I Love You
Why couldn't you love me after Mom died? I needed you. I needed to know that you loved me. You couldn't even bring yourself to care that your only child was leaving for college. I left for school so unprepared because I didn't want to ask you for anything. I want to hate you. I need to hate you. After 12 years, I have finally found someone I want to trust. Someone I want to bring into my life, someone I want to depend on like Mom did on you. I want what you and Mom had. I want to have dinner on the table when my husband comes home, I want a play set in the backyard so my kids can play and have adventures while I sit and read a book. Having you abandon me made almost all of that impossible. I can barely stand the sight of myself in a mirror, because I am a shadow of who I used to be.
I want to be your daughter, I want you to love me, I want you to be proud of me. But since you're dead I'll never get any of that. I'm sorry that Mom died. I wish there was something that I could have done to save her. I miss her too. She meant so much to both of us. Why couldn't you turn to me when you felt sad or upset instead of turning to alcohol?!! I don't understand how a bottle of bourbon became more important than I was. I was your own flesh and blood. Why couldn't you just love me?
None of this matters now. I have found someone who wants me in their life. I want them in my life. He is nothing that you and Mom would have wanted for me, besides for fiercely protective. His name is Jax Teller and he is a biker in California. When I first met him I was scared to become attached, but over the past two months I have become so. I can't wake up in the morning without wandering how he is, how his son is. I think I'm in love Dad. How can I tell him I'm in love with him? What if he abandons me like you did? I won't survive someone else abandoning me. You have no idea how I wish you and Mom were here to meet him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll always be your little girl, but I'm done searching for your approval. Because honestly you never really cared in the first place. I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted me to be.
I love you Dad,
Tara sat back on the couch and wiped the tears that were falling down her face away. For the first time since her Mom had died she felt whole. She was no longer searching for something that she would never have. She never knew that writing a simple letter to her Dad would be so freeing. Staring at the paper she laid down on the couch and covered up with a blanket. Closing her eyes she found the peace she had been searching for, for 12 years.
Jax sat up in his bed and looked at the door. He could see the soft glow from the lights in the living room still being on. Getting up he headed out and saw that Tara was fast asleep on the couch. The piece of paper on the coffee table caught his eye, curious he picked it up and then immediately set it back down. If Tara wanted to talk about the letter they would talk about it.
Smiling he gently pulled back the throw and shifted Tara into his arms. "Jax" she whispered sleepily when he got her off the couch.
"Go back to sleep, I'm just moving you to the bed." Jax soothed as he headed towards his bedroom.
Tara nuzzled her head on Jax's shoulder, allowing him to carry her easily. Gently Jax laid Tara down on the bed and tucked her in.
Rolling over, "Jax." Tara whispered.
"Yeah." he answered turning around.
Tara blushed, "will you sleep with me?" she asked looking at the comforter.
Jax didn't say anything. He just walked to the bed, pulled back the covers and tugged Tara in close to him. Slowly he felt her relax and fall back to sleep. Allowing everything that had been bugging him to cease, Jax fell asleep holding Tara.
The next morning, Tara woke up hotter than ever. She knew she was a warm sleeper but this was crazy. Shifting her arm came in contact with a much harder body. Rolling over she saw that Jax was still fast asleep. Quickly she kissed his cheek and was about to climb out the bed when a hand caught her waist and pulled her back.
"And where do you think you're going?" Jax asked in a sleepy voice.
For a moment Tara was speechless, "I was going to..." she started before looking at her shaking hands.
"You were going to hide." Jax said shifting to pull her close to him, "you don't have to run Tara".
Tara nodded, "I'm not used to sleeping in a bed with a man." she whispered.
"That's okay. I'll teach you." Jax gently teased putting a hand under her chin.
Tara took the opportunity to put one of her hands into his blonde locks and slowly pull his mouth down to hers. She had been dying to kiss him since she had thrown herself at him the night that Kohn had died.
Jax gently put his hand deep into Tara's raven locks and deepened the kiss. He almost had her on her back when a squeal broke through the air. Pulling away he smiled, "my boy the master of timing." he chided. Kissing Tara again softly he climbed out the bed and went to get Abel.
Tara laid back against the pillows and lifted her fingers to her lips. They were tingling and Tara couldn't help but smile. She was happy. Looking to the door, she saw Jax holding Abel watching her. Pulling the covers up she covered her flushed face.
Jax had gotten Abel out of his crib, "come on little dude, let's go see Tara." he drawled heading back to his room. Stopping in the door way he saw Tara gently feeling her lips. He smiled knowing that he had given her that tingly feeling. When she noticed him, he smiled and walked to the bed. Gently he tugged the covers away from his face.
Tara looked up into Jax's blue eyes, "I feel like a school girl." she said increasing her blush.
"You don't look or taste like one." Jax said smiling as her blush increased again.
"Teller are you trying to make me die of embarrassment?" she accused smiling.
"Not at all Knowles. I just want you to know that many mornings will work out just like this one did." he crooned.
Abel pulled his Dad's hair as his little tummy grumbled. Jax pulled his hair away from his son, "come on let's get you something to eat." he said smiling at his mini me.
Tara smiled and climbed out of the bed and followed the boys to the kitchen. Jax put Abel in his high chair while Tara got some cheerio o's out of the cabinet. Spilling some on to the tray she set the box back on the counter as Jax wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Go away with me this weekend." he said nuzzling her neck.
"What about Abel?" Tara asked sighing as his lips grazed her ear.
"Donna and Opie can take him." Jax said gently kissing the soft spot by her ear.
"Are you sure?" she questioned grabbing his hands as they tightened around her.
"Positive" Jax answered turning her around and claiming her mouth before she could ask another question.
Tara let herself fall into the kiss. Softly she pushed her hands into Jax's hair and deepened the kiss. It had been ages since she had had a kiss that made her weak in the knees. Jax traced Tara's bottom lip with his tongue, asking permission. Tara granted it and the kiss deepened again. Groaning slightly Jax pushed Tara against the counter.
Anitta knocked on the door before using her key to enter Jax's house. When she walked inside she heard giggling coming from the kitchen. Putting her purse and jacket on the normal hook she headed into the kitchen. Stopping on a dime, she saw Jax and Tara in a lip lock that had been a long time coming. Smiling she looked at Abel who also looked to be happy.
Clearing her throat, Anitta watched as Jax and Tara almost sprung apart. Jax just smiled at her and Tara blushed a deep shade of red. "Sorry to interrupt." she smiled.
"It's alright." Jax said tugging Tara back against him.
"Sorry you saw that." Tara said leaning against Jax.
