Gone Too Soon
I always thought that finding out who A was would be the start of something new, the start of a new life.
We no longer would have to hide, and live in fear.
Secrets would remain secrets, and love could thrive.
However, the luscious dream that I held onto, of a life full of happiness amongst my friends and lover was not to come.
After we found out who A was, we celebrated. Our success was much deserved, and well earned.
The people who had blamed us for incidents in the past with no knowledge of what was going on, came back and apologized.
Everyone we knew shared in the sympathy of our struggle, even though everything was solved.
Parents walked on eggshells around us, ashamed that they hadn't know about our secret strife.
Despite what we told them, they never quite got over the shock of everything we went through.
Our group, who had been through so much together, no longer needed to spend every waking moment at each other's side. We had the freedom to make new friends, date new people, we were no longer worried of what might happen.
What went from slight periods of time without each other soon grew into weeks. Despite the hell A put us through, A was really the only thing keeping us together.
Emily and Paige got married two years into college. I was invited to their wedding, but when I arrived, there were a ton of people I didn't know, people who claimed to be close friends of Emily.
Aria continued dating Ezra off and on. I didn't understand why she continued through the stressful relationship, but I never questioned it. She started hanging out with some of Ezra's friends, and met new ones in college.
Hanna and Caleb stayed tight for a while, but I could tell their relationship was strained. It was depressing, but Hanna never would admit that they were crumbling.
Alison found some rich guy that she dated for a while, but in general she seemed to stray between relationships. She got to hanging with some bad people, and I worried for her, but she would never let me say anything about it. Of all my friends, I talked to her the least.
Toby broke up with me a few months after we had gotten back together. I was hurt, but didn't mind. Our relationship was failing, and we both knew it.
Melissa moved away to London permanently, and married some British guy. I wasn't able to attend her wedding, she didn't offer for me to be the maid of honor anyways. She didn't want me around, and I didn't blame her.
I went to a small college in Iowa, wanting to get away from Rosewood. However, after a year I found the college atmosphere wasn't something I cared for. I quit that summer, and got a part-time job as a French tutor. I worked three times a week, and for few hours. I earned very little, and the money I didn't spend on food and water went to cigarettes.
My mom insisted that they were bad for my health, and were going to give me cancer, but I didn't care. It was my small spurt of relief in the day, and I didn't mind the taste.
However, that wasn't the worst of my problems.
When I was working as a French tutor, I met a young college student. She was a year younger than me, and was my student as well.
We got romantically involved a few weeks after we met, but were later found out by the tutoring company. I was fired, and the student was banned from the building. However, our relationship continued.
I loved her more than anything, maybe that's why Melissa didn't invite me. She didn't approve of my lifestyle, and my choices. I didn't care, I was too busy wallowing in my own depression to care.
However, I found joy in that one person, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
Which is why it hurt me so much when I found out she was cheating on me with another girl.
I didn't understand, what had I done wrong?
I spent days never leaving my apartment, until I received an eviction notice for not having paid rent in a while. I didn't care, I was already on a downward spiral, and I wasn't bothering to climb back up.
I tried to call Emily at one point, to discuss my feelings with her, but she didn't answer. Aria never called me back after she said she was busy at the moment, and Hanna declined my call immediately. I didn't bother texting Alison, I knew what she'd do.
The day before I had to leave my apartment, I walked out to a small field a few miles away from the city. I don't know how I got here, or how long it took me, but I didn't care.
I thought back to all my life decisions, and wondered when everything changed, and changed for the worse.
It didn't matter, it was bound to happen.
I pulled out the small pistol I had purchased at a thrift store a few days ago with the little money I had left.
The world was no longer of use to me, and I had no one who cared for me to live.
Without any hesitation, I brought the gun to my head, and pulled the trigger.
They found my body a few days later, and called my parents. My mom was sad, but my father and sister didn't react as much. They had removed me from their thoughts ages ago.
Hanna, who was working part-time at a hair salon received a call from my mother. She took the rest of the day off, as well as the week, to fly back to Rosewood for my funeral.
Aria was hanging out with Ezra when she was called by Hanna. Apparently she went into a deep stage of grief, blaming herself for the loss of contact. Ezra drove her back for my funeral as well.
Emily, Emily cried for days. She didn't attend my funeral, she was too heartbroken. She also blamed herself, thinking that if she had taken my call, I would still be alive.
However, no matter how upset everyone was, a few years later they were fine. My memory was as faded as the stone above my grave.
I'm not sure what caused all these things to happen, whether it was bounded by fate, or it was because the only thing truly holding us together was A.
Either way, my memory died with me, and all that was left was the small engraving on that dreary stone in Rosewood, the town I hated the most.
Spencer Jill Hastings
A Sister, An Inspiration, a Friend.
Gone too soon.
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