kashyyyk. He’s been trying to give me the slide show me for weeks. And that wookie’s got a trigger finger like Boba Fett. Every tree he saw. Shit he took - ”

“Dad, please - ”

Han hung up. Jaina cursed again. Why were her parents so LAME?! Han and Leia were out getting drunk at some fancy intergalactic fundraiser with all their New Republic buddies. Why couldn’t Jacen and Jaina have a little fun, too?

"We gotta punch it," Jaina instructed her brother.

"I told you, she can’t go any faster!" Jacen whined.

Jaina scanned the control panel. She knew very well that her father had pushed the Falcon to physics-defying speeds many times facing TIE Fighters and Star Destroyers and Giant Space Slugs. But in this moment, their Uncle Chewbacca’s vacation photos seemed nearly as dire. The last time he went to Kashyyyk, he videoed his sister giving birth to a litter of six Wookies. The Solo family had never seen so much blood and hair in their lives.

Jaina found the button she was looking for. She pushed it before Jacen could stop her.

“Jaina, no!” he shouted.

With a sickening lurch, the Falcon’s speed increased, and the streaking stars melded into a tunnel of brilliant, sparkling white.

“We’re gonna make it!” Jaina shouted, as Coruscant loomed closer on the holo-map. Then red lights flashed above them. Alarms blared.

“We’re gonna DIE!” Jacen said, his fingerings dancing across the control panel.

“What’s happening?” his sister asked.

“I can’t slow us down,” Jacen said frantically, sweat beading on his forehead as he pressed more blinking buttons. “We’ll make it to Coruscant alright. But in a heap of twisted metal.”

“What do we do?!” Jaina cried.

“Say our prayers,” Jacen sighed hopelessly. “We only have about twenty minutes until impact.”

Tears rolled down Jaina’s cheeks. Her brother took her hands.

“Jaina, if this is the end, there’s something I needed to tell you…” His confessional tone trailed off as he looked at the metal floor beneath him. “Those Twe’lek girls I met tonight… They really didn’t mean anything to me…”

“Okay,” Jaina responded, confused. “So what?”

“They didn’t mean anything to me because… Because I love you!”

Jacen’s words hit like blaster fire. Jaina stared at her brother in shock. His dark, glistening eyes were glued to the floor in shame.

“I know it’s wrong. MORE than wrong. But I can’t help the way I feel. And I just wanted… I thought…”

Jacen suddenly felt a finger to his lips. He stared up at his sister as she loosened the band around her sandy hair the same color as his own, letting it fall below her shoulders.

“Jacen,” Jaina said, now stripping off her snug brown tunic. “Let’s not waste any time talking about it.”

“You mean...you, too?” Jacen marveled as his sister’s hand grasped his manhood.

“Hmmm,” Jaina said, feeling her brother’s cock extend like a lightsaber beam. “The Force is strong with this one.”

Jacen thrust his lips to his sister’s, and in moments they were rolling naked across the cockpit floor as the ship hurtled toward their doom.

Jacen’s hands roamed his sister’s supple body like two droids in a Tatooine desert. He was harder than a Tusken Raider’s Gaffi Stick.

“Take me!” she screamed, as Jacen chewed her nipples like a mynock. “Take me before it’s too late!”

Jacen readied himself at her Sarlac Pit, ready to feed her beautiful beast. She feverishly kissed his neck, his chest, his ears - anything she could put her lips on.

“Do it,” she urged. “I’m ready.”

The twins both moaned as Jacen slipped inside. His sister was wetter than the oceans of Kamino. The flashing lights became brighter, and the alarms louder, but all the Solo twins could think about was fucking the living daylights out of each other.

Both had countless times imagined this moment in their deepest, darkest dreams, and they were feverishly eager to unleash every ounce of the sexual tension pent up between them these long eighteen years. Jacen was pumping his sister like a goddamn moisture farm, and soon, she was nearing a climax.

“I’m cumming,” she gasped breathlessly.

“Me, too!” her brother groaned.

Jacen’s protein torpedo entered Jaina’s exhaust port, and her vagina exploded like the First Death Star. The twins screamed as seismic orgasms rippled through their bodies…

And reverberated though the entire ship.

The Falcon lurched again, and Jacen clutched his sister tighter.

“Is this it?” she cried.

“I think so…” Jacen answered.

The twins shut their eyes tight, entwined in each other’s naked arms.

Then, strangely, the ship stopped moving.

Jacen’s eyes opened. He slowly released his sister, standing up to check the control panel, strangely darkened. The lights above still flashed. The alarm still sounded. But the ship now drifted slowly in the orbit of a planet he recognized as…

Coruscant!

“Jaina!” He laughed aloud, happy to be alive. “We’re gonna make it!”

“But, how?” his sister asked, getting to her feet. She stared in wonder at the urban planet glittering out the window.

The twins heard crude laughter behind them. They turned around to see holo-projections of an old man in a dress, and what appeared to be a rotten cabbage come to life.

Recognizing them, the Solos hurried to conceal their private parts, which still dripped with forbidden lust.

“Master Yoda! Obi-Wan Kenobi!” the siblings shrieked in tandem. “What are you doing here?”

“Planning to save you we were,” Yoda said, choking back a laugh. “But saved yourselves you did, with the Force.”

“The Force of your orgasms!” Obi-Wan guffawed. “Holy shit, that was DISGUSTING!”

“About it tell me,” snickered Yoda. “And seen a wookie give birth, I have!”

Jacen and Jaina looked at each, the horror of their unspeakable act mirroring in their eyes. Perhaps death was a preferable fate.

Well, each twin thought separately, at least they might still make it home before Han and Leia.

Then the holo-projector rang.

Yoda and Obi-wan doubled over in more laughter as they all read the Caller ID.

“Get that you want? Or shall I?”

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