"Sorry for what?" Anitta asked, "sorry I saw you two finally allowing yourselves to show how you feel about the other."
Tara hiccupped, "I didn't..."
"Tara it's alright. I'm a Mom, I have seen much worse." she commented.
Tara nodded and kissed Jax's jaw, "I need to talk to you." she said stepping out of his embrace and leading him into the living room.
Anitta let the two walk into the living room while she gave Abel more cheerio o's and started a pot of coffee.
Jax followed Tara into the living room. He was nervous about what she wanted to talk about. He wondered if it had anything to do with her Dad's letter. He hoped it did.
Tara sat down on the couch as Jax took the seat next to her. Picking up the sheet of paper she stared at it, "I wrote my Dad a letter last night." she explained.
Jax stayed silent not wanting to stop her from being able to continue. "In the letter I ask him why he couldn't love me? I need to know that I can be loved Jax. I have only had two people in my life that have loved me and I lost them both in one day." Tara said quietly, "I also wrote about you. I don't want to rush what is between us. But I need to tell you something." she finished, handing him the letter with her finger pointing to one particular part.
Jax stared at the letter and reread the words, I think I'm in love Dad. How can I tell him I'm in love with him?, many times. He didn't know what to say. He knew deep in his heart that he felt the same way about Tara. She was the woman he had had no idea he was looking for. Waking up with her in his bed this morning had felt more than right.
Looking over he saw that Tara had gentle tears streaming down her face, taking her hands, "Tara." he whispered.
"I'm okay." she squeaked wiping her cheeks.
Jax pulled her to him, "I love you, too." he said holding her close.
Tara let out a surprised sob and wrapped her arms around Jax's middle. Not knowing what to say she just snuggled into the man holding her.
Jax pressed soft kisses into Tara's hair as she collected herself. He couldn't believe he had just told a woman he loved her and that he didn't want to run scared.
After several moments, Tara collected herself and pulled away from Jax, "where would we go this weekend?" she asked looking at him.
"SAMCRO has a cabin a couple hours away we go to." Jax explained and smiled.
"Okay. I have a meeting with Margaret at 1:30, but we can leave when I get back." Tara said looking excited.
"Sounds good. I'll go by the clubhouse and talk to Opie about taking Abel. Do you want Donna to look after the bakery?"
"Yeah, but I'll stop by before I go see Margaret."
"Okay." Jax said kissing her yet again, "I'm going to head to the clubhouse."
"Alright, I'm going to help Anitta with Abel and then go see Donna." Tara said standing, "Should I pack us some bags?" she asked as Jax headed back to his bedroom to change.
"You can. I'll be back in a couple hours so I can help." Jax said, "Do you want to take my bike or your car?"
"Your bike." Tara answered shyly.
Jax laughed and headed back to his bedroom to change.
Tara smiled to herself and headed back into the kitchen, ready to face any questions that Anitta may have. "So I guess going to see the therapist helped yesterday?" Anitta questioned as she unlocked the tray from Abel's high chair.
"It did. More than I would have guessed it would have." Tara said getting a wash cloth to wipe down Abel's face.
"I'm glad to hear it." Anitta said smiling, "This little guy deserves both parents."
"Anitta." Tara scolded picking up Abel.
Anitta laughed, "don't give me that, after what I walked in on." she said.
Tara buried her face into Abel's neck, making him giggle, "touché."
Abel wrapped his little arms around Tara's neck, "ma." he squealed.
Jax's head was instantly in the kitchen, "did Abel just talk?" he asked walking towards Tara, who was frozen holding Abel.
Abel pulled away and looked at Tara, "ma." he squealed again.
At that moment Tara started to cry. She didn't know what else to do. The little boy in her arms had just made her greatest wish come true. Eskimo kissing Abel, she looked at Jax and couldn't fight back the tears.
Seeing Tara crying, set something off in Abel. He started to struggle against her and cry himself. Jax gently took his son from Tara and held him close. With his free arm he pulled Tara close. "It's alright." he whispered to both.
Anitta stood back and watched the little family. She would never tell that she was teaching Abel to talk. It was so sweet that at that moment Abel had decided to test it out. She knew better than anyone that hearing your child talk for the first time was magical and happy tears were what Tara was crying.
After collecting herself for the second time in one morning, Tara pulled away from Jax and looked at Abel. She was so happy. Brushing the last falling tears from her cheeks she looked at the mini Jax and held out her hands. Abel was more than willing to go to her, as long as, Jax was still standing close. When Tara took Abel, he turned to look at Jax, "dada." he squealed and clapped.
Jax had never been much into showing his emotion, but his little man knowing who he was, was enough to make him cry. Wiping his eyes, he kissed Abel on the head and pulled Tara close. He didn't want to leave the little bubble that had just happened in his kitchen. He had never thought he would want a kid or a wife, but now he was seriously rethinking it.
Tara, Abel and Jax were all snuggled together until Tara's stomach decided to remind her that she has not eaten. Abel giggled and looked at Tara. Jax smiled and kissed Tara deeply before heading to the club house. Anitta took Abel and put him in his play pen with some teething toys.
"Anitta, how did Abel learn to talk?" Tara asked getting herself a cup of coffee.
"Kids pick up things." Anitta said getting out the waffles from the freezer.
"Uh-huh." Tara smiled as she got out the syrup and butter.
Anitta smiled, "I may have been teaching him some simple things, when no one is around." she admitted.
Tara walked over and pulled Anitta into a hug, "thank you. You have no idea what hearing him say that meant."
Anitta hugged her back and didn't say anything. She knew exactly what it would mean to Tara.
Jax drove to Teller-Morrow on a high that wasn't weed related. He couldn't believe that his little man was learning to talk or that he had called Tara, Mom. Now he knew without a doubt that things were going to happen with Tara. He loved her.
Pulling into the lot he waved at Opie, who was dismounting his bike. "What's up brother?" Opie asked as Jax approached.
"Abel spoke this morning." Jax said not able to hide his smile.
"Jax, that's awesome. What did he say?" Opie asked sounding more feminine than he wanted, but he also didn't really care.
"Ma and dada." Jax said smiling.
"What are you two dickheads gossiping about?" Clay asked coming to stand with them.
"Abel spoke this morning." Jax gushed again.
"That's awesome VP." Clay agreed clapping Jax on the shoulder.
Jax smiled at his step dad, "Actually I was wanting to talk to both of you." he said as Opie had turned to make his way into the club house.
"What's going on?" Clay asked as Opie took a couple steps back to them.
Jax took a deep breath as he saw his Mom's Cadillac pull in, "I want to take Tara away this weekend. Just the two of us." he said quietly.
