"We can't continue to live like this! It's been almost a year since it happen! Move on!" "How can you say that! He was our baby! He was our son! How can you just forget about him like it never happened!" I stood up from the edge of the bed. Pain and anger on my face. Tears ran down my face. This was an everyday thing but I still couldn't get used to his painful words.
"Maybe if you hadn't ran off before letting me explain none of this would of happen!" I laughed at his excused. Everytime he had the chance he would blame me. "Really?! Again blaming me! You were with Chizuru in your office! Kissing! What could of been my reaction?! Huh?!" I walked towards him.
"Would of been better if I clapped or cheer to both of you for making a fool of me!" He would only shakes his head and his eyes full of rage. "I told you that was a one time thing! Nothing else happened!" He walked away from me towards the door. "You know what!? I can't deal with you any more. I need some air." He said grabbing his keys and walking out the door.
I lower my head. I covered my mouth trying to muffle my crying. When I heard the front door being slammed, I let all my emotions out. I know he's going to see her. Going out for air is just an excuse. And it pained me how he could lie straight in my face. I walked out the room.
I looked around me. Pictures of us together. Happy times. When things were so different from now. When he loved me. When Sanosuke was still had love for me in his eyes. I grabbed a picture frame from the wall. It was the picture of our wedding. We looked so happy.
The memory of that day brought a smile to my face. But it was just for a few seconds until that memory came back. Even if i tried to forget it, I couldn't. Walking down the stairs, I felt dizzy. My vision begun to darken. I stopped walking. "Not now, please..." After that the pain that came after all those symptoms arrived.
It was the worst pain ever. My head felt like it was being hit with something really hard. I wanted scream. But I hold it in. Holding from the stairs rails I lower my self down. Covered my mouth so I wouldn't scream, I prayed the pain would go away.
After some time, the pain was fading. Sweat ran down the side of my face. I breathing was as if I had run a marathon. Slowly I stood up. With trembling hands I hold my self from the rails. My legs were weak and I was sure they would stop working at any moment.
I looked at the clock on the wall. This time the pain lasted more than the last time episode. At that moment the front door opened. Sanosuke walked in and looked at me. He ignored me and walked right passed me. I just stood in my place and not move.
He was doing his routine as always. Take a shower after going out for "some air". I walked down the stairs on to the couch. I now he didn't want to see me. And even though I love him. I don't want to see him either. Knowing he was with her. The pain of knowing where he was at, and the physical can I have was all I can take for now.
I close the door behind me, losing the tie around my neck I make my way towards the shower. This was a routine I did everytime i went and saw Chizuru. She was the only person that understood me. She gave me the comfort that Sayuri didn't give me.
After that accident, everything changed. My marriage went down the drain. Sayuri wouldn't talk to me or let me even touch her. At first I thought it was cause of the baby. I understood that and gave her space. But it's almost been a year and she's still the same.
It came to the point where she didn't even sleep in the same bed as me. And if I tried to get close to her, she would bring Chizuru up. I know I messed up, but it was a one time thing. Chizuru meant nothing to me back then. But now, it's different.
I've been seeing her for a couple of months now. At first it started as just a way to calm my needs, to hear me, to feel loved again. Slowly she has gotten inside my heart. And like that, Sayuri has also been getting out of my heart. The love I had once for her is dying.
After the shower, I look at the reflection on the mirror. The black eye Souji gave me was finally going away. But what caught my attention was the love bite Chizuru left on my neck. It but a smile on my lips but soon it faded when remembering the conversation we gad a few weeks ago and tonight also.
She asked me if I loved her. And if I did, if I was going to get a divorce. And with out thinking I answered that I do love her. And it wasn't a lie. Because all this time she's been here for me. But about the divorce was something I hadn't thought about to much.
Maybe because maybe Sayuri would never give it to me. But, now that I know that I love Chizuru, I think it's a good idea. I can't be married to someone that I don't love anymore. I loved Sayuri. But that was so long ago. Now my future was Chizuru and Sayuri was my past.
Not giving it a second thought, I texted Kondou. Am sure he could help me with settling everything with the divorce. He answer back, even though it's very late. Before I had the chance to text him back, his name appears in my phones screen.
"Hello?" Hello Harada, I just received your message. What's that so important that you want my help with?" "I need your help settling my divorce. I want to divorce Sayuri." The line was compleatly silent. "Are you sure? I mean, I though-" I cut him off before he could finish.
"Yes am sure." The line once again went silent. Kondou sighted. "Ok..I'll have those papers ready by tomorrow." "That fast?" I asked. Normally I would thing the process would take some time. "Well Sayuri had asked me a couple of months ago if I could work on the process, but I had delayed it cause then she called me back saying she wanted to work it out with you."
So the thought of a divorce had crossed her mind also. But and the thought sadden me. She also wanted this? Was someone else in her life as well? "I'll tell you this as a friend Harada. You are making a mistake, but if that's what you want I won't stop you. Just come by the office tomorrow morning and my secretary will have the papers ready."
We said our good byes and hung up. Part of me felt relived that Sayuri wanted the divorce, but I also felt something else. My thoughts we interrupted by the door being opened. "Sanosuke, Shinpachi and Heisuke are out side. They wanted to talk to you." She grabbed her purse and walked out the door.
Something inside me wanted to go after her and hug her but I stopped my self. This has to be done. Both of us aren't happy anymore. I can see it in her eyes. I make my way towards the door also and walk behind her. "I'll see you later guys." She waved good bye to Shinpachi and Heisuke and left.
I looked out the window and saw her walk past the car. Is someone picking her up? "Souji is waiting for her. He came for her." Shinpachi said. I turned and looked at him and back at her, and saw her getting in Souji's car. Well that's something I wasn't expecting and I felt something click.
"It's not like he cares." I herd Heisuke said under his breath. I looked at him and he looked mad. Shinpachi smacked him on the head and shook his head. "Do you have something to say Heisuke say it now." Heisuke looked at again.
"It's none of our business, and Heisuke is just grumpy cause he hasn't eaten." Shinpachi said getting between me and Heisuke. Glaring at me, Heisuke pulled Shinpachi out the way and stood in front of me.
"I just think that what you and Chizuru are doing is fucked up." So he also knew. "Sayuri doesn't deserve this. And if you really want to have confort from someone, then be honest with her." "What do you know Heisuke?! You don't know anything! Until you live in my shoes then you will" He punched me on the face.
"Yeah your right I don't know anything about a relationship! But one thing I am sure of is how she is suffering! Have you seen how she's lost weight?! How she looks like hell?! No! Of course not! To busy screwing her supposedly friend! You know what! I used to look up to you! But now...now...your the opposite from what I ever what to be!"
He grabbed his stuff and walked out the door slamming it shut behind him. I was holding my nose. That son of bitch made me bleed. "Well." Shinpachi looked so uncomfortable. "We were going to ask you to go out and eat, but with this..." "No it's ok. I know I deserve this." Shinpachi grabbed a box of tissues and handed to me.
"Honestly you do...but like I said it's not my business. But I hope that when you notice the mistake your making, that it isn't to late. He grabbed his things also. "I should follow him. He might get his self in trouble with that big head of his. I'll see you later." He then walk out also.
Even though i was angry that I got hit on the face for the second time. Heisuke was right. I can't lie anymore. And once again this proved that the divorce is the best way to end this. To come out clean. To end her suffering.