Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

Free copy left
You can read our best books
SunriseMaiden would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Dasvidania Goodbye

By SunriseMaiden


Dasvidania Goodbye

How long had it been since he last saw her? Six months? He always tried to deceive himself into thinking that he had forgotten, as though it didn't matter, but he couldn't forget. It made sense chronologically, because it was shortly before Semyon had been imprisoned for the rape of that poor girl… Things had happened so quickly after that. He now sat on the throne, the position that had been thought unattainable just a short year ago.

Perhaps Yuri had been right in saying that he had been in the zone too long. He had become a part of the vory v zarkone, or maybe the vory v zarkone had become a part of him. It didn't make any difference though because he was no longer sure who he was anymore. The line of distinction had blurred long ago and was now all but erased. Even months ago when he sat with his handler on the hospital roof, Yuri knew that his agent was in too deep. It was too late, the stars were on – permanently etched into his chest and knees – and he was through the door. The deep slashes on his body confirmed it. And Yuri had asked whom he had killed.

He could still recall how he felt when he got the first tattoos and how they disturbed him; an undeniable sign of what was to come. It used to bother him to look into mirrors. Though when he realized that the reflection was no longer his own he should have asked to have been taken off of this assignment. All he saw now was a flicker of Mikhail, his old self, staring back at him. That man was almost gone. Nikolai was supposed to have become a part of him, yet somewhere along the way he had become Nikolai Luzhin.

What made him refuse to tell her, when he desperately wanted to reveal everything? Anna, who saw the qualities he was all but shorn of. She should have stayed away like he had told her to, but her strong sense of justice kept urging her to see the situation through. But really, was he any different? He could look into her eyes and always find her staring back through him, trusting him on instinct alone. Everything she wanted to know and everything he wanted to tell her, only a whisper away.

It wasn't even about protecting himself – it was about protecting her. Being what he was and being with her could never exist side by side without disaster between them. Like so much else in his life he could not be with Anna part-way, it was completely or not at all. He would not even allow himself to use the word 'love' in connection with her, though it was untainted, unadorned love that motivated him to keep this aching secret. It was because of love that she would be safe from truly knowing who he was. Even if it meant never seeing her again.

The beads kept going around in his hand, each snap pulling back memories of Anna and reminding him what he was giving up, and what he had already sacrificed. Sliding the beads across his palm, he could almost feel her soft hand under his fingertips. He remembered her wet hair as it hung over her face when she couldn't get her motorcycle to start that night. He saw the way she looked at him when she found him waiting outside of the hospital. He could almost hear her voice, nearly feel the soft caress of her lips. The worry beads fell silent.

There wasn't anything he wouldn't give just to touch her one last time. But he didn't have anything left to give. Yuri already knew that he had only killed himself. Mikhail couldn't breathe; that pain in his chest under the cross cutting in deeper than those knives ever had. No amount of vodka could wash it away. Silently saying what he could scarcely dream of uttering, he prayed that somehow Anna would hear him and forgive him. His head lowered slightly and his eyes flickered as he struggled to compose himself.

Placing the beads into his suit pocket, he straightened his posture and poured himself one last shot of vodka. He let the alcohol slide down in one swift movement and paused a moment to allow it to settle within. Neatly pressing his kerchief to his mouth, Nikolai stood and slowly walked into the depths of the Trans-Siberian, his figure dissolving into the dark.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SunriseMaiden
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Ashley Stryker: So I'm writing this review, keeping in mind that this is a work in progress and it's part of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), so my "deeper" critiques will be saved until it's all finished up.+ Chapter One: A stewardess would not talk to anyone quite like that, particularly a clear minor...

Bernsigns: This is an age old story, but with excellent plot twists that I didn't see coming. I truly liked how the story slowly, but steadily revealed the secrets. There were secrets I didn't expect, which kept me wanting to read. I always love a happy ending, with a little bit of real life mixed in. Th...

Sinhala-Kella (aka Scandal Mania): Hey Fazio, I LOVED your story! The bus - I don't watch Grey's but that was vividly shocking! And the last paragraph where you said April was engaged to one man but rushed in to save another. It was sooo cute the way Jackson won April back - there were so many lovely bits - 'Shonda' (LOL!).You nee...

Jevron Macalino: You started the story after Chuck Vs. the Fake Name happened and I like your version more than I like the original one. The five or so episodes after the fake name should not have happened that is why I like your version better. I hope you will continue writing Chuck & Sarah's story from where y...

Janaki Sundararaman: The frame of the story has a beautiful structure on which the narration is spun with twists and turns tolook forward with lots of expectations about the coming chapters.There are many characters in the story line,all woven into intricate style to speak the story in its own way.The protagonist is ...

Deleted User: I've only read so far to the first two chapters, but I already get that thick, underlying meaning of dark romance--which is good, because it sets the tone, with a hint of danger. However, some parts of the writing did come across as a bit dull, and I personally think that starting a second chapte...

Alex Rushmer: I like the intrigue that you introduce from the very beginning of the story. The idea of the girl waking up in the alley with no memory of how she got there and with injuries is very interesting. It was very well done. There were a lot of grammatical errors that need to be fixed though. I think t...

Sonya YuntHatton: Are you going to be posting the rest? I read this when originally posted on Fanfiction. LOVE IT!!! Was so glad when it came our as an original book!! And now the MOVIE!!! Holy Mary I am so excited.....But I'm going to HATE, HATE, HATE the wait for part 2. Please let me know if and when you're goi...

PaulSenkel: If you like Arthur C. Clarke's Odyssey, especially The Final Odyssey, then you will probably also enjoy this book. I definitely did.It does, however, address a more adolescent public than the above-mentioned book.I enjoyed the story and finished it in a few days. The overall situation on earth an...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."