Clay followed Jax's eyes, "the cabin is yours to use this weekend." he said smiling.
"Thanks." Jax said turning to Opie, "I was wondering if you and Donna would take Abel."
"Of course." Opie said, smiling as Gemma approached.
"What are my favorite men discussing? Politics? Sports? No wait, I know, women?" she said teasing.
Clay pulled is wife in, "actually we were discussing Abel talking this morning."
"Abel talked?" Gemma screeched looking at Jax with wide eyes.
"What did he say?"
Opie choked back a laugh as Jax looked pained at Clay who just lit his cigar, "Ma and dada."
Gemma physically bristled when she heard but Abel had said. She didn't want her grandson getting attached to that baker bitch.
"Ma, don't." Jax warned when he saw her reaction.
"Jackson, I just want you to think." Gemma defended.
"I am." Jax growled before turning to go into the clubhouse.
Tara got ready, kissed Abel on the head and headed out the door to go to see Donna. Climbing in her car, she couldn't stop herself from smiling.
Pulling into her friends drive way, she couldn't help but look over at her house and see the many bikes sitting in the drive way. Being curious she walked over and wandered inside. Happy looked up and smiled at her, "Good morning Tara." he said.
"Good morning, Happy. This looks really good." she commented looking at the flooring.
"I'm glad you like it." Bobby said coming to stand beside Happy.
Tara smiled, "Can I look around?" she asked. She missed her house to some degree. It was the first home, she had bought on her own.
"Of course." Bobby said waving his hands around, "they're working on the bedroom now so it's not quite down."
"Okay." Tara said walking into her kitchen and looking around. She ran her hand along the counter tops and remembered baking when she first came to town, then it hit her that she had never taught Donna to bake. "oh no." she whispered.
Happy and Bobby were by her side in an instant, "Is something wrong?" Happy asked, "Is something missing?" Bobby asked.
Tara shook her head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. I just remembered a promise me I made to a friend. One that I haven't fulfilled."
"Donna?" Bobby asked.
Tara nodded, "I promised her when I first opened my bakery. And that was almost a month ago." she worried.
Bobby took a step closer to her, "Your house will be done by this weekend. Donna can come over anytime she wants after that. And I promise she will." he said taking her hands and giving them a squeeze.
"Opie loves sweets." Happy said rubbing his stomach.
"I think all of you do." Tara commented laughing.
"If you make them lass, we do." Chibs said joining the conversation.
Tara looked around at the three men standing in her living room/kitchen and smiled. She felt protected and included, "thank you all for doing this." she said.
"No thank you needed lassy." Chibs said, "You're the VP's old lady."
"I am not." Tara argued.
"Jax may have not asked you to get his crow yet, but it's coming." Bobby explained.
"His crow?" Tara asked, not seeing Donna come in.
"When a member asks you to get their crow, it means you belong to them." Donna explained looking at her confused friend, "it's a honor."
"And their right, Jax may have not asked you yet, but I can promise if things keep going the way they're going, he is going to ask." she said smiling.
Tara nodded. Chibs, Bobby and Happy all left the women alone to talk.
"I saw your car in the drive way and realized that the reason you hadn't knocked yet was because you were here" Donna said giving her friend a hug.
"I got distracted."
"The floor looks good."
"I'm sorry Donna." Tara said looking at the kitchen again.
"For not completing my promise."
"What promise? Tara what's going on?" Donna asked worried.
"To teach you to bake." she said fighting back tears.
Donna held back a laugh and pulled her friend closer, "I can learn to bake anytime. You need to take care of you for right now."
Tara nodded, "Jax asked me to go away with him this weekend."
"He did?" Donna said surprised, "where are you going to go?"
"He said something about SAMCRO having a cabin we can use." Tara replied, "what does SAMCRO stand for?" she asked.
"Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club Redwood Original" Donna answered.
"That makes sense."
"What else is going on?" Donna asked, knowing there was more going on.
"I told Jax that I love him." Tara whispered, "and Abel called me Ma."
Donna shook her friend, "those are wonderful things, Tara!" she squealed, "what did Jax say?"
"He told me that he loves me too and he just smiled when Abel called me Ma."
Donna didn't have a response for what Tara had just told her; so instead she just pulled her friend close. The two friends stayed huddled together for several minutes until Tara caught sight of the clock on the stove. "I have to go see Margaret."
"Oh shoot. I was going to ask you if you could keep an eye on my bakery this weekend."
"Of course. I'll just take orders and get them to you on Monday."
"Okay. Thanks Donna."
Anytime. Now scoot." Donna said shooing her friend out the door.
Donna left Tara's house after saying goodbye to the guys and headed into town to open Tara's bakery. She was excited for her new friend, but also for Jax. He had finally found something permanent.
Jax drove down main street and saw that Tara's bakery was open. Pulling into a spot he saw that Donna was behind the counter, "Hey Donna."
"Hey Jax. I heard you had quite an eventful morning at your house."
"I see you have talked to Tara."
"I have." Donna smiled and walked to give him a hug, "I'm happy for you guys."
"Thanks." Jax said smiling, "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop though."
"Don't do that. Don't look for the bad in a good thing."
"No, you listen to me Jackson Teller. Tara is a good woman, a strong woman. She is everything you'll ever need in an old lady and a Mom for Abel and the kids I'm sure you'll have together. She's not Wendy."
Jax nodded. He knew he was worrying about nothing, but everything that had happened with Wendy worried him. He knew that Tara wasn't a drug user, but he couldn't get rid of the feeling of something bad coming his way.
Tara's drive to Lodi was easy and less nerve racking than the previous day. Pulling into the parking lot she got out of her car and headed inside. Pressing the button for the blue light, Tara sat down and held tight on the letter to her Dad.
Margaret finished with her client and followed Tara into her office, "how do you feel today, Tara?" she asked noticing that the woman seemed lighter.
"I feel better." Tara said holding up the letter, "writing this helped a lot." she said setting it down on the table.
"How did it help?"
"I finally realized that I can't keep running away because I'm scared people won't accept me. I realize now that to move on from what my Dad, I need to embrace my own life and live how I want to."
"How do you plan on doing that?"
"Well I told Jax that I love him this morning. Well actually my letter did. But anyway." Tara blushed.
"How did Jax react?"
"He said he loves me too. We're going away for the weekend. Just the two of us."
"Are you ready for that?"
"I don't know. I'm excited and nervous. I don't know what to expect. I woke up in Jax's arms this morning and have never felt so at peace."
"So you feel at peace?"
"Yeah I do. I know I still have a long way to go, but I can't keep looking back if I'm ever going to have a future I'm proud of."
"That's very true." Margaret said smiling.
"Margaret?" Tara asked.
"I can't tell you when the time will be right. Only you know that." Margaret said before Tara could finish her question.
Tara nodded," I guess you get that a lot."
"Sometimes." she answered, "Okay, I want to talk next week after you have this weekend away."
"Okay. Do you have any openings on Wednesday?"
Margaret got up and went to look at her calendar, "I do. Would you rather do morning or afternoon?"
"Morning if you have one."
"How does 8:30 sound?"
"Alright I'll see you on Wednesday." Margaret said following Tara to the door, "And Tara I'm glad that you feel at peace. I hope that that will continue."
"Me too. Me too."
When Tara arrived back at Jax's, she saw his bike sitting in the driveway. Heading inside she heard giggling and squealing. Jax was laying on his back in the living room with Abel sitting on his chest. He was nibbling at his sons feet, making Abel squeal and giggle uncontrollably. Tara stopped and leaned against the bar watching father and son.
She didn't notice the front door opening behind her, "want children baker?" a cold voice said behind her.
Tara jumped and turned to see Gemma glaring at her, "Of course I do." she said.
"Well then I suggest you find another man. One that has money." she chided looking at her son, who was watching her with angry eyes.
"Excuse me. I don't sleep with anyone for money. And I certainly won't marry for money." Tara said coldly.
"We'll see." Gemma said stepping around her.
"Gemma." Jax said before Tara cut him off.
"I love your son Gemma!" she exclaimed, "I'm not going anywhere! I'm sorry that upsets you, but you're going to have to get used to it." she continued, "I would like us to get along for the sake of everyone. I don't want to keep having this same argument."
Gemma watched the woman in silence. Really all she had ever wanted for Jax, was a woman like the one standing in front of her. Tara Knowles was strong willed, stubborn, strong and beautiful in her own right. "Alright, I'll call a truce for now." she said, "what are you doing here instead of being at the bakery anyway?"
Jax stood," we're going away for the weekend. Leaving as soon as we're packed." he said looking at his Mom.
"You two are going away for the weekend? Together?" Gemma questioned looking between the two.
"Yes." Tara said coming to stand beside Jax.
"Better wrap your dick." Gemma said before stomping out of the house.
Jax was about to go after his Mom, when Tara put her arm around his middle, "don't let her ruin this weekend. we'll deal with her together when we get back."
"Okay. Let's go pack."
The two made their way back to the bedroom, with a little shadow crawling behind them. Jax got out boxers, sweats, t-shirts, a hat and other odds and ends. Tara got out some shirts, jeans, bras, underwear and something she was praying that Jax hadn't seen. It was something her friends in Chicago had bought her for graduation. They had hoped that it would help get her laid. Needless to say, she had never used it.
Once they had everything packed, Tara picked up Abel and headed out into the living room with Jax right behind her. Gently she kissed Abel on the head, Jax followed suit before she set the sleepy boy into his play pen. Anitta covered him with a blanket.
"Donna and Opie will be by anytime you want to leave to get Abel." Jax said hugging the woman.
"Thank you Anitta. For everything." Tara said hugging her also.
"You're welcome. Okay. Now go." she said ushering the couple out the door.
Outside Jax helped Tara put on the helmet, "ready?" he asked as he mounted his bike.
"Yeah." Tara said over Jax starting his Harley. Climbing on behind him she snuggled close and they took off for the cabin.
Tara closed her eyes and let the breeze take her away. She felt Jax squeeze her hands a couple times and then she felt them slowing down. Lifting her head, she noticed they were in a field. It was beautiful and peaceful.
Jax turned off his Harley, "I thought you might need a break." he said.
"I could thank you." she said climbing off and then watching him do the same.
Jax got a blanket out from one of the side packs and laid down under the shade of a tree. Tara stretched out and laid her book down. Jax took off his kutte and gave it to Tara to use as a pillow. He then pulled out a notebook and began writing.
Tara rolled to her side and started to read her book again. Soon she couldn't concentrate and watched Jax write. "My badass biker is journaling." she teased when Jax looked up.
He smiled at her and made his way over to her, "And what are you reading? The newest cook book." he teased as he laid down behind her.
"The Jungle actually." Tara countered.
"The Jungle?" Jax said surprised.
"You know it?"
"Almost turned me vegan."
"This is so twisted but I'm actually craving a big steak."
Taking her hand, "I've got a porter house right here for you baby." Jax teased pulling her hand towards his crotch.
Tara laughed, "Class act you are Teller." she said as Jax put his hand under her chin and kissed her.
Pulling away slightly, "come here." Jax breathed and kissed her again.
Tara allowed Jax to pull her into the kiss. Pushing her hands into his hair she deepened the kiss, making Jax groan. Swiftly Jax was laying on top of her. Soon his mouth was traveling to her neck as her back arched. Tara softly moaned when Jax nipped at her neck. "Jax." she said breathless.
Pulling away, "Too fast?" he asked.
"I just don't want to do this here."
"Okay." Jax said kissing her deeply and laying behind her again.
Tara rolled over and faced Jax, "You said that your Mom is obsessed with you because of your brother."
Jax tensed and concentrated on rubbing Tara's waist, "his name was Thomas."
Tara gently thumbed away a tear that fell.
"He had the same heart defect that Abel and I have. It's genetic. We got it from Mom." he continued, "Thomas and I were wrestling in his room when he suddenly keeled over, struggling for breath. I ran downstairs and got my parents. My Dad called 911 while my Mom ran upstairs to be with Thomas." he said, "Thomas was in the hospital for 2 weeks before he died. They did an open heart surgery hoping to correct the problem, but it only made things worse. His body couldn't handle the recovery from the surgery." he pushed out, "I stayed in the hospital everyday with him until the day Piney, Opie's Dad, came to take me and Ope to get some ice cream. He knew something I didn't. While I was gone my parents took Thomas off life support. I got back to the hospital to find my Mom and Dad in tears. My Dad told me to go in and tell Thomas bye and that I loved him. I went into his hospital room and sat in the chair I had been and stared at him. It didn't hit me for several hours until my Dad came in and told me that Thomas would never be coming home with us." Jax struggled to say, "I said goodbye and ran half way home before I finally broke down outside the ice cream shop. My Dad picked me up, put me on his bike and took me the rest of the way home." he said, "for years I thought I killed my little brother by wrestling with him." he barely got out before breaking down.
Tara wrapped her arms around Jax's shoulders and rubbed his back. Every now and then she would press a kiss to his temple while he cried. Jax had never allowed himself to tell anyone what had happened to Thomas. Never allowed himself to admit what he had believed to be true; at least until his Dad had died 4 years later.
When Jax had cried out everything he had kept in for most of his life he looked down at Tara, "I'm sorry. This probably ruins your badass biker image of me." he said smiling.
"It doesn't." Tara said rubbing his neck, "It helps me understand you so much more. You loved your little brother."
Jax nodded and kissed her gently before standing and helping her up, "Come on let's get to the cabin. I'm starving."
"Thomas was 6. I was 9."
"I'm not. I needed to tell someone. I'm glad it was you." Jax said as they climbed back onto his bike and made their way to the cabin.
When they arrived at the cabin, Tara couldn't believe her eyes. The cabin was beautiful. It was rustic with a wrap porch and swing. She felt like a little girl rushing to try out the swing. Jax smiled when he saw Tara rush to the swing. That had always been his favorite part of the cabin too, at least it had been until he discovered women and all the fun they possessed.
Following Jax inside Tara had to pick her jaw up off the floor. It was an open layout with a beautiful kitchen. "There are 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a fully stocked kitchen." Jax said noticing her face.
"Why so many rooms?"
"So more than one SAMCRO member can use the cabin at once."
"There's also a grill outside. Which I'm going to go get ready to make dinner."
"Okay." Tara said kissing his cheek, "Thank you for bringing me here."
Jax wrapped his arm around her middle and pulled her close, "I can't imagine bringing anyone else up here." he whispered before kissing her.
Tara pulled away looking skeptical, "and how many times have you used that line?" she teased.
"Too many." Jax admitted smirking and heading towards the master to set down their stuff.
Tara followed and headed towards the bathroom, "I'm going to take a quick bath."
"Okay. I'll come get you when dinner is ready."
Jax headed back out to the kitchen and called Opie, "how's Abel?" he asked when his friend picked up the phone.
"Chattering away. He loves Donna." Opie said, "How was the drive up?"
"I told Tara about Thomas."
"You did? How did she take it?"
"Better than I expected. She said she now understands me better." Jax said.
"So do you feel better?"
"Yeah. I guess I just needed to tell someone."
"No kidding shit head."
"Alright. I'll call ya tomorrow to check in. Thanks again for taking Abel."
"No problem, brother. Take it easy tonight."
Jax laughed as he hung up the phone. Opening the fridge he found the steaks he had Chucky bring up. Grabbing them he headed out to the barbeque. He was ready to relax.
Tara finished her bath soon after she had climbed in. She felt better. Dressing she followed her growling stomach to the smell of delicious food. Walking out into the dining room she saw Jax as he came back in carrying the source of the smell that was making her mouth water.
"Those smell delicious." she commented walking into the kitchen.
"Thanks. These are one thing you learn to make in SAMCRO."
"Well I'm glad for that." she said setting the plates down, "What would you like to drink?"
"There should be some beer and stuff in the fridge. I'll take a beer though."
Tara went to the fridge and pulled out a beer for Jax and water bottle for herself. Sitting down she and Jax ate in silence, both to engrossed in their food.
After dinner was finished, Tara and Jax did the dishes together. Combined they got more water on each other. After those were done they went out to sit on the swing. Jax had brought out one of the throws from the couch.
Tara settled her back against Jax's side. His arm over her shoulder. Her head under his chin, right above his heart beat.
"Tell me about you." Jax said running his hand up and down her arm.
Tara sighed, "you already know about my parents. But anyway. I'm an only child. I had everything I ever wanted. My Dad worked for Anheuser Busch. My Mom was a school teacher at one of the local high schools."
"That must have been awkward."
"It was when I was in high school, but most of the time I didn't mind it."
"Did you have a boyfriend?"
"No. I never dated much. I'm too much to handle, as my Dad always told me."
"You're the perfect amount to handle." Jax said tightening his arm around Tara.
"Thanks. But even I know I can be a handful."
Nuzzling her ear, "that's not always a bad thing."
Tara shifted and kissed Jax deeply. Jax brought Tara closer and traced her bottom lip. He wanted so desperately to finish what they had started in the field that afternoon. Tara allowed Jax's tongue in her mouth and moaned slightly as Jax's hands rubbed her waist.
Pulling herself up, she straddled his legs and pressed herself against him. Jax pulled away when Tara pressed against him, now her mouth was on his neck, her hands wandering under his shirt. He moaned when her hands scraped down his abdomen. Lowering his hands he kneaded her ass, eliciting a moan from Tara as she brought her mouth back to his.
Jax brought his hands back to her waist as Tara started to grind her hips against him, making him even harder than he already was. Shifting he slid his hands under her t-shirt, pressing her against him again, missing the heat from her body. Just as his hands hit her bra strap, Tara pulled away.
"Tara." Jax asked breathless.
Climbing off him and taking his hand. Tara led Jax back into the cabin. After locking the door she led him back to the master bedroom.
After walking into the master bedroom, Jax stopped, "Tara" he said again.
Tara stood in front of him and tugged his t-shirt until he had to take it off, "I want to Jax, just not on a wooden swing." she said running her hands from his shoulders to his belt.
Jax couldn't take much more, he pulled Tara to him and kissed her. He wanted to feel everything. Pushing his hands under her shirt, he pulled it off, breaking the kiss to admire everything he had never seen.
Tracing the straps of Tara's purple lace bra, Jax trailed down strap and cupped her full breasts, "your beautiful," he whispered as he slide his thumbs over her hardened nipples.
Tara let out a moan and grabbed onto the belt loops of his jeans. Jax was making her light headed. Standing on her tippy toes she pressed her breast into his hands and kissed him deeply. Sliding her hands up his chest she felt him stir. Pulling away she gently shoved him back to the bed.
Jax fell onto the bed pulling Tara down on top of him. Nibbling on her shoulder he unclasped her bra and pulled away to pull it off. Tara kissed him and made fast work of his belt and zipper on his jeans. Jax was about to come apart when Tara's hand found its way into his jeans.
Quickly he flipped them so he was on top. Kissing Tara he undid her jeans and tugged them off her hips.
"Jax." she breathed when she felt his hands on her hips.
Standing Jax shimmied out of his jeans and pulled Tara's off in the process. Tara scooted up the pillows and propped herself on her elbows and stared at Jax. Smiling she crooked a finger at him. Smirking Jax all but jumped onto the bed, making Tara laugh as he kissed her again.
Tara leaned back against the pillows as Jax nibbled at her neck and massaged her breasts. She was about to lose it when she felt his body sliding down hers. Soon Jax had one of her pebbled nipples in his mouth. Arching her back she put her hands in his hair and moaned, "Oh God."
Jax smiled and kept up his assault of her nipple. Women pulling his hair had never been a turn on before, but now it was doing unimaginable things to him. Kissing his way over to Tara's other nipple he ran his hand down to her underwear. Running his hand over her heat, he felt how wet she was and heard her gasp. Smiling he stopped and kissed her again.
Tara's back arched again when Jax kissed down her body. Grasping his hair she made incoherent sounds. Jax tugged her purple boy shorts away from her body and kissed way back up her thigh. Tara wiggled against him.
Jax soon settled himself on top of Tara and smiled down at her, "what do you want me to do?" he asked eskimo kissing her.
Tara got handfuls of his hair, "Jackson Teller, I want you to love me." she said as she brought his mouth down to hers.
Jax shed his boxers and settled himself back on top of Tara, "I'm all about the fairytale, darlin" he drawled as he pushed himself into her swollen heat.
Tara moved her hands out of his to down his back. Her nails digging in as she and Jax found a rhythm. Grabbing handfuls of Jax's hair again, Tara felt her orgasm coming, "Oh God. Jax!" she screamed as she sank into oblivion. Jax followed right behind her and nuzzled his head between her neck and shoulder.
"Wow." he whispered when he found his voice.
"Yeah." Tara agreed running her hands up and down his back.
Jax propped himself up on his arms, "I love you Tara." he said kissing.
"I love you too, Jax." she responded as Jax rolled off her.
Jax laid on his back as reality hit him, "Shit."
Tara sat up and looked at him, "What?" she asked worried.
"I didn't wear a condom."
Tara looked down, "I'm on the pill." she said. She had continued to fill her prescription even after coming to Charming. The little blue pills regulated her period.
"Jax." Tara said nervously.
"I'm not upset Tara." Jax said tugging her down beside him, "It's just I never have sex without a condom. Not even when I was a teenager. Gemma didn't want to be a Grandma before she was ready." he said smiling.
Tara lifted her head and looked at him, "But she is a Grandma."
"True. And she's the one who pushed for me to marry Wendy and have a kid. Then I did and she was pissed."
"I'm sorry." Tara said sleepily, rubbing her hands against his stubble.
"I used to be, then I held Abel. My little miracle." He said running hand up and down her side.
"He is a little miracle." Tara agreed before falling asleep in Jax's arms.
Tara woke up the next morning to light snoring. Rolling over she saw that Jax was still fast asleep. Smiling to herself, she kissed his cheek softly and climbed out of the bed.
Grabbing Jax's white SAMCRO t-shirt, she made her way into the kitchen to make breakfast. Looking through the cabinets she noticed that she had every ingredient to make her cinnamon sugar muffins. Finding the baking pans, she set to work making breakfast. She was surprisingly not sore from last night. Mixing together the ingredients she smiled as her mind floated back to the previous night. Jax was the first man in two years to make love to her. It had gone beyond her imagination.
Jax woke up and felt the other side of the bed and realized that Tara wasn't with him. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he heard dishes being moved in the kitchen. Climbing out of the bed he headed into the bathroom. After splashing some water on his face, he found his boxers and was then distracted by a piece of creamy white fabric sticking out of Tara's bag.
Walking over, he tugged the fabric out of her bag and held up the creamy white satin night gown, if that is what the little piece of material was supposed to be. Staring at the article he felt himself getting hard, yet again. It was a daily occurrence with Tara.
"Darn. You're up" he heard behind him.
Turning around he saw Tara's eyes go straight to the article of sleep wear he was holding, "Oh my God." she whispered turning red.
"Is this for me?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows.
Tara set the tray on the bed and walked to him, "It is now." she said snagging it from him, "I made breakfast."
Jax sat down on the bed and dragged the tray closer to him, "thank you." he said bringing Tara closer and kissing her.
Tara joined Jax on the bed and they ate in silence. After they were finished, Jax set the tray on the floor by the bed and wrapped his arms around Tara, "who bought it?" he asked not able to help himself.
"Some of my friends in Chicago. They thought that buying me something sexy would loosen my morals enough for me to have a one night stand and loosen up." Tara said drawing scribbles on Jax's hand.
"So he didn't?" Jax asked, hating the sound in his own voice.
"Joshua never saw it. I thought it was a joke when my friends gave it to me, but then I realized they were serious about me using it as a tool in the bedroom." Tara said.
Jax nuzzled her neck, "hmm I think I prefer you in my t-shirt." he said before kissing her.
Tara deepened the kiss and laid back bringing Jax on top of her. Wrapping her arms around his neck she groaned when he nipped at her neck. Jax grinned against Tara's neck feeling her heart beat against his chest.
Pulling himself away he brought her close, "I want this, but I don't want it to be just physical."
Tara kissed his jaw, "I don't either." she agreed when an alarm went off.
"What's that?" Jax asked as Tara reached for her phone.
"It's the alarm for me to take my birth control."
"You set an alarm?" Jax asked curious.
Tara smiled as she got out the packet and headed towards the bathroom to get a drink of water. Coming back in, "birth control is more effective if you take every day at the same time." she said sitting back on the bed.
"Huh. And it comes in this little package?" Jax asked holding the pink package.
"Yeah, a month's worth."
"I could never be a woman." he said looking inside.
"That's good. I rather enjoy you being a man." Tara teased nibbling on his ear.
After another round of heavy kissing and petting, Jax and Tara made their way out into the yard of the cabin. Tara had a throw to put down. Jax had the journal he was writing for Abel. Settling beside Tara, he felt at peace and closed his eyes. Tara continued to read The Jungle.
Several hours later, Jax's stomach grumbled, "I'm going to go make lunch." he said kissing Tara's head.
"Okay. What's on the menu?"
"How does lasagna sound?"
Jax smiled and walked back into the house. He was glad Tara didn't ask how he knew how to cook. Gemma had demanded he learn when she had found out that Wendy was pregnant. But now Jax actually enjoyed cooking, it was relaxing and he could put his own spin on the meals.
Tara laid back on the throw and pulled out her phone. Dialing Donna she took a quick breath.
"Hey! How is everything going?" Donna asked after answering her phone.
"Wonderful." Tara gushed.
"You did it, didn't you?" Donna teased.
"Yes. And I plan to do it again." Tara admitted blushing, even though she was a couple hours away.
"Did he? Was he?"
"Donna, Jax was great. He was gentle and loving."
"Good. I don't really want to chop of his favorite appendage."
"Do I even dare ask?"
"Okay." Tara laughed, "how is Abel?"
"Good. He is missing his Ma and Papa though."
"I miss him too."
"You already sound like a Mom."
"Is there a reason you called other than to brag about fucking Jax?" Donna asked and half teased.
"No, I was just checking in." Tara said getting quiet.
"Tara what's wrong?"
"Don't make me use my therapist voice on you." Donna threatened.
Tara took a deep breath and rolled to her stomach, "Jax and I didn't use a condom last night." she admitted playing with a piece of grass.
"So? You're on the pill."
"I forgot to take it for the past two weeks, because of everything with Joshua." Tara admitted.
"What do I do?" Tara almost cried.
"You use a condom every time from here on out and take a pill when you get back."
"I won't kill the baby if I'm pregnant." Tara said defensively.
"I know you won't. But are you ready to have a child with Jax? You two are just coming to each other."
"I don't know. I have my pills on me, so I guess I will take them and pray that I'm not pregnant."
"Tara everything is going to be fine."
"I hope so."
"Enjoy the weekend. Worry when you get back."
"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow when we're on our way back."
Jax was in the kitchen making lunch when Tara came inside. Continuing to work, he didn't notice that she immediately went to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Sitting down on the toilet, Tara cried. She didn't want to lose Jax, over her mistake. She just hadn't felt the need to take her birth control. "What am I going to do?" she whispered looking at herself in the mirror.
Coming out of the bathroom, she went out to the kitchen to help Jax make lunch. The two ate in silence. Jax could now tell something was bothering Tara. When they were finished, Tara did the dishes while Jax watched her.
"Tara what's wrong?" he asked when she finished putting the dishes away.
Tara stayed facing the cabinets, "I lied to you." she whispered.
Jax stood up and turned her around to face him, "About what?" he demanded.
"The birth control." she whispered not touching him.
Tara hiccupped back tears, "I haven't been keeping up with it for the past two weeks. That pack you saw me use this morning is old." she choked out.
"Why would you lie to me about that?" Jax asked stepping back.
"Because we had just made love and I didn't want to ruin the moment." she cried.
"Damn it Tara!" Jax seethed, "so you might be pregnant?"
"Possibly." she said through tears, "Jax I'm sorry."
"A lot of good that does us now." he said before storming out the door.
Tara crumpled to the floor as she heard Jax's motorcycle start. She hadn't meant to lie to him. Now he was gone.
Jax took off without even thinking about where he was going. He ended up at a park near the cabin. Pulling out his cell phone he dialed Opie.
"What's up?" Opie answered.
"Tara lied to me" Jax seethed.
"About what?" Opie asked apprehensively. He had heard Donna on the phone earlier with Tara.
"We had sex last night. I didn't wear a condom and she told me that she was on the pill so we were fine. She just told me that she hasn't taken the damn thing in two weeks." Jax said angrily, "I watched her take one this morning!"
Opie sat in silence for a moment, "Jax."
"Don't Ope. She lied to me."
"And she came clean before you could find out from someone else."
"So?" Jax asked pissed.
"Think about it brother. She could've showed up at the club house like Wendy did."
Jax shuddered remembering how he had found Wendy was pregnant with Abel, "she still fucking lied."
Jax and Opie were walking out of the club house when they spotted Gemma and Wendy talking. Gemma was hugging Wendy close, which was strange since Gemma hated Wendy. The two walked over, when Wendy turned out Jax almost collapsed. She had on a shirt that said 'I'm pregnant with the next prince of Charming"
"I get that. But what are you really mad about? the fact that she lied or the fact that she came to you with the truth?"
"I don't know." Jax admitted.
"And you ran away, didn't you?"
"I'm just down the stretch." Jax defended.
"Look jackass" Opie started, "take some time calm down and then go back to the cabin and talk to Tara. And most of all, listen to her." he said in a tight tone.
"Don't Jax." he said, "you need to give this a chance. And you need to know why Tara told you the truth."
"Alright. I'll talk to her." he said ending the call.
Tara gathered all of her stuff out the master bedroom and moved into one of the smaller bedrooms. After moving her belonging's she washed the dishes from breakfast and gave up hope that Jax was going to return that night. When the dishes were done, she went into the bedroom and crawled onto the bed and cried herself to sleep.
Jax sat at the park for several hours. By the time he got back to the cabin, it was dark. Walking in he didn't hear anything. Making his way back to the master, he stopped in the doorway when he saw that Tara's stuff was gone. Closing his eyes, he ran a hand over his face, when heard a squeak. Turning around he opened the door to one of the smaller rooms and saw Tara fast asleep.
Stepping inside he made his way to the chair that was in the corner and watched her sleep. His heart wanted to climb into the bed, cuddle with her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But his head was furious. Being Jax he stayed sitting in the chair staring at the woman he loved, sleep.
Tara woke to a chill in the room that hadn't been there before. Rubbing her eyes, she opened them to pair of angry blue eyes watching her. Reaching over she turned on the lamp and stared at Jax.
"Why?" he asked coldly.
"I don't know."
"Don't give me that." he spat.
Tara stared at her hands, "For the first time in years, I feel like I'm part of something." she said, "I would never try to trap you. I just didn't know how to tell you last night. I was caught up in the moment." she continued, "ever since I came to Charming all I could think about was you." she finished.
Jax moved to stand by the bed, "what if you're pregnant?" he asked.
"I'll have the baby." she said looking him in the eye.
Jax stared at her, that was not what he was expecting, "You'd keep it?"
"Because I love you and Abel. And I would love to give Abel a playmate." she said blushing.
"Tara." Jax said sitting on the bed, "Why did you tell me?"
Tara wrung her hands, "because lying to you was killing me. I didn't want to lie to you anymore. I needed you to know, even if you got angry with me." she said as tears streamed down her face.
Jax pulled her close, "I was angry, but I didn't know why. A part of me is pissed that you lied last night, but another part of me is happy that you came clean. I don't know what to do."
Tara laid her head against his shoulder, "I'm sorry Jax."
"Me too. I shouldn't have ran away. I should have listened to you."
"You were mad." she justified.
"Don't do that. Don't justify me running away." he said, "I have a temper that makes me impulsive. I've never been in a position like this before."
"What position?" Tara asked pulling away.
"The position of loving the woman who may be caring my child." he said cupping her face.
Tara leaned into his hand. Jax leaned forward and pressed his lips against Tara's forehead. "Just promise me you'll start taking your birth control on a regular basis." he said pulling back.
"I will. You can watch me take it if you want." Tara said honestly. She wanted Jax to trust her.
"I don't need to. You telling me this time, makes me trust you. And I want to trust you." Jax said.
"I'll do everything I can to gain your trust again." Tara whispered.
"One day at a time babe. One day at a time. And right now you're so far ahead of the game that you don't have to worry."
Tara kissed Jax's jaw as her stomach grumbled. "Come on. Let's go into town and get something to eat." Jax said standing up.
Tara nodded in agreement and followed him out to his bike. She held on tightly as they made their way into town. They ended up at a local diner. It was the most delicious food Tara had ever had. Even though she had only gotten a cheeseburger and fries. They ate in silence, but this time it was calm and happy.
When they got back to the cabin, Tara headed back towards the little bedroom, "where do you think you're going?" Jax asked stopping her.
"To sleep." she said confused.
"Not in there you're not."
"I just thought that you'd want..."
Jax kissed her, "Tara, I'm not mad anymore. I want you sharing a bed with me, wherever that maybe." he said kissing her again.
Tara wrapped her arms around his neck as he picked her up. Wrapping her legs around his waist Tara giggled when he kissed her neck.
Jax kicked the door shut and set Tara down. Gently he put his hands under her t-shirt and pulled it off. There was something different in his eyes tonight. It was a look of adortion. He undid her jeans and tugged them off her, even when she had to lean against him. Standing in front of him in just her underwear, Tara felt herself blushing.
Taking off his t-shirt he handed it to Tara and began to undress down to his boxers. Taking his shirt back he opened it and pulled it over Tara's head, "I want to hold you tonight." he said picking her back up and laying down on the bed.
A few tears ran down Tara's face as she stared at Jax. He wiped them away, "did I do something?" he whispered.
"No. It's just no one has been this sweet to me in a long time." she whispered kissing him.
Jax wrapped Tara in his arms and held her close. Tara nuzzled closer to him and let his heartbeat put her to sleep for the second night.
In the middle of the night, Tara slid away from Jax and reached up to unhook her bra, when she felt hands on her back, "you okay?" a sleepy Jax asked.
Looking over her shoulder, "yeah my bra is just digging in." she told him while unhooking and removing her bra.
Once she was done she snuggled back against him, Jax nuzzled her neck, "easier access." he teased putting his hand under his shirt to fondle her newly freed breast.
Tara moaned as Jax brought her nipples to painful peaks. Rolling over she brought his mouth down to hers. Grabbing his hair, he deepened the kiss. Sliding his other arm under his t-shirt Jax felt Tara's hand go into his boxers.
He groaned when Tara's small hand wrapped around his throbbing erection. "Tara." he breathed, "I won't last."
Tara smiled and rolled him over, "then I guess I better get to work." she said coyly, disappearing under the covers.
Jax jumped when he felt Tara's tongue slide across the head of his penis, "oh God." he whispered as he grasped for her hair.
Tara took Jax into her mouth and tried to relax, she had never given someone a blow job before, but Jax didn't need to know that. Slowly she started to bob her head. Jax's hands had her hair and he was pulling it as his hips rocked to the rhythm she had set.
Jax pulled hard on Tara's hair "Tara, I'm going to..." he tried to get out before he came, but it was too late. He went into oblivion. Pulling Tara's hair she came up from under the sheet. He kissed her deeply, "I taste good on your lips." he teased kissing her again.
Tara blushed and snuggled against him, "what's this worry I'm getting here?" he asked.
"I've never done that." Tara whispered.
Jax lifted her face, "I was your first blow job?" he asked.
"Tara, you didn't have to."
"I wanted to."
Jax kissed her, "then I get to return the favor." he said smirking.
"Jax." Tara squealed as he flipped her onto her back and disappeared under the sheet.
Jax made quick work of Tara's underwear disappearing. Kissing her thigh he felt her squirm. He smiled against her. Working his way up her legs, he could feel her moisture.
When he reached her wet folds, he let out a deep breath making Tara moan. Softly he laid kisses on her outer lips, making Tara dive her hands into his hair. He started to suck on her swollen nub when she grabbed handfuls of his hair and pulled.
Tara squirmed as Jax ate her out. He was the first man who had ever given her this kind of pleasure. "Oh God Jax." she moaned again pulling his hair more as she felt one of his long fingers slide between her folds.
"Oh God." she moaned and pushed his mouth closer to her heat. "Oh, oh, oh." she squealed as Jax made her orgasm.
Jax licked up all of her juice and came out from under the sheet. Propping himself up he kissed Tara deeply, "Well that's one way to wake up in the middle of the night." she teased.
"You're telling me." he said bringing her hand down to his erection.
"Hmm." Tara teased before pushing him onto his back.
"Who knew you were so domineering." he said rubbing her thigh's as she straddled him.
"I'm not." she squeaked, "I've just never been on top."
Jax smirked, "Well then by all means." he said sliding his hands up under his shirt, "but this has to go."
Tara reached for the hem and threw it off, "What about condoms?" she asked looking nervously at Jax.
Jax smiled, "there are some in my backpack." he said.
"So you were planning on us having sex this weekend." Tara said getting up to get the condoms.
"I was hoping we would. Blue balls make it hard to drive a bike."
Tara laughed and grabbed the box of condoms, "cocky much?"
"No, just prepared."
Tara smirked as she set the box on the nightstand and climbed back onto the bed. Jax reached over and opened one of the foil packages. Swiftly Tara sheathed him and then stared at him confused.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I don't know what to do."
Jax smiled and lifted her above him, "I'll show you." he said gently sliding her down his erection.
Tara wiggled against him, making Jax moan with pleasure. Jax put his hands on her hips and rocked her back and forth, up and down while he thrusted upwards.
Soon Tara had enough of an idea that she did it on her own, while Jax kneaded her breast making her moan. Before either could comprehend they were following each other into their climaxes.
Tara rolled off Jax and laid on her back beside him. Jax kissed her temple, "so?"
"I like you top better. Being on top is more work." she said yawning.
"That's good, cause I like being in control." Jax said pulling her close.
The pair slid into a deep sleep in each other's arms. Tara awoke early again and went to make breakfast. This morning Jax woke up when the bed shifted and he heard the door close. Grabbing a pair of boxers and his sweats he made his way out into the kitchen, to find Tara in his t-shirt making breakfast.
Walking up behind her and pulling her close, "I could get used to this." he said kissing her neck.
"The sex or me making breakfast?" Tara teased turning to kiss him.
"Well both of those." Jax said kissing her, "but mainly waking up with you."
Tara wrapped her arm around his neck, "who knew Jackson Teller was a romantic." she teased as he kissed her neck.
Jax and Tara ate breakfast in no hurry. Packed up everything they had brought, "I feel like we should take the sheets and wash them." she said as Jax ushered her out to his bike.
"Chucky will be up here tomorrow to clean the cabin." Jax said putting their stuff into the two saddle bags.
"Oh, well then."
"Come on let's go home." Jax said wrapping Tara in his arms.
"Home to Abel" she said before kissing him.